Galaxy Patrol (3 page)

The dome was empty, but at a touch from the captain a circlet of chairs rose from the floor, humping upwards like mushrooms.

The captain gestured to us to take a seat, and obediently I lowered myself into one of the chairs. It felt soft and spongy, like sinking into a marshmallow. Comfortable, though. I couldn't help thinking how my nan would like one. She's always complaining about there being nowhere for her to rest her aching bones.

Rosie stood watching. She said afterwards that she'd been waiting to make sure the thing didn't suddenly turn vicious.

‘Could have swallowed you up, or smothered you!'

I told her quite sharply to sit down. It wasn't polite to remain standing when you were someone's guest and they'd provided special seats for you. I wondered what seats, if any, the captain would provide for himself when he wasn't cloaked in human form. Was he another octopus thing? Would he even need a seat?

Rosie, still suspicious, perched herself on the extreme edge of one of the marshmallows. I saw the expression on her face change as she sank down into its softness. Reluctantly, she gave a little grunt of pleasure. I don't think she wanted to; she just couldn't help it.

‘Well, now,' said the captain. ‘You must be wondering why you've been brought here. I expect you're thinking it's high time I explained…'

Rosie opened her mouth. I just knew she was going to say something that would make me cringe. Unfortunately, my marshmallow wasn't close enough for me to kick her, so I did the next best thing and jumped in before she could get started.

‘Please don't feel you have to rush,' I said. ‘We're not in any hurry.'

‘What are you talking about?' screeched Rosie. ‘I need to get back and finish my homework!'

‘You've got the rest of the evening,' I said. ‘Time's going to be the same when we get back as it was when we left.' The captain had already told us that. Didn't she listen to a word anyone said? ‘We could be here for days, and Mum and Dad wouldn't miss us! They wouldn't even know we'd gone. Isn't that right?' I turned to the captain for confirmation. ‘Sir,' I added.

The look Rosie gave me, you'd have thought
I was something that had been brought in on the bottom of a shoe. Her lip curled.

‘I'm not staying here for
days
! You can, if you want. I'm going home!''

‘Dunno how you think you're going to get there,' I said. ‘Not without someone to transport you.'

‘You will both be going home,' said the captain. ‘Have no fears about that.'

I assured him I had no fears. ‘It's just her,' I said. ‘She always thinks I'm imagining things – spaceships. Aliens. I mean…' I corrected myself, hastily, not wanting to give offence. Rosie had already been quite rude enough for both of us. ‘Different life forms. She thinks you're just made up. Just stupid boy stuff.'

Rosie glared at me.

‘It's true,' I said. ‘You do nothing but sit there and jeer!'

‘It's perfectly understandable,' said the captain. ‘Rosie is obviously one of those people who needs to see with her own eyes. So here you are!' He waved a hand. ‘All the evidence you need … we really do exist!'

Rosie frowned, like even now she wasn't ready to give in and admit it was all happening.
What would it take to convince her?

The captain sank down into a marshmallow. ‘Let me start by telling you something about us. We're a spaceship, as you call them … the
Galactic Empire
. We have a crew made up of nearly thirty different species. Most, including myself, come from planets that are quite unknown to people on Earth. We'd –'

‘'Scuse me,' said Rosie. ‘Can I ask a question?'

‘By all means. Go ahead!'

‘If you're all from different planets, how come you don't all look different?'

‘Well, in our natural forms, of course, we do.'

‘So why hide it?' said Rosie.

Why couldn't she just
keep quiet
? If only there were some way of moving my marshmallow to get me within kicking distance!

‘What I'm saying,' said Rosie, ‘is why not appear in your true colours? Seems a bit of a cheat, if you ask me.'

Was there
no
way to silence her? She was lucky the captain was so patient.

‘Please don't get the idea that anyone is seeking to deceive you,' he said. ‘We simply wish to put you at your ease. It seems only polite to assume the same form as one's visitors, at least to begin with. I noticed that you were quite alarmed when Ensign Gork failed to cloak himself.'

‘That's 'cos he looked like an octopus!'

‘Pardon me,' I said, ‘but if we were on
his
planet they'd probably think you looked like a blob.'

‘Yeah, and they'd think
you
looked like an elephant, with those great ears!'

‘I doubt it,' said the captain. ‘On most of our planets the inhabitants are quite accustomed to seeing those from other worlds. It's true that few have ever actually encountered an Earthling, but they would not find you in any way peculiar. They know that lives take many different shapes and forms.'

Well! That put her in her place. For about two seconds.

‘Let us continue,' said the captain. ‘The
Galactic Empire
is one of several spaceships on patrol throughout the galaxy. We are part of an organisation known as Planetary Investigation and Exploration – PIE, for short.'

He indicated the initials on his shoulder flash … PIE. Rosie looked, and let out a snort.

‘Pie in the sky!'

There was a pause, during which I seriously thought of getting up and clobbering her. The captain seemed puzzled.

‘I'm sorry,' he said, ‘my translator…' He tapped the button in the middle of his logo. ‘Appears not to have come across this expression. Does it have some significance?'

Rosie gurgled, happily. ‘It's what our dad says when he finds something just, like, totally
un-be-lievable
– pie in the sky!'

‘Interesting.' The captain nodded gravely. ‘I must have it programmed in. Thank you for instructing me.'

‘You're welcome,' said Rosie, with a little annoying smirk.

This time I didn't just want to clobber, I wanted to
throttle
. She wasn't usually this bad. Mum sometimes accuses her of being a smart-mouth, and once she was told off for talking back to a teacher, but that's because she just can't seem to control herself. What I mean is, she doesn't normally go out of her way to be insulting. But I couldn't just sit back and let her carry on. She was giving Earth a bad name!

