Give Me a Reason (13 page)

***

They hadn’t had much sleep, but that didn’t factor into the
night. They moved slowly, packing up Toni’s life. The fabric suitcase, worn and
tattered, was found under the bed and filled with the items from the dresser,
and the clothes hanging in the wardrobe were carried down the stairs and placed
in their cars. Laura gathered the papers, pencils and pens that had been scattered
by the scuffle, placing them back into Toni’s attaché, and toiletries were
collected, along with shoes, a jacket, and a carton of cigarettes that had been
sitting on the counter. They had worked quietly, one or the other checking on
Toni every few minutes, but she remained in the corner of the bedroom,
shivering under the blanket that Laura had wrapped around her an hour before.

Finally, Kris returned to the bedroom, and cautiously
approaching Toni, she sat on the floor and held up a pair of trainers and
socks. They had already asked her if she wanted to change, but Toni didn’t have
the strength. So, a few minutes later, dressed in wrinkled pajamas, trainers
and an overcoat, Toni Vaughn left her flat…and her world.

Laura drove down her street, the pavement glistening from the
rain which had fallen hours before, and as she pulled into her drive and
climbed out of the car, the only sound she could hear was the low hum of the
streetlamps. Like a patient just released from the hospital, they guided Toni up
the path and into a house that was warm and smelling of vanilla. Laura turned
on some lights and her shoulders instantly fell. Not one who could be labeled
either neat or sloppy, but rather somewhere in between, the work Laura had
brought home still covered the coffee table and the sofa. She weakly grinned in
Krista’s direction, and the woman replied with her own feeble smile.

They led Toni to a chair, and she sunk into its softness, and
while Kris remained at her side, Laura went about gathering fresh sheets and
towels. The guest room off the lounge had an en suite bathroom, so after
changing the linens and turning down the duvet, the two women practically
carried Toni into the room.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Toni blurted, “I need a
book!”

“I’ve brought one,” Krista said, opening her bag and pulling
out a small, hardcover book. Paying no mind to the confused look Laura was
giving her, Kris placed the novel on the nightstand. “It’s there if you need
it.”

More concerned with her houseguest than the reasoning behind
the book Toni didn’t have the strength to read, Laura stepped in and cupped the
woman’s head, gently lowering her to the cool linen, and as Toni’s head hit the
pillow, their eyes met. Seconds ticked by as they stared at each other, and offering
Toni a soft smile, Laura stood straight and tucked the duvet around her.

Snuggling into the crisp scent of her surroundings, after one
quick glance at the book on the nightstand, Toni allowed exhaustion to take her
to darkness.

***

Early the next morning, Laura called Calloway and spoke to
Irene, apologizing for her absence and that of Toni Vaughn’s. After hearing
what happened, Irene took control. Before Laura hung up the phone, Irene had
figured out how to rearrange the teachers’ schedules to cover Toni’s absence,
and she promised that within the hour, Laura’s appointments for the day would
either be cancelled or moved. Hanging up the phone, Laura returned to the sofa
and fell asleep...again.

Two hours later, Laura's eyes popped open, and she quickly
went to check on Toni for the umpteenth time. Finding herself an inch between
awake and asleep throughout the night, she’d climb off the sofa to peer through
the shadows, making sure Toni hadn’t woken up, and then she’d return to the
couch to toss and turn some more. Her bed was comfortable and warm, but it was
one floor up, too far away if Toni cried out in the night or stumbled in the
dark, but Toni had hardly moved. With her black hair peeking out from under the
duvet, she had remained asleep, eerily quiet for a woman who had gone through
hell only hours before.

Seeing that Toni was still in the same position she had been
the entire night, Laura quietly closed the door and yawned. Looking at her
less-than-tidy lounge, she straightened up a bit, made a pot of coffee and then
checked on Toni again. Convinced that she was still asleep, Laura ran up the
stairs for a much-needed shower. Normally one who took great pleasure in long,
steamy showers, Laura was in and out in an instant, quickly pulling on jeans
and a T-shirt before jogging down the stairs to make sure Toni was all right.

Going to the kitchen, Laura sat at the table, drinking
endless cups of coffee as she thought about her houseguest. When she was about
to make another pot of coffee, the doorbell rang, and sprinting toward the
noise, she opened the front door before the bell rang again.

