Fitting The Pieces (The Riverdale Series Book 3) (9 page)

           
Collin
looked over at her. “Are you actually laughing that the Yankees are losing?”

           
Cara
peered up at him, not hiding the small smile that she was wearing. “No, I’m
just thinking about someone who is probably feeling the same way you are.”

           
“You
should probably call he or she, and talk them off the ledge.” He said and
winked at her in good humor. She reached out and tousled his hair before rising
to her feet.

           
“You
know what? You’re right.” She said and then nodded towards the TV. “They can
come back.”

           
Collin
lifted his hands and showed her that he had his fingers crossed. She smiled and
made a beeline towards her room. She took a deep breath once inside and decided
she didn’t have to avoid Luke anymore. She was beginning to understand that
part of recovering from all that she was suffering from was accepting things
for what they were and moving past them. She felt guilty for so many reasons,
but the one reason that was currently nagging at her was that she had hung up
on Luke and never called him back. Knowing the type of person that Luke was,
she knew that he was probably beating himself up and at her expense. She dialed
the number that she had now memorized and lifted the phone to her ear.

           
Luke
sat in his car staring up at the bar, he couldn’t bring himself to enter. When
he left the game he didn’t feel like going home. The whole ride back from the
Bronx he thought about how he could make this right and came up with nothing.
He sat in front of Rudy’s and debated on whether or not he should go inside and
drown his sorrows. His phone vibrated on the seat next to him and he banged his
head against the steering wheel, figuring it was Nick. He felt like an ass for
spilling his guts to his friend on a night that he should be enjoying
himself.
 
He sighed and glanced over and
noticed the familiar number wasn’t Nick’s.

           
He
reached for it and quickly answered it, cursing himself for letting it ring for
as long as he had. “Hello?”

           
“Hi.”
Cara said softly as she twirled the ends of her hair around her finger
nervously. “The Yankees are losing.”

           
He
leaned his head back against the headrest of his seat and closed his eyes. “Are
they?” He said hoarsely.

           
“You’re
not watching?” She asked a bit surprised.

           
“No.”
He said simply.

           
She
remained silent for a moment and closed her eyes. “I’m sorry.” She blurted out.

 
          
He opened his eyes and straightened
up, leaning one hand on the steering wheel. “You have nothing to be sorry
about.”

           
“I
do.” She whispered and then blew away the strands of hair that had fallen into
her face. “Can you just hear me out for a minute?”

           
Luke
swallowed and nodded as if she could see him. “Go ahead.”

           
“Okay,
here goes… After we spoke I cried myself to sleep that night.” She admitted,
but her voice didn’t weaken.

           
Luke
closed his eyes and gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white as
he did so.

           
“I
cried because of what I had done to myself and to Jake. I have no coping skills
Luke. Anytime something bad happened in my life, Jake was there to brush it
under the rug. He was my rock and he made it so simple for me to never have to
feel anything. It was like everything bad didn’t matter and I never had to face
any of it. He’s not here to wash away my troubles anymore and I’m forced to
deal with how I’m feeling. I think that’s why I started taking the pills
because they made me forget how broken and damaged my life was.
 
Anyway…” She let out a heavy breath. “When
you told me what happened between us I was ashamed. I felt like I dishonored
Jake and everyone else who’s been so good to me, including you. That night
didn’t mean anything, it was a mistake, like you said, but it never should have
happened and it happened because of me. I’m sorry you’ve had to live with that
secret by yourself.”

           
He
swallowed the lump in his throat and soaked in her words. He cleared his throat
and found his voice. “Sounds like you’re making a lot of progress.” He said
proudly before he sighed. “There’s no need for apologies Cara. It was a
mistake.” He croaked. “Everyone makes them from time to time. We both made one
that night, not just you.” He couldn’t let her take on all the guilt when he
felt exactly the same way about dishonoring his brother. The only difference
was as much as he hated himself for tarnishing his bond with his brother, he
was pulled to Cara and for some reason that night felt like anything but a
mistake.

           
“Still
friends?” She asked hopefully.

           
Christ,
she was killing him and she didn’t even know it. “We’re still friends.” He
confirmed.

           
“Okay,
well then there is just one more thing…” She said as she bit down on her lip
nervously. “You can say no. I completely understand. I know you’re busy and
probably won’t have the time, but… One of my steps is to make amends with the
people that have been affected by my addiction and so…”

           
“Cara,
Cara…” He said trying to interrupt her ramble. “Just ask.” He said softly.

           
“Will
you come up here this Saturday for one of my sessions?” She asked quickly
before she lost her nerve and began to ramble again.

           
A
small smile curved on Luke’s lips. “I’ll be there.”

                       
Luke
turned off his truck and reached across the seat to grab the bouquet of flowers
that he had stopped to pick up for Cara.
 
He looked at the flowers that were all the warm colors of autumn, and
hoped he made the right choice. The way his luck was going, she was probably
allergic to them or she merely hated flowers. He clutched the bouquet in his
hand and climbed out of his truck. He pulled up the collar of his sweater as
the October chill washed over him. The leaves crunched beneath his boots as he
walked towards Lakeview.

