Game Over (13 page)

Ms.
Cain, Fab’s mother had a very cold and mean personality, rarely offering up a smile. I’m not going to bite my tongue about it. She never made you feel warm or appreciated. She was angry at the world. She didn’t even seem to show any appreciation for the things Fab did for her. It was now obvious why Fab behaved the way he did. He’d gotten it honest. His mother kept her emotions concealed and it rubbed off on him. I began to wonder if she ever told him she loved him or that she was proud of his accomplishments. After witnessing a few of their interactions, I seriously doubt it. It was also obvious that he didn’t have much growing up. That’s why he always over compensated when he spent money. He wasn’t used to the money. He’d never had it before.

After experiencing his mother’s coldness, I saw Fab in a totally different light. I mean, I had already respected him. Now, though, I saw him as much more of a human being than a rapper, a superstar or even an employer. I realized he had problems and inner demons just like everyone else. The money, cars and fame didn’t make him immune to it.
It simply confirmed what others have said: rappers are real people. I became thankful that he allowed me to become a part of his inner circle. It really meant something to me because I now understood why it was so hard for him to open up to people. I began to see him as a comrade; one with whom we’d tackle the world together.

That was where our official bond began.     

1
5-
Wide Open

August 2005. Every
hotel in South Beach was booked solid. After parties were scheduled for nearly every club and event center. Limo and car services were busier than any other time that entire year. Cameras and flashing lights were everywhere. Celebrity sightings had been reported all over the city all day long. All eyes all over the world were on Miami.

The VMAs were in town.

I’d begun to fall in love with Miami around this time. It had an atmosphere like no other city I’d been to and I’d been to a lot of them. Usually when in Miami, my eyes would be peeled for some sexy man who’d become my meal ticket, flying me all over the world. But that night I wasn’t afforded that luxury. I was there on business. There would be no pleasure, just work. Fab had been grinding for days leading up to the awards show and that night was no different. Even my desire to party had subsided. Whenever free time came about, I preferred to rest rather than party. The rest never really lasted too long because it seemed like as soon as I closed my eyes, my phone would ring and I’d have to handle another matter for Fab.

The day of The VMAs, Fab called me and told me to pick up a female friend of his from the airport. She was coming in from
Virginia. When he told me her name was Emily, I remembered her from the trip we’d recently taken to St. Thomas and St. Kitts. Fab and I had gone there for some Caribbean festival and Emily was the flavor of the week that had been flown in. At that time I figured he must’ve really liked her. My strict orders were to pick her up and book her in a hotel away from ours. She wouldn’t be going to the VMAs with him. I was irritated and he probably heard it in my voice. He hadn’t invited me to the VMAs either. Instead, he wanted me to chauffer around another one of his damn women. The thought pissed me off but I didn’t say anything. Of course, he wasn’t obligated to take me to the VMAs. I wasn’t his woman but damn. After busting my ass for him, he could’ve at least offered.

Nonetheless
, I did what he asked. I scooped Emily up from the airport and got her situated. Since neither of us received an invite to the VMAs and had nothing else planned, we decided to get some wine, order some room service and chill. Why not make the best out of a boring situation? Emily turned out to be mad cool. We sat and talked about damn near anything and everything. It was through that conversation that I discovered she had a past with Fat Joe, Dwyane Wade and a few other well-known celebrities. The fact that she opened up about her personal business and had no regrets about her past made me like her. We laughed and chopped it up like old friends, enjoying each other’s company.

Since she’d messed with several different celebrities, we had something in common. I could understand her
, which made me like her even more. She had swag and a personality a lot different from the other women I’d seen with Fab. Most were bimbos and airheads. Emily was different. She seemed to have her shit together. I could see why Fab was interested in her.

At the time, although Emily seemed cool, I thought Fab
would have his fun and send her back home like he did the rest of his girls. He was notorious for that. I’d seen so many come and go that I really didn’t think she stood a chance, despite the fact that I saw something special in her. I turned out to be wrong though. Right after the VMAs, Fab did something shocking. He moved her into the hotel with us. The shit was unbelievable.

