Read Forbidden Pleasures (NSC Industries Book 11) Online
Authors: D H Sidebottom
I smiled gratefully and sighed with pleasure when he
inserted the needle into a bruised vein and poured heaven inside me. My body
instantly stopped trembling and the softness of the dirty mattress curled
around me and welcomed my drugged mind into its soothing warmth.
“What do you say, Beatrice?”
“Thank you,” I rasped, all I could make my tongue manage
when it swelled inside my mouth with the heroin taking me away from the pain.
I’d been here roughly four weeks, wherever here was. My
tormenter, as yet, hadn’t revealed himself to me, and surprisingly he hadn’t
raped me. The twenty eight days had consisted of minimum amounts of food and
water and a gentle progression of drugs poured into me.
However, things had changed in the previous two days, he
had limited the quantity of heroin he’d been forcing into me and for the last
twelve hours I had been in the hell of my own mind, my body vibrating with need
as my teeth trembled. My body had been twitching with the things that had
crawled under my skin and I had spent the last two hours begging on my knees
for him to stop the torture tearing through my veins.
He had relented after I had taken his hands in my own and
kissed his palms, my tears finding his soul and my pleas reaching his heart.
“Such a good girl,” he whispered as his hands stroked my
hair back from my clammy face.
He left me to drift into the beautiful images in my mind.
“Please,” I begged, my sobs frantic and loud as snot
streamed from my nose and my tears burnt the sore skin around my lips. “Please,
just a little bit, please. Please, I can’t do this without it. I need it. I
need you. Please.”
I looked up at him and pierced his eyes with my own
pleading ones, the only things behind the mask that I was witness to. Taking both
his hands, I kissed at them, my mouth doing my bidding and praying that it was
enough for him to back down with his refusal to feed my craving.
Softly, he cupped my face, his eyes showing his love for
me. “I haven’t any reason to give it you, Beatrice. What is in it for me?”
“Anything,” I begged, confused by his sudden request for
“Is your love enough, my sweet girl?”
“My love is everything, everything. I love you, you know
I do. I’m yours to do with as you wish but please, I need it, I can’t breathe
without it, my mind is torturing me. Please.”
My sobs were hard and desperate, my heart cramping in my
chest without the stimulant of drugs to keep it going. My mind taunted me with
horrific pictures of my parent’s death, their twisted and mutilated bodies
grieving my imagination until I couldn’t bear to close my eyes anymore. But the
agony in my soul hurt my eyes, the lids shutting after the exhaustion of the last
few weeks caught up with me and plunged me back into the depths of the
nightmare in my head.
“But I can’t afford food and your medicine Beatrice.
Which is it to be?”
“My medicine, please. I don’t need food, I’m not hungry.”
“Very well,” he whispered. I gazed up at him, my eyes
hungrily focussing on the contents of the syringe when he prepped it. Taking my
arm, he softly traced his finger along the damaged vein, the love he had for me
evident in his touch. Then he plunged it straight inside my soul and took me to
a better place.
“I need your love Beatrice,” he whispered as he softly
stroked my hair when I sobbed into his chest. “I need you to prove that you
don’t just need me for your fix.”
“Of course I love you,” I wept, shaking my head at him.
“I do, you know I do.”
“Then you need to show me.”
I looked at him in bewilderment, unsure of what he wanted
from me. “How, tell me how.” I was urgent, my yearning for oblivion driving my
desperation to a higher level, a much higher parallel than ever before.
“Show me how grateful you are, my sweet girl. Show me how
much you love me.”
My mouth fell open and my eyes widened when he unzipped
his trousers and pulled out his cock. His hand pressed into my shoulder as he
gently pushed me to my knees. For a brief moment my stomach vaulted and the
emptiness of my belly curdled with sickness. But when he slipped his other hand
out of his pocket, the medicine in his palm making my mouth water hungrily, I
leaned forward and took him to the back of my throat, the tears that fell from
me soon absorbed by the nectar he granted me when I swallowed his cum and showed
him my love.
“There has to be something!” I shouted at Mason when he
looked at me sadly.
“I’m sorry, we’ve tried everything,” he sighed angrily.
“There’s no footage that’s clear enough for us to get a good image of who took
“But it’s been eight weeks! Surely someone somewhere in
your circle knows something!”
“Jay,” my dad tried as he placed his hand on my arm. I
turned to him, my eyes narrowing on his misery. “You have to let go.”
“Never!” I hissed, “Never. Did you ever let go of my
mother? No you didn’t so don’t ever ask me to!”
Ava’s expression was hard as her eyes bore into me but
she smiled and took my hand in hers. “Don’t ever let go, Jay. She’ll find her
way back, I promise.”
“Ava,” Mason warned but she shook her head and glared at
“Are you telling me when Dane had me that you gave up?”
