Fat Assassins (29 page)

“Yeah. You never know. The perp could be in this diner right now.” Bubbles of hysterical laughter erupted from me.

“That would be one ballsy criminal. To be this close to the heat. That type of arrogance will get them caught. It always does.”

He handed the waitress the money for the meal and motioned for us to leave. I took another sip of my soda to give myself a second to regain my composure.

“What did you have planned for the rest of the day?”

“Just going to hang out in town. See what’s going on? Don’t you have police work to do?”

“Not until 4PM, Romero is still in Charleston. So I’ll just keep you company.”

“You are so annoying!”

“I thought Southern women were supposed to be polite and charming!”

“Ha. I’m more hillbilly than southern belle.” I grinned as an evil thought entered my head. “I was just heading over to the beauty salon. I’m sure you have better things to do, so I’ll see ya later.”

“I’ll join you. I may get some more leads while we’re there. You know what they say about Barber and Beauty shops.” He matched my stride and I groaned.

We walked a few blocks down main street stopping in front of a window covered in stenciled lettering. Jake started laughing. “The Best Little Hair House? That’s the best salon name that I’ve ever heard.”

“Peggy, the owner, doesn’t think so. She keeps getting confused men in there asking for hooker services.”

This made him laugh harder.

The bells above the door tinkled pleasantly as I stepped into the salon. The smell of a spa or hair salon instantly relaxes me. I was transitioning into relaxed Shasta mode when I noticed Roberta under one of the hair driers.

Why isn’t she in jail?

I turned left and made my way over to Peggy who was working the desk.

“Hey Peggy! How’s it going?”

“Hey Shasta honey! I’m doing good. What can I do for ya?”

“Do you have any openings for a pedicure?”

“It’s been a little busy today since Sheila ain’t come in yet. She’s been so unreliable since Rick left town with that floozy, Emma.”

“What?”

“You ain’t heard?”

“No.”

She leaned over the counter and motioned me forward. “I reckon her husband was cheating on her with Emma DuBois. She found them together over at Buck’s one night and there was a big ta-doo over it. From what I hear, she went nuts and tried to kill him and Emma with a grenade, but luckily Bob and Billy was there to stop her. I guess Rick and Emma ran off together that night and nobody has heard from them since. Some folks think Salvo got a-hold of ‘em and we ain’t never going to see them again.”

I shivered at that dark reality.

“I know. But the cops can’t prove it was Salvo because they can’t find the bodies. Poor Sheila ain’t been the same since them two disappeared. I feel sorry for her and that’s the only reason I ain’t fired her yet, even though I’ve had to start relying on my part timers too much. But that’s enough gossip. I got too much work to sit here gabbing all day.” She leaned back and flipped through her schedule book. “There’s an opening in about thirty minutes if you don’t mind waiting?”

“Sounds good.”

She scribbled my name down in the book and looked over my shoulder at Jake. “What about your friend there?”

“Oh, I think he wants a pedicure too. If you have another opening.” She looked at the book again. “I can schedule him after you, if you want.”

“Perfect.” I smiled innocently at Jake.

“Okay. I’ll give you a call when it’s your turn.”

“Thanks.”

I grabbed a magazine and sat down on the white leather sofa. Jake looked through the magazine selection before sitting down on the sofa empty handed.

“I made you an appointment too.”

“What?”

“I made you a pedicure appointment. If you want to hang out in the salon you have to get a service.” I lied again.

“I see what you’re trying to do and you can’t get rid of me that easily. I’m secure in my masculinity and a little pedicure won’t bother me.” I raised the magazine to cover my face from Roberta’s view. I kept peeking over the edge at her waiting for her to leave. Maria Grant planted herself squarely in front of me making me shriek. “Ah! Shasta! Give me a hug! I’m glad to see you. Where’s Ulyssa?”

I gave her a hug and mentally prepared myself to withstand her Sith powers.

“She’s, um, at the library.”

“Aw, that’s my daughter. So, smart.” She released me from the hug and I sat back down. Her gaze shifted to Jake and she patted her hair. “Dios Mios, who is this handsome devil?”