           
He
didn’t know why, but he was nervous to see her. Maybe it was because the secret
he harbored was out, and she knew what had transpired between them. She didn’t
sound different on the phone the last few days, though, he countered. She’d
joked with him and excitedly shared her progress with him. She usually called
at night time and that was becoming his favorite part of the day. Listening to
her sweet voice as she marveled over all the new discoveries she was finding
about herself, made him go to sleep with a smile on his face.

           
He
stepped inside the lobby of Lakeview and glanced around at the few people that
were in the lobby. He searched for the eyes that consumed his thoughts, but
couldn’t find them. He walked over to the reception area and smiled at the
woman that greeted him.

           
“Good
afternoon, I’m here to see Cara Sloane.” He half stated, half questioned. He
should’ve asked her last night if he had to check in or where to go. Standing
there holding the flowers in his hand, he kind of felt ridiculous, especially
when the receptionist eyed the bouquet and then smiled up at him softly. He
tried to meet her gaze, but he realized she wasn’t looking directly at him but
behind him. Slowly he turned around and his eyes met Cara’s instantly.

           
He
decided at that moment that he shouldn’t have agonized over the flowers, and
instead he should’ve prepared himself for what he would feel when he saw her
for the first time in weeks. She stood before him, her brown hair cascading in
waves down around her face. Those eyes that were blank the last time he saw
them, were sparkling and vibrant. Her lips were colored a soft shade of pink
and curved into a smile. He swallowed hard and let his eyes travel the rest of
her. She was wearing jeans that hugged her curves and he smiled because before
she sought help she was thinner and her clothes baggy in places they shouldn’t
be. She wore a sweater that strained against the swell of her breasts. She
looked healthy and, well, she looked beautiful. He smiled widely at her.

           
“Cara…”
He said her name in a breathless whisper.

           
“Hi
Stranger,” she said softly. Her eyes roamed the length of him, pausing at his
face and the genuine smile he had for her. She let out a small breath of relief
that things didn’t seem awkward between them, in fact, they felt nice. She
never really had developed a friendship with Luke in all the years that she had
known him. She just thought of him as Jake’s brother and sometimes just one of
the guys. The last few weeks, though they were developing a friendship,
learning things about one another, they had never noticed in all those years.
Her gaze fell to the bouquet of flowers he held in his hand and after staring
at the arrangement of daisies, roses and peonies; she lifted her eyes back to
his.

           
He
snapped out of the trance he was in and followed her eyes to the bouquet he was
still holding. “I hope you like flowers.” He said as he raised an eyebrow and
extended the bouquet to her.

           
She
took the flowers he offered and buried her nose into them, taking in the
fragrant scent. She raised her head and smiled up at him. “I love flowers.
Thank you.” She said before dropping them to her side, taking a few steps
towards him to close the distance between them. She stood on her tip toes and
wrapped her free hand around his neck and leaned in to embrace him.

           
Luke
placed his palm on the small of her back and returned the gesture. It was a
quick embrace, but enough contact for Luke, that he damned himself to hell, for
enjoying it.

           
“You’re
welcome.” He said huskily and then dropped his hand when she pulled back away
from him.

           
She
glanced down at her watch and then back up at him. “The session is scheduled in
five minutes, so we should probably head over there now.”

           
He
shoved his hands into his pockets. “Lead the way.”

           
“Okay,
I just want to put these in water first, so we will stop by my room.” She said
and started towards the wing where the patient rooms were. They walked side by
side in a comfortable silence until she looked up at him. “I really appreciate
you coming all the way here for this. Have you ever been to therapy before?”

           
“No,
anything I should prepare myself for?” He questioned.

           
She
let out a slight laugh. “I think Ms. Snyder will go easy on you since you’re a
guest. They have no mercy on me though. They’ve poked and prodded me to reveal
things I didn’t even know I had buried inside.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I
guess it’s a good thing. I’m learning something new about myself every day.”

           
“Do
they give you any insight on how to move on once you’ve completed the program?”
He asked sincerely.

           
“I’ve
been thinking about that myself. I have a routine here, a schedule I follow every
day. It’s going to be strange when I go home. The only thing one of the
counselors told me is that I have a clean slate ahead of me.” She waited a
beat. “I suppose that’s true. I only have a few weeks left so I probably should
put some thought into what I will do when I get home.” She stopped once they
reached her room and she opened the door and stepped inside.

           
Luke
stayed in the doorway watching as she moved around her room. She grabbed the
empty vase that sat on the night stand and walked into the adjoining bathroom.
He heard the water run and glanced around the room, noticing there weren’t many
of Cara’s personal belongings on display. However, from a distance he was able
to spot the framed photo of her and Jake that sat on the nightstand where the
vase had been. She walked back into the bedroom and placed the vase next to the
frame. When she was finished, she turned back around and met him at the
doorway.

           
“One
thing I will do when I get home is annoy my friend every once and a while.” She
said with a smile as she closed the door behind her and led him in the opposite
direction in which they had come from.

