Female Ejaculation (51 page)

Have you accepted the fact that, with the right information and training, you can learn to let your feminine waters flow? We suspect if you’re able to let yourself go and experience peak pleasure, you’ve already done it at least a little bit.

Some women get very turned on and have multiple orgasms during sexual play, yet they’re not aware of ejaculating. If your sexual muscles aren’t strong enough to expel ejaculate with force, it’s quite possible that you’re dribbling without noticing it.

Ejaculating is mechanically quite simple as long as you’re ready emotionally and physically, such as getting your PC muscles in shape. It’s the preparations that can sometimes be a bit demanding. And, of course, you need to be hydrated. Don’t forget to drink lots of water before, during, and after.

If you are pre-orgasmic, meaning you have trouble climaxing, it’s essential that you learn to have orgasms before trying ejaculation. Otherwise, you may hopelessly frustrate yourself. There’s nothing wrong with you; you just haven’t had the information, the space, and the safety necessary to realize your orgasmic potential. There are many great books and videos out there to assist you. We highly recommend Lonnie Barbach’s
For Yourself
and videos by Betty Dodson.

Physically, you must be aroused enough that your G-spot swells with fluid. We think that explains why many women haven’t found their G-spots and ejaculated fully. How turned on is enough? If your G-spot is engorged enough to be palpable, which means that you can feel it under the vagina’s front wall, you’re getting there. This takes time for most women. For the average woman, we’re talking about a minimum of 30 minutes of loveplay, including words, kissing, stroking, oral sex, and finger stimulation of the clitoris and vagina.

You also need intense stimulation of the G-spot in order to expel fluid. As you learned in prior chapters, the G-spot responds more to firm pressure than friction. To squirt, you’ll probably need to gradually work up to hard and fast stroking. Even women who commonly have G-spot
orgasms with intercourse may find it difficult to ejaculate with penis penetration at first. For most women, fingers work best, particularly in the beginning. Fingers are more reliable because they can move faster, vary the firmness, and change angles more easily. Of course, each woman is different. So, expect a learning curve that involves a lot of fun experimentation! Just never forget to enjoy the journey.

Another thing to remember is that what works for you at one time may not do the trick the next time. This is why communication between partners is essential. Learning to gush is not a time for mind reading or making assumptions. Women need to learn what to do to make it happen and share that quickly with their partners, and their partners need to be willing to ask questions. In essence, female ejaculation is a team effort.

Learning to ejaculate takes patience, perseverance, and acceptance of yourself. This means to accept your level of sexual openness, and let whatever happens happen. Anticipate a lot of delightful experiments without expecting anything specific each time. Gradually, you will learn what type of stimulation works for you and when to do what. You may not become a real gusher all at once, but if you both enjoy yourselves, you’ll have a fantastic time trying.

Many women may feel more comfortable trying out this new idea alone before they include a partner. If you haven’t ejaculated in the past, we recommend that you begin with solo practice. Many of the taboos, pressures, and fears that can get in the way are lessened when you try it first alone.

Of course, learning solo only represents part of the story. So, later practices show you how to guide a partner to stimulate you to gushing.

We recommend that you wait until you’re confident you can ejaculate with fingers and toys before you and a male partner try it during intercourse. Getting the penis to hit the right spot with your G-spot’s preferred pressure and stroke is much more of a challenge. Once you can let your waters flow, flowing during intercourse is just another step in the learning process. Another challenge during intercourse is stamina. The guy needs to be able to last long enough for the G-spot to swell and gush.

As you know by now, reaching and playing with your own G-spot for very long can be a physical strain. Adding adequate speed and pressure to ejaculate is even more difficult.

Today, dildos come in all sizes and materials, giving you a lot to choose from. Some come with curved ends to assist you in pressuring the G-spot. Most are relatively inexpensive. As much as your budget and curiosity allow, we encourage you to try many different ones.

Some dedicated G-spot stimulators contain vibrators as well. You’ll probably prefer a battery operated toy if you’re planning to insert it into the vagina. If you get one, make sure it has a variable speed control to allow you to tune it to your preferred frequency.

A small vibrator with variable speed is also wonderful for simultaneous clitoris stimulation. These days you can buy a special vibrating dildo with an outside arm designed to directly excite your clitoris. Vibration inside the vagina on the G-spot and outside on the clitoris is just the ticket to ejaculation for some women.

Jeffre definitely prefers having her partner stimulate her, but occasionally a change is fun. Using a sex toy can be a delightful adjunct to any sexual encounter. Having encouraged you to experiment with what turns you, whether natural, organic, or mechanical, we want to offer one critical caveat.

Don’t become dependent on sex toys to squirt or have an orgasm. For all of the reasons we discussed in the healing chapter, some women seem to need extraordinarily long and hard stimulation to achieve orgasm and ejaculate. If you’re one of these women, don’t paint yourself into a sexual corner by only enjoying dildos and vibrators.

Besides, many sex toys look and feel good initially, but they don’t live up to their sales pitch. Often, that’s because of the level of sexual power and freedom of the user.

Take a lesson from our personal experience: the more deeply you explore your orgasmic potential, the more sensitive you’ll become, and the less you’ll need the continuously intense stimulation of vibrators. Experiment, enjoy, and expand while you keep all of your options open.