Fitting The Pieces (The Riverdale Series Book 3) (4 page)

           
Luke swallowed the lump in his throat before he looked
away from his father as he tried to hold back his emotions. When he felt he had
the slightest bit of control over himself, he met his father’s gaze again. “I
don’t want to fix her because she’s broken.” He said with his own voice
sounding a bit broken. “I want to help her because losing her too isn’t an
option.”

           
Joe remained silent for a moment before he nodded,
agreeing that losing Cara wasn’t something any of them would be able to
withstand.

*
* * * *

           
Deb walked to the edge of the bed that Cara was laying
upon. Her sweet Cara, who had become a second daughter to her lay there helpless.
Her hair was wet from what appeared to be perspiration and she leaned over and
brushed the strands away from her face. She was so pale and incredibly fragile
looking. Her hand trailed down the side of her soft cheek and tears fell from
her eyes. Even with her eyes closed the young woman lying there looked
anguished and to be suffering in silence.

           
“Oh my sweet Cara…” Deb said softly as she pulled the
blanket up slightly as if she was tucking in a small child. “It’s okay
sweetheart. It’s going to be alright.” She said soothingly as only a mother
could. “We’re going to get you well, I promise.” She leaned over and pressed
her lips softly against her clammy forehead.

           
Cara’s eyes slowly fluttered open. Deb leaned back and
smiled at her as she came to. Her eyes began to focus and she looked up at Deb,
confusion evident in her otherwise blank stare.

           
“Where am I?” She whispered throatily and tried to sit
up.
  
Her body felt as if it was bound to
the bed by cinder blocks, and so she gave up sinking into the mattress, pain
coursing throughout her body.

           
“Relax honey.” Deb said, seeing the discomfort in her
face. “You’re in the hospital, but you’re going to be just fine.”

           
Cara’s eyes widened as she took in the mauve walls that
lived in her nightmares, reminding her of that day…that day when she lost
herself along with her one and only love. She suddenly felt suffocated, as if
she needed to run out of there.

           
“I can’t stay here.” She croaked. “Please, I can’t be in
here.”

           
“Shh.” Deb said and took her hand, trying to calm her.
“It’s okay… You need to stay here Cara. You are not well enough to leave.”

           
“No you don’t understand I can’t stay in this place.” She
looked at her with panic and tears in her eyes.

           
“I know…” Deb said, her voice cracking as she understood
the significance of why it was torturous for Cara to be confined there. “But
sweetheart, you’ve been in an accident. You were injured and you need to heal.”

           
Cara let her words sink in and she closed her eyes
defeated, the tears falling from the corners of her eyes as she tried to
remember. The last thing she could recall was leaving the cemetery and planning
to drive out of Riverdale. The word accident repeated in her head and she
remembered taking the bottle of pills. Her eyes shot open. “Was anyone else hurt?”
She asked, dreading the answer.

           
Deb shook her head slightly. “No, your car went off the
road into the guardrail.” She squeezed Cara’s hand. “You gave us a scare,
sweetheart.”

           
“I’m sorry.” She whispered and looked away. She couldn’t
bring herself to look into Deb’s sad eyes that were full of worry and concern.
She didn’t deserve Deb’s concern. She wasn’t a victim. She had done this to
herself.

           
“There isn’t anything to be sorry for. We’re just happy
you’re okay.” She paused and studied her for a moment. “Cara?”

           
Cara turned to face Deb; she wiped at her tears and
lifted her gaze to meet Deb’s.

           
“Sweetheart… the doctors said they found some pills in
your system.” She treaded carefully and watched the shame wash over Cara’s
face. “No, don’t do that… don’t look at me that way. I am not judging you.” She
said adamantly. “I would never judge you. I want you to understand that. I am
just concerned for you.” She pleaded and her eyes filled with fresh tears.
“You’re like a daughter to me, you know that right?”

           
Cara bit down on her bottom lip and nodded as she cried.