“What? No, but it was different for us, Ava. I knew who
had you, I was able to hunt for the bastard!”
She snorted, shaking her head as she laughed without
humour. “And did your hunt unearth anything?”
He looked as though she had slapped him for a moment, his
shock at her words burning deep down inside him with shame and guilt. “I tried,
Ava. I tried!”
“I’m not saying you didn’t,” she argued, “But what I am
saying is that in the end, it was me who managed to get free. Who is to say
Beatrice won’t find her way home?”
I nodded firmly in agreement, my heart praying that Ava
was somehow magical and could see into the future. Although I wholeheartedly
agreed with her, there was still something deep down inside me that had given
in, my mind playing evil tricks and telling me over and over that Bea was dead.
My phone rang and I whipped it out of my pocket. For a
long moment I stared at Jack’s name scrolling across the screen, then snapping
out of it, I answered, bracing myself for more heartache.
The tone of his voice made my heart stop beating, the
blood in my veins stilling as I prepared myself for his news. “Yeah, I’m here.”
“Jay…” he choked out, his sobs breaking something inside
me. “She’s home. She’s home.”
My legs gave way and I stared at the others in the room,
my heart still not beating as my soul hovered on the edge of the cliff it was
desperate to jump over. Mason, aware of my shock, took the phone from me and
spoke to Jack. He listened silently for a while and then nodded grimly,
squeezing his eyes closed before he ended the call and he looked back at me.
“Ollie’s taken her to hospital. He found her on his front
door step this morning.”
“Oh thank God!” I choked out, the skip in my heart
literally strangling my lungs.
“Mason?” Ava queried hesitantly, her narrow eyes full of
question when she read her husband’s sombre expression.
He crouched in front of where I had collapsed. “Jay, you
need to listen to me.”
I stared up at him but couldn’t take the grin off my face
or stop the tears of happiness that flowed from me. I nodded, laughing and
crying at the same time.
Ava came to sit beside me as she took my hand. I frowned
at them all, what the hell was their problem? Bea had come home. Why weren’t
“Jay,” Mason pressed. “Listen to me. Beatrice is… she’s
in a bad way.”
The joy inside me ceased when I finally saw the look of
dismay on his face. “Is she hurt?”
“Not physically, no.”
I regarded him closely, the happiness within me crumbling
with every passing second. “What do you mean not physically?”
He gulped and closed his eyes for a brief second. “She
isn’t the Bea you know anymore, Jay.”
I laughed a little, frowning at his stupid statement. “Of
course she’s Bea. Who else would she be?”
“She’s just... She’s been through a lot and from what
Jack says, she’s… different.”
He shook his head, unable to say more before looking
“Where is she?”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea that you go.”
I flew for him, my fists digging into the material of his
shirt as I thrust my face to his. “I’ll decide what’s best! Where the fuck is
“St Luke’s,” he revealed quietly. He snatched Ava’s wrist
when she picked up her bag and shook his head slowly. She blinked up at him,
her body freezing when she caught his expression.
I didn’t have time to wait for them to argue it out and I
left them silently watching me leave their house as I headed into the depths of
a hell so horrific, my previous nightmares had been dreams compared to what was
I heard her furious screams as I moved further down the
corridor. Her language was beyond anything I’d ever heard leave a woman’s mouth
and when I caught sight of her through the room window, her face was red and her
enraged verbal assault was accompanied by a round of spit and venom. She was
struggling in Ollie and Alex’s hold while her feet kicked out at Jack. But none
of those things were what made my heart sink, it was the loss of her curves and
the way her cheekbones stood prominent on her pretty face. Her ribs appeared to
stick out through the loose hospital blue scrubs as she writhed about and the
closer I got to her, the more her haunted eyes displayed the last two months of
whatever hell she had been in.
“GET THE FUCK OFF ME!” she screamed at Ollie as I pushed
open the door and made myself step into the room. A doctor stood to one side,
his hands out to Bea as he tried to calm her down. “HE WILL KILL YOU IF YOU
DON’T LET ME GO!”
“Who will kill me?” Ollie asked. I was surprised by how
calm he seemed, his voice a mere rasp but his composure was resolute as he
stared his sister out.
will,” Bea spat back with a hatred that
made my blood chill. “He will be here soon. He wouldn’t just leave me. I need
It was clear to me exactly what medicine she was talking
about. My once gentle and beautiful woman was now a drug addict, the gauntness
and hollow of her eyes exposed every single ounce of her dependency.
Jack, finally seeing me stood watching turned to me with
such a wounded expression that my heart went out to the whole of Bea’s family.
However, they weren’t my concern, Bea was.
