Forbidden Pleasures (NSC Industries Book 11) (17 page)

I hated how much I missed Jay. We’d only been together
for a while and already my soul was dependant on him, my nerves only calm when
I was with him and the beat of my heart only regular with his closeness. He was
like a narcotic to my soul, the only thing that could tranquillize the rage and
storm in my bones.

After only two days of being separated I physically
ached. The grief over Noah’s death hit me harder when Jay left me. I’d refused
to think about it before but now, sat sorting shit out with Ollie and Jack I
was struggling.

“So, we’re all sorted?” Ollie asked, finalising the
arrangements for Noah’s funeral on Monday.

I didn’t verbally agree but just gave him a simple nod
when my phone beeped.

Mia:

Fancy a night out?

Me:

Do I ever! Pulse, 9?

Mia:

You’re on, I’ll grab the others and meet you in there.

Relief washed over me. My mouth had been watering for a
different substance than alcohol but a few vodkas would do the trick. I
couldn’t go back to heroin, I just couldn’t. I owed it not only to myself but
to Noah – and Jay. Jay had a faith in me that was unwavering. I was in love
with him – deeply, and his trust was everything.

He would be back the next day and I couldn’t wait to just
touch him, feel him under my skin and hear his voice again. I was a little
disappointed that he hadn’t rang me but I put it down to the time difference,
he was awake and partying when I was curled up in bed.

The notification bar at the top of my phone alerted me to
a friend request on Facebook and scrolling down I found Miles Genders grinning
face. I liked Miles, he had been fun and his happy profile picture had the
memories of last week storming through my mind, sending heat to my lower half.

A little intrigued, I accepted his request and clicked on
his profile. My heart thudded when a picture posted to his wall a day ago was
of him with Jay and another couple of guys… and Belinda.

My eyes stung and I blinked to ease the sharp bite as I
scrolled further down and found one just of Jay and Belinda, her pouty lips
attached to his cheekbone. Anger and jealousy thundered through me, my jaw
clenching so hard I physically felt one of my teeth crack. I trusted Jay, it
wasn’t that, but he’d sworn to me that it was a male only weekend that they did
it every year. So why was she there? My head torturously played with my
emotions. I knew she could give Jay what he wanted, pain. And I couldn’t. Plus
she’d been around for a long time, they had a connection that I could never
compete with. I admitted that I had felt a little sorry for her when she had
turned up out of the blue at Jay’s house and found me there, it was obvious she
was in love with him, so that must have hurt a lot. And to top it off, I hadn’t
been very nice to her.

“Everything okay, short arse?” Dylan asked when he
noticed my tension.

Forcing a smile, I closed my phone and nodded. “Yep, just
sorting a night out.”

“You make sure to take Elijah,” Ollie warned. I didn’t
have the energy to argue so I nodded.

My veins were rumbling with need, a need to get high and dull
every painful part of me until I no longer felt anything except the blissful
numbness only the brown could give. I couldn’t get that photo out of my head.
They looked happy, really happy. My mouth dried when I thought of the ‘what
ifs’ so I forced them from my mind.

I just needed a good night out with my friends. Jealousy
was a cruel emotion that hurt, but in the end it was jealousy, not reality.

Elijah smiled widely at me when I climbed back into the
huge Chrysler he insisted on driving me around in. I, myself, thought it was an
ugly vehicle but it was comfy and it was Elijah driving, I was just the
passenger.

Sensing my solemnness, he smiled sadly. “All sorted?”

“Yeah,” I answered softly as we pulled away from Noah’s
house. “I’m supposed to tell you I’m off out tonight, but I completely
understand if you have things to do, I’ll be with my friends so…”

“It’s fine. I’ll escort you.”

I smiled in relief. “Thank you, what would I do without
you?”

“Have some privacy,” he joked.

Nodding, I chuckled, “Yeah, but I prefer my privacy AND
my life, so if it means forgoing one for the other then I’d rather keep
breathing.”

“Well there’s one thing,” he smirked through the
rear-view mirror at me. “If you’re dead you’ll have all the privacy you want.”

Nodding slowly, I thoroughly agreed with him. “Do you
have a family, Elijah?”

He shook his head, “Nah, only a brother now.” He glanced
through the mirror again.

