Finding Forgiveness (Finding Series, Book 4) (4 page)

“This way leads up the mountain,” Hunter murmured as he pointed to the trail heading west. Roman followed him down the trail to the right and within minutes it began to widen and the trees became less dense. The lake was much larger than Roman expected and he could see several small streams emptying into the clear water along the west side – runoff from the mountain he realized. The east side of the lake had a really nice beach that would be perfect for anyone willing to brave the cool, blue water.

“Look,” Hunter murmured and Roman felt his dick harden to painful proportions as Hunter brushed his arm to get his attention. He followed the direction Hunter was pointing in and saw a bald eagle sitting high in the branches of a tree just a couple hundred feet away.

“That’s Fred,” Hunter said.

“Fred?”

The eagle suddenly took flight and then dove towards the water. A few seconds later it was flapping its giant wings as its claws closed over something in the water and then it was airborne again, an enormous fish clutched between its talons. Roman tracked the bird to the other side of the lake where he was able to make out another eagle sitting near a nest.

“And that’s Ethel.”

Roman chuckled and warmth sifted through him when Hunter did too. “Gran has a thing for
I Love Lucy
.”

“What about Lucy and Ricky?”

“Let’s hope we don’t run into them.”

“Why not? Are they bears or something?”

Another laugh.

“No, skunks.”

“You’re shitting me,” Roman muttered.

To his amazement, Hunter laughed even louder. “No. Gran found Lucy when she was just a baby – her mom and brothers and sisters were killed by a coyote so Gran took care of Lucy till she was old enough to make it on her own. Every time Pops and I would come out here, she’d show up and follow us around like a dog which was just fine since she never sprayed us. But then one day there’s another skunk with her. Pops didn’t realize she wasn’t alone until it was too late.”

Roman smiled but he wasn’t sure if it was because of the story or because of its effect on Hunter. A wide smile split his lip as he said, “I was only twelve so I couldn’t drive us back so Gran had to come get us. She showed up in their neighbor’s truck and was pulling a horse trailer behind it. She made Pops ride home in it so he wouldn’t stink up the car.”

Hunter began walking and Roman fell in step next to him. “I could hear him bellowing even from way up front in the truck. He had to shave his beard off to get the stink out. Cursed Lucy and Ricky every time he saw them after that.”

“Did you spend a lot of time out here with him?”

Hunter sobered and Roman instantly regretted the question.

“We’d camp out here most weekends. He’d bring me out here after school during the week to go fishing but it was harder to get away as I got older.”

“How come?”

Hunter glanced at him, his emerald eyes heavy. “My dad wanted me to focus on other things. School, sports.”

“What did you want?”

Hunter stopped walking all together and looked at Roman as if he’d grown two heads. His reaction was answer enough and he wasn’t surprised when Hunter said, “I wanted to make him proud.”

Roman merely nodded because he couldn’t fault Hunter for the admission. How many times had Roman tried his best to impress Victoria and Walt with a stellar report card or some academic award? When that hadn’t worked, he’d gone the route of athletics to seek their approval. A cold reality hit him as he realized if his father and Victoria had even shown him the tiniest scrap of attention for all his efforts, he could have easily ended up like the young man before him.

“This is the cabin,” Hunter said as he motioned over his shoulder before winding his way through some trees to a small clearing where a weathered looking structure sat. It was just a foundation made of stone and a few logs that had been placed on top of each other to form a large rectangular space. Roman could tell the logs themselves had been taken straight from the land because they looked rustic and natural, not artificial.

“Did you and he work on this together?” Roman asked as he trailed his fingers along the bark free wood.

Hunter nodded. “We started on it about a month before he died.”

“What happened to him?”

Hunter came to a stop in the center of the space. “It took us all weekend just to get these logs in place. It was Memorial Day weekend so I didn’t have school that Monday so I begged him to stay one more night. I knew my dad would be pissed because he had this barbecue planned in the town square and I was supposed to be there to serve food to people but Pops talked him into it. We spent the rest of the day fishing and Gran came out and we ate the fish we’d caught. Gran didn’t like camping so she went home and Pops and I put our sleeping bags here,” Hunter said as he motioned to the floor. “He was so excited to be spending the first night in his and Gran’s new cabin. He talked for hours about how he was going to build a room for me and maybe when I was older we’d build a place for me and my family to stay in when we came for a visit. Next morning, I couldn’t wake him up. I…I had to tell Gran he was gone.”

