Fighting Silence (8 page)

He continued his torturous strokes even as I came down from my high.

“Till, please,” I pleaded when the sensations became more than my tingling body could handle.

I grabbed at his shoulders, trying to pull him up. Releasing a breath as he sat up, he kneeled between my legs. He didn’t remove his fingers. Instead, he watched intently as he slowly glided them in and out of me. I wanted to be embarrassed and cover up. It was awkward at best, but the heated look on his face had me brazenly dropping my knees to the sides.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered.

“So are you.” I dragged my nails over his chest and down over the defined ridges of his abs.

I stilled as I caught my first sight of his straining hard-on. His hand came up and began to stroke it between us. I wanted to look away, but my eyes had other plans as they continuously flashed back to watch.

Till chuckled, and my gaze snapped to his.

“I’d rather it be your hand.” He smirked.

I’d rather that too.

I timidly reached out, taking his shaft, and began to mimic his movements. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, but I knew the gist. It didn’t take long before I found a rhythm that caused Till’s head to fall back and his eyes to stare at the ceiling.

“Jesus, Eliza.” His chest and abs flexed.

I had known that his body would be amazing, but Till naked and reacting to my touch was a sight I could never have prepared for.

I continued my strokes while I climbed to join him on my knees. Starting at his chest, I dragged openmouthed kisses over his pecs and down to his abs. He flinched every time my tongue snaked out for a taste.

Closing his hand over mine, he hissed, “Okay, no more.”

Gently pushing me back down, he took my mouth in a hard kiss. I opened my eyes to find him watching me. It was unnerving—and magnetic.

Suddenly, I felt his hand at my entrance as he guided himself inside me. My whole body tensed, and he must have felt it too. Turning his head, Till Page spoke words that solidified his claim on me for all of eternity.

“I love you, Eliza.”

I relaxed as he very gradually filled me.

There were fireworks.

Stars.

Every possible cliché I could conjure.

But that wasn’t the sex.

No. It was
him.

We were young and reckless.

There was no condom.

Or discussion.

There were hands, mouths, and tongues.

Fingernails raking his skin and his hand in my hair.

Slow glides followed by deep thrusts.

Desperation.

Comfort.

There was Till.

And Eliza.

SEX ISN’T SUPPOSED TO HURT, but with every mind-blowing thrust, a jagged piece was torn from my soul.

This was not supposed to happen. The sex. The pain. Eliza. None of it.

But she
loved
me.

As I watched her naked body tense under me, I knew I had risked it all just to hear her say it again.

She’d said that she wouldn’t leave me, but it was a lie. She was finally moving on and starting a life—doing all the things we had dreamed of over the years. But I hadn’t even graduated from high school, so she would be doing it all without me. My life was at a complete standstill while hers was sprinting away from me. She’d meet a guy at college who would recognize how amazing she truly was. Then, soon enough, I would be sitting in that apartment alone, haunted by her memories—and reality.

I had to have her, take the pieces I could claim before they were gone forever. I needed her to remember me in her new life, hopefully, even when she was in the arms of someone else. I couldn’t make her stay, but I’d sure as hell make it so she couldn’t give herself to anyone else.

I’d never had anything I could call my own, but Eliza Reynolds would always be
mine.

I ran my hands over her small body, memorizing every inch as I went. I made mental notes of the newly exposed freckles, including the one just under her right breast. I burned that one into my memory as I watched her breasts sway each time I pressed inside her.

I’d remember it all.

Because that was all I thought I’d ever have of her.

That one moment.

“Oh, God, Till,” she cried and her voice hitched.

“Say it again, Eliza. Tell me,” I demanded then roughly filled her. I needed to be gentle. This was her first time, but I was desperate. I had to
hear
her come again.

There was always the possibility that there would be a time in the future where I could find her and convince her to be with me again. Maybe I could get my life together and be deserving of her. Actually have something to offer her.

But even if that farfetched fantasy became reality, there was a very good chance I’d never
hear
her again.

“I love you,” she whispered, turning her head to take my mouth.

“You think you can come again for me?” I asked when I pulled away. I forced myself to switch to slow glides.

“I, uh . . . don’t know.”

“Come. Please.” I sat up and found her clit with my thumb.

“Shit.” Her whole body arched off the pillows as she dropped her legs open even wider.

“Please come,” I chanted, leaning forward to suck her nipple into my mouth.

I wasn’t wearing a condom, so I had to pull out. But I had to claim this last
first
before doing it. I wanted to be the last man she ever pulsed around, but I could settle for knowing that I was the first. I poured every resource I had into getting her off. But with every touch, I was forcing myself there as well.

“Damn it,” I cursed as I lost the battle with my own release.