“Mrs. Grant, this is FBI Special Agent Jake McAllister. Jake, this is Ulyssa’s mom, Maria Grant.”

He stood up and shook her hand. “Pleasure to meet you ma’am.”

“Are you two on a date?”

“No!” I said.

“Yes!” Jake said. This was obviously his way of paying me back for the pedicure.

“Shasta! You’re a good girl. Be careful. You’re a-dating the Deputy too? It’s bad to date too many men. I already a-tell you…there is not patron saint for STDs.” She waggled her finger at Jake. “You a-better be a gentleman. Shasta is a good girl!”

“Yes, ma’am. I only have the best of intentions.” He said.

She seemed placated by his response.

“You’re here for a pedicure? C’mon back.” I stood up to follow her. “You too. I think you need to soak your feet longer. Men’s feet always need longer soaking.”

Jake followed us down the hallway. I turned my head sideways as I walked past Roberta trying to avoid her gaze. Maria waved us into a room full of massage chairs with buckets of water at the foot of the chair.

“Sit down. Mindy will be here in a minute.”

Mindy walked in and stopped short when she saw Jake sitting next to me.

“Hey Shasta.” She said without taking her eyes off Jake.

“Hey Mindy. This is Jake. He’s getting a pedicure too.”

“Ok. Cool.” Mindy was in her second year at community college, so she was still boy crazy and Jake had certainly grabbed her attention. She told me to roll up my pant legs and start soaking my feet. I sighed as I slid my feet into the hot, vibrating water.

“You’ll need to take your pants off.” She said to Jake. “I can’t do your pedicure with those pant legs like that.”

“What?” I protested, squeezing my eyes tightly closed.

“Sure. No problem.” I heard him shuffling and rustling.

“Good. Now you can sit down and put your feet in the bucket.” I heard Mindy scooting a chair up to my feet. She grabbed my right foot and started to work on it. I felt my body relax and I forgot Jake was even there. Thirty minutes later my feet were fully scrubbed and ready for polish.

“Shasta. I need ya to pick your color.” I opened my eyes and turned towards the tray on my left. My eyes landed on a half naked Jake. He was stretched out in the chair with his muscled legs extending into the soapy water. My face flushed.

Damn. I shut my eyes to block out the sexy image. I grabbed the nearest bottle from the tray without looking and shoved it at her.

“You sure?” She asked.

“Yup.”

“Okay. It’s a bold choice, but I like it.”

When she was done painting my toenails, she stared at my face closely. “Your pores are bad. I think you need a facial too. I’ll put some creme on while you wait for your toes to dry.”

“Cool. Thanks. Can you put cucumbers on my eyes too?” I heard more rustling, then she massaged facial creme over my face. I released my eyelids when she laid the cool cucumbers over my eyes. I felt myself lulled to sleep by soft sound of mood music.

“Shasta. Shasta. You’re snoring.”

“Whrat?”

“Wake up. You’re snoring.” Mindy pulled the cucumbers off my eyes.

“Are we done?”

“Yeah.”

“Is Jake decent now?”

“He’s got his pants back on, if that’s what you mean.” 

I heard him chuckle and cautiously opened my eyes. I felt so refreshed.

“Thanks Mindy.”

I looked down at my bright purple toenails and gasped. That’s what I get for picking with my eyes closed.

“I think it looks really good.”

“I agree. Your toenails look fantabulous!” Jake commented as he led the way to the front of the salon.

“Hey. Don’t I know you?” Roberta was sitting in a haircut chair with her back to us, glaring at me from her mirrored reflection.

“I don’t think so.” I kept walking.

“Wait just a minute. Spin me around, Sheila.”

“You sure look familiar.” She squinted harder. “I know I’ve seen you somewhere before. I never forget a face.”

“I used to work at Wal-Mart.” I offered.

“Hmmm. Spin me back around Sheila.” She didn’t look convinced and continued to stare at me as we walked up to the cash register.

