Forever (Cruiser & Lex, Book 3) (18 page)

“You want me to go to Juilliard, don’t you?”

“Of course,” he says. “It’s your dream to go there. To be on Broadway.”

“Just like it’s your dream to join the Navy.”

He runs his hand down his face.

“You don’t have to make any decisions now,” Carter says. “Relax, Cruiser.”

I rub his back. “Are you okay?”

He reaches over to envelop me in his arm. “My heart is being pulled in different directions. I feel like I’m breaking inside. I don’t know what to do, T. Rex. I just don’t know.”

“I think you do know what you want,” I say softly. “That’s what’s tearing you up. The guilt.”

“Is that true?” Ms. Carter asks him.

He wipes away a tear that’s about to roll down his cheek. “I know you told me I won’t love you any less if I choose the Navy, Lex. But it feels like I’m betraying you.”

“No.” I press my forehead against his. “You’re not betraying me. I want you to follow your heart.”

“You’re too good for me, Lex. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve to be happy. Every time I feel like life’s going good, I tell myself to pinch myself. To wake up and face reality. Because there’s no way life can be good for me.”

“Why do you feel that way?” Ms. Carter asks.

“Because he doesn’t want to get hurt.” I squeeze his hand. “I feel the exact same way.”

“You need to allow yourselves to be happy,” she says. “I know you’ve been through a lot. The guilt of Rosie’s accident will be with you for the rest of your lives. You two are extremely close to her, and that in itself causes your guilt to grow even stronger. She loves the two of you and looks up to you. It must be very hard to have to fight the guilt every day.”

I nod as fresh tears pool in my eyes.

“But you can’t live like that. You owe it to yourselves to open your hearts to happiness.”

I nod again.             

“Thanks,” Cruiser says. Then he laughs awkwardly. “Some of the stuff you said actually makes sense.”

Ms. Carter smiles. “I hoped I’d hear you say that, Cruiser.”

We laugh.

The bell rings.

Ms. Carter stands. “I want to hug each of you. You are great kids and I know you will go far in life.” She wraps her arms around me and gives me a light kiss on the cheek. “You just need to believe in yourselves and not let your pasts hold you back from reaching your full potential and full happiness.” She hugs a reluctant Cruiser and steps on her tippy toes to kiss his cheek. “Remember that, okay?”

I nod.

“We’re done?” Cruiser asks.

“I don’t think you two need me. You’re okay. Just continue being open and honest with each other. You have a great relationship. Hold onto it, okay? Don’t forget what you two mean to each other. You’re young and in love and life will be full of ups and downs. But just as long as you hold on to the love you have for each other, you’ll be okay.”

“Thanks.” I give her a hug. “I really appreciate all you’ve done for us.”

She waves her hand. “It’s my job.”

Cruiser holds out his hand. “Er. Thanks, Carter.”

She laughs before shaking it.

Just as we turn to leave, Ms. Carter says, “Cruiser?”

We face her.

“I wanted to talk to you about something. Bobby Wilkins, the director of the school play, spoke to me yesterday. He really wants you to participate in the play.”

Cruiser frowns.

“You understand how serious teen violence is,” Ms. Carter continues. “I don’t need to tell you.”

He doesn’t say anything.

“You should tell your story, Cruiser.”

“I’d rather not bare my soul to a room full of strangers.”

“What about to a room full of kids who will be teenagers one day?”

That seems to have an effect on Cruiser because his face changes. He’s quiet for a bit before he says, “I don’t want to be on stage. In front of people.”

“Would you consider telling your story at the end of the play? Bobby talked to some other students who have been involved with teen violence and they are willing to speak.”

I touch his arm. “It can save a lot of kids from the same fate you had.”

His eyes move from me to Ms. Carter. I can see him contemplating it, knowing how right it would be for him to do this, but he’s nervous to be so open. After a few seconds he says, “I’ll do it.”

