Forever and Always (16 page)

Sean took a deep breath and his chest
started to heave in pain. He placed his hand over mine and started
to cry. “You came?” he asked.

“
Yes,” I
whispered.

Sean started to sob hysterically while
I held him in my arms. I rocked him back and forth for an hour
before he was able to calm down. His breathing slowed and his
glands ran dry. I kissed his cheeks and whispered comforting words
to him as he returned to a state of calm.

“
You shouldn’t be here,”
he said. “I don’t deserve you.”

“
I will always care about
you, Sean.”

“
Well, you shouldn’t,” he
said. “You should leave.”

“
What you did to me broke
my heart into a million pieces, Sean, but it doesn’t change our
friendship. First and foremost, I am your
friend—
your best friend
. Everything that has happened is irrelevant at this point.
You need help.”

Sean nodded. “After I learned the
truth I—I just fell. I wanted to die.”

“
I know.”

“
The moment I came back, I
regretted the decision I made, Scarlet. It was obvious that
Penelope didn’t love me. She didn’t want to be a family anymore.
She couldn’t care less about the kid. She just needed a place to
live and someone to support her. I realized that our relationship
had always been that way, but I never noticed it because I was in
love with her—but now I’m in love with you.”

I didn’t know what to say. I
anticipated this topic, but I didn’t want to discuss it. Sean and I
were over—never getting back together. He was so emotional and
vulnerable that I didn’t want to hurt him, so I said
nothing.

“
We should get you in the
shower—you’ll feel better.”

“
Okay,” he whispered. He
looked around his bedroom and realized it was empty. All the
bottles were gone and the sheets were changed. The curtains that
blocked the light in his room were absent, letting the street
lights filter into the room. “You cleaned everything.”

“
Yes,” I said. “And after
you take a shower, we are going to have dinner.”

Sean took a deep breath. “I can’t
believe you are taking care of me after what I did to
you.”

I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.
“Nothing will change this,” I said as I caressed his fingers. “When
you can’t rely on anything else in the world, know that you always
have this.”

Sean sighed. “I love you so much,” he
whispered.

“
I love you too,” I said.
I stood up and walked into the bathroom. “Now let’s get you cleaned
up.” I pulled out a fresh towel from the cabinet and got the water
running. When I returned to the bedroom, Sean was still sitting on
the bed. “Come on.” I smiled.

Sean reached for the wall and got to
his feet slowly. His muscles were lean from the weight he lost, and
I could see how weak he was. He could barely walk. I wrapped his
arm around my shoulder and helped him into the bathroom. Then, I
helped him pull off his clothes. Sean didn’t seem to be
uncomfortable being naked in front of me, and I respected his
privacy as much as possible by averting my gaze or keeping my eyes
closed.

“
I don’t care if you look
at me,” he whispered.

I opened the shower door and got him
inside. He couldn’t stand so he sat on the shower floor, letting
the water wash over him. I watched him for a moment then returned
to his bedroom, putting on his old gym clothes before I walked back
into the shower. He looked up when I came inside the shower and
started washing his body and shampooing his hair. Sean closed his
eyes and let me pamper him as the water fell on his body. The sight
of him so weak made my heart throb in pain. He was
unrecognizable.

After I rinsed out all the foam, I
helped him to his feet and turned off the shower. Then I dried him
off with a towel. When he wasn’t dripping with water, we walked
back into the bedroom and I helped him into his running shorts and
a shirt. I dried myself off and put on the outfit that I had been
wearing earlier.

Sean lay on top of the bed with his
eyes open, saying nothing as he stared at the ceiling. I sat next
to him and ran my fingers through his damp hair.

“
I’m going to make
dinner,” I said as I got up.

Sean looked at me. “You’re going to
cook for me?” he asked sadly.

“
Yes,” I said as I ran my
hands down his arms. “You need some food. Are you
hungry?”

He nodded. “What are you
making?”

“
I was going to make
chicken marsala.”

“
That sounds good,” he
whispered.

“
I’ll be back in a little
while.”

“
Okay,” he said. “I’m
tired.” He closed his eyes and I pulled the sheet over him, tucking
him in like a child. When I left his bedroom, I started crying
again, overwhelmed by his broken frame. I started cooking in the
kitchen and ignored Penelope as she watched television on the
couch. When everything was ready, I put the food on two plates and
poured two glasses of water, ready to bring them into Sean’s room.
The sight of Penelope sitting on Sean’s couch made me so angry that
I placed the plates on table and walked over to her.

“
Why the fuck are you
still here?”

The venom in my voice made her jump.
“Sean said I could stay here.”

“
Why?” I asked. “He
doesn’t owe you anything. Get the hell out of his life,
Penelope—for good.”

“
I have nowhere else to
go,” she whispered.

“
So, you used Sean because
you can’t take care of yourself?”

She looked away from me and didn’t say
anything.

I was so livid that I started
laughing, almost hysterically, and she moved away from me on the
couch, frightened by my maniacal behavior. “You know what’s funny?”
I asked. “If you had just told Sean the truth, he would have taken
you in and supported you. Hell—he probably would have helped you
raise the kid because he’s so in love with you. You are so stupid,
Penelope. You have no idea what you threw away.” The sight of her
saddened expression was enough for me to end the verbal attack. The
gleam of a diamond on her ring caught my eye, and when I looked
down at her hand, I saw the engagement ring that Sean got for her.
He’d finally proposed to her. The pain and betrayal washed over me,
but I pushed it back, knowing it was irrelevant at that point. I
turned away and grabbed the plates then walked into Sean’s room. I
returned for the water and slammed the door behind me.