Sheila used an oversized pick to distractedly fluff Roberta’s new perm. She looked depressed and oblivious to everything around her. I felt a twinge of pity for her. Then I remembered that she was partly to blame for our turn to organized crime and the pity evaporated.

Mindy had followed us back to the front and leaned against the counter giving Jake full view down her top, while Peggy took our money. “Did y’all enjoy your visit today?”

“Yeah. It was so relaxing.”

“How about you, sir? You’re the first man we’ve ever had come in for a treatment. Maybe you’ll start a new trend. Some of the men around here could use a softer touch.”

“Yeah. It was my first pedicure and I enjoyed it. I’ll have to wear shorts next time though, so I don’t have to take my pants off.” Mindy suddenly decided she had some work to do and backed away from the counter.

“What?” Peggy looked outraged.

“I had to take my pants off because of the pant legs.”

“That’s not required for pedicures. Normally you just roll the pant leg up to the calf. And judging from the style of your slacks, that wouldn’t have been a problem. I will have a talk with Miss Mindy to make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

“It’s okay. I don’t want to get anybody in trouble. It wasn’t a big deal.” Jake tried to do damage control.

“No, sir. It is a big deal. I do not run that type of establishment.” She switched back into customer mode. “Thank you for your business and I sure hope we see y’all again.”

Traffic on main street had picked up as the work day was coming to a close.

“Why isn’t Roberta still in jail? I thought she was being held in Charleston for questioning?”

“There wasn’t enough evidence to detain her any longer and she wasn’t giving us any information.” He leaned closer and I could smell his cologne. “Plus now we can surveil her to get some leads.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“She seemed to know you.”

“I don’t know her, know her. I used to work at Wal-Mart. She came through my line a couple times. But that’s the same for just about everybody else in Nitro too.”

“Well, be careful. She’s a dangerous criminal and I don’t want to see you get hurt messing with a bunch of lowlifes.”

“You have no idea.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah. Me either.”

“In fact,” he reached in his pocket, pulled out a business card and handed it to me, “here’s my card. Give me a call anytime. If you get into trouble, wreck your truck, or just want somebody to talk to.”

I took his card. “Thanks.”

He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and checked the caller ID. “Give me a second. I need to take this call. It’s Romero.” I hovered nearby catching streams of the conversation.

“What’s up?……..yeah, I’m keeping an eye on her……no, nothing suspicious……that’s interesting….ok…..”

The phone call made me a little nervous and my overactive paranoid streak didn’t need any fuel. I walked away, so he wouldn’t notice my eavesdropping.

The chimes protested loudly as the salon door slung open to reveal an irate Roberta. I guess the whole scooter thing was just a part of her shoplifting act because she was very quick on her feet.

Jake paused his cell phone conversation and turned to watch Roberta bearing down on me.

“I knew I recognized you!” She tackled me. “You’re the Mexican!” Chaos surrounded me as I forced my eyes open and groaned.

“Shhh. It’s okay. You’re safe now.” Jake leaned down to help me sit up.

I pressed my arm against my holster and exhaled. Thank goodness my gun was still there. “Don’t touch me. I’m fine.”

He held his hands in the air. “We need to get you in the truck. Can you stand up on your own?”

I tried to sit up and my head spun.

“Whoa. Let me help you.” He grabbed my forearms to help me off the ground and into the back of the Suburban.

“What happened?” I laid down across the seats.

“Roberta attacked you. She’d done a real number on you before I could get there and break it up. I’m taking you to the hospital to have your head checked out. You may have suffered a concussion when she knocked you out.” 

Knocked me out?

“I’m fine. No hospital. No insurance.”

“You need to get checked out. You hit the pavement pretty hard and she jumped on you like a crazy woman and started hitting you. I’ve never seen anything like it.” He gave me a concerned look in the rearview mirror. “She was screaming nonsense too. Stuff about you being Mexican and hitting her in an El Camino. Eric picked her up and she’s being booked at the station for assault. If you want to press charges, that is.”