Introductions were made with weak smiles and whispered words
as Laura led them to the kitchen. Krista’s partner appeared to be in her early
thirties and matched Laura’s height and weight almost exactly. Her dark brown
hair was wavy and cut short, and her steel blue eyes were framed by gold
wire-rimmed glasses that made her appear bookish and smart.

Coffee was poured and they gathered around the kitchen table,
talking in hushed tones as they discussed the possibilities. They knew Toni
couldn’t return to her apartment. Even if the door was repaired, the damage had
been done. Toni would never feel safe there again. Robin and Kris volunteered
to change their plans, but altering their holiday was out of the question. With
the babysitting argument still fresh in her mind, Laura wouldn’t allow them to
make the same mistake. Toni needed a roof, a bed and a friend, and until Robin
and Kris returned, Laura would offer all three. Finishing their coffee, they
spoke itineraries, giving Laura all their information, and then Krista crept
into the bedroom and placed a soft kiss on Toni’s forehead, and in a whisper,
they were gone.

Chapter Twelve

Laura looked up from her book when she heard the bedroom door
open, smiling instantly at the woman in the rumpled sleepwear. “Hey there. How
you feeling?”

“I’m...I’m okay,” Toni said quietly. Seeing a bunch of her
clothes stacked on a nearby chair and her small suitcase sitting next to it on
the floor, she asked, “Why’s my stuff here?”

“Kris and I didn’t think you’d want to go back to your place,
so we grabbed everything we could carry last night and brought it over here for
safekeeping.”

“Oh.”

It was clear to Laura that Toni was totally out of her
element. Her eyes darted around the room as she continued to clutch her pajama
top tight against her bosom, and her face, already pale, grew more ashen.
Believing that the last thing the woman needed was to be mothered, Laura stayed
on the sofa, giving Toni a few moments to get used to her surroundings, but
when Toni began to sway, Laura jumped up and ran to her side.

“I think you had better sit down before you fall down,” she
said, guiding Toni to the couch.

“I’m fine,” Toni said, sinking into the sofa.

“So you’re saying you always sway like that.”

“Just a bit unsteady. Still waking up. What time is it?”

“Almost five.”

“Oh. I...I should get ready for work,” Toni said, trying to
stand. “Can you take me to get my car?”

“Toni, it’s Friday
night
.”

“What?”

“You were exhausted and I didn’t see a need to wake you. I
called work this morning and had Irene rearrange our schedules.”

“Oh...okay,” Toni said, staring off into space. “That’s
fine.”

Eyeing the woman for a moment, Laura tried her best to remain
nonchalant. “Hey. You hungry?”

“What?”

“Toni, when was the last time you ate anything?”

“Huh?”

“Did you have dinner last night?”

“Oh...um...no, I don’t think so.”

“Well, how about I make us something to eat?”

Thinking for a moment, Toni said, “If it’s okay, I mean...I’d
like to get cleaned up a bit. That is, if you don’t mind?”

“Of course I don’t. Bath or shower?”

“What?”

“Do you want a bath or a shower?”

Toni was uncomfortable, and it was beginning to show. Coffee
conversations were one thing, but sitting in Laura’s lounge, dressed in
pajamas, made her uneasy. She didn’t like new. She didn’t like change, and the
more she looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings, the more nervous Toni
was becoming. Running her fingers through her hair, she croaked, “I don’t think
I can do this.”

“Yes, you can. Be right back,” Laura said, picking up the
suitcase. Giving Toni a quick smile, Laura ran up the stairs and left the woman
alone with her thoughts.

Sitting tight-kneed and rigid on the overstuffed sofa, Toni
nervously rubbed the back of her neck as she looked around the room. By the
thick wood moldings and the high ceilings, it was clear that Laura’s house had
been built long before the age of “less is more.” The front wall housed a bay
window, the seat of which was covered in small, mosaic tiles of brown, tan and
gold. A few houseplants sat near the panes of glass, and a row of votive
candles, in glass cups of dark green, lined the front edge. In lieu of
draperies, each window had Roman shades, and the fabric, a muted pattern of
yellow, green and tan stripes, accented the soft yellow of the walls perfectly.

To her right was a small fireplace. Covered in flagstone, it
was capped by a thick, white mantle and above it hung a simple watercolor of
two lilies reaching for the sun. Like many of the older homes, built-in storage
units flanked the hearth, but those in Laura’s lounge were low to the ground
and acted as window seats. The fabric on their cushions as well as the sofa was
off-white, but while the ones under the windows were solid in color, the sofa’s
upholstery had a light olive leaf design running through it.

