Frost on My Window (21 page)

“Holding out?” I repeated.

“About the white boy.”

“He’s not a boy, Lance.”

“Okay, what’s with the white man?” His question was anything but casual as he leaned over to wipe a little bit of dribble from little Michael’s mouth.

I looked up from Michael and met Lance’s guarded face. “We’ve been friends for over a year.”

“So that’s what they call it on the West Coast, huh?”

Refusing to go on the defensive, I barely kept the anger out of my voice. His whole attitude was beginning to piss me off.

“Look, if you have something to say, say it,” I challenged.

He drew back and crossed his legs. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Don’t give me that, Lee. We grew up together. You expecting me to be cool with you and whitey?”

“I’ve learned to stop expecting anything from you, Lance. What I hoped was that you would be more open-minded.”

“About as open-minded as you were when you found out about my son, right?” he replied sarcastically.

“Look. Don’t make me regret pulling your scrawny behind out of the pool back when we were kids,” I warned, reminding him of the time a dare almost got him drowned. “I’ll admit I was disappointed in you, but as you can see from my being here, I support you one hundred percent.”

He sighed and sat back, “You’re right. I owe you more than this.”

“Damn straight.”

“It’s just of all the sistas I know, you were the last person I thought would cross that line.”

“And what line have I crossed, Lance?” I asked, frustrated.

“Don’t give me that.”

“Is it that imaginary color line you’re thinking about?” I shifted to look him full in the face. “Is that what’s got you so uptight? So Sean’s not a black man. Big deal.”

“It is a big deal, Lee. It burns me up to hear some guy talk like this rock star you’re dating has won some competition and scored one for the white guys.” Lance’s voice was filled with indignation.

“What do you think this does to me?” I asked, shaking my head. “Do you think I like being in the news? Do you think I get a kick out of being the topic of people’s conversations?”

“Then cut him loose. Let the man go before he pulls you down.”

I collapsed back into the couch and let out a loud sigh. “It’s not that easy. For starters, I’m in love with him.” I opened my eyes and looked into Lance’s fawn-like eyes. As they searched mine I leaned in closer to tickle the baby with my nose.

“What am I missing here?” Lance asked.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” I turned the question around, surprised by his perceptiveness.

“Something else is up, Lee. I’m not as blind as I was back in college. Something’s got under your skin, I can feel it.”

“It’s nothing,” I lied quickly, looking away from Lance. I didn’t want him to see the glimmer of tears that had come unexpectedly to my eyes.

“Yes, it is,” he declared. “Come on with the truth, supergirl,” he urged gently, taking the baby from my arms.

“I’m pregnant,” I said softly.

“Did I just hear you say you’re pregnant?”

“Yes, you did.”

“Damn,” he cursed.

I looked over to see him staring at me as if I’d just grown another head. “What are you going to do?” Lance leaned in closer.

I shrugged. “I haven’t figured that out yet.”

“Does Mr. Rock Star know?”

“I haven’t told Sean yet.”

“Your parents?”

“No!” I exclaimed, standing up and wringing my hands.

“You have to tell them.”

“When I’m ready,” I shot back, following him into the bedroom and watching as he laid little Michael on the bed and began to change his diaper.

“Man, you’re stressed about this, aren’t you? I’ve never seen you lose your cool like this,” Lance said while patting baby powder on Michael’s little bottom.

“Please excuse me for not being as excited about parenthood as you when you found Michael outside your door,” I replied sarcastically.

“Whoa…” He raised his hands in surrender. “No issues here. I was a mess. But look at me now.” Lance smiled, pointing to his handiwork.

I looked down at the happy infant and my mouth softened into a smile. “Thank you,” I said softly.

“For what?” he asked.

“For putting me in check,” I replied.

“No, the only person here that deserves some thanks is you,” Lance said as we walked into the living room.

“Now,” he turned to pick up the phone. “Why don’t you take a seat? We can kick back and I’ll order in some food.”

I shook my head. “I’d better start for home. They’re working on the subway this weekend, and I’m trying not to get stuck.”

“No sweat, I’ll drive you back to your place. Little Mike loves to ride,” Lance said, dialing. “You want Singapore noodles or Pad Thai?” he asked.

“Nothing spicy. I’ll take the Singapore noodles,” I said, taking a seat on the sofa. “And a spring roll,” I added.

“You got it,” Lance grinned. I leaned back on the cushion and picked up the remote control to turn on the TV.

“Just like old times, huh, Lee?” Lance commented after pulling me into his arms.

I took a deep breath and focused on the opening title of the movie. Just like old times.

Chapter 22

“Hey, Leah,” came Lance’s voice.

I turned my attention from the sight of the Brooklyn skyline.

“Yeah?”

“I’ve got another option for you,” Lance said.

“Come again?”

“How about you move in with me and little Michael?”

“Have you lost your mind?” I asked. His question seemed to come out of nowhere.

“Hold up. Hear me out first. I told you that I was going to move back to Philadelphia, right?”

I frowned slightly. “You’re relocating to work in the Philly office?”

Lance nodded. “I can’t raise Michael on my own, and I think that he needs to grow up around family.”

