Full Figured 10 (3 page)

I sat in the youth office at the church, going over the budget for the upcoming Youth Day. I had recently assumed the job of ministry director, as my predecessor had moved into a different department. I could hear the choir rehearsing upstairs, and I mouthed the lyrics as I worked.

I looked up when I heard the squeaky knob turning on the office door. Tangie, the young women's mentor, walked in. We had known each other since childhood, and she was someone I would consider a friend, or at least a close acquaintance. I was always amazed by her state of dress. Her clothes were always a little tight for my comfort, at least in a church. Even her pantsuits left little to the imagination, as they held tight to her curves and to the round ass that she had had since childhood. The boys had always liked her because of her shape and beauty, and even as an adult, she had had an endless number of suitors attempting to get her in the wife position. She got pregnant her freshman year of college, but she managed to finish her education due to her large, supportive family. In fact, she was the only one in our age group besides me who had continued her education at all by becoming a medical lab assistant, even if it was a couple of years after high school.

“Hey, Coral. I need to grab the card to get supplies for the young women's sleep-in this weekend. Don't worry. I'm keeping it simple. Probably hot dogs and chips.”

“Oh, it's fine. We did good this week on money for the young women's programs.” I smiled as I pulled the credit card out of my desk and handed it to her. “What sort of subjects are you guys covering this time?”

Tangie shrugged her shoulders. “I usually just let it go and see what they want to ask. Heather and I like to make the girls feel real comfortable so they can come to us with anything.”

“You guys do a great job.” I smiled again, though I was a little envious of the relationship they had with the teen girls in our church. They were looked at as big sisters, whereas most of the girls barely spoke to me.

“It's all about trust. What we talk about doesn't leave the room. Girl, if you heard some of the things these girls talk about . . .” Tangie shook her head. “And I thought we were bad back in the day. Well, most of us. You were always a good girl.”

I gave a somewhat regretful smile. She was right. When the girls had talked about sex, I had always sat in a corner, completely out of the conversation. When they had tried to include me, I had been so mortified by most of what they were saying that they had eventually just stopped trying. After a while, I believed, they had feared I would rat them out, so they had just stopped talking about things around me altogether. I could remember countless times when I walked into a room, and the conversation stop immediately.

“Tangie, I really was a square, wasn't I?”

Tangie stared back at me. Her facial expression confirmed everything I already knew. I lowered my head as she sat down.

“Coral, it wasn't that you were a square. You just weren't into the things that we were into. It wasn't a bad thing. Hell, it was a great thing, actually. You didn't get caught up like the rest of us.”

“But what do I really have to show for it? I have no real friends, no love life. I just have jobs.”

Tangie scooted her chair closer to my desk. She put her hands on top of my hands on the desk. “Coral, girl, you just don't know how good you have it. You are single, with no kids, and financially independent. And you are in the prime of your life. You literally have the world at your feet. You don't have anyone to answer to or to coordinate anything with . . . well, except God.”

We both laughed.

Tangie went on. “What I'm saying is, if you want to get out there and find your groove, you are well within your rights to.”

“I don't even know where to start,” I replied softly.

“Why don't you come to the lock in tomorrow? Maybe being around some younger people will help you loosen up a bit. And you can give some advice on college and things of that sort,” Tangie said as she stood up. “I'm not taking no for an answer.”

I thought about the offer and wanted to say no. The idea of being in a room with a bunch of teenagers who didn't even like me didn't seem appealing at all. But I could tell by the look on Tangie's face that she meant business.

“I'll be here.” I smiled.

* * *

I stared at my phone as I sat in my car, in the church parking lot. It had been over twenty-four hours, and I hadn't heard from Onyx. I knew it was my fault. I came off as too inexperienced, and probably no man wanted to deal with someone like that. I wanted to cry. The first guy I had ever truly liked was gone before anything could even start.

I grabbed my overnight bag and headed toward the church. I saw two of our older girls, Precious and Caitlyn, walking ahead of me.

“Hi, girls,” I called out.

They turned around and looked at me as if I had the plague.

“Ms. Coral, what are you doing here?” Heather asked with a bit of an attitude.

“Tangie asked me to come. You guys don't mind me crashing your party, right?” I replied, trying to sound as hip as possible. They both looked completely uninterested as they shrugged their shoulders and gave each other a look of complete disapproval as we walked into the church.

The other young women were already settled in the large room in the basement. A phone sat connected to a little blue speaker that looked like a pill, and it was playing music I had never heard before. I knew it wasn't gospel. I suddenly realized that all eyes were on me. The looks ranged from confused to mortified at the sight of an outsider.

“Hey, girl.” I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I turned to see Tangie, who was wearing a pair of cotton yoga pants and a tight tank top.

“Coral, so cool that you came. This is going to be nice,” Heather said, walking in right behind Tangie. Heather and Tangie had been best friends since birth. They tolerated me, but I had never been one of the girls, and I definitely was not as close to one of them as they were to each other. Heather had had her first child when she was a senior in high school. Now she had two boys and was married to her church sweetheart.

“Okay, ladies. So Ms. Coral has been gracious enough to come and party with us. She's just like us. You can talk to her about anything, and the same rules apply,” Tangie said, addressing the group.

Immediately, Precious raised her hand. “I'm sorry, and I don't want to sound rude, but how do we know we can trust her like that?” Precious asked with her arms folded.

From the heads nodding, I knew the other girls felt the same way.