“Are these okay?”

Startled from her thoughts, Toni looked up to see Laura
holding a pair of her pajamas in her hand.

“What?”

“Never mind,” Laura said, handing Toni the clothes. Pointing
to the stairs, she said, “First door on the left. I ran you a bath.”

“I didn’t ask you to do that.”

“No, you didn’t, but I think after the night you had, a long
soak in a hot tub is just what the doctor ordered, don’t you?”

“I shouldn’t be here.”

“What? All of a sudden you don’t like my company?”

Shaking her head, Toni asked, “Why are you doing this?”

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t.”

***

Toni couldn’t remember the last time she had taken a bath.
Her apartment had only a shower, crammed into the tiny bathroom as if an
afterthought and Thornbridge had offered even less. There, her weekly wash took
place in a large, tiled room filled with other women, all fighting for position
under the shower heads suspended from the ceiling, hoping that the drizzly
spray of tepidness could wash away a week’s worth of dirt.

She couldn’t help but grin at the mountains of bubbles that
floated on the water and the smell of strawberries and cream that filled the
air, but as she put her foot in the water, she hissed. It was hot, the type of
hot that takes one’s breath away, but nevertheless, you crave more. Toni wanted
the heat to surround her, to soak into her pores and extract the tension of the
last twenty-four hours, and as she lowered herself into the water, it did just
that. She washed and scrubbed and then relaxed against the back of the claw
foot tub, allowing seconds to turn into minutes, content in listening to the
sound of the bubbles as they slowly faded away.

When the water cooled enough to cause goose bumps to appear
on Toni’s skin, she climbed out, pulled the chain and allowed the water to
escape. Drying herself with a fluffy green towel that Laura had left folded on
the sink, Toni stopped when she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror.

The bruises were long since gone, but she could still see
them, and while many of the scars had also disappeared, they still existed in
her mind. Under her left breast was one that would never go away, put there by
a rotund guard whose belt was long and heavy-buckled. He had stood there in the
shadows and chortled as he inflicted yet another punishment, and the sound of
his laughter echoed through her brain. Running her fingers over the scar, she
heard the crack of leather in the air and she winced, remembering the pain of
that night.

Mentally, Toni shook her head and reached for the pair of
pajamas Laura had picked out for her. They were Toni’s favorite pair, and she
wondered how Laura knew. Dark red and softened by dozens of washings, she
pulled them over her long legs and smoothed the flannel, welcoming their
comfort and their warmth. They made her feel safe...and she liked that.

As she gathered her things, making sure she hadn’t forgotten
anything, Toni noticed a pair of thick, wooly socks knotted in a ball on the
sink. Soft and bulky, she knew they weren’t hers, but she also knew they were
meant for her. Pulling them on, she softly padded from the room.

Returning to the lounge, the first thing Toni noticed was her
clothes were missing from the chair, and the second thing made her mouth water.
Following her nose, she hesitantly walked into the kitchen and silently watched
as Laura fiddled with something on the stove.

It felt odd to be there. To be in a place cozy and filled
with home-cooked aroma was new. She knew that just under the surface her fears
existed, but for now, for this split-second of her life, it felt good to be
alive.

Laura turned and discovered Toni standing in the doorway.
“Hey there. Feel better?”

“Yeah,” Toni said, looking down. “Thanks for the socks.”

Laura glanced down and smiled. “The floors get cold, and I
couldn’t remember packing any of your slippers.”

“I don’t own any,” Toni said as she looked toward the lounge.
“Speaking of packing, where are my clothes?”

“Oh, I put some in the wardrobe in your room and the rest are
on your bed. The dresser is empty, so feel free to use it.”

“You act as if I’m going to be here for more than just
today.”

“Well, Kris said they were going on a two-week holiday, and
between my schedule and yours, that doesn’t leave a lot of time for apartment
hunting, so I thought we’d just wait until they got back.”

“Two weeks? I can’t stay here for two weeks!”

“Why not?”

Toni stopped and tried to come up with a valid argument. The
only place she had ever felt safe was safe no longer. Her flat held memories of
an intrusion now, a violation of her existence and no matter how many new locks
could be put on the door, it would never be enough. “I...I just don’t want to
intrude. That’s all.”