Although he still had his pop off phone, Fab was definitely feeling her. For the next two weeks
while in Miami he had her with him every step of the way. Still, although I knew he was feeling Emily because he’d moved her into the hotel with us, Fab was Fab it was only a matter of time before his true colors showed. I don’t know what it was like behind the closed doors of their hotel room. But when around me and everyone else, Fab gave her that intimate treatment a man is supposed to show his woman. That was rare since he rarely showed emotions. But as I said, none of his other chicks ever had the opportunity to chill with him for weeks straight so I guess that should’ve told me something about where their relationship was headed.

Anyway, it didn’t take long for Emily’s baby daddy to get wind of what was going on
in Miami. From Virginia, he began ringing her cell phone off the hook, wanting to know what was going on and when she was coming home. She let us know that he was cursing her out, “Telling her to bring her ass home.” He must’ve been seriously pissed. I don’t know if it was out of jealousy or something genuine. All I know is he wasn’t feeling the fact that she’d been gone so long.

Emily had left her daughter with a friend of hers
while she chilled with Fab in Miami. Her baby daddy was super furious about that. She told me that he was screaming on her, saying, “You in Miami following behind that rapper.” She told me he started calling her an unfit mother and threatening to get custody. I felt bad for Emily. Even though I’d only known her for a short period of time, there was no way anyone would be able to convince me she was unfit. I could clearly see how good a person she was. She loved her daughter more than life itself. She was just getting away to let her hair down for a moment. Every mother needs that now and then. She knew her daughter was in good hands. If she weren’t, trust me; Emily wouldn’t have left her.

He
r daughter’s father was probably pissed because Emily was fuckin’ with someone who could give her and their daughter something much more than he could. Fab felt sorry for Emily’s situation so in a matter of weeks he invited her to go back to Jersey with us when he was finished with his Miami business. She accepted and rolled with us back to Jersey. His place only had three bedrooms so I was curious as to how that would work out and how long. But above all, I wondered if she would get a bin with her name on it too. The rest of us had to earn ours. 

A week after we got back to Jersey Emily left
to go back to Virginia. At first, I thought it was for good until I realized Fab’s Range Rover was gone. Shortly after, Emily showed back up with her daughter. Not only did she come back with her daughter, she came back with her dog, Chloe, too…and all her personal belongings. My mouth dropped.

Emily’s been sharing Fab’s bed ever since. I guess my question was answered. She earned her spot.
Despite Fab’s lack of showing emotion, things were working out surprisingly. But as I had already discovered and Emily had already learned through experience, being with a celebrity is a difficult task. There’s lots of competition. Because of that, things didn’t stay too rosy in paradise for long. Emily was a trooper though. She put up with more than I think I would’ve.

After Emily moved in, I continued to stay
at the house often. I was there with two other guys that I shared a room with. It wasn’t lavish but I made do. I constantly had a job to do so I never really paid attention to the living conditions. As long as they respected me and my space, I respected theirs and everything was all good.

Shortly thereafter w
e were all back on the road again. We went back to Miami on business to record Fab’s album. Fab left Emily behind though. The reason was obvious. Once in Miami, he was back to his womanizing. It was like that from that point forward. I had to admit, I felt bad for Emily. The two of us were turning into good friends. I liked her and felt she deserved better. But Fab was my boss. I had to stay loyal to him. Surprisingly, even though Emily and I were becoming friends, she never asked me anything about Fab’s infidelities, or anything that would’ve jeopardized my job. I wouldn’t have told her anyway but I was still surprised. Curiosity would’ve had me asking all types of questions. Emily was different, just plain classy. Plus, I’m pretty sure she knew what was going on anyway. She’d been around enough rappers to know they rarely stayed faithful. She just chose not to make a big deal out of it. For whatever her reasons were, she just played her position because no matter how many females he was fuckin’, Emily was the one he loved. I respected her for that.

Things began to take off for Fab even more around this time. His name
had grown larger and more notable. As he became more popular my responsibilities increased. Work became more tedious and time consuming but I handled it. I found myself in October of 2005 in New York at another video shoot. Surprisingly, it was for Blue. Fab was being featured in the video. More importantly, I discovered someone else whom I was already diggin’ and would soon grow almost infatuated with. He was featured also. I won’t say his name and will just call him “Big Money,” my corporate thug.

