Finding You (By You #3) (21 page)

"You really are something special, aren't you?" he said.

"I like to think so," she grinned.

He dipped in for a kiss, and before she knew it, she was being swept off her feet. Even if Jeremy wasn't carrying her off to his bed, Sarah felt like she could have floated there on a cloud of bliss. When their bodies were pressed together, Jeremy weighing down on her, she wondered what it might be like to feel like that forever, to feel totally comfortable with someone, like you knew no matter what happened, you were going to pull through it together.

Jeremy pressed himself further into her body, supporting his full weight on top of her. Sarah didn't mind, though. His hard muscles felt amazing against her skin. She wasn't even sure when he had managed to get her blouse off, but she was glad it was gone.

Jeremy scooted down and kissed her stomach. His soft little kisses were what she loved the most. He had a way of knowing exactly what she wanted, and he wasn't shy about giving it to her. As his kisses made tiny circles around her belly button, she ran a hand through his short, dark hair. It was still damp from the shower, and images of his hard body glistening and dripping flashed into her head.

What she wouldn't give to climb into that shower with him. They might have a lot of people watching them since it was a public shower, but Sarah wasn't certain that she would mind one bit. Her cheeks turned a dark crimson as she thought about all those people watching them, as she realized that she wouldn't care so long as she was with Jeremy.

She moaned as his fingers unsnapped her jeans and his tongue worked its way to the very bottom of her belly. She squirmed and wiggled beneath him when he kept going lower. He kissed the top of her panties, and then kissed along the thin strap that wrapped around her hip. His mouth found the bump of her hipbone, and he kissed that, too.

All of it was almost too much. She'd never wanted someone so much as she wanted to have him right then. And she wanted to really
have
him. She didn't want just the little hints and flashes of what it might be like to be with him for real--she wanted the real thing. The thought made her cheeks turn an even darker crimson than they already were.

Her hunger for him grew somewhere inside of her. And it got stronger and stronger each time they were together. Soon, she wouldn't be able to hold it back anymore, and she just had to hope that she was ready for that time when it finally came.

Jeremy pulled her jeans down, and Sarah lifted her butt in the air so he could slide them off. When they were on the ground next to his bed, he went back to kissing her. His mouth kissed down the inside of her thigh, halfway to her knee before he kissed all the way back up. Then he started down the other side, too.

The coolness of his tongue left behind a scorching, tingling trail. Everywhere it touched made her melt with pleasure. And when it worked its way back up, between her legs, her back began to arch in ecstasy.

Her panties were the next thing to go, and Sarah didn't bat an eyelash at them. This wasn't the first time she'd been completely exposed in front of him. But every time was a new rush. She'd never been comfortable with her body when she'd been with Huck. For some reason, he always made her self-conscious. Not that he actually said anything, he just didn't do anything to make her feel good about herself. Jeremy had a way of praising her, of making her feel good, of making her feel alive.

He kissed between her legs, and she shivered.

"You're so turned on," he said, his eyes never breaking away from her.

"You make me that way."

Her eyes rolled into the back of her head when his tongue pushed its way into her. His magical tongue never failed to leave her quivering and shaking. It wasn't long before she was moaning and writhing around on the bed. His hands held her hips in place, and his mouth kissed and nipped in all the right spots. When she finally came, she felt like her entire body was going to explode all at once, and her vision went blurry for a few seconds as she tried to remember where she was.

Jeremy had a smile on his face as he kissed her stomach again. His fingers slid up and down her legs, then over her sensitive breasts. Her whole body tingled, and her toes curled.

"God, you're amazing," she said.

Jeremy slid onto the bed next to her, wrapping his arms around her.

"You're not so bad yourself."

She shook her head. "I don't think it's quite the same thing."

His grin spread even wider.

They didn't say anything for a while, and they didn't have to. She loved that she could just lie there with him, without needing to fill the silence with anything. She'd never felt so good in her life, never felt more confident than she did when she was in his arms. It was like he took all of the good things about her and somehow made them even better. He took everything she loved, and made it richer.

She could only hope that she came even half as close to doing the same for him. She didn't want to be the only one spoiled on that amazing feeling.

Neither of them said anything for a long time, afterward. There was nothing they needed to say. How many hours had they spent lying next to each other without saying a word? Jeremy would have been the happiest man alive if they could do it every night for the rest of their lives.

He brushed his fingers through her hair, taking time to smell its sweet scent every time he pulled them down. He could still taste her on his lips, and the thought of making her body move the way it drove him wild. He loved the way her fingers and toes clenched, along with every other muscle in her body. It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

"I have a question," she said, her voice soft. She nestled herself against him some more, and he squeezed her tight.

"Then I hope I have an answer."

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to...I just thought I would ask."

He frowned, wondering what she was going to say. His pulse spiked as he considered for the briefest second that she might have found out the truth about him, but he reminded himself that the thought was ridiculous.

It's not so ridiculous. You're not the only one who knows your secret
.

He pushed that thought aside, too. He'd already made up his mind that tonight wasn't the night. Maybe tomorrow...as always.

"I was wondering if you wouldn't mind telling me about Dani."

"About Dani? What do you want to know?"

Sarah rolled over to face him. Her eyes were questioning and beautiful, and he had a hard time refusing her anything when she looked at him with those eyes.

Her shoulders hunched, and she said, "Anything. Everything. I just want to get to know her better--and get to know
you
better."

Jeremy considered it. He had never really shared too many details about Dani with anyone. Sure, there were people that knew her from school, but they had never bothered to ask him what
he
thought about her. It had never occurred to him that they should, but now that he considered it, he was probably the person that had known her the best in her whole life. Especially in those last few years, when she'd spent most of her time with him.