“Jay,” Jack winced, his eyes flicking from me to
Beatrice. Although I had told Jack there was no relationship between me and
Bea, he knew, he could read it in me. “You should go. I told Mason to keep you
away. You shouldn’t…”
“Jay!” Bea choked out. The look of hope on her face made
my gut churn. She was still so very beautiful but the fraught look on her face
took away her gentleness, her once silver eyes now a drab grey as her blonde
locks lay limply over her shoulders. “Help me, Jay, they won’t let me have my
medicine. I need it, I’m going to die without it.”
I nodded, giving her a sad smile. “I know, sugar,” I whispered
as I took her hand. She calmed instantly, her wet eyes lifting to mine. I could
see the love in her gaze, but it was supplemented with a new yearning, a
craving for something other than me.
I turned to the doctor, “Does she have something to get her
through the withdrawal?”
He frowned at me. “I have just dispensed a prescription.
May I ask who you are?”
I scoffed, ignoring Ollie’s glare when I reached and
snatched the pharmacy bag from him. “I’m the man who is in love with her and
I’m the man who is going to get her through this shit.”
“As I have advised Mr Havers, her brother,” the doctor
continued, “Beatrice really needs to be transferred to a special unit. She’s
very malnourished and she has an extreme addition to heroin. She really needs
“What she really needs is some love and comfort. You
needn’t worry, Doctor, I know what I’m doing.”
He regarded me questioningly. “You have experience with
I smiled, not answering him before I tugged on Beatrice’s
hand and led her from the hospital, both of us silent as we both disappeared
into the comfort of our own minds.
I was struggling to breathe as I banged on the door
again. I was sweating, the loose sports clothes Jay had changed me into doing
nothing to cool the raging heat across my skin. “JAY!”
The bastard had brought me here - and then nothing. He
had promised me he would get my medicine but he’d lied to me, again.
“HE WILL COME FOR YOU AND HE’LL KILL YOU!” I screamed
through the door as I banged and banged. “I’m his special girl. If he knows how
you’re treating me he will be so fucking angry. I need my medicine, Jay! I need
it… please, I’ll do anything, anything! Please Jay, please.”
He didn’t answer me. I knew he was there, I’d heard his
body hit the door hours earlier and then a whoosh as his back had slid down the
I spun round, my vision blurred through the river of my
tears. I was going mad. I needed my medicine so bad that my body couldn’t
function properly. My gut bubbled and my stomach twisted so violently that I
bent over and forcefully vomited across the stone slabs in Jay’s torture room.
The heaves became so urgent that I started to choke on the upsurge of bile that
had once coated my sore belly. Although I knew I should be hungry, I wasn’t.
All I needed was a small amount, just to ease the incessant things from
scurrying under my skin and put a stop to the vicious trembles raging my bones.
I fell to my hands and knees as the sickness worsened and
I couldn’t keep up with the cruel hurls. “JAY!” I screamed when I felt my
bowels start to join in the fun. “PLEASE!”
Crawling across the floor, I hated the shame that coursed
through me as I hoisted myself onto the bucket Jay had thrown into the room
after I’d bit and scratched at him, the vehement words I’d spat at him more
hurtful than anything physical I gave him. I hated the way I brought his own
shame into the argument but I was desperate, craving for something with an
agony that grieved my soul as much as my tender body and I wanted to hurt him
as much as he was hurting me.
The door eventually unlocked and I squeezed my eyes shut
as humiliation floored me. After I’d called for him, I now didn’t want him
watching me at the lowest point I’d ever been.
He ignored me and walked towards me.
Without saying a word, he scooped me up and carried me
through the house where he gently lowered me into the bottom of the shower
cubicle, switched it on and then left me, the loud bangs resounding through my
skull as he housed numerous bolts into place on the outside of the door.
I spent the next twenty four hours in there alone as Jay
spent them alone on the other side of the door, both our souls linked and both
our hearts just as broken as the others.
“Why hasn’t he come for me?” I sobbed as I huddled on the
floor by the bath. “He told me he loved me. Why? Why?”
After the horrific explosions my body had gone through in
the last several days, my emotions were now haunting me. He’d told me he loved
me so where was he? Why hadn’t he come for me?
The locks on the door moved and then Jay appeared in the
doorway. His eyes were as red as mine, the bags underneath as heavy as my own.
He appeared to be exhausted. I couldn’t understand why, he was obviously
relishing in my pain or he’d have gotten me exactly what I needed.
I looked up at him with a hatred that mirrored the rage
in my heart. “What?”
He blinked at the loathing in my voice and the anger
spitting from my eyes. Passing me a bottle of water, he sighed. “He isn’t coming
for you, Bea,” he hissed quietly, “Whoever the fuck
“He is!” I hissed back. “He promised me! He promised me!”
