Female Ejaculation (52 page)

Supplies, Showering, Setting, Stretching, and Settling.

Be sure the receiver is hydrated and that you have plenty of drinking water, as well as water-based lubricant, within arm’s reach.

Discuss the Partnering Questions. Agree on any signals or alert words.

Be sure you protect the bed or playing surface with layers of towels and protective sheeting pads. There are disposable bed protectors you can buy at your local drug store, but be sure you get the flat kind.

Be sure to empty your bladders and bowels. The confidence of knowing you’re empty will help you relax and will prevent unnecessary interruptions. Give each other permission to go to the toilet anytime you feel like it (with warning, of course).

After all of your preparations, wash your hands again before you begin. Arrange your bodies to best reach and titillate inside the vagina. If you’ve completed all the practices in the G-spot massage chapter, you know what position works best for each of you. If you haven’t, we suggest you refer to that chapter before you proceed.

If you know one another well, you know how to awaken her body. If you don’t, we highly recommend the How To Touch Me Practice described in the loveplay chapter before you try this ejaculation practice.

Giver, caress and awaken the receiver’s whole body slowly and sensuously, using oil if and when she chooses. There are no time limits. Begin without focusing on her most erogenous zones. Be sure to include her legs and arms, neck and face, and buttocks.

Practice the four cornerstones of orgasmic breathing, and have her perform a few PC pumps every once in awhile to stoke the sexual fires. Try brushing her inner thighs or other areas very lightly while she breathes and squeezes her PC. Mix and match sensations. It adds to the variety and the excitement.

Giver, as she heats up, concentrate more on her erogenous zones. When you sense she’s ready, ask permission to touch her vagina. Never make a big change without explicit permission. Approach her vagina reverently, beginning as she’s previously demonstrated to you, or let her guide you entirely in the moment. Listen for her guidance, and watch for her reactions. Follow her lead at all times.

Use lots of her preferred lubricant, and continue stimulating her until she’s highly aroused and wet. Move to her clitoris only when she says she’s ready. Then, stimulate it exactly the way she instructs you, previously or right now. Check in with her occasionally to make sure you’re doing it the way she likes. You’ll probably be able to tell by her moans and sighs. Play with her clitoris and the outside of her vagina slowly and gently at first, getting firmer when she wants.

Follow her directions as she gets more and more turned on. When you notice she’s very engorged, ask if she’s ready for finger penetration. The choice of finger is a personal decision. Many prefer the middle finger because it’s longer, while some prefer the index finger because it has maximum strength and control. Play with each of them, and let the receiver decide. Some women, as they become more swollen, actually want two or more fingers inside.

First, explore the vagina’s inner lips and mouth. Use whatever strokes turn her on most, freely replenishing water-based lubrication as needed. Then, move inside, awakening the vagina’s outer section with strokes that create delicious friction. As you move deeper into the inside of her vagina, add pressure against the walls.

Gently remind her to breathe, move, sound, squeeze her PC, and feel all of the sensations.

When you feel the vagina swelling, keep going. Don’t push for orgasm or ejaculation yet. She’s still going up, up, up. Remember that without sufficient turn-on, her G-spot may remain quiet, submerged, and empty of fluid.

Now, find her G-spot as you learned in the sacred landscape chapter. Get confirmation from her that you’re there.

Focus on G-spot massage strokes. The stroke that most women like when climbing the orgasmic ladder is the come-hither8 stroke. Remember that every woman is different, however, and each woman is different in every moment. Expect and be prepared for anything.

Though G-spot massage can be done with a dildo or vibrator, we strongly recommend you start with fingers. They’re more sensitive, and you can vary the angle and pressure more easily. Besides, with fingers, the receiver will be more involved, feeling your stimulation more intimately. This allows her to give feedback and lets you react more quickly.

Eventually, you may want to move on to a sex toy just to feel the difference. Some women like firm pressure on the G-spot while using a vibrator on the clitoris. Others find that a vibrator inside and outside is the ticket to ejaculation. Remind her that there’s no wrong way.

Because many women want or need very strong pressure during orgasm to ejaculate, it may require something more than fingers, but you may find that firm and fast stroking from multiple fingers works, too. Some women can even expand to receive a fist, which will frequently activate ejaculation.

Because this is a learning practice, try many things until you find just what your receiver needs and wants.