“Because Coral knows the rules. The moment this bell rings, this is an open space for anyone to talk about anything. Nothing leaves this room. Those are the rules,” Tangie assured them.

I could tell my presence was going to take some getting used to, but most of the girls seemed to lighten up with Tangie's words. I knew I needed to say something to reassure them.

“I know that you guys don't talk to me, but I promise you that I do not want to do anything to harm the bond you guys have formed here. I just hope that I can be a part of it and will offer any advice that I can,” I said, finishing with a smile.

To my surprise, the rest of the girls quickly lightened up. Some even gave me a smile in return.

We unpacked our sleeping bags and created a circle. I sat on the little bed I had made out of a comforter I had brought from home. I watched the girls laugh and show Tangie and Heather how to do new dances they had learned. Soon Tangie called for the circle of trust. All the girls sat down on their individual sleeping bags.

“All right, ladies. So I am about to ring the bell. As you know, once the bell rings, we are in an open environment. We are able to talk about anything you would like. Please understand that with some things, we might not be able to give the advice that you want. But we will do all that we can to be as open as you are.”

Within moments I felt like I was sixteen again. I wanted to run and hide in a corner. The girls talked about all types of things I had no grasp on. I sat on my bed, trying to keep a straight face and to not look as mortified as I felt. Plenty of times I had overhead adults talking badly about the youth of today, but never had I thought they were really as sexually charged as they were. When I was young, the idea of giving a blow job was taboo. Now girls were talking about giving blow jobs as if it were a natural day-to-day thing.

I had to commend Heather and Tangie, who were both able to talk openly but did not cross the line with the girls. They gave good advice but never agreed that the girls should be having sex so early.

“Ladies, we can sit up here and talk about sex all day and all night, but this is not what this group is about. You are young women, and I know that the subject is important. But the thing we want you to understand is that there is so much more out there than just sex. That's really why I wanted Coral to be here.”

I turned my head to see Tangie looking at me.

“Coral, do you mind if I share a little with the group?”

I nodded my head, scared about what Tangie was about to say.

“When we were your age, Heather and I were just like you guys. Boys and dating were the only things on our minds. Heather was with her boyfriend, and well, I had a few boyfriends myself. Coral, on the other hand, was more focused on school and put her energy into that. Now Coral owns multiple successful businesses and can literally do whatever she wants in life. Heather and I have families we have to support. We don't have the freedom that we could have had if we had just buckled down.”

The young women were all ears. I listened as Tangie and Heather continued to sing my praises. I wished I felt the same way about myself.

Finally, I spoke up. “Thanks, Tangie, but I would like to add that you need to have a healthy medium. I was far left. I didn't do anything. I didn't go to school dances, football games, and I missed my prom. I never had a boyfriend and never got to experience young love. Even now, most of you didn't even realize I was the same age as Tangie and Heather.”

“So are you saying you think we should be dating and stuff?” Precious asked.

I couldn't believe they were actually listening to me. “I just wish that I would have been more of a teenager when I was young. There are some things you just can't undo. But I'm not saying you should be having sex,” I explained. “I think that sex is something that you really need to be mentally and financially ready to handle. What if you did get pregnant? If you boyfriend refused to help, would you be able to take care of things on your own?”

I was relieved when the open session was finally over. The girls went back to dancing and joking among themselves. I headed to the kitchen with Tangie and Heather to grab more supplies.

“I'm really glad you came, Coral. The girls really listened,” Heather said with a smile.

“I'm glad I came too. It was a little intense, but informative.”

“Girl, sometimes we find it hard to listen to what they are saying. Some of those girls are more experienced than we are,” Tangie said, and we all laughed.

For the first time I felt like one of the girls. I didn't know why, but I suddenly felt completely comfortable with them.

“I haven't done anything that those girls were talking about. I feel like I'm missing out,” I said as I grabbed a bag of chips. I looked up to see Heather and Tangie looking at me.

“Wait a minute. Coral, girl, are you saying you still haven't lost your virginity?” Tangie's mouth dropped open as I shook my head. “How on earth is that even possible?” “Right. Shit, I would die. Are you, like, seriously waiting for marriage?” Heather asked.

“No. I mean, I just never did it. But now it's like I want to experience things, and I don't know where to start,” I revealed.

“You should try online dating,” Tangie said.

I thought about Onyx. “I met this guy, and he blew my mind. But I think that my experience level might have scared him off.”

“When was the last time you talked?” Heather asked.

I told them about the other night with Onyx. They listened to me, hanging on to each word. I could almost feel him again as I relived the moment. I wanted to touch him, or at least hug him and feel his lips one more time.

“Okay. So why haven't you texted him?” Tangie asked.

“Because I'm not trying to look desperate.” I frowned.

“Girl, it's not about looking desperate. It's about showing interest. Maybe he's waiting on you to make the first move. Where is your phone?” Heather held her hand out.

I pulled my cell out of my pocket and handed it to her. I watched as she started texting something on my phone. My body started to tense up.

“Wait. What are you doing?” I said.

“I'm sending him a message. Something flirty and fun, but also serious.” She pressed
SEND
and handed me back my phone. I immediately read the message.

I didn't know what was flirty about the message, but before I could ask, my phone buzzed.

“He responded back,” I yelled excitedly, handing the phone back to Heather. She and Tangie read the message.

“Okay, good. Let me.” Tangie took the phone from Heather and started to type. I waited, biting my nail. Finally, Tangie pressed
SEND
and gave me back the phone. I read her message.