“That sounds good.”

“Well, if everything goes okay I’ll be closing on the Baileys’ house in three weeks and selling the condo in two,” he stated.

“That’s fast.”

“They’re moving down to South Carolina to be with Mary.”

“That’s their oldest daughter, right? The one who went to Howard?”

“Yep, got a nice house and wants them to live with her. Anyway, their place was just renovated about a year ago. Central air conditioning, new windows, remodeled kitchen and bathrooms and a lot of other things.”

Lance continued, “The house has four bedrooms, a huge attic and a finished basement that I’m going to turn into a home office. There’s a backyard big enough for a garden and a nice-sized garage.”

Lance pulled into an empty parking space and cut the motor. “It’s the perfect place to raise kids, Lee.”

“Lance,” I began, then paused, not knowing what to say.

“You don’t have to give me an answer now. Just think about it, okay?”

I nodded my head before getting out of the car. Too many things were going through my mind at the moment to focus. I paused before shutting the car door.

“Take care, Lance.”

“You, too.”

* * *

I had put my keys down on the side table when I spotted someone out of the corner of my eye. I told myself it was a dream. Sean wasn’t sitting comfortably on my couch. No, he was on the West Coast hugged up with the newest actress of the month. I’d seen it all in my head as I stared at my ceiling at three o’clock in the morning. I’d cursed that man as I saw myself going through labor while he danced cheek-to-cheek with some famous actress.

“Leah, I love you,” he said as I stood frozen with Simba rubbing against my ankle.

I stared at Sean, noting the shadows under his eyes. The evil imp in me wanted to smile at his suffering. It made me feel good that I hadn’t been the only one losing sleep.

He continued as he moved towards me. “I love the things you do, the way you move, the sound of your voice, the way you look at me with utter trust and warmth in your eyes. I like talking with you, holding you, making love to you, waking up next to you. I’ve never felt this way before. You make me whole and I can’t stomach the thought of not having you in my life.”

I shook my head as my stomach rolled. He was saying everything I wanted to hear. All the words a man who loved me more would say. And as he pulled me into his arms, just like some spineless weak heroine in a trashy romance novel you never want your mother to find out you read, I closed my eyes and pushed him away as my stomach heaved. Right in the middle of the most important moment in my life, I rushed to the bathroom and promptly lost my Thai dinner in the toilet bowl.

I came back to reality lying on my bed with Rena glaring at me.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked. My cousin sat down on the side of the bed and shook her finger at me. “Nothing that sleep and vitamins won’t cure,” Rena mimicked my response. “You lied to me, Leah.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but before I could say a word Sean entered the room. “And when were you going to tell me?” Sean’s angry voice contradicted the look of worry on his face.

I wanted to close my eyes and pretend that this was just a nightmare.

“Oh, no, you don’t try that sleep mess with me. We want some answers. Carol called, asking how you were, and I told her you’d passed out in the bathroom.”

“All right,” I interrupted Rena. “I’m not sick. I’m pregnant. Big deal. I found out two weeks ago.”

“We’re going to have a baby,” Sean whispered shakily before catching himself and standing up.

“Rena, could you pack her some clothes?” Sean asked.

“Gladly,” she responded.

I watched as Rena stood up with a smile on her face. “Why?” I sat up looking at the both of them.

“We’re going to Las Vegas.”

“Las Vegas?” I echoed.

“We’re getting married.”

“Oh, no!” I shook my head. This girl wasn’t getting hitched at a twenty-four-hour drive-through.

“Whether you like it or not,” Sean continued as though he hadn’t heard my protest.

I tried to sit up and paled as my head swam. Sean was at my side in a second. “Calm down, darling. Think of the baby.”

I took a deep calming breath and forced myself to relax “I am not getting married…”

“Yes, you are.”

“…in Las Vegas,” I continued.

“I know you’re just upset, but you’re carrying our child. We’ve got to make some decisions.”

“Look, Sean,” I said, my voice gaining strength. “Being pregnant may have changed my perspective, but I haven’t lost my mind. I’ve got a twenty-five-year commitment on top of nine months of pregnancy. Technically, you are not responsible.” The thought of raising a child alone scared me to death. I felt tears start behind my eyes.

“Have your feelings for me changed, then?” His voice softened.

“No.” I shook my head. “But I’m not marrying you because I’m pregnant.”

“Then would you marry me for your dreams?”

“What?”

“The big old house filled with love. That’s why you and I are going to get married. It’s not just your dream, it’s ours. That’s why I’m asking you to be my wife. Because of love, honor, trust, and happiness. I can’t let you take that away from me. Leah Russell, will you marry me?”

I let out a broken sob at his question. Those words were worth more than all the gold in Fort Knox, but only if I allowed myself to believe them.

“Don’t cry.” Sean wiped my tears away with his thumb. “This is real. I love you and I’m not going to go away when you open your eyes. I’m not going to pretend this isn’t as wonderful as it is just because we started out as friends and became lovers. I don’t plan on making Lance’s mistake. You are a treasure and I’m not a stupid man. I plan to keep you and love you for the rest of my days.”

