Fighting Silence (4 page)

I went to the boys’ room and nudged Flint. “Hey, I’m taking Q and going for a walk. You gonna be okay for a few minutes alone?”

“Yeah,” he grumbled, rolling over and falling immediately back asleep.

I opened the hall closet and pulled out the vase I’d stashed in the back.

“Ready!” Quarry exclaimed.

I ran my eyes over his dirty shirt and shook my head. “Let’s go.” I headed out the door with him hot on my heels.

He talked nonstop as we weaved through the buildings. “Hey, where we goin’? Did you make those flowers? Is that for your girlfriend? Do you even have a girlfriend? What’s her name? Can I meet her?”

“Jesus! Quarry, shut it!” I growled, but he quieted for only a minute.

“Does she live here?” he whispered, and I gave him a frustrated glare that only made him smile and shrug.

When we got to the apartment, I could see the light peeking out of the window.
She is in there.

My heart began to race—just like it did every time before I saw her.

“Stay here,” I said to Quarry as I started to approach the window, but I heard his footsteps following me. I quickly turned to face him. “What are you doing? I said to stay on the sidewalk.”

“It’s dark!” he whined as an answer.

“You can’t go with me. Just . . . Stay. Here,” I continued toward the window, and Quarry once again moved with me. “Stop following me!” I whisper-yelled.

“It’s really dark, Till!” he whisper-yelled right back.

I let out a huff. “Then go stand in that breezeway under the light.” I pointed to the building next door.

“Fine. Walk me over there.”

I gave him an impatient look that sailed right over his head. “Come on.” I stomped off, frustrated.

Even at six years old, he actually had the balls to giggle as he followed.

Once I had Quarry planted inches away from a light, I made my way back toward the window. My heart was pounding, and the vase in my hand rattled as I drew near.

It was just Eliza.

Shit. It was
Eliza.
My pulse spiked once again.

“Hey!” she exclaimed as I pried the window open.

My nerves calmed immediately at the sight of her face.
She’s still there.
Almost four years later and she was
still
there.

“Hey, birthday girl!” I was careful to keep my hands low so she couldn’t see her present.

“Why are you standing out there? Get in here.”

“Ugh. I can’t. My mom took off . . .” I trailed off, not wanting to dump all of my shit on her tonight. I should have been singing “Happy Birthday” and holding her sketchpad—or, more accurately, staring down her shirt while she leaned over to draw.

“Where’d she go?” she questioned, standing up from a blanket on the floor. I made a mental note to find something more comfortable for her to sit on.

“To get cigarettes . . .”

“Oh, okay.”

“Six hours ago,” I finished.

“Ah.” When she stopped, she was only inches away, but a whole world in the shape of a window divided us.

“I’m sorry, Doodle. I can’t leave them alone. I just . . . Well, happy birthday.” I lifted the vase filled with paper flowers into her view.

“Till!” she gasped as her hands covered her mouth. Then a loud laugh escaped her throat as familiar tears welled in her eyes.

Eliza was a crier. She pretended that it was only when she was mad. That was bullshit though. She cried every time the wind blew north. Happy, sad, angry—it didn’t matter.

I loved it when she happy cried. I laughed when she angry cried. I was gutted when she sad cried. I’d held her through all of them. But her reaction that night was extraordinary. I guessed my present was pretty extraordinary too though.

Eliza had been jabbering about these special paintbrushes she wanted for months. At fifty bucks, they cost a freaking mint for kids like us. But when I realized that her birthday was coming, I knew exactly what I was getting her. I folded a million pieces of notebook paper into these little flower things and taped a few onto the ends of each brush. Then I shoved them into a vase and bam! I had flowers that wouldn’t die. I’d thought it was a good idea, but it had actually turned out far better than I’d expected.

“Did you make those?” she asked from behind her hands.

“Yep,” I said proudly.

“Are those . . .”

“Yep,” I confirmed, and her eyes grew wide. “I bought them,” I quickly added when I remembered the first time I’d given her art supplies.

She burst out laughing. God, I loved that sound so much. I knew I’d never be the same when I lost it to the silence. I’d happily give up every noise in the world if I could just keep her laugh. But my life didn’t work that way.

“Till!” She scrambled out the window and threw her arms around my neck. “Thank you!”

“You’re welcome, Doodle,” I whispered into the hair at the top of her head. Holding her impossibly tight, I siphoned the warmth only she could give me.

She leaned away, and her eyes heated as they immediately flashed to my mouth. Eliza always looked at me like that, and as the years had passed, it’d become more and more difficult to stop myself from kissing her, touching her,
claiming her.
But I knew that, if I did, I would eventually lose her. Relationships didn’t work in high school. Something would have happened, we would have broken up, and then I would have lost her completely. I needed Eliza too damn bad to ever chance that.

I’d spent years loving her from afar—well, actually only from afar when we were outside of our private little haven. It wasn’t safe to notice her outside those walls.

She had always been beautiful. Even at thirteen, her deep, ink-blue eyes had captivated me. Her shoulder-length, brown hair was perfectly straight, but she nervously played with the ends so often that it had formed a permanent curl in the front. Her fair skin had a sprinkle of freckles I could map out from memory alone. And her body . . . Jesus, her body had been made for me. She was naturally thin, but a small curve rounded her hips. Those same curves taunted my hands on a daily basis. I was at least a foot taller than she was and probably had her by almost a hundred pounds, but on the inside, she was the strong one.

