Fighting Silence (7 page)

He cleared his throat to catch my attention, but it only drew my gaze to his throat. I watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed. It was a spectacular show I could barely drag my eyes off. And when I did, it was only to move down to the thick muscles at the base of his neck.

“Hello? Earth to Doodle.” He waved a hand in front of my face.

I stuttered for a moment before remembering what we were talking about. “Till, my student loans won’t take me far. Plus, I have to pay for utilities and crap. Not to mention buying books and supplies. That stuff is expensive. Even if I increased my hours at The Smokehouse, I wouldn’t be able to eat half the time if I picked one of the other apartments. It’s not that bad, and this way, I can afford the one bedroom.” I grinned proudly.

“Oh, fucking fantastic. You’re going to be living there alone,” he snapped then began to pace a small circle.

“Hey.” I stepped in front of him. “If I have my own place, we can ditch this one and start hanging out there.” I smiled, excited about the possibility.

Till blankly stared at me.

“Um, hello! This is a good thing. Did you hear me?” I asked.

He barked out a loud, sarcastic laugh. “Yep. Loud and fucking clear.” He crossed his arms over his chest and eyed me for a second longer. “You’re not living there,” he stated definitively, causing
me
to copy his earlier reaction and bark out a loud, sarcastic laugh of my own.

“Oh, I’m not?” I lifted an eyebrow and crossed my arms over my chest, mimicking him. I had a sneaking suspicion my glare wasn’t nearly as effective as his, but I held his eyes anyway.

We must have stood there for a full five minutes. I wasn’t even sure that I blinked. By the time Till’s lip twitched at the ridiculousness of our stare-off, I couldn’t contain it anymore and burst out laughing, collapsing to the pillows on the floor.

I used a deep voice to mock his as I rolled around in hysterics, saying, “Doodle, you’re not living there.”

He wasn’t impressed by my uncanny impression.

Finally, I was able to collect myself enough to glance up at him. I fully expected him to be pissed, but he was watching me with a wide smile.

God, he is gorgeous.

“You done?” he asked with a twinkle of something I couldn’t quite figure out in his eyes.

“I don’t know. Are you done telling me where I’m allowed to live?” I tilted my head questioningly.

He sucked in a breath before releasing it with a hard sigh. “I just worry about you living alone. It’s not like your dad’s going to get off his sorry ass and be there to make sure nothing happens to you.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously.” He put his hands on his hips, and if it weren’t for the fact that I was irritated by his attitude, I would have at least taken a minute to ogle his biceps.

Instead, I focused on the aforementioned attitude. “News flash. I don’t need anyone to make sure nothing happens to me. I’m a big girl, Till.”

“Right. Of course you are.” He let out a frustrated groan and rolled his eyes. “Can we just stop talking about this shit? I got you a graduation present.” He headed back toward the window.

“You got me a present!” I squealed. All of my annoyance disappeared.

He had given me a lot of things throughout the years. Most of them were things he found for the apartment when people moved from the building or, more often, got evicted. I loved them nonetheless.

“Well, kinda. I actually made you a present.”

“You
made
me a present! That’s even better!” I flew to my feet, and he started laughing at my enthusiasm.

“Well, I got to thinking a few days ago. What the hell are you gonna do when I’m not there to hold your sketchpad on my chest while you draw?” he asked with a huge grin, but it deflated mine.

“Why wouldn’t you be there to hold my sketchpad?”

I wasn’t stupid. I knew what he was trying to say, but it still hurt. I went to great lengths not to think about the prospect of Till not being a part of my future. He had been a constant in the present for way too long.

“Oh, come on, Doodle. You’re getting your own apartment halfway across town. You won’t have time to chill with me every night in this shithole.”

“Are you kidding me?
Yes,
I will.”

“Here?” he questioned, and even to my ears, his voice was a little too hopeful.

“Well, I mean . . . Maybe not
here,
but we’ll be somewhere together, absolutely.”

His eyes lit for a split second before dimming completely. “Yeah. I’m sure. Did you know that that new apartment of yours is five miles from here? That’s one hell of a daily hike for two people who don’t have a car,” he smarted off before turning back toward the window.