“Now?” I knew I was being nosy but the way he had ended
his sentence with ‘now’ meant that at one point he’d had someone else.

He sighed. “I lost my wife six years ago.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s fine.” Shaking his head, he checked his mirrors,
something he did regularly, but I guessed that was part of his job. Elijah
appeared to be aware of everything around him and that made me feel safe,
something I hadn’t in a long while.

“Well, hang in there. I know I’m silly and ditzy at times
but I seemed to have found happiness again, which I never expected after my
marriage failed.”

“Jay ‘The One’ huh?” There was a look in his eyes that I
couldn’t interpret, it was heated but sad, the usual blue twinkle in his eyes
dulling to a sombre grey. I had the feeling he was lonely, this big huge giant
was lonely, and that saddened me.

I just smiled. “I hope so.”

And that’s all I could give him.

***

The beat of the music and the strobe lights pirouetting
around the room were making my head throb. It was late and we were all well on
our way to a happy detachment. Mia and Leo were strutting their thing on the
dancefloor as Emma, me and Elijah sat in one of the booths. The heat of the
room made me sweat and my hair clung to the nape of my neck.

“Bloody hell!” I grumbled as I chugged down a glass of
ice water Elijah had kindly fetched me from the bar. “I’m melting. I look a
mess!” I knew my make-up had ran down my face with the slickness of
perspiration dripping down me.

“You look fine!” Elijah grumbled as he swallowed down
some water of his own. His eyes were everywhere and even when I’d been dancing
with my friends, he was there, bang beside me. Once or twice I’d caught his
eyes roaming over my tight black dress but he’d just smirked at me when his
eyes to lifted back to my face. He wasn’t embarrassed or even guilty looking
and after a head full of vodka, I just chuckled and carried on. He’d been hit
on numerous times, but as my bodyguard he’d politely told each woman to move
along.

“Budge up,” someone said from the side of me. I looked up
into the beautiful grinning face of Ava Fox.

“Hey!” I greeted with a large smile when Mason and Nate
slid in beside Elijah. Liv and Ava bumped in beside me. “Fancy seeing you
here.”

She rolled her eyes at the cliché, “Seems as though Mason
owns the place this is where you’ll usually find us.”

“Ahh,” I acknowledged with a nod. “That I did not know!”

Nate chuckled, “Are you drunk, Beatrice Vine?”

“I am, Mr Carter.”

Waving off my use of his surname, he shook his head.
“Bea, I think it’s okay to call me Nate, after all, you are virtually living
with my son.”

I grinned at that. My head was swimming with the alcohol
in my system and my inhibitions had fucked off around two hours ago, loosening
my mouth and clogging the filter from my brain to my vocal chords. Pointing at
him, I winked. “And hell, is your son making me happy in EVERY department.”

“La, la, la…” Liv sang, covering her ears.

“Oops,” I giggled.

Ava nudged me with her elbow and laughed. “Do not go
there,” she sniggered, “According to Liv, Jay does not have a sex life.”

“Oh I can assure you he does… he most certainly does!”

“Oh for God’s sake,” Liv squealed, pulling her phone from
her bag. “I’m going to pretend I’m not listening while I check Facebook and you
talk about things my son does
not
do.”

“You’re just a prude,” Ava mocked then turned to me. “So
come on then, spill, I’ve always wondered what Jay was like in bed. He looks
goooood
.”

“For fuck’s sake!” Mason grumbled and glared across the
table.

“What?” Ava asked innocently, “I’m only enquiring, I’m
not asking for a bloody DVD.”

“Talking of DVD’s,” Liv waggled her eyebrows at Ava. “You
talk about my son’s…” she dropped her voice to a whisper and shivered, “…
sex
life
, then I’m popping the copy I have of you and Mason in the clubs media
system. All the people in this room will watch you getting banged hard up
against a wall on each and every large screen. PornHub will be contacting you
with wads of dosh for a copyright!”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Ava gasped, narrowing her eyes into
a fixed stare.

Liv giggled and held up her phone, the screen showing
what looked like a paused video. “Oh look, I even have a copy on my phone. I
could upload it to them right now!”

“You do?” Nate asked with his mouth open in an ‘O’. “Send
it me!”

“What the fuck!” Mason growled when Liv nodded and Nate
pulled out his phone.

