Forget Me Not (23 page)

“
Oh, fuck, Jack. Fuck,” I
scream out.

My pussy is full of him; I twist my
body so he is in as deep as he can go and I’m as tight around him
as I can get. He maneuvers so I can’t get away and every part of me
is vibrating and twitching. I can’t get my breath and I have the
best orgasm I’ve ever had while Jack refuses to stop driving me
mad. I lose track of how many times I come before I am nothing but
a mess of limbs and nerves. I don’t even know when Jack comes,
because I’ve lost all capacity for thought and speech by
then.

Jack kisses me and the softness of his
lips along with the pulsating still happening inside of my cunt is
staggering. His hands are everywhere. I’m completely his and he
knows it.

“
I’m gonna miss you,” he
says. “But you’ll be able to remember me just fine now.”

I nod, still not able to speak. He
keeps kissing me and my clit is huge while he stimulates it. I
don’t think I can orgasm anymore, but he’s bringing me down from
the precipice gently. The ache inside my clit is all I can think
about. I let out a final shudder and Jack takes his hand away. I
make a soft sound of protest, but I don’t think I can handle any
more.

“
I love you,
Lily.”

“
Me too,” I mumble and let
my body shiver on his bed. Jack leaves me like that and goes to the
bathroom; when he comes back, I think I may be able to manage a
sentence.

“
You’re incredible,” I
tell him.

“
Only with you, princess.
You make me incredible.” He holds me close to him and we lie on his
bed, relaxing and trying not to think about how good it feels being
with each other. I don’t have time for more of him, as regrettable
as that is, and I don’t know that I’d survive another go anyhow. I
turn over and face him, running my hand through his dark
hair.

“
I’ll call you tonight,” I
tell him. “As soon as I get home.”

“
I’ll be
waiting.”

Eventually, I need to leave him, but
it doesn’t feel like goodbye. If anything, it’s but a small pause
on something that has the potential to be timeless.

Chapter
1
7

I don’t want to introduce Jon to Jack
yet, figuring it can wait until Jack comes to visit. Still, I could
use the moral support when my brother and Derek come to my room to
get my things. Jon awkwardly takes my laundry and then leaves me
alone with Derek. I’m not sure what to say, which hurts more than
the fact that we broke up.

“
So, you met someone?” I
ask finally.

He nods, looking everywhere but at me.
“Yeah. Kind of. I mean, I already knew her, but…”

“
Is it Jodie?” I try not
to sound bitchy when I ask. A part of me still kind of hopes that
he had feelings for someone else while we were together, since I
have a lot of unresolved guilt about the situation with Jack. I’m
happy with my choice, but that doesn’t mean I wanted to break
Derek’s heart to get here. No matter what, though, I don’t like the
idea of it being this Jodie girl, even if I’ve never met her and
have absolutely no right to feel that way.

He finally looks up and, surprisingly,
he smiles. “Still jealous of Jodie?”

I shrug. “Maybe a little.”

Derek shakes his head. “No. Her name’s
Kelly. She’s in my sports medicine class.”

“
You already knew
her?”

“
Sort of. In class. It
wasn’t easy at first, but after like two weeks, I stopped moping
around campus and she approached me one day after class. I guess
she’d had a crush on me, but figured I was taken. She asked around
and when she found out that I wasn’t, she took a
chance.”

“
Are you
happy?”

He pauses, and then slowly nods. “I
am. Are you?”

“
I really am.”

“
I’m glad. You deserve to
be happy.”

“
So do you. I wanted
things to work out like this, but I’m still so sorry. I never
wanted to hurt you.”

Derek grabs me in a hug and holds me
close to him. “I won’t pretend it didn’t break my heart a little,
but it’s fine now. I was worried it would be weird, that you hated
me, or that I’d hate you when I saw you. I don’t hate you. I’m so
glad I don’t hate you.”

“
Me too. That would be
unbearable.”

“
And you don’t hate
me?”

I hug him back. “I could never hate
you, Derek. You’re still my friend. I still love you. Just not like
that.”

He steps away. “You’ll always be
special to me, you know.”

“
And you’ll always be my
first. That means the world to me.”

“
Lily, there’s just one
thing…”

“
Anything.”

“
I’m not okay seeing him.
I can’t face it yet. Maybe someday, but it just feels so… I mean, I
feel like you picked
him over me and I’m
just not ready.”

“
Yeah, well, I don’t want
to spend any time getting to know Kelly, either, if it makes you
feel better. I know it’s stupid, but I don’t like thinking about
you with someone else. You’re still such a huge part of
me.”