“So what? I’m moving closer to my college,
five miles away.
It’s not like I’m moving across the country. I’m fully expecting you to help me find a couch and then sit on it every night!” I shouted with a laugh as tears welled in my eyes.

He thought I was leaving. The idea of Till hurting was far worse than the idea of me sitting on a couch without him. And it should be known that that idea hurt pretty damn bad.

“Right.” He tossed me a patronizing smile. “When are you leaving?”

“Tonight if you don’t stop acting like a dick.” I tried to sound stern, but the tears fell from my eyes.

I wanted to blame them on the fact that I was angry, but those tears were so much more. They were five years of codependency, one thousand twenty-six days where I had known someone was waiting for me—and one night when the world felt right as I’d slept at his side.

He swallowed hard. Using the sleeve of his black hoodie pulled over the heel of his palm, he wiped my tears away. Then, after scooping me off my feet, he held me tight and sat us both down on the cushions on the floor.

“Don’t cry. It’s just gonna be weird not having you around all the time,” he murmured into my hair.

I tilted my head back, hoping that, in some way, I could convey my promise through the only simple words I had to offer. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Liar,” he whispered, looking down just as I glanced up.

With his lips just a whisper away from mine and closer than ever before, my eyes drifted to his mouth and his head immediately fell back against the wall.

“Don’t do that,” he groaned. “Not tonight.”

“Do what?” I asked innocently as I licked my lips. I lifted my chin so my nose grazed across his cheek. It could have been an innocent brush of skin. It
absolutely
wasn’t though.

“Seriously, when do you leave?” He changed the subject and turned his head out of my reach, but his arms still held me tight.

“I don’t have to leave.” I went back to eyeing his mouth. I wasn’t sure what was in the air that night. I’d wanted Till for a long time, but never once had I planned on actually acting on it.

“Yeah, you do. You have college and a way out of here. I’m happy for you, Doodle.” He voice was sincere and packed full of lies.

I didn’t doubt that he was happy for me; he just wanted to come with me. I wanted that too. So much that the words made their way to the surface before I could stop them.

Deep breath in.

Long exhale out.

Till.

And Doodle.

“I love you. I’m not going anywhere. I swear.” His eyes flew to mine.

“Oh, God,” he groaned.

“There is no way I could ever leave you, Till. I. Love. You,” I breathed, moving even closer. It could have been an innocent and friendly declaration of love.

But, once again, it absolutely wasn’t.

That was all it took; his mouth crashed against mine. Finally, those sculpted lips that had haunted my dreams—both day and night—moved against mine. It was needy and frantic.

It was overdue.

I pushed him down flat as I swung a leg over to straddle his lap, forcing my core against his.

“Doodle, please,” he pleaded for me to stop even as he lifted his hips to meet mine.

The contact made us both gasp. His hands roamed up my back and down over my ass while his head threatened to divide the pillow in an effort to escape me.

“I can’t have you without claiming you for forever.”

“Then claim me. I’ll claim you too.”

“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of,
Eliza.
”

I sucked in a surprised breath. If Till had actually known my name before that moment, I couldn’t have been sure. But just the sound of it on his lips had ruined it for anyone who would ever utter it after him.

With one quick swoop, he sat up and tore my dress over my head. His mouth latched on to my bra-covered nipple, sending tidal waves of heat crashing through my body.

“Till,” I moaned, threading my fingering into his hair.

“Someone touch you like this before, Eliza?”

My breath caught as his hand made its way down to my panties.

“Huh?” he asked, demanding an answer.

“No,” I hissed, rising to my knees to allow him more room. Every nerve ending in my body was homed in on the gentle movement of his rough fingers.

“Good,” he purred then leaned up to cover my mouth with his own.

His tongue slid against mine, smooth and practiced—at least, on his part. Tilting my head, I greedily took his mouth deeper. I wasn’t experienced, but when he groaned down my throat, he made me powerful and brave.

His finger found my swollen clit, working me while his mouth stole the breath from my lungs. My hips glided with his rhythm. I was too lost in his movements to even care how wanton I looked.

I was in
his
arms.