When a range of pings sounded around the table,
everyone’s phones going off at the same time, Ava gasped loudly. “Hell Liv! You
never did!”

Liv laughed and shook her head, “Relax, I’m not that
cruel.” She turned her phone to Ava, “It’s just Jay inboxing me.”

“Oooh snap,” Mason and Nate chuckled as they each held up
their phone.

“Eh,” Elijah mumbled as he also took his phone from his
jacket pocket. “Looks like he’s inboxing all of us.”

Frowning, I dug into my bag for my own phone. Silence
descended around the table as I swiped my screen and smiled at the little inbox
icon at the top of my phone. My heart jumped as I touched the screen to open Messenger.
I grew even more excited when a paused video greeted me.

My excitement turned to horror when I pressed play. The
blood in my veins stilled as my heart stuttered and bile poured into my mouth.
I couldn’t breathe, my throat closing in as my eyes glued to the recording
playing out. I didn’t want to see but I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen.

“What the fuck!” Nate spluttered, shocking me out of my
trance.

Looking up I found them all staring at me with wide eyes.
Mason looked at me with pity as my head shook from side to side.

“Shit Bea,” Ava consoled as her arm wrapped around me.
“Are you okay?”

My mouth opened and closed and I couldn’t help but look
back at the video playing over and over again on repeat. “Why would Jay do
this?” I choked out. “Why would he send this to… everyone? Why?”

Once again I looked down at the screen, the break in the
dance music making the sound on my phone seem deafening.

“I need your love Beatrice,” he whispered as he softly
stroked my hair when I sobbed into his chest. “I need you to prove that you
don’t just need me for your fix.”

“Of course I love you,” I wept, shaking my head at him,
the angle of the camera showing my tears dampening the shirt of a man with no
head. “I do, you know I do.”

“Then you need to show me.”

I stared up at him, my face unsure. “How, tell me
how.” My voice was urgent as I begged my captor for peace.

“Show me how grateful you are, my sweet girl. Show me
how much you love me.”

My mouth fell open and my eyes widened as the headless
man unzipped his trousers and pulled out his cock. His hand pressed into my
shoulder and he gently pushed me to my knees. He slipped his hand out of his
pocket, the familiar syringe in between his fingers. I leaned forward and took
his cock into my mouth, so easily, so eagerly. The tears that fell from me soon
stopped as my captor pumped his hips, thrusting himself deeper into my mouth as
he slid the needle into my vein.

And then the screen went blank. As did the room when I
passed out.

The hyperawareness from the thrum of cocaine in my system
made the incessant need in my veins fuller. I was hungry for pain. Sweat poured
from me and my stomach twisted with each tingle of desire. This wasn’t good.
I’d told Miles I wasn’t using this weekend because I knew what it would lead to
but he’d waved me off, told me I was still a free person, that I wasn’t married
to Bea and I should enjoy myself. He’d been right of course, Bea had told me to
have fun, but the fun always led to something else for me, and that was the
problem I was having.

I blinked at the many bright neon signs as Miles and I
walked, my mind trying to find something to focus on instead of the itch on my
skin. The others had gone back to the hotel when they’d snorted too much, but
my heart was hammering and Miles had suggested a walk to clear my head.

“It’s okay to give in to it, you know,” Miles said out of
the blue as we watched a couple practically having sex against a wall.

“You know I can’t do that, Miles.”

“Why?” he scowled at me. “I thought it was just a slash
on your skin, it isn’t like you’d be fucking someone.”

Snorting, I shook my head, making the lights dance before
me. “You know it’s not that simple.”

He looked at me as we continued on. “I still don’t understand
why you need the pain, I’ve never quite understood it.”

“It’s hard to explain. It’s just shit from…”

“Your childhood,” he finished for me. “I know that, but
it was your mum who was hurt Jay, it’s not like you were abused or…”

“Miles!” I snapped. “You think because I wasn’t
physically hurt that I didn’t suffer?”

“No,” he gawped at me with wide eyes, “You know I didn’t
mean that. I just can’t understand. I mean, if your mum was subject to so much
pain, why the fuck do you crave it, it doesn’t make sense to me.”