I helped Sean sit up in bed then I
placed the food on his lap. He looked at his plate and picked up
his fork, barely able to hold it in his hand. The sight made me
want to cry. I could kill Penelope. Sean ate very slowly, chewing
his food longer than normal, and he took a long time just to bring
the fork to his mouth. I sat across from him while I ate my dinner.
We didn’t speak until Sean put aside his plate and drank the entire
glass of water.

He looked at me. “Thank you,” he said.
“I can’t remember the last time I ate real food.”

I nodded, too emotional to speak. I
grabbed his plate and placed them in the kitchen sink, then
returned with a new glass of water. Sean quickly emptied the
glass.

“
Would you like more?” I
asked.

“
No,” he whispered as he
sat back against his pillows. “Thank you, Scarlet.”

I grabbed his hand and held it. “You
don’t need to thank me. You would have done it for me.”

“
But that’s different,” he
whispered. “You actually deserve it.”

I didn’t know what to say. I looked
away.

“
How long are you
staying?” he asked.

“
As long as it takes for
you to get better,” I said.

He nodded. “I don’t think I’ll ever be
better, Scar.”

“
You’ll get
there.”

“
Not without you,” he
whispered.

I got up from the bed and searched in
his drawer, looking for clean clothes to wear. I knew where this
conversation was going and I wanted to avoid it. I grabbed some
shorts and a shirt and walked into the bathroom to change. When I
returned to the bedroom, I pulled back the blankets and crawled
inside, lying next to him. Sean watched me for a moment then
started to get up.

“
What are you doing?” I
asked.

“
I’ll sleep on the floor,”
he said. “You don’t have to sleep with me.”

I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him
back. “Please don’t do that,” I said. “Stay here with
me.”

“
I don’t deserve to sleep
beside you.”

Since Sean was so weak, I was able to
pull him back to bed and under the covers. “I want to sleep with
you.”

Sean sighed. “Okay. I won’t do
anything.”

“
I know,” I said as I
wrapped my arm around his waist. Sean turned on his side then
pulled me to his chest, resting his face in the crook of my neck.
He sighed deeply as he held me, and I could feel his heart thudding
in his chest at a fast pace.

“
Thank you for coming to
me,” he whispered in my ear. “You have no idea how much it means to
me. I thought you hated me.”

“
I never could,” I
said.

“
You are amazing.” Sean
didn’t move away as he held me tightly. I could tell he wasn’t
going to let go.

“
Why is Penelope still
here?”

Sean didn’t answer for a moment. “She
has no one else.”

“
That isn’t your
problem.”

“
And I’m not your problem
either.”

I sighed. In the end, it was love that
controlled your decisions, not hate. If that weren’t the case, Ryan
would have kicked me out when I arrived on his doorstep. I never
would have given Sean another chance, and Penelope would be
homeless.

“
I love you,” I
said.

Sean took a deep breath. “I love you,
Scar.”

His breathing became deep and shallow,
and I knew he was falling asleep. I ran my hands through his hair
while he held me close to him. I could feel him relaxing the longer
we stayed still. My phone rang from my nightstand, and I reached
for it while Sean still held onto me.

“
Hello?” I said when I
answered it.

“
It’s Ryan.”

“
Hey,” I said
quietly.

“
How is everything? Is
Sean okay?”

I was quiet for a moment. “No, he
isn’t, but we’re working on it.”

“
I think you did the right
thing.”

“
I do too.”

“
My flight is leaving
soon,” he said. “Janice is changing in her room. I was hoping you
could talk to her before I left. I realize that you’re busy with
Sean, but could you talk to her before I head out?”

“
Of course,” I said. “Put
her on the phone.”

Sean still clutched me tightly,
refusing to let me go. His face was still buried in my neck and his
heart started to race again.

“
Hello?” she said with a
smile in her voice.

“
Hey,” I said. “Can you
move away from Ryan for a minute?”

“
Sure,” she said. “Hold
on.” I heard a door close. “I’m in my room.”

“
How much do you like my
brother?” I asked. “And be honest with me. If you tell me you
aren’t that interested, that’s fine. It won’t change our
friendship.”

“
Of course, I like him,”
she said. “I thought that was obvious.”

“
If I could get you a job
in Seattle working in publishing, making the salary you make now,
would you move there for him?”

Janice was quiet for a moment. “We
just met, Scarlet.”

“
So, that’s a
no.”

She sighed. “That’s just a huge
lifestyle change for a guy I just met,” she said. “I like Ryan a
lot. I hate to see him go, but I can’t sacrifice everything for
him.”

“
Okay,” I said. “That’s
reasonable. So you are just going to breakup then?”

Janice was quiet for a moment. “I—I
don’t know. I guess we could do long-distance.”

“
But you don’t believe
long-distance relationships work.”

“
Then I don’t know what to
do, Scar—I really like him.”

“
If you can see yourself
loving him, then I think you should do it. You’ve been single
forever because every guy you date is a loser. Ryan is the first
guy you’ve dated that you actually like. I know that Ryan is
falling hard for you and he never feels this way.”

“
Would he want me to move
to Seattle? I mean, wouldn’t that scare him off?”

“
He’s the reason we are
having this conversation.” I laughed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if
he’s already in love with you.”

Janice was quiet.

“
So, if you had a job in
Seattle, would you move for him?”

“
You can’t guarantee
that.”

“
Hypothetically, would you
do it? If you had a place to stay with Ryan and I, and you had job
security, would you do it?”