Eyes Wide Open (24 page)

“I want me to, too.”

Sliding a brochure over the desk, Beatrice said, “Here’s some information on the course. It’s more detailed, and there are web links so you can do further research if you wish. Take that away with you and have a good think about it. The academy is taking applications at the moment, so if you could let me know one way or the other by the end of the week, I can get the ball rolling for you.”

“Thank you. Though I’m sure it won’t take me until the end of the week to let you know. I’m pretty sure my answer is going to be a resounding
yes please
. But I’ll be thorough, so I know what I’m letting myself in for.”

“I understand. Well, I won’t keep you any longer. And I look forward to hearing from you. Just drop me an email, if you like, with your answer. You know where I am if you have any questions, too.”

Both women stood, and Beatrice moved over to the door, opening it to let Fiona out.

Fiona gathered her things, then paused in the doorway. “Thank you so much for the opportunity, Beatrice. I really do appreciate it.”

“Don’t thank me.” She shrugged. “I’m just the giver of good news. It was Sophia that put you forward. Thank her—and yourself. You’ve clearly earned it.”

“I’ll speak to you soon, then. Bye.” As she headed through the door, nodding at the couple of members of staff who’d now arrived ready for their day’s work, Fiona’s polite smile grew wider and wider with every step she took, until it could grow no more.

Yes! This is it, the opportunity I’ve been waiting for. I’ve bloody well done it. The only way is up, baby!

It was a battle to keep walking normally when she wanted to skip and jump like a puppy on Red Bull, but she achieved it, getting all the way out into the corridor. Scurrying into the nearest ladies’ toilet, she made absolutely sure it was empty before doing a crazy little victory dance.

Then, rearranging herself back into some semblance of normality, she went back to work.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Fiona’s day passed in a flurry of activity. Sophia popped in and out of meetings all day, so all she got was a knowing smile from Sophia as she passed Fiona’s desk, which she responded to with a big grin of her own. She was sure Sophia would know it was her way of saying thank you. Maybe she’d have time to actually say the words tomorrow, if Sophia’s schedule was less hectic. If not, she’d ping her a quick email, just to express her gratitude—the woman had believed in her from day one, after all. It was important that she knew how much Fiona appreciated it.

She hadn’t said anything to anyone else. For one, she wasn’t sure if she was supposed to, and she preferred to wait until she was actually signed on to the course. Secondly, it occurred to her that there was a chance that not everyone would be pleased for her. Perhaps they’d wanted some of that funding to do some courses of their own, and it had been awarded to her, the new girl? Granted, she’d been working there for several months now, but she was still the newest member of the department and she could see why there might be resentment.
Yeah, definitely keep it quiet for now.

Her tasks for the day complete, she shut down her computer, tidied her desk and left the office, saying goodbye to everyone who was still there on her way out. Still bubbling with excitement over the news, she decided to drop her mum a text message to see if she was around for a chat on the phone a bit later. There was no reason not to tell her family her news, and she was dying to tell
someone.

As she headed for her accommodation, she pulled her phone from her bag. It was only when she looked at the screen that she remembered it was on silent, and, more importantly,
why
it was on silent.

There were no more missed calls—James and Logan knew she’d be at work—but there were several text messages. The gist being that they were leaving London that evening, and would she
please
at least reply to a text message, even if she didn’t want to talk to them on the phone or face to face. They just wanted to know she was all right.

Logan had even risked a little joke.

At least can I have my pajamas back? They’re my favorites. ☺ xxx

Unbidden, Fiona smiled. Logan was so often in a serious mood that when he did make jokes, they were all the more amusing. Figuring it was safe now—it had been a couple of hours since the last message—she flipped the switch to put the sound back on. She shook her head at Logan’s silly note. She’d already washed and dried the pajamas in question, so she could sneak up and leave them outside the boys’ room without them knowing.

Navigating to a new message, she added her mother as the recipient and began to type.

Halfway through the message, the display changed and the ringtone began playing. Startled, Fiona grabbed more tightly onto the device to stop her dropping it, then grimaced as she saw James’ name on the screen. She froze with indecision. Should she ignore it and hope he didn’t call again? Or should she answer it and find out what he had to say? Her resolve melted a little and she leaned toward the latter. They hadn’t actually done anything wrong, other than freak her out. And that reflected more on her than them.