“How old were you?” Roman asked gently.

“Fifteen.”

“I’m sorry, Hunter.”

Hunter shook his head. “I think he knew.”

“Knew what?”

“That I wasn’t normal.”

Roman wanted to tell Hunter he was normal but he kept his mouth shut so Hunter would continue.

“Pops never used the words girl or wife when he was talking to me about stuff. It was always, ‘Hunter, you meet someone special yet?’ or ‘When you meet someone at school, you be sure to bring them home so your Gran and I can make sure they’re good enough for you, okay?’
Someone, they, them
,” Hunter said softly.

His eyes finally lifted to meet Roman’s and Roman didn’t miss the spark of hope he saw there. “You think maybe that was his way of telling me he knew? That he was okay with it?”

“Yeah, Hunter, I do.”

Hunter nodded his head slightly and then looked around the cabin once more before he straightened and seemed to shake free of the moment.  “If you want, we can keep going around the lake or we can double-back and hike up the mountain a bit. There’s a nice hot springs up there.”

“Hot springs,” Roman said as he followed Hunter back towards the lake. He glanced up to see that Frank the eagle was still sitting protectively near his mate who was picking at the fish. Next time he’d have to remember to bring binoculars so he could see the birds up close.

“Did you keep coming here after you lost your grandfather?” Roman asked as he caught up to Hunter.

“Yeah.”

“By yourself?”

Hunter hesitated. “My dad and I would come up here once in a while to go hunting but he gave up on it after a while. Said I took all the fun out of it ‘cause I always cried like a girl every time he shot something.”

“And after?”

Hunter’s eyes shot to him and he could see the indecision there. Finally, he nodded. “I tried working on the cabin at first but I didn’t really know what I was doing without Pops.”

“What about your grandmother? Friends?”

“Gran hasn’t really been back here since Pops died. Maybe that’s why she’s looking to sell. Friends? I knew they’d turn it into a place to party or get high.”

“Wasn’t there anyone you wanted to share it with?” Roman hedged.

A small smile tugged at Hunter’s lips. “Is that your way of asking if I had a girlfriend?”

Roman chuckled. “I suppose it was.”

“There were girls who were friends but nothing ever serious.”

Hunter didn’t expound on the subject and Roman didn’t press because it wasn’t any of his business. But if Hunter’s inexperienced kiss was anything to go by, he doubted Hunter’s situation in the girlfriend department had changed much over the years.

“Why resorts?” Hunter suddenly asked as they reached the spot where the trail split.

It was on the tip of Roman’s tongue to brush Hunter off with some flippant response about money but then he remembered the look in Hunter’s eyes when he’d asked about whether or not Roman thought his grandfather might have known about his issues with his sexuality.

“My mother,” he began.

***

Hunter felt Roman’s arm brush against his as they were forced to walk closer together as the trail narrowed. He supposed it would be just as easy for him to move in front of Roman or behind him but he really wanted to see the man as he spoke.

“Your mother?” Hunter prodded when Roman fell silent.

“She was always flipping through magazines and tearing out the ads for resorts. The really fancy ones, you know? White sand beaches, perfect pools with waterfalls and empty lounge chairs lining the edge. Every month she’d buy a couple travel magazines and she’d show them to me at night instead of reading a bedtime story.”

“How old were you?” Hunter asked with a small laugh.

“Seven. But I didn’t mind because she’d turn the whole thing into an adventure and make up stories about the things we’d see and do. I knew more about world destinations than I did about Curious George or Marmaduke.”

“Who?” Hunter asked.

Roman sent him a ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’ look and then gave him a gentle shove when Hunter couldn’t prevent the knowing chuckle from escaping his mouth.

“Did you ever get to go on any of your grand adventures?”

Roman shook his head. “My mom was a waitress so there wasn’t a lot of extra money lying around.”

“How about after you started building them?”

The tension in Roman’s frame had Hunter wishing he could take back the question. There was only one thing that put that look of loss in a man’s eye.

“How old were you when you lost her?”

“Ten,” Roman said quietly.

“Sorry,” Hunter whispered and he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to run his hand down Roman’s upper arm. The move was supposed to be about comfort but all it did was spike up the dull ache of desire that had been lurking in Hunter’s belly since the moment he’d laid eyes on Roman in his father’s office this morning. And from the way Roman glanced at his hand and then his mouth, he knew Roman was feeling it too.