 
          
He turned to her. “Who?”

           
“You.”
She laughed and nudged him with her elbow. “I’m pretty sure I’m going to have
to add you to my favorites list on my phone. You’ve become my phone buddy.”

           
Luke’s
lips curved upward. “Good to know the phone calls won’t end.” He met her gaze.
“I’ve become attached to them.”

           
“I
ramble a lot.” She admitted.

           
“Yes,
but only when you’re nervous.” He replied letting on that he too was making
some of his own discoveries when it came to Cara.

           
She
stopped in her tracks and he turned to see why she had. Her hands moved to her
hips and she eyed him with a hint of humor in her eyes. “Oh yeah? Well, you do
this gruff thing with your voice…” She cleared her throat and tried to deepen
her voice like he did. “Your voice changes and gets all deep and edgy when
you’re tired.” His eyes widened as he watched her humorously. “That’s usually
my cue to hang up or you’ll likely fall asleep on me.” She said in her normal
voice and began to walk again.

           
“Did
you just mock me?” He asked and continued to follow her. He thought that was a
safer response than telling her that wasn’t the only time his voice got that
way. She glanced over her shoulder at him.

           
“It’s
just an observation.” She said with a small wink and stopped when they reached
their destination. She let out a sigh and turned around. “Here we are. Ms.
Snyder will be the counselor. She’s nice, but can be a bit pushy. But you don’t
have to worry, she’s only going to try to get to me.” She paused and tried to
remember if there was anything else she should warn him about. “Oh, and drink
the coffee, it’s really good.”

           
“You’re
rambling.” He pointed out.

           
“You’re
making me nervous.”

           
“Me?”
He asked, wide-eyed and innocent.

           
She
rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand as she pushed open the door with her other
and pulled him into the room with her. Once they stumbled inside the woman
behind the desk looked up.

           
“Cara,
it’s always good to see you.” Ms. Snyder said as she rose to her feet. She
glanced at Luke, taking in his height and how he towered over Cara by almost a
foot. “You must be Luke.”

           
Luke
held out his hand. “Yes, I’m Luke Lanza and you must be Ms. Snyder.”

           
Ms.
Snyder shook the hand Luke offered and smiled at him. “Cara has told me so much
about you.”

           
“Likewise,”
He said before winking at Cara.

           
“I
thought we’d have our session out on the patio.” She said, and motioned to the
French doors behind her desk. She started towards them and looked over her
shoulder at the two of them. “Would you like some coffee?”

           
Luke
bit back the chuckle that threatened and grinned instead. “I’d
love
a cup, thank you.”

           
Cara
and Luke stepped onto the patio and took a seat.
 
Ms. Snyder placed a carafe of coffee on the
small table between them and two mugs. She grabbed her own before she sat
across from them. Cara took the carafe and filled the two mugs. She peered up
at him from the fringe of her lashes, feeling him watching her. “How do you
take it?”

           
“Just
milk please.” He said simply and watched on as she fixed his coffee. She handed
it off to him and lifted her mug to her lips and he noted that she took hers
black. Cara leaned back in her seat and took a sip of her coffee and looked at
Ms. Snyder as she jotted down some notes. She couldn’t help but wonder what
exactly she got out of her pouring a cup of coffee but shrugged it off.

           
“Shall
we begin?” Ms. Snyder asked and watched Luke turn to Cara to see if she was
ready to proceed. She nodded slightly and looked expectantly towards Ms.
Snyder. She ran her palms down her thighs as she anticipated what was about to
happen. Ms. Snyder turned to Luke, who gave her his undivided attention.

           
“Luke,
as part of Cara’s recovery, we asked her to compile a list of people she hurt,
relationships she damaged due to her addiction. Together we’ve worked through
her list and it is now time for her to tackle her next step, which is to make
amends. Making amends is often considered to be one of the toughest challenges
a patient faces during recovery. Making amends in recovery symbolizes that a
patient is ready to work through the hurt and the pain that they have caused
themselves and others. Cara’s goal in recovery is to restore what was broken or
damaged in her life. It will allow her to show a genuine form of repentance. Do
you understand?”

           
Luke
held Ms. Snyder’s gaze and nodded. “I do.” He said understanding that it took
great bravery for Cara to ask him to come here today and face things he
probably would’ve been too much of a coward to face himself.

           
“Cara,
you asked Luke here today to make amends. From what we discussed it isn’t
possible for you to make direct amends because you’ve never physically taken
anything from Luke.”

           
“No.”
She said hoarsely and then turned towards Luke. “But I can make living amends.”
She said her shaky voice laced with determination. “I’ve been awful to you.”
She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat and could feel the tears fill
her eyes. “I remember you taking me in your arms and prying my body off of
Jake’s after he died.” Luke looked down and she waited for him to return his
eyes to her before she spoke another word. “You tried your hardest to pick up
the pieces of me and I pushed you away. I was cruel and I said horrible things
to you. I never took your grief into consideration. I lashed out at you. I
called you names. I hit you.” She paused for a moment and watched his eyes
change, yet they still stayed glued to hers. “I used you.”