Ms. Carter smiles. “Thanks, Cruiser. I’m proud of you.”

Cruiser shrugs. “It’s the right thing to do.”

Cruiser

I never thought I’d think this, but Rey looks pretty hot.

Yeah, he’s got on my dress shirt and pants, but a guy’s gotta help his bro out. Especially when it comes to the ladies.

Rey studies himself in the mirror. “Are you sure I look okay?” He picks at the shirt that’s too loose on his skinny-ass frame. “Maybe I should wear one of my old recital shirts.”

“You want to impress Melody or not?”             

He nods.

“Trust me. She’ll love you in this getup.”

“Don’t fill me up with false hope, Cruise.”

“Just trying to make you feel confident, bro.”

He picks at the shirt again. “Mom built me up to think I’m the most amazing guy in the world.” He shakes his head. “But I’m just pathetic.”

“No.” I stride over and push his hand down. “That’s one of my best shirts.”

“Sorry.” He hangs his head low.

“Rey. You’re not the most amazing guy in the world. You’re not pathetic. You’re just you. That’s what makes you amazing. And if Melody or some other girl doesn’t realize that, screw her. You’ll meet the right one.”

“What if I don’t? What if I never have…what you and Lex have?”

My gut squeezes together. I wish I could raise my head to the sky and asks the gods of love to bestow my brother with a girl who will make him feel the way I feel about my T. Rex. But I can’t. Nor can I assure him that he will meet that person one day. I can hope. But I can’t promise.

I clap him on the back. “Just be yourself. Be honest and open, and everything will go well. And that doesn’t just go for relationships. It goes for every other part of your life, too.”

“Like the violin.”

“You can read my mind? It’s like we’re twins or something.”

He chuckles as he hits me in the back of my head. “Shut up.”

I rest my hand on his shoulder. “Don’t sweat it, bro. You’ll do fine.”

He nods at me through my reflection in the mirror. Then he touches his head. “What do I do about my hair?”

“You got no choice but to leave it like that.” He’s hardly got any, since I basically shaved it all off to get rid of that damn Mohawk.

He rubs the top of his head. “Wish I had long hair like you.”

“Rey, you don’t have to be me in order to get a girl to like you. You’re you and I’m me.”

He rolls his eyes. “I know. I just wish I had longer hair.” He laughs to himself. “I can’t believe I’m actually admitting this.”

“I guess we’ll be switching places then.”

“What do you mean?”             

“I’ll need to shave mine all off for the Navy.”

He whirls around. “You’re joining?”

I shrug. “Looks like it.”

He frowns. Turns back around and plays with his nonexistent hair.

“You good?”

“Yeah.” Our eyes meet in the reflection of the mirror again. “Yeah.” He smiles a real one. “I’m good. I’m happy for you. You know where you’re headed.”

“You know where you want to be headed, too.” It’s like the revelation I had in Carter’s office. Deep down, I knew I wanted to join the Navy. I just didn’t want to admit that I felt guilty for pushing the Navy in front of Lex. Now I know that’s not true. The Navy actually makes our love for each other stronger. Rey needs to face his own guilt, that he betrayed his love for his violin.

“We ready?” I ask.

Rey’s chest puffs up as he takes in a large gulp of air. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

I text Lex that we’re waiting for her downstairs. As soon as her door opens, I feel my jaw plummet to the ground. My T. Rex. My beautiful T. Rex. Dressed in this sexy dark blue dress that reaches just above the knees and swoops a little low, revealing the silky skin of her upper chest. Her hair is pinned high, showing off that kissable neck.

“How do I look?” she asks with a shy smile.

I groan. “All I want to do is kiss every part of you.”

She giggles. Even though it’s dark, I see her cheeks are bright red. She looks past me at Rey, who brought the car out front and is now leaning against it, looking all jittery and out of his wits. “You look really great, Rey.”

“Thanks.”             

“I’ll text Melody that we’re on our way.”