Filming of the video
, “The Streets on Lock” took place at the perfect time. But I didn’t look too hot with my scarf on my head and shades over my eyes. Baby Blue was pretty much stalking me though, despite my appearance. The two of us were still lightweight fooling around since Atlanta. For me, it wasn’t serious. I’d grown bored with him but he caught feelings and still felt like it was serious. I led him on, I’ll admit. I had to. The nigga had money and I never knew when I might come across a moment when I would need some.

While I was pretending with Baby Blue, my eyes were on
Big Money. I mean, I was peeping his every move. I had a huge crush on him despite only seeing him on a flyer in Rucker Park. Since Smiley, I wasn’t in too much of a hurry to fall in love but Big Money had me thinking about it. He could get it, fa real. The only problem was he didn’t know I existed. He wasn’t paying the slightest bit of attention to me. He’d seen me handling a few tasks for Fab but that was it.

After doing a club scene, the video was finally over and everyone decided to go to a bar that night. While there, I noticed
Big Money sitting in a secluded part of the bar by himself. He was wearing dark glasses, which was weird because the club was mad dark. He had security but it was thin. He hadn’t blown up yet, at least not across the country. He was large across the south. But as far as the rest of the world, he was a new artist with one song out at the time. He finally noticed me and appeared to be signaling me to come to his table. Like an airhead I looked around, thinking he had to be talking to someone else. The man I had such a huge crush on
couldn’t
be telling
me
to come to his table. Come to find out, he was. I got up and headed over to him. Thinking there had to be a catch, I asked, “What you need? Something for Fab?”

“Nah”, he said. “I want
you
.”

Breathlessly
, I had to keep my composure. His voice had me spellbound. It was the same voice I’d heard on the radio in ATL when I was in the car with Baby Blue. Even though I realized it the first time I heard him speak…just being up close and personal with him did something to my insides. Instead of showing him I was into him, I simply asked, “Why are you wearing those shades? It’s dark in here.”

“I don’t like people looking in my eyes.”

We talked for a while and he eventually asked me to come back to his hotel room. I declined though, knowing Fab would be furious if I did. He hated me dating guys in the business. Besides, I had to play hard to get. The two of us agreed to meet up the next day though. He took me out and we ended up back at his hotel that night. That’s when I got to see his eyes for the first time. More importantly, I got to see the
real
him, the one who wasn’t in the media or on stage. It was interesting and a turn on. During that night, he tried to get some ass. As bad as I wanted to give it to him, I had to turn him down. There were two reasons. One: I didn’t want to hear Fab’s mouth. He and Fab were close and I didn’t want to put my job on the line. Two: I was really feeling Big Money. I wanted his respect. I wanted to be more than just a booty call or one night stand. I wanted his heart. It was weird how from the moment I heard his voice on the radio for the first time in Atlanta to the time I saw his face on a flyer, there had been this strong desire for him. It’s unexplainable…just a deep connection that I felt. Real talk: I wanted him to eventually become my husband.

Instead of sexin’, we spent the entire night talking. He seemed to be curious about me and my personal life so I told him a whole lot. I shared
my dreams. He, on the other hand, didn’t share too much. I guess he was feeling me out. That was understandable. I didn’t mind. Plus, I’d heard somewhere that he preferred to keep his personal life just that…personal. When he did open up to me, it was mainly about his plans for the future, his career and the industry. He was cocky. Some would say a little too cocky. I loved it though. Confidence turned me on and was the easiest way to get at me. Especially when the man who possesses the talent is determined to make things happen.

Big Money
kept me smiling that night. He kept me in awe. I loved that about him. That night turned out to mean more to me than any orgasm could. The next night though, I needed more than just his words. I needed more than just his look or touch. I couldn’t hold back.

I needed him inside
of me.

Our third night went a little something like this….In the king-sized bed of
his suite, we tackled one another onto the bed….The moment he entered me I felt like we were consummating something real. I had craved this man for so long. But to my disappointment he was small….real small…yet for the first time in my life I was okay with that. I wanted more than just his sex. Big Money gave me passion. He was the one who could put a smile on my face the moment I heard his voice or saw his face. At the time, I figured we’d get some sex toys later or something to help him in the size department. That’s when it dawned on me, from the moment I’d heard his voice I knew we were soul mates. From that point on I would’ve been willing to break a leg just to get with him whenever time permitted. For months I craved to be with him, almost thirsty, which was so different from the way I felt about guys before.