Hunter drew his hand back and put as much distance between their bodies that the trail would allow. “Where did you build your first resort?”

“California. I’d already bought a couple of old warehouses and turned them into condos when I saw this old hotel for sale in Big Sur. The two investors I’d brought into the project wanted to tear it down and build something from scratch but there was something about it…it was like it was more than just a building. Like it had a soul.”

“Did you tear it down?”

Roman shook his head. “I bought out the investors and fixed it up instead. Rooms sold out before the doors even opened and there’s a two year waiting list to stay there.”

“Wow, I’ll bet it’s beautiful.”

“It is. Everything’s top of the line. Top chefs, state of the art rooms, every amenity you could think of…” Roman said proudly.

“Just think, there’s probably some kid and his mom tearing out pictures of your resorts and making up stories about them.”

Roman stiffened and all the pride that had been in his gaze disappeared instantly. He stopped in the middle of the trail and just stood there looking…God, he looked devastated.

“Roman, I’m sorry…I didn’t mean anything by that.”

“It’s okay,” Roman said woodenly. “You know what, maybe we should head back. I’ve got some calls I need to return.”

“Roman-” Hunter said as he grabbed Roman’s hand before he could turn and head back down the trail.

“And you should probably be taking it easy anyway. You’re bound to still be sore after last night.”

The reminder was like a slap in the face and Hunter felt any lingering warmth inside of him disappear and he dropped Roman’s hand.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Hunter managed to get out as he reached into his pocket to run his fingers over the items there. His anxiety eased enough that he was able to keep it together as he stepped back from Roman and then led the way back towards the car.

Chapter Four

Hunter’s relief at escaping the uncomfortable silence in Roman’s car was short-lived because his father was on him the second he walked through the door to his parents’ office.

“Where is he?” his father snapped as he craned his neck to try and see the front door. “Is he coming in?”

“Um, no, he said he had some calls to make,” Hunter murmured as he hurried past the reach of his father’s crutches and went to drop a kiss on his mother’s cheek.

“Hi,” he murmured.

His mother paused only briefly in her typing but whatever she might have said was drowned out by his father’s bellow.

“Boy, get over here and tell me what happened!”

Hunter saw his mother flinch at the outburst and her eyes quickly dropped back to the computer screen. A tug of disappointment went through Hunter at the move but he pushed it away and forced himself to walk back to the desk his father was sitting at.

“Well?” his father shouted.

“He didn’t say much,” Hunter admitted which was mostly the truth since the brief conversations he’d had with Roman hadn’t been about what he actually thought about the land.

“God, I knew you’d fuck this up,” his father snorted. “You were gone less than two hours – no way you showed him everything!”

“His calls-”

“Were a fucking ploy! Probably to get away from you and your sniveling.”

Sadly, Hunter suspected his father was right. Roman’s excuse had sounded pretty lame and then he’d thrown in that last remark about the night before…

A stapler bouncing off his chest ripped Hunter from his thoughts and he automatically stepped back when he saw his father reach for his crutches to pull himself upright. “You better pray he calls me!” his father snarled as he got in Hunter’s space.

Hunter managed to stand his ground and nod but he dropped his eyes since he knew it was the fastest way to diffuse his father’s anger. Well, one of the fastest ways. “He will, Dad. He did…he did mention something about how refreshing it was to be working with a realtor who knew what he was doing for a change.”

The trick worked because his father’s chest puffed out somewhat. His father finally eased back a bit and Hunter murmured, “I thought I’d head back to school tonight. I’ve got a paper due on Monday.”

“No,” his father interjected. “You’re not going anywhere. If Blackwell wants to see the property again, you’ll need to show him. Dr. Meyers says I’m out of commission for another week at least.”

The idea of spending even another day in Dare had Hunter saying, “I can’t afford to miss any classes-”

His father’s palm cracked against his cheek before he could even finish the statement. “You will do as I fucking say, you hear me?” Another slap followed and Hunter bit back the tears that threatened and nodded quickly.

“Now get in back and finish cleaning out that storeroom.”

Hunter stepped back from his father and turned to head towards the back room. A glance at his mother showed that she was still focused on the computer screen, her thin fingers moving tirelessly over the keyboard. He wasn’t surprised that she didn’t even look at him once as he passed.