“I don’t expect you to understand.” And I didn’t. No one
could understand. Pain for me was a way to deal with the guilt I lived with.
The guilt I felt for not being able to help the one woman that gave me life and
protected me from the nightmare that ruled my childhood. My mother kept me
safe, she endangered herself to keep James’ temper from me. Even when I had
done wrong she took the blame and shielded me from his wrath. And that was
something I couldn’t forgive myself for. She took the pain and I had sat back
and let it happen. I knew I had been a kid, a small kid but that didn’t stop me
from wishing I had phoned the police or even taken a knife to the bastard’s
throat. Wishing that the one time I had gone in search of my real father that
I’d tried harder. The pain that raged through my body with each strike of
leather was just a tiny amount of the suffering my mother had coped with and I
knew it would never bate, no matter how much therapy I had or how much the
sensible part of me told me that it wasn’t my fault. Because, it
was
my fault. My mother had given up her soulmate to nurture me and that could
never be brushed aside, no matter what.

“Can I be honest?” Miles rolled his lips, cringing as he
kept his gaze from me.

“Are you anything but?”

He shrugged and chuckled, “I guess not. I hate that I’m
going to say this but you’re my best friend, Jay and… and well you know you’ve
always been more than that.”

“Miles,” I warned, “Don’t allow our past sexual
relationship interfere in our future. Yes, we played and yes, I enjoyed it and
although I admit that I’m part bi…”

“Part bi?” he scoffed as he stopped and stared at me.
“How can you be part bi? Your cock has been buried deep in my ass and that, to
me, says that you’re definitely bisexual.”

“I didn’t mean that! What I meant was, I enjoy sex with
you Miles but I prefer pussy.”

He nodded, “And that’s fair enough but don’t push aside
your friends for…”

“For?” I waited, my eyes narrow and expecting on him.

Sighing, he rolled his eyes, “I’m not doing a good job of
this. I’m just gonna come out with it.” I nodded, encouraging him to do the
fuck that! “Ever since you’ve been with Bea, you haven’t been happy.”

“What?”

“Don’t have a go, I’m being honest, hate me for lying,
yeah, but not for saying how it is, Jay. She’s dragging you down. She’s trying
to change you and that’s not fair!”

“She isn’t…”

“Yes!” he hissed, “She is. You need pain Jay, look at
you, you’re literally humming without it. Your eyes are dead, you’re knackered
because of all the fucking drama in her life…”

His teeth clenched when his back slammed the wall under
my force. “Don’t you dare speak of her like that!”

“This is exactly what I mean!” he shouted, and glared at
some passer-by’s that were staring our way. “Look at you Jay! Look!”

I’d never before been so damn angry with life. Yes, I
loved pain but I’d found a way to deal with it that kept me sane and the hatred
inside me subdued. Life had been easy, apart from the agony in my soul, but it
had been a life that I had enjoyed, yet now, it seemed a mess. Bea’s problems
had become my problems, I was constantly on edge that someone was going to take
her again and I was scared shitless that she would give in to her heroin
addiction. But most of all I was terrified she wouldn’t ever be enough for the
monster inside me. It wasn’t as though sex with her wasn’t good because it was
fucking amazing and I knew I would never get tired of sinking inside her
delectable pussy. But it was the rage inside me that she couldn’t dampen, and
I’d be lying if I said that didn’t worry me.

“Look Jay!” Miles whispered again, dragging me from my thoughts.

Dropping him, I nodded. I had never before threatened
him, or even physically hurt him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

“It’s fine. I’m not concerned about me, but this is what
I’m saying, you’re a mess, a mess that I’ve never seen before. You used to be
so carefree, and happy. And forgive me if I’m wrong, but you don’t look very
fucking happy.”

“I love her Miles. It’s that simple.”

He smiled sadly and nodded. “I know, mate. I’m just
worried about you, you’re driving yourself into an early grave. Are you telling
me you can go on like this for the rest of your life, no pain, no way to end
the ache? You’re literally vibrating with the need, what’s going to happen if
you can’t satisfy that… ever?”

My gut twisted as my mouth dried. “Honest answer, I don’t
know. I asked Bea to… hurt me but she couldn’t. I’m not sure if she’ll ever
change that answer though. She has a thing for pain, but it’s only
to
her, however there isn’t a single bone in her body that could dish out pain,
and that’s what worries me. But I love her, too much? Yeah maybe, but I can’t
help that. I’m willing to take this agony just to see her smile every morning,
the smile that is just for me, Miles. It’s so damn beautiful it makes my heart
fucking ache with pleasure.”