I edged forward on my marshmallow. Earnestly, I addressed the captain. ‘If it's not top secret, or anything, could we hear more about what you do? I happen to be extremely interested,' I said, ‘in learning about space travel. I've done a lot of research on the subject.'

‘I am aware of that.' The captain smiled. ‘It's one of the reasons we chose you.'

Chose
me? So it wasn't just random. I'd been chosen! I couldn't help shooting a look of triumph at Rosie. Not that she took any notice;
she never does. Instead, she had the nerve to turn to the captain and say, ‘Chosen us for what? Exactly?'

I'd have laughed if she hadn't been my sister, giving Earth a bad name. She really thought
she'd
been chosen? Who'd want her? Most likely she'd just been picked up by accident when I was beamed aboard. Some kind of transporter malfunction. These things happened.

‘We shall come to that in a moment,' said the captain. ‘First, let me explain what brings us to this particular corner of the galaxy. We are here on a mission to hunt down members of an inter-planetary terrorist organisation, which goes under the name of SLADE – the
S
ecret
L
eague of
A
lien
De
stroyers. You will no doubt find it difficult to believe, but aliens have been on your planet for decades.'

I knew it, I knew it! I'd known it all along.

‘Many of them,' continued the captain, ‘have actually taken up residence.'

‘What, on Earth?' said Rosie, in her
oh, yeah
? voice.

‘Absolutely! It's quite commonplace. They are scattered across all four quarters of your globe. There can be very few people who haven't
come into contact with one at some time or another – without, of course, realising. They keep themselves very carefully cloaked.'

‘Guess they would,' said Rosie. ‘Octopuses walking down the road'd be a dead giveaway!'

‘Excuse me.' I turned on her, irritably. ‘Some of us are trying to hold a serious conversation here.'

‘Oh, yeah?'

‘Yeah!'

‘So what'll it be next? Lobsters playing football?'

She hooted, happily, at her own turn of wit. I informed her, somewhat coldly, that it was no laughing matter.

‘Speak for yourself. I think it's hilarious!'

Rosie fell back into her marshmallow, clutching her stomach. I looked across at the captain, and shook my head.

‘I apologise for my sister,' I said.

A venomous hiss came from Rosie's marshmallow. ‘Creep!'

‘I've always known there's aliens,' I said. The word had slipped out before I could stop it. I felt my cheeks turn pink, and hurried on. ‘I reckon we've got one in our school.'

‘Probably got a whole lot,' said Rosie. ‘Most of the boys in Year 6, for a start.'

‘Let us see.'The captain tapped a finger to his wrist and a computer screen suddenly lit up the far wall. How had he done that? Must be some kind of gadget he was wearing. Some kind of remote control. ‘Blythe Bridge Middle School, Year 6.'

My
year. And there we all were, on the screen.

‘No! No aliens in Year 6,' said the captain.

‘Try Year 7,' I suggested. Year 7 was
her
year. What a laugh if my sister turned out to be one! But the captain said there were no aliens in Year 7, either.

‘What about the teachers?' I said. ‘Mrs Openshaw … I bet she's one!'

A picture of the teachers appeared, with Mrs Openshaw standing grimly in their midst.

‘Mrs Openshaw is fully human,' said the captain. ‘But that one … Miss Simkins. She's an Argosian. Comes from Argos III.'

Miss Simpkins
?

‘But she's nice!' I said.

‘Yes, she's a real sweetie. She's been on Earth for a few years now. Arrived as a child, with her parents. She's one of the ones who've settled in
really well. A lot never make it. Most return to their own planets within the first year. A few stay on and turn to petty crime. One or two even end up in your prisons. The vast majority, however, are perfectly harmless, just trying to get on with their lives. They go about their daily business, without you ever noticing. They're not the ones we're after. The ones we're after are the ones that SLADE manage to slip through the net. They can be real troublemakers. And that,' said the captain, turning back to face us, ‘is where we need your help…'

Wow! I sat up straighter on my marshmallow. This was serious stuff. The Planetary Investigation and Exploration service needed my help!

‘I am very much hoping,' said the captain, ‘that our appeal will not fall on deaf ears.'

No way!

‘I'll do anything you want,' I said.

‘Hang about, hang about!' Rosie flapped a hand. ‘What exactly,' she said to the captain, ‘did you have in mind? 'Cos if it's rounding up octopuses, it's not really my sort of thing. In any case, like I said, I have to be getting back. It's all very well you keeping on about how time is at a standstill, but I've still got my homework to do. It's OK for
him
.' She jerked her head in my direction. ‘He's only Year 6. He doesn't have any. I've got a whole load!'

Yes, and as far as I was concerned, they could send her straight back to get on with it. I couldn't imagine what help they thought she
was likely to be. She didn't even believe in them!

‘Let me explain the situation,' said the captain. ‘See if I can persuade you. It's not so much a question of
rounding up octopuses
, as you put it. More a question of rooting out an alien bug.'

Rosie jutted her chin. ‘What sort of bug?'

‘An extremely unpleasant sort. One of the most dangerous. It comes from a planet way out on the extreme edge of the galaxy. Not a great deal is known about it, but it's recently come to our attention that SLADE have been recruiting there, and we think they may have managed to smuggle in quite a few of these exceptionally nasty creatures. So far we've located up to a hundred, spread across the globe. There may be more; we're hoping not.'

‘So what exactly do they do?' said Rosie.