Lex and I sit in the back of the car. I put my arm around her and inhale that Lex smell I love so much. Rey sticks his key into the ignition. “Can I at least get a hint of where we’re going?” he asks. “This way, I won’t look like a total idiot when Melody asks where we’re going.”

“You’ll look like an idiot no matter what,” I say. “Shit, I was just messing around. Sorry.” I don’t want him to lose his confidence.

“Relax. I know you’re kidding. I’m assuming we’re going to a nice place or else we wouldn’t be all dressed up.”

I pull an invisible zipper across my lips.

Rey groans.

Lex gives him Melody’s address, and off we go. I see Rey swallowing hard a few times on the way. I want to tell him to remain calm, but who am I kidding? I’d be as nervous as hell if I was going on my very first date. Well, I guess it’s his very first date with his second girl, if you count Lex.

“It’s going to be so romantic,” Lex whispers into my ear. “I hope they have a special and magical night.”

“I know we will,” I whisper back.

“Not helping calm my nerves.” Rey glares at us through the rear-view mirror. Lex and I sit back. But we don’t take our hands off each other’s. I don’t know what it is, but it seems like we’re even closer than we were. Maybe because I don’t feel like I need to hold things in anymore. My worries about the Navy, the future, my nightmares. If we were able to share our innermost feelings and fears in front of Carter, I know we will be able to tell each other anything.

“I think this is it.” It looks like Rey’s swallowed a golf ball.

I lean forward to pat his shoulder. “You’ll be fine.”

“Where’s the chocolate?” He rummages around. “Damn, I forgot the chocolate.”

“On the passenger seat,” I say.             

His body sags with relief. “I’m a mess.”

“Deep breaths, Rey. Count to ten. You’ll do fine.”

Rey closes his eyes for a few seconds. Gets his breathing under control. Then he gets out with the chocolate and makes his way to the front door. He looks back at us for a second before ringing the bell. Even from all the way back here, I see the way his knees knock into each other.

“It’s really cute how nervous he is,” Lex says. “It’s sweet. I know Melody will like him.”

“Hope so.”

“He’ll be a good boyfriend. He knows how to make his girl feel special.”

“I don’t think I want to hear this,” I mutter.

“Oh.” She twists her head to look up at me with apologetic eyes. “Sorry. You’re the only one in the whole world who knows how to make me feel special and loved.”

I grin. Kiss her nose. “All good.”

The door opens. Melody stands there, dressed in a black dress. She accepts the chocolate from Rey with a shy smile and they talk some. Then they make their way to the car. Poor Rey looks like he’s about to crap his pants.

He opens the passenger side door for her. I’m glad he remembered to do that. I grilled it into him over and over.

“Hey,” Melody says as she buckles up.

“Hi.”             

“Sup.”

She rubs her knees. She’s just as nervous as Rey.

He just sits there with his hands on the steering wheel. Melody looks at him expectantly.

“Rey?” I ask.

“Well are you going to tell me where we’re headed or what?” he asks.

“Oh.” I chuckle. “My bad.”

“You don’t know?” Melody asks.

“Apparently it’s a surprise.”

She smiles. “Cool. I love surprises.”

Rey glares at me from the rear-view mirror. Gives me a look that says, “This better be good.” I give him my own look: Oh, it is.

If I had two usable arms, I would drive us to the special location. But obviously I can’t. So instead of telling Rey the address, I tell him the street so he will get us in the area. When we’ll get there, I’ll tell him exactly where to go. I want to see their surprised faces when we get there.

The ride is quiet. Rey and Melody are too nervous to say anything, and Lex and I don’t want to ruin the moment. So we all just look out the window.

“Okay, I’m here,” Rey says.

“Keep going,” I tell him. “And make a left when you reach the corner.”

“Are we headed for the beach?” Melody asks. She looks down at her outfit.

“Don’t worry,” Lex tells her. “You’re dressed right.”