See, Eliza Reynolds flew under the radar. Very few people at school knew who she was, and I intended to keep it that way. If she caught the attention of the football team, she’d be flooded with dates. So I ignored her at all costs so as to not draw any attention her way. I couldn’t risk that someone would take her away from me.

Sure, she was dating Daniel Bennett, but he was a tool. I wanted to kill him on a daily basis when I saw them together at school. But what was I supposed to do? She wasn’t mine—at least, not that anyone knew.

“What did Bennett give you?” I asked just to size up the competition. He wasn’t loaded, but he had a car and took her out on dates every weekend. I was curious, but it made her smile fall.

She mumbled something, but I couldn’t quite hear her.

“Huh?”

She looked up and repeated, “Ladybug earrings.”

I blinked at her for a minute before doubling over in laughter.

“Shut up!” she said sternly. Then she laughed right along with me.

“Doodle, just let me make sure I have this straight. He bought a girl who has never had her ears pierced and is terrified of insects, ladybug earrings?” I went back to laughing.

“Oh, it gets worse. I wasn’t sure what to say when I opened them, so I told him I loved them. Now I’m gonna have to get my ears pierced so he doesn’t feel bad.”

“What? That’s ridiculous.” I stopped laughing. “You’re scared of needles. You know that’s how they do that, right?”

“Well, holy crap. Till Page. You actually listen to me when I talk!” She smiled and wrapped her arms around my waist, hugging me again. “Thank you.”

“I hear everything you say. Even the boring stuff.”

She giggled, and I kissed the top of her head.

“The light turned off,” Quarry said, suddenly appearing, scaring us both.

Eliza must have jumped ten feet in the air.

“Jesus, Q! Don’t sneak up on people like that!” I barked as I tried to slow my own racing heart.

“Sorry,” he said, embarrassed, and I immediately felt guilty for yelling at him.

“Hey, it’s all right, buddy.”

“Is this Quarry?” Eliza all but squealed.

“We should get going,” I grumbled, not wanting her to cross over into the real world.

“Yep. I’m Quarry.” He bounced on his toes.

“Wow. You’re a cutie.” Eliza squatted down in front of him, and all I could think about was that she would notice his dirty shirt.

“Come on, Q.” I started to walk away, but they both ignored me.

“Thanks!” Quarry grinned. “Hey, when I’m older, maybe we can go on a date or something?” My head snapped to his as I popped a questioning eyebrow.

“I’d really like that,” Eliza managed to say through a muffled laugh. “I should probably tell you my name first though. You know, so you can find me in a few years.”

“Oh yeah. I’ll need that. Can I have your phone number too?” he asked.

My jaw fell open. Fantastic. My six-year-old brother was even trying to take her from me.

“You are definitely related to Till.” She laughed loudly. “Well, Quarry Page, my name is Eliza Reynolds. I’ll get your brother to give you my number later. I’m really looking forward to our date.” She lifted her hand for a high five, which Quarry enthusiastically returned.

Shaking my head, I broke up Quarry’s love connection. “All right, we’ve got to go. Flint’s at home sleeping. Happy birthday, Doodle.” I leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead.

She picked the vase up off the windowsill and hugged it to her chest. “Thanks again. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Of course.” I smiled and winked. “Here. I’ll help.” I scooped her off her feet and eased her back through the window. I’d have used any excuse to touch her.

“Goodnight, Quarry!” She blew a kiss that made a slow smile creep across his lips.

As soon as we got a few steps away, Quarry started talking again. “Are you going to marry her?”

“I don’t know. You probably should have checked with me about that before you asked her out on a date. I’m not sure how I feel about you hitting on my girl,” I teased, and his smile fell. “I’m kidding.” I lightly punched his shoulder.

“Hey, why’d she climb through the window? Does her house not have a door? That would be pretty cool to climb through the windows all the time. Would you have to put a doorknob on the window though?”

“You want to hear something cool?” I interjected just to make him stop talking.

“Yeah!”

“That window she crawled into is
magic.
”

“Nu-uh,” he said in disbelief, but he stopped walking and turned to look at me.

“I’m serious. It’s a magical portal that takes you to a fantasy world. There are no parents or teachers. Everything is nice and clean, and the pantry is always stocked. The best part, though, is that she’s always there.”

“Is she magic too?” he breathed with wide eyes.

I thought about it for a minute before answering.

Was Eliza magic?

She is to me.

“Absolutely.”

Six months later . . .

“WHY YOU SITTIN’ IN THE dark?” Till asked as he crawled through our apartment window. I’d always wondered why he never used the door.

The power to our nightly refuge had long since been shut off. I had told Till no more stealing for me, but when he’d run an old extension cord over to the building next door, I’d made an exception for power. He’d buried it in the dirt so no one could see it, but he’d still had to replace it a few times over the years. He always made sure we had light and a connection for the small space heater I’d bought from a thrift store.

Little by little, Till fixed up that dirty, run-down apartment. His efforts wouldn’t have prevented the city from changing its condemned status, but they made it comfortable for us. He brought bits and pieces of discarded furniture as he found them. It was never anything large. I suspected he couldn’t carry couches on his own, and I was relatively sure he’d never told anyone about our place. I knew I hadn’t.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, quickly turning away to hide my tears.