Sighing, she glanced around to make sure no one was close enough to hear her conversation, and answered the phone. “Yes, hello?”

“Fiona!
Finally.
”

“Hello, James,” she replied coolly.

He sighed. “Don’t be like that, sweetheart. We only want to talk to you, try to sort this out before we go home. We don’t know when we’ll be in town next, and we really don’t want to leave with this…situation hanging in the air between us. Please? Just talk to us, and if after that you still want us to leave you alone, then I promise we will.”

“I thought you’d have taken the hint by now.”

“Most people probably would have, but Logan and I don’t give up that easily. Plus, if I’m honest, we don’t know exactly what happened. We’d just like to chat, understand what went wrong. What
we
did wrong.”

Now it was her turn to sigh. Running a hand through her hair, she said, “You didn’t, James. Do anything wrong, I mean. Okay, where do you want to meet? I’m not coming to your room.” She added the last part hastily, thinking neutral territory was best. If she went into their suite, a place designed for relaxation and seduction, who knew what would happen?

Falling into bed with them without actually having a grown-up conversation was unlikely to help the situation in the long run. And if she succumbed to their not-inconsiderable sexual charms, her post-orgasm addled brain would probably make her agree with everything they said, whether she really meant it or not. No, if this was going to be resolved one way or the other, for good or for bad, it had to be resolved with brains, not bodies—and certainly not hormones.

“That’s fine. I’m assuming you don’t want us to come to your room, either.” It wasn’t a question. “How about the bar?”

She shook her head, though she knew he couldn’t see her. “No—too public. This is a private conversation, and I don’t want to set any tongues wagging.”
Especially not after the shock I had this morning, thinking we’d been caught out.
She thought for a moment. “What about the library?” It’d be quiet at this time of day, with people thinking about dinner, heading back to their rooms, freshening up, or just returning from a day on the tourist trail. She was sure they could find a private corner.

“Yeah, all right. Are you free now?”

“I can be. I was just going back to my room.” She wanted to slap herself. Why was she being so bitchy?
Fear. You’re afraid of what’s going to happen next.

“Great.” James had either not noticed her tone, or was ignoring it. “We’ll go there now.”

“Head for the back corner on the right. There probably won’t be many people in there, but it’s the most private area.”

“Gotcha. See you soon.” He hung up before she had a chance to say anything else, possibly before she had the chance to change her mind.

Continuing toward the elevator, she stuffed her phone back in her bag for now, resolving to finish the message to her mum later. She’d probably need a dose of normal, everyday conversation after meeting with James and Logan.

Wiping damp palms on the sides of her skirt, Fiona then tugged at the material, straightening it. She ran hasty fingers through her hair, hoping she didn’t look too disheveled after a busy day, because there was nothing she could do about it now.

Entering her favorite room in the hotel, she walked slowly, drawing in the scent of the books, knowing it would soothe and calm her. Maybe it would even give her courage. It didn’t matter if she felt brave or not, though. Deep down, she knew this had to happen.

The question was… What would the outcome be? And was she ready for it?

Her heels click-clacking across the floor, she passed the rows of enormous wooden shelving units with their valuable contents. Finally, as she rounded the final row, she saw them. Sitting in her favorite place, no less, and still in their business attire.

Hmm. This could be a good thing. Anyone that does see us—as long as they can’t hear our conversation—will most likely draw the conclusion that we’re having some kind of business meeting.

She had to work hard to hold her head up as she walked toward them, the temptation to look at her shoes growing greater with every step. But she didn’t. She fixed her gaze at a point just behind James’ head until she was within a meter or so of the table, which they’d shifted slightly, adding two extra chairs so they could all sit around it.
Like a business meeting. T
here was no one in this part of the library other than them, anyway. The only other people she’d seen were over at the computers, right at the other end of the cavernous space.

Both men jumped up, their expressions tentative, and Logan hurried to help her into a chair. “Thank you for coming,” he said quietly, his breath fanning through her hair as he pushed the seat forward under her bottom. Heat flared between her thighs.