Together, try different body positions to learn the most convenient and direct access to her G-spot. What works best for her unique physiology? What is most comfortable for both of you for long periods?

Further, varied postures, like squatting, kneeling, or hands and knees, can provide different sensations and stimulation. While on her back, ask her to bring her legs way up to her breasts, opening her vagina even more. The G-spot massage chapter gives further details about various positions to try.

Occasionally, relax G-spot stimulation and continue with clitoris play. This can be with your fingers or even a small vibrator on the outside. Add whatever really turns her on. Then, switch back to G-spot massage for a little while.

You can experiment with different rhythms, alternating between her clitoris and her G-spot. If you like it, excite her clitoris with your mouth, lips, and tongue. She may want more of one or the other at different times, or she may want all of them together.

You, the giver, are in total service to the receiver. She may need occasional reassurance. That’s perfectly normal. You can try saying, “Let’s go slow; there’s no rush,” “You’re doing great; enjoy yourself,” “I love watching you get totally turned on,” “I’m having a wonderful time supporting you,” “Relax; this is so much fun,” or “I’m honored to explore this with you.” Remind her that this takes practice and relaxation, and whatever happens is okay.

Don’t forget that you’re learning, too. Your reward will come when she gets it and the flood comes. Never assume you know more than she does. If you’ve had experience with other female ejaculators, offer your suggestions, but always let her make the decisions about how to proceed.

When she gets her first P-signals, her immediate reaction may be to hold back or run to the toilet. If she wants to, let her go because it’s all part of the learning. Check in with her when she returns. Was there very much urine? Does she still feel the desire even though she has urinated?

Encourage her to relax her whole body, breathe into the feelings, and explore the sensations. Feel the waves of pleasure and the building of desire. The more experience she has, the easier it will become for her to distinguish between the sensations of G-spot stimulation and the genuine need to urinate.

At first, we suggest you encourage her to just let the sexual energy build and resist the temptation to try and push ejaculate out. If you notice she is pushing out, suggest gently that she wait a bit. Remind her about PC pumps and the four cornerstones of orgasmic breathing. It’s a lot to remember at first.

Eventually, when you feel her G-spot is thoroughly engorged and those P-signals are shooting strong rockets of sensations inside her, encourage her to go for it as she reaches a peak of pleasure. Signal her to push out as you slow or stop stimulation and maybe even remove your finger or toy.

If she didn’t squirt the first time, continue strong stroking of her G-spot until another peak, and try it over and over. If it doesn’t happen after a few tries, move on to the next step. If she did squirt, guess what? The advice is the same. Keep alternately stroking and pushing again and again.

Whether or not she ejaculated already, ask her if she wants to try it with the Big O. Using her most powerful turn-ons involving G-spot play, stimulate her continuously. Remember this most important rule when she’s getting close: don’t change anything. Keep the same stroke, speed, and pressure. As she approaches orgasm, continue to follow and support her process. Don’t try to make her reach orgasm. When the climax starts, remind her to push out.

Be ready. Straighten your fingers, rapidly and firmly moving them in long strokes in and out. This can dramatically increase the intensity of the orgasm as well as stimulate ejaculation. Don’t stop stroking until you get a clear signal from her to stop. This is important.

She may want you to stop suddenly, or she may want you to slow your stroking gradually. You may even find that she squeezes your finger or toy all the way out.

Don’t worry if you don’t get it exactly right this time. You can practice again after you have communicated thoroughly about what you both experienced.

We’ve heard some lovers at the brink of climax say things like, “Go for it,” “I know you can do it,” or “I really want to see you come.” Unless the receiver has explicitly told you she wants this, we suggest you leave this kind of urging out of the practice. In our experience, it puts too much pressure on her.

She may release fluid while in the throes of orgasm, and she may not. Just accept whatever happens. If she wants to know what you saw or felt, tell her from a supportive place.

Another fun practice that can stimulate ejaculation in some women is spanking or slapping the vulva and clitoris with your hand. Giver, start lightly, and increase pressure as long as the receiver is giving you the green light. It’s amazing how delicious this feels and how often it will trigger ejaculation, but make sure the receiver is fully aroused before you try this.

If you have the time and the inclination, you can do it all over again. Multiple orgasms and multiple ejaculations are multiply exquisite. The only limit is her physical energy, desire, and hydration. If you keep going, be sure she drinks lots of water. She might want to empty her bladder again before you start the next round.