           
“Good, now listen to me sweetheart. I know you are
hurting. I live with the same hurt, but you cannot let that hurt consume you.
You cannot let it tear you apart.” She let out a shaky breath and gripped
Cara’s hand strongly. “My son loved you more than anything in this world and I
know how much you loved him. I want you to ask yourself if Jake would want you
to beat yourself up like this. He isn’t here to live, but he’d want you to live
life for the both of you. He’d want you to pick yourself up. In fact, I believe
he is watching you and begging you right now to turn this around. So I’m going
to ask you on behalf of him, because I know in my heart he’d want me too,
please pick up the pieces of your life.”

           
The tears streamed down both women’s cheeks and then Deb
pointed to Cara’s chest. “I know deep inside is the girl that came into our
lives and captivated all of us. She’s begging to be free again. You just have
to let her be.”

           
“I feel like I lost her when I lost Jake.” Cara admitted
through her sobs.

           
“You can find her again. I know you can, you just have to
want to.” Deb affirmed. “And I promise you, you will not do it alone. You have me
and Joe and you have Sam and Luke. He’s been pacing like a lunatic outside.”
She took the tissue box that sat on the table beside the bed and took a few
tissues for herself before she handed them to Cara. “We all love you Cara and
we’ll be beside you every step of the way.”

           
Cara took the tissues and wiped at her tears before she
blew her nose. She looked up at Deb and then after a moment she nodded. “I love
you too.” She whispered.

           
Deb leaned over her and pressed a soft kiss to her
forehead once more. “I’m going to let you rest. I’ll be outside okay?”

           
Cara nodded and took a deep breath as Deb squeezed her
hand, one final time reassuring her, before she quietly exited the room.

* * * * *

           
When Deb stepped into the waiting room her husband and
son’s head’s lifted and their eyes met hers.

           
“She’s okay.” Deb said calmly and even attempted a smile.

Joe let out a deep
breath and leaned back against the couch.

           
“Thank God.” He said and then turned his attention
towards his son who stood quickly.

           
“Can I see her?” Luke asked roughly.

Deb looked between her
husband and son and then held her gaze on her son’s tormented eyes.

           
“Yes, but Luke, she’s very fragile.” She studied his
face.

           
“I won’t upset her. I just want to see for myself that
she’s okay.” He said as he shoved his hands into his pockets and stared at the
floor.

           
Deb glanced over at Joe, who nodded to her as if to say
let him go. “She’s in room 205.”

           
Luke lifted his head and looked at his mother for a
moment before he walked out of the waiting room. He warned himself not to run,
or his mother would suspect him of being a crazed man. Hell, the jury was still
out on that one. These days, that’s exactly what he felt like he was. He found
her room and slowly turned the door knob. When he stepped inside the room his
eyes quickly found hers. The door closed behind him and he leaned his back
against it as he stared at her. He couldn’t help the sigh of relief that
escaped him.

           
The silence in the room was deafening as she stared back
at him. She stared at him for the first time in months without hatred clouding
her hazel eyes and it completely undid him. He felt like an imbecile standing
there, unsure what to do with himself. He slid his hands into his pockets and
took another step into the room. She didn’t say a word and he wondered if he
should. He battled his conscience for a few moments and then walked towards the
side of her bed.
 
He was very aware that
her eyes watched him take every step. He stood at the side of her bed and
looked at her face, studying every feature, memorizing them all. Her lips were
a pale pink as if they were just reclaiming their color. She had dark circles
underneath her eyes, and bruising on her sweet face. Her eyes that tore through
him like a sword looked sad and yet he could swear there was something in them
that hadn’t been there for a while. He didn’t dare call it hope, in fear of
getting his own hopes up.

           
“I’m glad you’re okay.” He said not recognizing his own
voice.

           
Her fingers toyed with the hem of the blanket that covered
her and she looked down.

           
“Thank you.” She whispered and there it was again, that
awkward silence, a silence that left him questioning his every move. He was
about to turn around and walk out of the room so she could rest, but before he
could turn on his heel her head lifted and her eyes found his. “Luke?

           
“Yeah…?” He said hoarsely and held his breath as he
waited for her to speak.

           
“I need help.” She whispered softly.