***

Hunter enjoyed the soothing sound of an owl hooting somewhere nearby as he tossed another piece of wood onto the fire before laying back down on his sleeping bag. Even with the temperature dropping into the mid-forties, he didn’t regret his decision to spend the night at the lake for even a second. The cloudless sky meant he’d sleep under a blanket of stars tonight and the sound of the forest coming alive as the nocturnal wildlife went about their lives was a hundred times better than listening to his father rant and rave about whatever trivial thing he’d decided was unacceptable in the world that he thought only revolved around himself.

It hadn’t taken much to convince his father to let him leave the house to hang out with “friends.” For some reason it had always been some kind of badge of honor for his father that Hunter had managed to become one of the more popular kids in his high school. As long as Hunter hung out with the kids his father deemed “the cool ones,” Hunter was golden. But if he’d dared gravitate towards the wrong ones, his father had never hesitated to let him know it in the only way he knew how. And for the most part, Hunter had managed to follow the unspoken rule…until the one day when his inner need had overshadowed his fear. One weak moment when he’d given in to the desperate craving he couldn’t ignore.

It took Hunter a moment to realize the owl and all the other inhabitants of the forest around him had gone silent and he automatically sat up and reached for the rifle sitting next to his sleeping bag. It wasn’t unheard of for bears to show up at the lake in search of food but he would have expected his fire to keep them at bay for tonight. A light off in the distance flashed through the trees and fear tripped through Hunter at the thought that his father had finally discovered his sanctuary. Fuck, there’d be hell to pay if he had.

“Hunter?”

The sound of Roman’s deep voice had Hunter climbing to his feet with a mixture of excitement and trepidation.

“Over here,” he called as he began walking towards the flash of light. It suddenly went out completely and he heard a muffled curse. “Just stay put, I’m coming to you,” Hunter said as he picked his way through the trees. It took just minutes to reach Roman who was stuffing what looked like his phone into his pocket.

“Forgot to charge it,” he muttered as he lifted his hand to keep the light from the flashlight Hunter was holding from hitting him square in the eyes.

“Sorry,” Hunter murmured as he dropped the light so it was pointing at their feet. “What are you doing here?” He could see Roman was holding something bundled in his arms.

“You mind if we talk by the fire,” Roman responded.

Hunter could tell Roman’s coat wasn’t heavy enough for the elements so he led him back to the fire and pointed to his sleeping bag. He sat down next to Roman and bit back a groan when their bodies brushed as he reached for another log to toss on the fire.

“You expecting company?” Roman asked as he glanced at the gun Hunter didn’t realize he was still holding.

“Bears come down here every once in a while,” he answered as he put the gun down. “What are you doing here, Roman?”

“Hell if I know,” Roman muttered as he began unfolding the blankets that had been bunched up in his arms. Hunter helped him spread the blankets over both their laps. He could tell from the material that they were the kind of blankets you’d find in a cheap motel.

“Are these from your hotel?”

“I don’t know if the
Dusty Spur
qualifies as a hotel but the owner was quick to reassure me it was Dare’s finest accommodations,” Roman answered.

“It’s Dare’s only accommodations,” Hunter interjected. “That still doesn’t explain what you’re doing here,” Hunter reminded him.

Roman was quiet for a long time. “I didn’t like how we left things this afternoon…how I left them. And then I realized that I didn’t even have your number so I couldn’t call or text you. I didn’t know how long you’d be in town for and I remembered you saying how much you liked coming out here so I took a chance…”

When Roman didn’t say anything else, Hunter pulled out his phone and handed it to Roman. “Put in your number.”

Roman glanced at him and then took the phone and did just that. When he gave it back, their fingers briefly brushed and Hunter nearly shook his head. How the hell could one innocent touch make his whole body feel like it was on fire? He forced himself to concentrate on the phone and typed out a quick text message to Roman’s number and hit send.

“I owe you an apology,” he heard Roman say softly.

Hunter wanted to laugh. “You don’t owe me anything. What you did for me last night…”

“I wish I’d gotten there sooner…” Roman suddenly whispered and Hunter turned his head and saw that Roman was staring at him. Even with the little light that the fire offered, Hunter could see the other man really meant it and he felt his insides do a crazy flip-flop.

“I wish I’d met you first,” Hunter heard himself admitting and for once, the truth didn’t feel so wrong.