“Say it again. Tell me you won’t leave,” he tried to order, but it came out as a plea. Then he moved his oral assault to my neck.

“I swear.”

“Why not?” he questioned further, and a smile pulled at the corner of my mouth.

“Because I love you.”

A deep rumble of approval vibrated in his chest. Suddenly, he removed his hand and rolled so I was on my back, and he settled on his knees between my legs. I was small and Till was huge. He all but manhandled me. Though it wasn’t rough, it was definitely rushed.

His chest heaved as his eyes flashed between mine, occasionally glancing down to my bra and more than once to my panties. He swallowed hard.

“I want it all,” he whispered, licking his lips before continuing. “Every single first you have to give, I want it.” As he spoke, his eyes melted, becoming far younger than his eighteen years and a stark comparison to his physical appearance. They were unsure and dire.

I pressed myself up. While holding his eyes, I reached back and unsnapped my bra, letting it fall down my arms. “Then they’re all yours,” I promised.

A strangled sigh escaped his throat, and his dark eyes heated in a way I had never seen before. Looping his fingers in the pink cotton, he dragged my panties down my legs, discarding them on the floor beside us.

Completely exposed, I lay in front of Till, awaiting his next move. His eyes traveled over my body, but his hands were frozen at his side.

“Till,” I whispered.

“Shhhh.” He continued to stare.

Never in my life had I been naked in front of a man. It was terrifying.

“You’re making me nervous.”

“I’ve waited a really long time for this,” he said with a shaky voice. “I’ve imagined you like this, every single moment, for years.” His eyes flashed to mine. “I never thought I would have you.”

“You’ve always had me. Touch me, Till.”

He sucked in a deep breath and then lifted a hesitant hand to my breast. His thumb brushed over my nipple, and I arched off the pillow from the contact.

“Fuck,” he hissed.

Starting at my belly button, he slowly trailed kisses up to my breast—sucking it into his mouth before making his way to the other. He was gentle and soft as he explored my body. From my breasts, he moved up to my neck and, finally, my mouth. It was lazy and calculated. But it didn’t matter where he touched me—it was exactly the right spot.

I released a moan into his mouth as his hand slid between my legs. His long finger pressed inside my opening, and whatever noise I made was overpowered by his loud growl.

As his finger found its rhythm inside me, I reached out and grabbed the back of his hoodie. “Take this off,” I boldly ordered. “I want to feel you too.”

His hand froze as he eyed me warily. “Why?” he asked.

At first, it confused me. I assumed “
I want to feel you
” was pretty self-explanatory, but as I looked up into his insecure eyes, I realized it was far more than just a surface-level inquiry.

So I repeated his words back to him. “Because I’ve waiting for a long time too. Every. Single. Moment. For years.”

The words had barely cleared my lips before Till went wild.

His mouth slammed over mine as he dragged the hoodie off—separating the kiss only long enough for the cotton to clear his head. I followed him as he sat up, and our hands fumbled together over the button of his jeans. He got the denim past his hips before pressing me back down. Using my feet, I hurriedly kicked them off the rest of the way.

Till’s naked body covered me completely. His hard-on glided against my stomach as his hips rolled against mine. I allowed my fingers to roam over the rippled muscles on his back, moaning when he flexed as he sat up.

Using both of his hands, he spread my legs wide. I watched as he descended down the cushions, his eyes holding mine until he settled on his elbows. Then his head dipped and he dragged his tongue over my clit.

“Oh, God!” I cried out.

“Have you ever come before?” He licked me again, and instinctually, I lifted my hips.

“Yes,” I breathed.

His head snapped up, leaving me utterly lost. “With a guy?” he questioned roughly.

“No.”

A one-sided smile tipped his lips. “Good. I want that too.”

He quickly sealed his mouth over my sensitive bud, and one of his hands made its way to my opening. He slowly pressed the tip of his finger inside before adding another. I cried out from the surprising and mildly painful intrusion, but as his tongue began a smooth rhythm, the cries morphed into ones of ecstasy.

I writhed under him as he relentlessly drew the impending orgasm to the surface. It wasn’t quick, nor was it perfect, but he was dedicated. I came against his tongue and around his fingers while calling out his name.