Dear
Jake,

I
feel you frowning down on me. You’re cursing me, for making your mom cry.
You’re restraining yourself from losing your shit for making your brother pace
around like a lost puppy. I’m only sorry I made your mom cry. The truth is I’m
happy you’re frowning. Screw you, you bailed on me. You’re no different than
any other person I thought loved me. And if I’m being completely honest, I’m
happy your brother is running in circles, serves him right for being so fucking
annoying. Since you died, he’s everywhere. There is no escaping him and his
worried eyes. His pleading eyes are haunting me. I’ve had nightmares about the
disapproving looks he gives me. Screw him too.

I
almost did it! I was so close, but the universe wasn’t finished fucking with
me. I should’ve died the night I crashed the car. I was high as a kite. My new
best friend never disappoints. But no such luck, I lived through. I got to see
your mama cry and beg me to live. Had to swallow my pride and ask Luke for
help. I’m in the hospital and I just passed the room you took your final breath
in. I saw the familiar faces of the nurses and doctors that had to watch me
every day you were here. They whisper and give me their condolences. Screw them
too.

Now
I’m sitting in the hospital waiting in the lobby for Luke to pick me up.
Someone has to drive the junkie to rehab, and with one best friend six feet
under, and the other about to become a distant memory,

Luke
was my only option.

Screw
all of you.

I
still love you, you asshole.

I
miss you like crazy.

Screw
This.

I’m
pissed.

Cara.

           
Luke glanced at Cara out of the corner of his eye as he
drove along the interstate. She was fidgeting with her hands that were lying in
her lap. She was looking out the window as they drove out of New York. He
turned his attention back to the road that was open ahead of them.

He was beginning to
hate silence and was growing increasingly uncomfortable with only his thoughts
to occupy him. He reached down to turn the radio on hoping to release some of
the tension.

           
After she had asked him for help he immediately went to
work researching different facilities that would help her kick her addiction.
She hadn’t fought him on any of his suggestions and simply told him her only
concern was that she didn’t want to be too far from home. He chose Lakeview
Health and Treatment Center in Pennsylvania. It was the closest in-house
treatment center to home.
 
He watched as
she wrapped her arms around herself, a chill traveling through her body.

           
“Are you cold?” He said reaching for the heat.

           
“A little bit.” She said as she rubbed her arms
vigorously.

           
“There’s a sweatshirt in the back seat.” He said simply
and raised the temperature in the truck. Cara unsnapped her seat belt and
leaned over the console, her arm brushed Luke’s and he caught the scent of her
perfume. His fingers gripped the steering wheel as she dug around the back seat
looking for his sweatshirt. He damned himself to hell as he stole a glance at
her ass that was just inches from his shoulder.

           
“Did you find it?” He said huskily just as she snatched
the sweatshirt and crawled back into her seat.

           
“Got it.” She declared and pulled it over her head,
pushing her arms through the sleeves. The sweatshirt was swimming on her. Luke
supposed if she stood it would come down to her knees. She rolled the sleeves
up and then buckled her seat belt again. “Thanks.” She said.

           
“No problem.” He said with his eyes on the road. He was
not about to admit he liked the way she looked in his shirt. Christ, Luke, get
a hold of yourself, he reprimanded and clutched the steering wheel again for
good measure.

           
She turned around and looked at him for a moment. She
needed a distraction. Something to take her mind off the fact that she was an
addict on her way to a rehabilitation center, so she took in the outline of his
jaw and how his hair curled peeking out from underneath the baseball cap he was
wearing, just above his ears. She tried to think if she had ever seen him with
a hat on.

           
“What’s with the cap?” She asked as she tilted her head
to get a better view. It was a New York Yankee hat.

           
“I need a haircut.” He answered honestly and spiked her
curiosity. “And besides, the Yankees are in the playoffs. Need to root for my
team.” He said lightly.
 
He glanced at
her and winked easing the tension.
 

           
“I’m a Met’s fan.” She said although she wasn’t really.
She didn’t have a preference, but for some reason she needed to be on the
opposing side.