When we turn the corner and see the words of the famous, expensive restaurant before our eyes, both Rey and Melody gasp in surprise.

“No way,” Rey says. “No way.”

“We’re eating
here
?” Melody asks.

“Let’s just say we know a woman,” I say.

“Who?” both Rey and Melody ask.

“Ms. Carter,” Lex says. “Her dad owns the restaurant. When we told her about the double date, she told us she can get us a free dinner.”

Rey’s blinking like a bug is stuck in his eye.

“This is great, guys,” Melody says. “Thanks.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Rey says.

The valet rushes over to take the car. We head for the restaurant. The hostess leads us down a small walkway that brings us on to the beach, where tables are set up. Under the moon. Lex snuggles up to me as she slides her hand into mine. “This is so romantic.”

“Shoulda kissed up to Carter sooner,” I joke.

She slaps my arm playfully. “We did not kiss up.”

We’re seated at a table that has an amazing view of the ocean. Lex gives me a sweet smile. Rey and Melody look like they are in a daze.

The waiter hands us menus.

“I like never eat at expensive restaurants,” Melody says with a laugh. “I have no idea what to do with myself.”

“Don’t worry,” Rey assures her. “Cruiser here is the most uncivilized person on the planet. He’ll get us kicked out in less than ten minutes.”

“If we weren’t in public, I’d slam your head into the table,” I mutter.

Melody giggles.             

“So what on Earth are we supposed to order?” Lex asks, scanning the menu. “I have no idea what any of this is.”

Since Rey’s apparently this smart-ass dickhead who knows things because he’s
so
smart, he helps us choose. He settles on this upscale chicken dish, Lex gets pasta, I order salmon, and Melody chooses this gourmet seafood dish.

We talk some before our food arrives. We dig in. “Oh my god,” Rey says. “This is amazing.”

“Mine, too,” Melody says.

“Want some?” I ask Lex.             

She twists her nose. “You know I don’t like fish.”

“But maybe you’ll like this one. It’s gourmet, after all.”

She twitches her nose again. “Okay.”

I cut a piece and hold it out toward her mouth. She swallows it up. I expect her to spit it out, but she chews thoughtfully. “It’s not that terrible.”

I see Rey glancing over at Melody with the corner of his eyes. I get it. He’s trying to figure out if he should offer Melody from his dish. I give him a kick. Didn’t mean for it to be hard. He yelps and glares at me. “What the hell, Cruise!” he hisses.

I eye-signal toward Melody. His face gets all red. He coughs and turns to her. “Um, Melody. Would you like to taste from my chicken? It’s really good.” He rolls his eyes and mutters to himself, probably scolding himself for coming off lame. I don’t think he was lame, though.

“Um. Sure,” Melody says.

With shaky hands, he cuts her a piece of chicken and holds it out. Melody is hesitant, her eyes moving from her plate to Rey’s fork. Instead of eating it off the fork like Lex did, she takes it from Rey and eats the piece. “Not bad,” she says. “Here, try mine.”

“Try mine,” Lex says to me.

Her pasta dish is delicious. “Thank you, Carter,” I say. “We should toast.”

We clink our glasses of Coke. “To Ms. Carter.”

We burst out laughing.

“So, Melody,” I say. “You’re into classical music, right?”

“Yeah. My favorite composer is Bach and my second is Beethoven.”

“My favorite is Beethoven,” Rey says, his face lit with excitement. “Second is Bach.”

They smile.             

“I’ve been to many of your recitals,” Melody says.

Rey’s jaw falls open. Good thing he had no food in there because it would have tumbled right out. “You have?” he asks.

“Yeah, I go to like every recital in South Beach. But I haven’t seen you in any lately.”

Rey plays around with his chicken. “Oh, um. Yeah, I guess I’ve been busy.”

“The violin is my favorite instrument. I wanted to learn to play it so bad when I was a kid, but my parents couldn’t afford lessons. Now I don’t have time for anything. It’s a shame.”