***

Roman knew that if he leaned down just a little, he could get another taste of Hunter. Maybe if he did, he’d discover that last night was some anomaly – that whatever emotion had twisted and rolled through his body last night as Hunter had sealed their mouths together was the result of a waning adrenaline rush and nothing else. But then again, if it were that simple, would he really have spent the whole afternoon feeling like a complete and utter asshole for the callous retort he’d thrown at Hunter before calling off the hike? Would he have spent most of the evening pacing the floor of his crappy motel room before trekking off into the dark Montana night to find Hunter so he could apologize for his behavior?

And Christ, that fucking admission that Hunter wished he’d met him first!

There was no doubt in his mind that if he’d met Hunter last night in the club, he would have done anything and everything to get him back to his hotel room, his youth and inexperience be damned.

Roman forced himself to tear his eyes from Hunter. One more kiss would just fuck everything up. For him, for Hunter. He needed to get things back on track.

“That thing you said about some kid and his mom tearing out pictures of my resorts-”

“I didn’t mean anything by it, Roman. I swear.”

“I know. It’s just…I never even realized it until you said it.”

“What?”

Roman felt sick even voicing it. He’d spent the whole day obsessing over how he’d become so sidetracked by money and prestige that he hadn’t ever made the connection himself.

“I was so proud of myself for building these beautiful places that my mom always dreamed of visiting that I never even realized she wouldn’t have been able to. I made them completely unattainable to people like my mom – every single resort I’ve built would have been just another dream for her.”

“You wanted to be successful,” Hunter offered.

“No,” Roman said, shaking his head. “I wanted to rub people’s noses in it. I wanted to show them that I could be someone despite my last name…despite where I came from.”

“Any people in particular?” Hunter asked cautiously.

Roman chuckled. The kid was too damn smart.

“My father and his wife.”

“Is that who you went to live with after your mom died?”

Roman nodded. “My older half-brother, too.”

Hunter was quiet for a moment before saying, “Your brother was older than you? Your dad was married before he met your mom?”

“Nope. I’m what they used to call a bastard back in the olden days,” Roman muttered. “My father was having an affair with my mother while he was still married to Gray’s mother. Gray is my half-brother.”

“Fuck,” Hunter whispered. “Wait, so you had to go live with your dad and the woman he was cheating on?”

Pain radiated through Roman’s chest and for a brief moment an irrational fear went through him that he was having a heart attack. But as he struggled to draw in breath, he realized that for all the times he’d remembered his shitty childhood with Victoria and Walt, it was a hell of a lot different to be talking about it out loud.

“Hey,” Hunter whispered as his hand settled between Roman’s shoulder blades. “We don’t have to talk about this, okay?”

Roman managed a nod and tried to focus on catching his breath as he felt Hunter’s fingers begin massaging the back of his neck. His cold skin instantly heated at the touch and when Hunter urged him to lay down on his side and then settled along his back after covering them with the blankets, Roman felt the tension start to ease from his body.

“What’s in Missoula?” Roman asked as Hunter’s body heat began to seep into him. His unruly body began to betray him as his anxiety switched over to desire.

“I go to school at the University of Montana.”

Right. Hunter was still a teenager for God’s sake. That fact should have settled Roman’s ardor but it didn’t – not one fucking little bit.

“What are you studying?”

“Political science.”

“Are you hoping to get into politics?” Roman asked.

At Hunter’s silence, Roman rolled over so they were facing. “You’re not the one who wants the degree, are you?”

“Public service is a noble profession,” Hunter murmured.

“Is that your argument or his?” Roman asked gently.

“Veto,” Hunter whispered, his eyes down cast.

Roman reached out to stroke his fingers over Hunter’s cheek. “Fair enough,” he whispered. He gently tipped Hunter’s chin up so that he was forced to look at Roman. “Can I stay here tonight?” His hand was resting on Hunter’s neck and he felt him swallow hard.

“What? The
Dusty Spur
not to your liking?” Hunter asked.

Roman ignored the nervous attempt at humor and let his thumb stroke over Hunter’s frantic pulse. “I like these accommodations much better,” he murmured.

He heard Hunter inhale sharply before he finally nodded. Since staying face to face was a supremely bad idea, Roman flipped onto his back and tucked his arm beneath his head. He felt Hunter shift next to him, his warm body barely touching Roman’s. Strangely enough, the lack of contact bothered Roman even more so he extended his free arm and worked it beneath Hunter until he finally got the silent message and used Roman’s arm as a pillow. And then it got better because Hunter shifted just enough to get more comfortable and ended up pressed against his side.