“You soppy twat,” he laughed as he pulled his phone from
his pocket and read a text. “Come on, let’s get back. The others are wondering
where we are. Apparently there’s a line of shots perfectly lined up on the
bar.”

“That’ll be Tom’s OCD kicking in.” I answered as I
searched my pockets for my own phone, frowning when I couldn’t seem to find it.

Miles chuckled and slipped his arm around me, turning us
and directing my swaying body towards the hotel. “I meant to ask, if we fuck,
is that still classed as cheating to Bea?”

I rolled my eyes but laughed. “You never give in do you?”

He shrugged as we hurried across the road, several horns
blaring angrily at us. “At least humour me.”

“Okay Miles,” I joked. “Let’s go back and fuck.”

He beamed at me, nodding eagerly. “I knew you couldn’t
resist my charms.”

Turned out it wasn’t his charms I couldn’t resist. But
the promise of pain.

***

Belinda laughed, her eyes rolling back into her head when
Miles got his dick out and slapped it across her face. We were all off our
faces, each one of us high on the white stuff and hard liquor. “See, thick and
strong,” he smirked. “Never taunt the beast.”

“The beast?” she mocked as she lay back on the sofa naked
with a line of coke running between her breasts.

I was sat at the other side of the room, watching them
cautiously. Tom and Syed had gone back to their own rooms but me and Miles were
still in Belinda’s room. I knew she wanted him, and he wanted her. Miles’ cock
was hard and Billie had stripped down to nothing, tempting both of us to snort
off her flawless skin.

Miles bent, sucking the line off her and inhaling it into
his already addled brain. “You know this stuff makes my dick hard,” he mumbled,
leaning into Belinda and dragging his tongue over her lips. She moaned and
slipped her hand around the nape of his neck, thrusting her tongue in between
his parted lips.

Knowing it was time to leave, I grasped the arms of the
chair and tried to stand, my palms slapping the wall when I tumbled head first
into it. Both of my friend’s laughed behind my back. I couldn’t get up,
hysterics hindering each attempt to rise to my feet so I remained in place with
my forehead pressing into the wall as my fingers splayed across the gross
wallpaper to steady myself.

I gasped when a sharp sting split the material of my
shirt. My body raged to life with the pain that tore through me and I shivered
as I looked over my shoulder. Belinda stood staring at me, my own belt in her
hand.

“Don’t fight it,” she whispered as she lifted it high and
brought it back down.

I cried out – not at the pain but the ecstasy that
stormed me. My mouth watered and I started to pant when she slashed me yet
again.

“You need this Jay, let me do this for you. Please. I
hate to see you ache.”

“Bill…” I couldn’t form words as my whole body vibrated
with the need for more and the pleasure she was raining down on me.

“Shh.”

“Let her do this,” Miles urged when he settled down on
the floor beside me. “Bea won’t find out. Let go, Jay.”

My eyes widened when his fingers reached the fly of my
jeans and slowly he slid it down.

“Miles… Billie... I can’t…”

“Yes,” Miles whispered as he manoeuvred beneath my body,
“Yes you can.”

I shook my head and moved away from him, but when the
leather of the belt hit me again, I groaned with the gratification. “Don’t…” I
urged, but it was far from convincing as my voice trembled and my cock
throbbed.

“Feed from it Jay,” Billie whispered as I felt the skin
on my back tear open. As the blood poured from me, my eyes rolled in pleasure
but I shook my head and scurried back.

“Please…” I begged as I crawled across the carpet, away
from the temptation and the promise of heaven. They both looked at me with
sadness when I curled in on myself, fighting with the agony in my soul.
“Please…”

Billie tilted her head to the side, her eyes brimming
with tears at my despair. Slowly, she approached me and lowered herself onto
the floor beside me, then she took my head and gently moved it to her lap. The
smell of her arousal made me snap my teeth together. Her fingers in my hair was
soothing, calming the rage slightly but not enough. “Shh, Jay,” she whispered.
“It’s going to be okay. I’m going to fix this. I promise. I promise to make it
good.”

I nodded, relief flooding me with her promise. Except,
what I thought was her promise to help turned out to be the opposite. And the
monster in me had the biggest fight of his life.