Seriously, hormones? We’re in a frigging library, not a bedroom, and all you can think of is sex?

Her next thought was—
having sex in a library would actually be pretty damn amazing. Especially with these two. Multiple orgasms and books at the same time, what could be better?

Forcing her brain back to the reason they were there, she said, “Okay, I’m here. Let’s get on with it.”

The men exchanged a glance then turned their attention back to her. James spoke first. “Well, we’re glad to see you’re all right, at least. You had us really worried, you know.”

Looking first at James’ expression, and the hurt in his green eyes, then at Logan, who wore a similar expression, she said, “I’m sorry. I’m fine, thank you. And you?”

“Well,” Logan cut in, clearly making an effort to rein in his irritation, and not entirely succeeding, “other than having had a shitty couple of days trying to work out what the fuck we did wrong, we’re just fine and dandy, thanks.”

James glared at Logan. “Hey. We’re trying to sort this out, not make it bloody worse.”

Logan held his hands up. “All right, all right. I’m sorry. I’m just being honest, that’s all.”

James continued, “We’re fine, thank you. Now, do you think you could tell us what the hell happened on Saturday? And, more to the point, why?”

It seemed that the pleasantries were over. It was time to face the music. Staring at her hands, which she was unconsciously twisting and untwisting on the table, she said, “You freaked me the hell out, okay? We went from what I thought was casual fun and sex to suddenly being all serious and discussing relationship statuses. I wasn’t expecting it. You totally blindsided me, and I reacted badly.”

“You can say that again,” Logan said darkly.

Ignoring him, James said softly, “And how do you feel now? You’re here, so that’s a good sign, right?”

The hopeful look on his face made her heart melt, and she smiled. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“You seem surprised.”

She shrugged. “Honestly? I don’t know what the hell is going on in my head. Since I took off on Saturday morning, I haven’t figured a damn thing out.”

“Can we help, honey? We’d really like to.” James reached out and took her hand. When she didn’t pull away, he squeezed it gently.

“I don’t know. I’m down with same-sex relationships, obviously, but I can’t seem to wrap my head around how having three people in a relationship works.”

James looked at Logan, then back at her. He gave a wry grin. “Honestly, we don’t really know how it works, either. We’ve only ever had other women play with us on a temporary basis—just as long as the situation suited us all. We’ve never considered, or wanted to make anything permanent. Until now.”

“Why now?”

Logan interrupted. “We already told you this, Fiona. We
like
you. We like you as a person, like spending time with you. We don’t know when, or how it happened, but for us, this has become about much more than just sex. But that’s no different to regular two-person relationships—there’s not always a defining moment when casual dating, or casual sex, or whatever, becomes something else. We know it’s not conventional, but there it is. We’re not exactly conventional guys.”

“You can say that again,” she said, grinning as she parroted his earlier words back to him. “So what you’re saying is you haven’t got a bloody clue what’s going on, either?”

“Pretty much,” Logan replied, shrugging. “All we know for sure is we don’t want this to end. We’re not declaring undying love here or proposing marriage. We’d just like to continue what we were doing, but make it…more official, I suppose. See where it goes.”

“What, tell people?” Her heart pounded.

“Relax.” James squeezed her hand again. “Nothing like that. Well, not yet, anyway. I think you’re a little hung up on the fact that there’s three of us. Right, imagine there’s just two of us, all right? We somehow skipped the dating, getting-to-know-each-other part and ended up having sex straight away. Then there was the whole kink and fetish club thing.” He huffed out a heavy breath and scrubbed his free hand over his hair, fluffing it up. “Fuck, this really is complicated, isn’t it?
Anyway,
we can’t take that back—and I wouldn’t bloody want to—but we’d like to take the next step—acknowledge there’s more here than casual sex and move to a more exclusive arrangement. Nothing scarier than that. If it doesn’t work out, we go our separate ways. If it does…? Well, I guess we’ll have to cross that bridge if and when we get to it. Yes, it’s complex, but fuck me, it’s fun, isn’t it? And our happiness is all that truly matters.”