Some multiply orgasmic women find that having two or three orgasms first helps them to get turned on enough to ejaculate. If you have a history of quick and easy multiple orgasms, give it a try. Otherwise, we don’t suggest forcing it during your initial practices.

If the receiver didn’t ejaculate, don’t act disappointed even if you are feeling a little bit of disappointment. The two of you have just shared a beautiful orgasm. Celebrate the great time you both had together.

The first time ejaculation happens is always the hardest. It gets easier and easier, but it requires patience and practice. You are intrepid adventurers together. Act like it, and graciously accept whatever comes your way.

When she decides to end your session, gradually slow down your movements. Place one hand on her vagina and the other hand on her heart, if she likes. Talk about what you experienced, discovered, and felt. What worked best, and what didn’t work?

Close your sacred space by spooning, holding each other, hugging, kissing, or whatever affectionate gestures feel good to the two of you.

Supplies, Showering, Setting, Stretching, and Settling.

Discuss the Partnering Questions. Agree on any signals or alert words.

Be sure you protect the bed or playing surface with layers of towels and protective sheeting pads. Empty your bladders and bowels, and wash your hands.

Arrange your bodies to best reach and titillate inside the vagina. If you’ve completed all of the practices in the G-spot massage chapter, you already know what position works best for each of you. If you haven’t, refer back to that chapter before proceeding.

Ritually undress each other, whispering endearments and compliments as you reveal each body part. Exchange whatever loveplay turns you both on. Whatever gets her juicy and engorged and whatever gets him hard is good — extended oral sex, 69, fingers, or all of the above. There are no limits.

It’s probably a good idea to get the receiver flowing with ejaculate before the giver actually enters her. The more turned on you both are, the more likely you’ll be successful. If the receiver is already in the O-Zone, all of this will be easier.

When the receiver is very engorged and having ejaculatory orgasms, and when the giver is plenty hard, slowly move into the first lovemaking posture you’ve agreed upon.

Try long, slow strokes with and without clitoris stimulation. Try short rapid strokes. Either type of strokes may stimulate ejaculation. Jeffre has found that short, rapid, and hard strokes work best some of the time, while long, slow strokes work better at other times.

Check in with each other often. Giver, ask her yes/no questions. Receiver, communicate what you need to your giver.

When she’s ready, as the penis pulls back almost out of the vagina, the receiver should push out. Sometimes, she will be so into it that she will virtually push the penis all the way out with her vaginal muscles. Don’t worry about that. Reinsert the penis when she stops squirting. Jeffre’s experience is that not only is this motion of the penis very arousing as it comes almost all the way out, it’s much easier to ejaculate when the penis isn’t deep inside and pressing against her urethra.

A fun and juicy thing to do at this point is to remove the penis, and slap the vulva and clitoris. Start gently, and increase the pressure gradually. The receiver will probably start to ejaculate.

Experiment with variations of the first posture that you’ve agreed to try. As described in the positions chapter, try adjusting your leg positions and weight distribution. See which ones give the most contact between penis and G-spot. However possible within the posture, adjust for maximum G-spot stimulation. Play with different speeds, angles, pressures, and rhythms.

Remember that the goal is to stay in the state of arousal with the feelings and sensations you already know. Stay conscious of all of your senses. When the orgasmic energy is really flowing, even minor stimulation can start another ejaculation.

Pause occasionally, communicate, and enjoy, but be willing to shift when your body or partner needs a change.

Don’t be afraid to bring a little bit of humor to all of this. The first time may or may not be successful. Many women who regularly ejaculate with oral sex or fingering simply can’t do it with intercourse at first. So, relax, and have fun. It’s all about practice.

When you agree that you’ve fully explored the first posture and thoroughly enjoyed all its pleasures, try one or two others in the same way. Experiment with short, long, fast, and slow strokes with and without clitoris stimulation.

When you’re ready to wind down, maintain intimacy physically and emotionally. As the penis is removed, cover the vulva or each other’s hearts with your hands to keep your sweet connection alive. Touch each other softly and gently. Spoon or hold each other, and synchronize your breathing.

If you want, talk briefly about what you experienced and what you’d like to try in the future. Make a date for next time. Appreciate each other for the experience, and close your sacred space with a kiss.

You may want to talk in greater depth later about what each of you experienced. If you do, be sure to stay focused on your own experience, and resist criticism of yourself or your partner.