           
“Of course you are.” He said with the faintest hint of a
smile playing on his lips.

She turned her head and
stared back out of the window. He looked at her. “Are you warmer? I can turn
the heat up more if you’d like.” He offered even as his forehead perspired
underneath the rim of his cap.

           
“No, I’m fine.” She looked back at him. “Thank you for taking
me. I know you probably have a thousand other things you should be doing.” She
thought that sounded better than pointing out he had other responsibilities
that took precedence over seeing his late brother’s whatever she was, off to
rehab, so she refrained.

           
“It’s no trouble.” He looked at her for a moment, and
their eyes met, before he turned back to the road. “I’m just happy that you
asked me to help.”

           
It was her turn to mock him and she smiled slightly, a
foreign thing to her these days. “Of course you are.”

           
He ignored her comment even though his lips curved the
tiniest bit. “We should be there in a few minutes, this is the exit.” He said
as he motioned with his head that they were veering off the exit.

           
She stared straight ahead, her nerves began to consume
her and she started to fidget again. The old Cara would be rambling on and on
about some sort of nonsense in a time like this. The old Cara wouldn’t be going
to rehab in the first place, she reminded herself. Her palms began to sweat as
the GPS directed Luke where to turn. Wherever they were headed was isolated and
full of trees. Off in the distance she could see a lake and knew they were
near. She took a deep breath and bit down on her lip. She closed her eyes and
tried to calm herself. She was about to embark on a journey, one she
had
control over. She thought back to
the words that she had reminded Jake of when he was going for his first dose of
chemotherapy. “The first step is the hardest.” What kind of coward was she that
she was nervous like this? The love of her life had taken on a fight that he
had no control of, a fight that they knew could claim him in the end. She
reminded herself that she could fight because there was hope. All she had to do
was take the first step.

           
Luke rounded the bend and slowed down as they made their
way in front of the center. It looked like a resort that had been tucked away
overlooking a lake, he thought, and felt a little more comfortable that he was
leaving her in a decent place. It was almost serene. He pulled into a spot that
was assigned to visitors and turned the car off. Her hand gripped the handle of
her door tightly yet she remained perfectly still.

           
“I’ll grab your suitcase.” He said softly as he watched
her nod before he got out of the truck to retrieve the suitcase from the back.
She heard the tailgate open up and Luke rustle around in the back of the truck.
She took a deep breath, and felt as if she was going to be sick. She bent down
and dropped her head to her knees and prayed she wouldn’t lose it.

           
Luke came around and opened her door. “Cara?”

           
“I can’t do this.” She said weakly.

           
“Hey…” He dropped the suitcase beside him and placed a
hand on her back. “Look at me.” He said and waited for her to do so.
 
She slowly lifted her head to meet his gaze,
looking at him expectantly. He reached for her left hand and gestured towards
her hand. She looked down and saw his finger tip run along the tattoo of
strength she had scripted on her ring finger. “You see that?” He asked,
watching as she gazed down at their hands and the way his fingertip underlined
the word.

           
“You can do this. You are strong enough to do this. I
promise.” He said softly before he dropped her hand onto her lap.

           
She stared at her band of strength. Funny, she thought,
how when she and Jake had gotten those tattoos she really believed that the
reminder would will him to do anything. Why was it so hard to look down at that
band now and have it mean the same thing to her? She looked up at Luke, he
looked so confident in his proclamation that she was strong enough to do this.
He believed she could kick her habit, it was right there in the eyes that were
looking back at her. She took a deep breath.

           
“Okay.” She whispered and he took a step back, allowing
her room to step out of the truck. Luke pulled up the handle on her suitcase as
she closed the door behind her. He looked her over and watched as she shoved
her hands into the pockets of his sweatshirt as they started to walk towards
the entrance of Lakeview.

           
He dreaded the end of the walk, knowing that once they
made their way to the entrance of the facility, he would have to say goodbye
and leave her. He couldn’t walk her in, hold her hand and make sure she was
alright. She would walk into that building with her own fate in her hands and
completely out of his.