“
So, baby
steps…”

I nod. “Baby steps. It might take a
long time to be totally okay, but I guess what matters is that at
least we’re not broken forever.”

He smiles. “Maybe just a little
dented?”

“
Dented,” I agree. It
feels good to have this sense of closure, of acceptance, and
although it still hurts that everything I thought I wanted turned
out not to be what I wanted, it makes things a little
easier.

Derek takes my bags and we go to meet
Jon at the car. It isn’t perfect, but it’s not permanently ruined
and that’s what’s important. On the ride home, the conversation
isn’t strained and, although it may not be the same as when we were
all kids, it’s still going home with family. For all the ways I’ve
moved on, I’m still looking forward to returning home for a little
while. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I left a little bit back
at school and I look at my phone, smiling when I see several texts
from Jack. I don’t reply yet, though. I want to call him when I’m
alone and I have some privacy.

That, of course, takes a
while, because my parents want to know every detail about my life.
While I sit at the kitchen table and fill them in on college life,
something strikes me. This is my life, but Jack doesn’t have this.
Right now, I can’t even imagine what he’s doing, but it’s not
having a snack around the table and recalling funny moments at
school. It hits me that
I’m
this for him. I am where he goes to for comfort.
I’ve been afraid to face the darker parts of his past, to embrace
fully what they mean, but sitting here with my family makes me feel
guilty about holding back with Jack. When I finally manage to sneak
away for a few minutes, I call him and he picks up almost
immediately.

“
I miss you,” I tell him.
“I’m sorry it took so long. I needed to relive my entire first
semester around the dinner table first.”

He’s quiet and it just solidifies the
fact that he belongs with me now. I’m his family and he’s
mine.

“
What are you up
to?”

“
Nothing much. I went out
for dinner with Alana and Dave, but now I’m just sitting in my
room, reading. My grandmother wants to take me shopping tomorrow
for shoes.”

“
Shoes?” It seems like a
strange thing to be worrying about a couple of days before
Christmas.

“
She doesn’t know what to
do, Lily. So she buys me shoes and sheets and pans. Because it’s
the only way she can deal with things. Even now.”

It makes me sad to hear him say it.
“Well, what are you doing for Christmas?”

“
Hmm. Let’s see. I’ll
probably open a few things in the morning and have lunch with my
grandmother. She’ll go to the prison in the afternoon, but I’m not
ready. Instead, I’ll probably ride out to see my mom. And then I’ll
come home and drink a shit ton of eggnog. And eventually, I’ll just
drink the rum.”

I laugh a little at his brutal
honesty, but it also hurts to hear it. That’s not Christmas and I
realize I can’t enjoy my own knowing that’s how he’ll spend it. In
that moment, I make a really tough decision, but it tells me
exactly how much Jack means to me.

“
Can I come up for
Christmas?” I always spend Christmas with my family, but Jack is
family now and I don’t want to be without him for the holiday. My
parents won’t be thrilled, but the one thing I’ve learned this
semester is that this is my life – and I need to do what makes me
happy and what is right for me. And today, that’s Jack.

“
What about your family?”
He asks.

“
I’ll see them Christmas
Eve. I mean, unless you have other plans?”

He just laughs, but it isn’t bitter.
“Yeah, you can come up for Christmas.”

“
And I want to go with
you. To see your mom, I mean.”

“
Are you sure?”

“
Positive.”

“
I don’t know what to say
to that.”

“
Don’t say anything. Just
let me in. I’m ready to face it all now, Jack.”

“
I love you, Lily. You
can’t possibly know how much.”

“
I think you’re wrong. I
think I know exactly how much.”

My mom calls up the stairs to hurry
up. Apparently, my reenactment of my first semester is not over.
“Jack, I have to go. My parents need more details of my life, I
guess, but I’ll call you later tonight, okay? I
promise.”

“
Okay. I’ll wait up.” I’m
about to hang up when I hear him speak again. “Hey,
princess?”

“
Yeah?”

“
I’m still broken. I know
that. But the pieces feel like they’re sticking together for the
first time. Like you came along and glued them all back where they
were supposed to go. And I’m sure I’m a patchwork mess, but thanks
for loving me, for wanting to love the mess. For not seeing me as
defective when everyone else did.”

“
You’re not defective,
Jack. You’re just imperfect. And your imperfections fit perfectly
with my broken parts, so together, we’re flawless.”

THE END