“And what exactly did he promise? Hmm?” he asked with a
passion full of rage and revulsion. “Or should I ask what exactly it was that
you promised him?” The way his eyes roamed my body in a heated look made me
“Oh I promised him all sorts. I gave him exactly what he
Jay paled and swallowed, looking away from me as his body
I crawled across the floor to him and took hold of his
shins, my eyes doing my bidding as I looked up at him in misery. “I can do it
for you too if you get me what I need.”
His eyes widened and his previous harsh swallow deepened
this time. The look of utter revolt on his face made me try again.
“Jay, I will hurt you if that’s what you need me to do.
We can go now, tie you in your chains and I will hurt you until you beg me
stop. Please, just get me what I need and I’ll give you what you need.”
He pursed his lips for a moment in thought, before he squatted
before me. His hand softly cupped the side of my face and I blinked as tears
rimmed his eyes. “You would do that?”
I nodded eagerly, my hope surging with his excitement.
“Yes,” I offered fervently. “Anything.”
He gulped and wet his dry lips then stood up and held out
his hand, helping me up when I lay my own small hand in his large one.
Silently, he led me through the house and back down to his basement. My mouth
watered with a greed as my spirit shivered excitedly, the knowledge that
oblivion was close now encouraging me to hurry after him.
“Do you have my medicine?”
He didn’t answer me as he guided me over to the chains.
He blinked, his sad gaze diverted to the floor when he grabbed the swinging
collar in his hands and stared at it as though he had never seen it before. My
gaze swung to the whips on the wall. For a second the pain that tore through me
hurt more than the withdrawal of my nectar and I shivered. Could I do it? Could
I hurt the man I loved so much that I needed him to step away from my abysmal
Without a word, Jay slipped off his t-shirt then belted
the collar around his neck and slipped each of his wrists through the cuffs. He
waited. I waited, staring at the deep lacerations that marred his skin. They
were fresh, some still red and sore. Another dose of welts on top would surely
be too much for him to cope with.
I looked from him to the wall then back to him as I
struggled with what he needed me to do but when another shudder ripped my body
painfully, I staggered over to the wall and picked up a large flogger. The
strips were knotted leather, each one embedded with small slivers of metal that
would cut through concrete never mind skin and flesh.
“Jay,” I whispered, my voice restricted as my throat
clenched with a misery that was beyond anything I had ever felt before.
“Do it.” His voice was dull and blunt but then he looked
over his shoulder at me, his eyes full of a raw emotion I didn’t want to
witness. “But while you do, I want you to picture
, Bea. I
want you to imagine that it’s
stood here with your medicine,
wanting you to tear into him painfully because,” he choked out, turning back to
the front, “this is exactly what he has done to you. He’s turned you from the
beautiful woman who couldn’t hurt a fly into a monster willing to cause herself
and me so much suffering.”
The agony bursting inside my veins made my mind explode
with sorrow and heartache. I didn’t want to hurt him, I loved him but I needed
it, I yearned for it. The handle made my palm sweat as I panted loudly, the
scorch in my soul as blistering as the burn in my body.
I ran my fingers through the long strips of leather,
wincing as the metal sliced through my own sensitive skin. I grit my teeth and
yanked it harder over my hand, watching when the spikes brought bubbles of
blood to the surface of my skin. It mesmerised me, how much the deep cut
released a part of the anger in my soul. Gripping it harder, I pulled it up my
arm, watching the parting of my skin as my broken flesh poked through and
taught me finally how to grieve. The ease in my soul was astounding, the pain
unfelt as I observed the sorrow and agony inside me leave my body in such a
Jay, finally tired of waiting turned to look what had
happened to me when I had gone blissfully quiet. “Bea?” he rasped as he started
to yank at his cuffs but his struggle only caused them to tighten against his
wishes, holding him firmly in place as I started to mutilate my damaged soul
I tore at my t-shirt, ripping it off me as I drew the
small blades down my neck and over my chest, the loud exhalation of contentment
that burst from me triggering a vicious shiver to rack through Jay’s body.
“Bea, stop it!”
I lifted my eyes to his and smiled serenely as I gorged
at my flesh again and again, the skin and blood that dropped from me each
pulling with them a portion of my soul. I shivered in ecstasy as my body gave
in to the torture and I relished in the new experience of heaven, a completely different
nectar than the one I had begged for over and over in the last eight weeks.
“STOP!” Jay struggled further but it was proving
pointless, his restraints doing what they had been designed to and holding him
in the grasp of his own torture as he writhed and squirmed in them.
Dropping the flogger, I softly lay my hand over Jay’s wet
cheek, stilling him instantly and smiled. “Don’t come for me, don’t. Cut me
loose and be happy.”
I left him tied to his chains in a shocked stupor with my
declaration and walked away. The need for his own medicine had left him leaving
doors open and escape an easy task as I made my way to somewhere I knew could
give me the pain I now craved.