Placing some plates on the table, Laura chuckled softly.
“Toni, you’re not going to intrude. This house isn’t huge, but there’s plenty
of space for both of us. Now what do you want to drink with dinner?”

***

Laura had made a chicken and rice casserole, and while it was
a simple recipe, her guests had always asked for seconds, all of them except
for Toni.

“Let me get you some more,” Laura said, reaching for the pan.

“No, I’m fine, Laura. I don’t really eat very much.”

Laura knew Toni was telling the truth. She had stopped by
Toni’s classroom enough in the past few months that seeing her eat half of a
sandwich for lunch had become commonplace. Even when they had gone out to
dinner that one time, to a restaurant known for its large portions, Toni had
ordered the smallest filet on the menu.

About to clear the dishes, Laura stopped when she noticed
Toni frowning. “What’s wrong?”

“I...I want to apologize for what happened last night,” Toni
said, staring at the table. “I didn’t mean to hit you or...or push you. I was just
scared.”

“I know you were.”

Raising her eyes to meet Laura’s, Toni whispered, “I still
am.”

“Of me?”

“Of everything,” Toni said, drawing in a ragged breath. “Of
being here. Of not being able to go back to my flat. Of people and strangers,
and places I haven’t been. Everything.”

“Toni—”

“Look, I was thinking, maybe I can get a room at Calloway for
a while.”

“There aren’t any rooms open, and even if there were, you
can’t stay there. You don’t belong there.”

“I don’t
belong
anywhere.”

“You used to.”

Toni sat in silence, trying to remember what it was like to
be whole...to be her. That person had all but disappeared now, but like dust
particles floating in the air, tiny fragments of memories swirled in her mind.
Remembrances of dinner parties with colleagues and drinking with friends and
brief flickers of evenings requiring tuxedos, and mornings when she awoke in
the arms of another went in and out of her mind at breakneck speed. The collage
of images seemed familiar, but they also felt foreign and false, as if they’d
been put there by somebody else.

“That person is dead, Laura,” Toni said with no emotion in
her voice. Getting to her feet, she went to her bedroom, closing the door on
her memories, her pain, and on the woman who was trying to be her friend.

***

Saturday was a quiet day in the MacLeod household. Laura
tapped away on her laptop, entering information, working on reports and
compiling data while Toni remained sequestered in the guest room, making an
appearance only once when she came out for coffee.

By early afternoon, Laura began to worry. Scanning over the
travel plans that Kris had left her, she picked up her phone and called Toni’s
best friend.

“Hi, it’s Laura.”

“Hey. How’s Toni? Everything all right?”

“It’s kind of hard to tell. She’s only come out of her room
for dinner last night and coffee this morning.”

“She’s out of her element.”

“Tell me about it,” Laura said with a sigh. “Kris, what do
you know about her not eating?”

“She’s not eating?”

“Well, no, last night she had some dinner, but honestly, a
three-year-old could have eaten more, and this morning, all she’s had is
coffee, and when I offered to make her something, she refused. Said she wasn’t
hungry.”

“Honestly, I’m not sure. She’s been like that since she got
out of Thornbridge. She only eats so much, and that’s it, except when she was
pissed off at you over that apple thing. She devoured half a pizza that night.”

“She likes pizza?”

“Doesn’t everyone?”

“Kris, do you know what her favorite food is?”

“Oh, that’s easy. Lasagna.”

“Lasagna?”

“Yeah, back in the day, she could finish off a whole one all
on her own.”

“Wow.”

“Tell me about it. It used to piss me off how much she could
eat without gaining any weight. She’s got the metabolism of a bloody horse,
that one.”

Although tickled by the jealousy she heard in Krista’s voice,
Laura stayed on track. “Anything else?”

“Sorry?”

“Foods, drinks…snacks?”

“Laura, what are you trying to do, fatten her up?”

“No, I’m trying to get her to talk to me.”

“By feeding her lasagna?”

“Well, it’s better than an apple, isn’t it?”

***

Toni spent her day lying on the bed, staring at four walls
and a window. It had been easy to construct walls around her mind and her
heart. Prison had taught her that, and over the past few years, she had managed
to keep Krista at bay, her questions silenced by a look or a threat, but Laura
was different and Toni didn’t know why. Hearing the knock, Toni sighed. It
wasn’t even easy to keep doors closed when Laura was around. “Come in.”

The door opened just a smidge and Laura peeked in. “Dinner
will be ready in fifteen minutes, and I’m not taking no for an answer.”