Pulling out, I pumped hot cum onto her stomach. Crashing on top of her, I buried my face in her neck and repeated her name as though it would be the last time I ever said it. And it very well could have been.

“I’m sorry.” She began to rake her nails up my back.

“For what?” I responded, out of breath and with aftershocks still firing through my cock.

“That I didn’t come again.”

“Don’t apologize for that. I just covered you in cum.” I laughed, rolling to retrieve my boxers and using them to clean up her stomach while she giggled and squirmed under me.

With my boxers out of commission, I pull my jeans on and settled on my side, propping myself up on an elbow to face her. While she had put her panties back on, she remained topless. There was no way I could leave while she was naked. I nabbed my hoodie off the ground and handed it to her. With an eager smile, she tugged it on.

Apparently, she didn’t feel nearly as awkward as I did because as soon as she relaxed on the pillows, she curled into my chest. I dropped my arm under her head, and she snuggled in tight. It was absolutely perfect. But I knew it was fleeting.

“You okay?” I asked, slightly concerned that I had been too rough.

“Mmmm, very,” she mumbled against my chest, punctuating it with a kiss.

“Eliza?”

“Yeah.”

“I meant what I said.”

“Me too.” she responded lazily, squeezing me.

I held her for several minutes before I
heard
her take a deep breath and release it on a sigh as she fell asleep. It was music to my failing ears. It was also gut wrenching because it signaled the end.

Our goodbye was bound to happen. People like us didn’t get handed happiness on a silver platter. We had to work for it. Her working for it meant going away to college, and mine would be hustling and busting my ass just to squeak by.

I didn’t want to let her go, but the end was near. She was leaving. I wasn’t about to be the one sitting around, watching her go. It might have been considered selfish to some, but to me, it was self-preservation. I’d remember that night. The highest of the highs.

I lay there for a while longer, grieving my loss. I didn’t regret having taken the risk for one second though. Even if she forgot me in time, I’d always have one night where, for a brief moment, my fantasy had merged with reality into a world where Eliza was mine in every way possible.

When I was able to slip out of her grasp, I walked to the window and pulled in the easel I had made her as a graduation present. It wasn’t anything fancy. Really, it was just the spare scraps of wood I had collected from my job at the construction site. I had one of the guys do me a favor and lend me a sander and some stain so it at least looked nice. It wasn’t much, but I knew she’d love it. So I left it there for her to find. I couldn’t be there in the morning to see her face when she saw it, but I wanted her to have it anyway.

I considered walking out of the door when I left that night—closing that fantasy world once and for all. Coming in the window might have been a silly superstition I’d started all those years earlier, but it felt real to me. I went so far as to grab the doorknob, but at the last second, I couldn’t follow through. So after one last glance over my shoulder at Eliza as she slept in my hoodie, I crawled back out of that magical window for the very last time.

The first few days in the real world were excruciating. My mom was a bitch, and my dad was an idiot who was always up to some bullshit, most of which was illegal. Social services were there once again about Flint and Quarry. It was the same old song and dance, but this time, I had to deal with all of it without the escape that Eliza and our little apartment provided me.

I didn’t know how I forced myself to stay away. I started taking a different route to work so I didn’t have to pass that abandoned building every day. She could have been there . . . but she probably wasn’t. She was moving on, and I was floundering.

Boxing was the only thing that kept me sane. When I missed her, I worked out. When I needed her, I trained. And when the world became too much, I imagined her. Her smile. Her laugh. That one fucking freckle haunted me. Which only made me miss her, so I trained some more. My life was a never-ending cycle that both began and ended with On The Ropes—with Eliza.

However, my body could only take so much abuse. Ten hours was the max a kid could work at the gym, but I was easily putting in at least twenty-five hours a week. Slate started forcing me to leave each night. I would have rather been cleaning the jockstraps than go home though.

Three months after I left Eliza, I was laid off from my job at the construction company. Not only did I become hard up for money, I was suddenly overflowing with free time. It was a nightmare. I couldn’t pay the rent and had nothing but time to worry about it. Thankfully, a kid at the gym helped me get a job cleaning up at the auto repair shop where he worked. The money was okay, but I learned a ton from the mechanics. They helped me buy a piece-of-shit truck from a customer who couldn’t afford to fix it. It took months to get it running, but as I drove out of the parking lot in a truck that was completely mine, I felt like the biggest success on the planet.

After that, a whole world opened up for me. Being able to travel more than a mile from my house gave me a freedom I had never experienced before. Sure, there was public transportation, but when life went to hell in a handbasket, I didn’t have to check the bus schedule now. I could just hop in my truck and drive as far as my usually empty gas tank could take me.