"I can tell you whatever you want to know," he said, finally.
 

Sarah's brow wrinkled as she thought about it.

"Is 'Dani' short for anything?"

He nodded, "It's short for Daniella."

Her lips pinched for a moment. "That's a beautiful name."

His eyes went distant, remembering the first time Dani told him her full name. He'd said it was beautiful, too.
The most beautiful name, for the most beautiful girl
. He let out a breath and tried to push the memory as far away as possible. When he opened his eyes, Sarah was watching him, curiously.

"You still love her, don't you?" she asked.

He didn't hesitate before nodding.

"It's not something you can turn off," he said, by way of an excuse.

He didn't know why he felt the need to make up an excuse. Maybe it was because he knew he shouldn't be allowed to love her. If he'd
really
loved her, she'd still be around, wouldn't she?

"We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to," Sarah said, after a while.

"No, it's fine, really."

She gave him a soft smile before nuzzling herself against his chest, again. He hoped she didn't notice how fast and hard his heart was racing in that moment.

"What was her favorite color?"

"Yellow."

"And her favorite music?"

Jeremy let out a laugh, at that. "She was a huge Shins fan. I never did quite understand it."

"Hey, what's so funny about that? They have some good music."

"Oh, I know they do. I guess it was just an inside thing between us."

Sarah looked up at him, again. "Well, tell me about it."

"You really want to know everything, don't you?"

She nodded. "It tells me more about you than it does about her. And I like learning more about you."

He frowned. "How do you figure that?"

"Well, now I know that you are pretty attentive. I doubt every guy can tell you their girlfriend's favorite color so quickly."

He shrugged. "I just remember it, that's all."

She nodded, excitedly. "That's the point--you
remembered
it."

Jeremy considered what she was saying, and he thought he understood. Usually when girls said something confusing, he just chalked it up to them being crazy--because they usually were. He guessed he could see the point she was trying to make, as backwards as it seemed. But, if she wanted to know something about
him
, wouldn't it be easier to just ask him outright?

"Alright, well what else would you like to know, Ms. Curious?"

Her lips pooched together as she thought about it some more.

"What was her favorite flower?"

"An oleander," he said.

She gave him a knowing grin, and Jeremy felt heat rushing to his cheeks. Maybe she had a point--maybe he really did know more about Dani than he realized. It made sense though, they were together for years. He'd thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with her. And you just knew things about the people you were close to, you knew things about your best friend.

"Was there anything you guys wanted to do together? Or that you always talked about?"

The smile on Jeremy's face slipped a little. That wasn't an easy, surface question like what her favorite color or flower was. That one went deeper.

He nodded.

"She used to be obsessed with this travel book. She was always reading through it, making little notes, and looking things up."

"What kind of travel book?"

"Well, it was more like a travel journal that this guy published. Basically, he went all around Europe, visiting museums and stuff like that, and he kept a journal while he was doing it. That journal turned into the book. I actually saw a copy of it at the bookstore not too long ago."

"So were you two planning on taking a trip to Europe?"

Jeremy let out a little laugh as he thought about it.

"It seemed like she was always planning that trip. She had that book memorized backwards and forwards, and every few months she'd plan out a new itinerary for us, for whenever we had enough money to go." His voice trailed off as he thought about that book. It had been in her backpack when they'd gotten in the accident. What he wouldn't give to have it back, even if for only a day.

Sarah nestled her head against his chest and gave him a light kiss. It made him feel better, but didn't completely distract him from the visions of that night.

"You should take that trip," Sarah said.

"To Europe?"

"Yeah. Take that picture of her, and take her to all of the places she wanted to go. That way she still gets to see them."

Jeremy's throat tightened and his eyes stung as he thought about that picture, as he thought about all the little things he'd told her he was going to do that he never got around to doing. How many things had she wanted to do with her life that she'd missed out on because of him? Her dreams hadn't just been cut off when she'd died. She'd cut them off long before that. Because of him.

Sarah hugged him even tighter as the tears rolled down his cheek. She didn't say anything, she just held him. It was all she could do, and she seemed to know that.

"That sounds nice," he said when he was finally able to pull himself together. "I bet she would like that."

Sarah looked up at him. Her eyes were red, too.

"I know she would."

When she pressed her head back into his chest, neither of them said anything for a long time. Jeremy didn't know what there was to say. His head was filled with thoughts and memories that had haunted him for years, thoughts and memories that never seemed to stay buried, no matter how hard he tried.

"I have another question," Sarah said, her voice was even lower this time, more uncertain. "And, really, you don't have to answer. I won't be offended, or anything like that."

He wrapped his hand around the back of her head and squeezed her close to him. Then smoothed her hair back.

"What is it?"

"The accident," she started. "How did it happen?"

Jeremy squeezed his eyes shut, pinching them as tight as he could, hoping that even more memories of that night wouldn't come flooding back to him. But they did. They were always there.

"It was a drunk driver," he began. He could still see the wreckage in his head, still smell the gasoline, still hear the screams. "We were heading home from a party at my friend's place. It wasn't a big deal, or anything. Dani hadn't even wanted to go, but I insisted." He shook his head. Just another in a long line of mistakes from that night. "We were almost back home when it happened. Dani and I were talking about something, I don't remember what, and we didn't even see him coming."

Jeremy shook his head and made a popping sound with his mouth.

"Just like that... One minute you're having a fun night out, and the next your whole life comes crashing down around you."