I thought that it might have disappeared, but as Sean took my hand and we sat facing one another on the bed, I felt it swirling heavy between us, that potential unknown wonder, the connection filled with hope and affection. It was the lifeline that had pulled him back from the cliff, the bond that held us together. I wanted to reach out and touch his face and forget everything that had gone so wrong. The urge to just ignore all the negatives that came along with being with Sean was strong, but I drew away.

“No matter what you want, it’s not going to change the fact that you’re a celebrity and people want into your life.” I pressed my nail into his chest. “They want to know everything, and I can’t deal with that, Sean. I won’t have my personal life, not to mention this pregnancy, on full blast in the media.”

“It’ll change, Leah. We’ll be old news soon.”

I shook my head. “You don’t know that.”

“Trust me. I’ve been in this arena for a while. This will all blow over.”

“I do trust you.” I smiled at his optimistic expression. “But I can’t take the risk of you being wrong. I can’t.”

“What do you mean? What have you done?”

“I’ve decided to go home to Philly, Sean,” I lied, saying the first words that came to mind. “I’m going to buy a house down the block from my parents. The family’s moving down to North Carolina. I want my child to be surrounded with family and have a normal life.”

As soon as the words left my mouth I wanted to take them back. No matter how he grew up, my baby would be different. Sean Andrew’s child. I rubbed my temples; it was something I didn’t want to think about.

“And you think that I don’t want that?” Sean questioned.

“No, I’m sure you do. But this whole dream you have of you and me getting married can’t happen. This isn’t a Disney fairy tale and I’m not Cinderella. We’re not gonna have one of those happy endings.”

“Wait a minute. I plan on being a big part of our daughter’s life.”

“Son,” I corrected. I wanted to have a boy. “And I’m cool with that. We’ll just work out some arrangements in terms of visitation.”

“Visitation?” he repeated.

I rushed, “I can support the baby on my own. You don’t have to worry about getting some wild lawsuit.”

“I don’t care about the money. I’ve never cared about money.” Sean shook his head. “And I don’t want to ‘work out’ some kind of arrangement. I want to marry you. I want to be a family.”

I steeled my heart against the soft look I saw in his eyes. “Well, people in hell want ice water,” I said sarcastically. “I want my private life back. I don’t want to see pictures of myself in the
New York Post
or to be the main topic of some television gossip show.”

“You’re scared, Leah.”

“Damn right I am.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have anything to be scared of. Let me help.”

“No.”

“Darling…”

“Oh, no,” I waved my hand. “Don’t try it, Sean. Just go back to your life. Go on tour, go back to the studio, go back to the desert. Hell, date a model. Just forget about me.”

“Not gonna happen.”

“Do it for me, Sean. I’ve got this figured out and there’s nothing you can do to change my mind.”

“Do you really believe I’m going to walk away from this? I love you. Not to mention, you’re carrying my child.”

“My child. And yes, I expect you to let me go.” My voice rose an octave. “You owe me, Sean, for saving your life, for our friendship. This is how you’re going to pay up.” I was pulling out all the stops. I knew that man better than I knew anyone and I knew he wouldn’t make this easy.

“Stop it, Leah.” He grabbed my flailing hands and held them to his chest. “I know you love me and I know you’re scared, but this is us, darling. You and me. There are no photographers or reporters here. Together there’s nothing that we can’t face. We can move to Europe if that’ll make you happy. Hell, how about an island in the middle of nowhere? Just don’t let this go,” he said before kissing me.

Then the world just fell away and there was nothing but the sensation of Sean’s hands on my back and his lips on mine. When he pulled away, I wanted to pull him back. I wanted this to last not for a minute or an hour, but the ’til death do you part’ kind of forever. I knew he’d fight for me come hell or high water, and that was all I needed.

“Sean.” I put my finger to his lips to silence his next words. “Thank you,” I said simply. “Thank you for being such a wonderful man. I know that I’m not really making any sense. But ever since I left Philly and moved to L.A., I’ve been reacting to events in my life: Lance’s wedding, Rena’s troubles, the press…you and me. I don’t want to do that anymore. I need to regain control of my life and my emotions.”

I took his hands within mine. “That’s one of the reasons I didn’t tell you about the pregnancy right away. I love you so much it hurts. Not seeing you gave me the time I needed to see how much you mean to me.”

I continued, “I love you, but I can’t just stroll blindly down the aisle just because I’m pregnant.”

“No, you and I will be getting married because we’re meant to be together. This ring belongs to you and only you.”

The way he bent down on one knee and pulled his hand out of his pocket revealing a beautiful ring stopped my heart. I couldn’t hold back the tears at his words and his gesture.

“Oh, Lord,” I whispered in disbelief.

“I’ve been thinking about putting my mother’s ring on your finger since the time we spent Arizona.”

“But…” I started looking into his green eyes.

“No buts. You and I are going to be getting married, Leah Russell, and it can’t happen soon enough for me,” he said, pulling me close.

“I love you, Scottish,” I whispered, feeling the warmth of his arms wrapped around me. I closed my eyes and smiled. Who would have guessed? I, the little girl who grew up dreaming of the boy next door, had found that in helping out a stranger I’d gained the love of a lifetime.