           
He questioned himself and how he should say goodbye to
her. Since her stay in the hospital, she wasn’t as cold as she had been the
last few months, yet still he held back from acting the way he yearned to when
it came to her. Did he hug her or kiss her cheek? Or did he wait for her to
make a move to say goodbye? He blew out a strangled breath when he realized she
had stopped walking in front of him and that they were standing in front of the
entrance of Lakeview.

           
She looked up at the building before her and then turned
around slowly to meet Luke’s gaze. “Well, this is it…” She said, letting the
last word of her sentence trail off.

           
“You’re going to be just fine... I promise.” He said
softly, and then in an effort to busy his hands, he rolled her suitcase to her
side and took a retreating step backward. He shoved his hands into his pockets
and looked down for a moment, unsure what to do.
 
He lifted his head and looked back at her.
She tilted her head to the side and studied him for a moment.

           
“I guess I should go inside.” She placed her hand
hesitantly on the handle of her suitcase and began to turn around. She glanced
down at herself and noticed she was still wearing the sweatshirt she had
borrowed from him. “Oh, I almost forgot…” She said and turned around towards
him. “Your shirt.” She said as she went to grab the end of it to lift it over
her head.

           
Luke placed his hand over hers instantly and shook his
head. “Keep it. When you’re feeling lonely, it’ll remind you you’re not alone
and that I’m only a phone call away.” He dropped his hand quickly.

           
“The website says I can’t have any contact with anyone
until after I complete detox.” She stated and her eyes searched his. For what
she had no idea.

           
“So then I’ll hear from you in a few days…” He said
giving her the green light for her to call him. Little did she know he’d
probably be staring at his phone until she did.

           
Cara nodded and then reached into her purse and pulled
out an envelope. “I will call you then.” She stared down at the sealed envelope
that had Luke’s name printed on it.

           
“What’s that?” He asked.

           
She tore her eyes away from the envelope and reaching out
to hand it to him as she looked up at his face. “I found a journal of Jake’s
and there were some letters in the back of the book. This one was addressed to
you.”

           
Luke stared down at the envelope for a moment,
recognizing the familiar handwriting that belonged to his brother. His breath
hitched, a little piece of his brother lived on in that note, he thought. It
was something new to Luke, that Jake had never said whether it was written or
spoken, there was something Jake wanted to say to him. He swallowed the lump
that was lodged in his throat and reached for the letter.

           
She watched on as he stared down at it in his hands for a
moment before he carefully slipped it into his back pocket.

           
“Thank you.” He said hoarsely.

           
She nodded. “Okay, Cara… time to put your big girl
panties on.” She murmured as she took hold of the suitcase one more time and
turned around.

           
Luke smiled slightly when he heard her coach herself, a
little piece of the Cara Sloane he once knew, shining through the broken
version that stood before him. “Hey…” He called and she glanced over her
shoulder, raising an eyebrow towards him. “C’mere.” He whispered.

           
She looked at him confused for a moment and turned around
to completely face him. He stepped forward and closed the space between them as
he wrapped his arms around her delicate frame.

           
“I’m proud of you for taking this step.” He whispered
into her hair as he held her against him for the briefest of moments. He didn’t
give himself a second to question his actions and did as he felt. After a
moment he pulled back and nodded towards the door behind her. “Now you can go.”
He said and offered her a smile.

           
The corners of her mouth curved slightly and she treated
him to a smile before she turned around and this time she didn’t hesitate, she
walked straight through the automatic doors that opened for her. Luke watched
them close behind her and stood still for a moment, sighing heavily as he let
her go.

 
* * * * *

           
Once Cara had been admitted into the rehab facility, they
had taken her to her room and gave her a few moments to situate her belongings.
The room that had been appointed to her resembled a small hotel suite,
completely different than what she had expected. She didn’t know why, but for
some reason she thought she would feel trapped, as if she was a prisoner. Maybe
she still would, but right now she wasn’t feeling all the anxiety she had
anticipated on her way up here. Once she had unpacked some of her belongings
and made her room feel a bit more as if it were her own, she made her way
downstairs to the reception area.