Give Me a Reason (40 page)

Laura molded herself to Toni, grinding her bottom into Toni’s
pelvis as she felt Toni begin to work the button and zip on her jeans, and when
Toni backed away to push the denim down her legs, Laura waited in gasping
anticipation.

She thought she knew how accomplished Toni was as a lover,
but standing there as she was being stripped of her clothing Laura felt as if
her knees were about to buckle. This was new. This was different. This was
about control...and Toni wanted all of it.

“I want to take you here,” Toni said in a voice, hungry and
deep. “Tell me I can take you here.”

Hearing Toni’s tone, Laura’s desire surged. Standing nude in
front the makeup table, as she felt the slickness of her excitement begin to
coat her thighs, Laura answered in a ragged whisper. “Do it, Toni. Do it.”

Behind her, Laura heard the rustle of clothing, and looking
over her shoulder, she watched as Toni stripped herself of her shirt and bra.
Her eyes locked on Toni’s, and Laura’s breath caught in her throat as she
watched Toni kick the chair out of the way as she returned to her side. With
one sweep of her arm, Toni cleared the surface of the makeup table, and the
mascara, eye shadows and small mirror fell to the carpet in a muted clatter.
Gently pushing Laura to the table, Toni placed her leg between Laura’s and
spread them wide.

For Laura, the position was new. If it had been anyone else
standing behind her, she would have been frightened to be so exposed and
submissive, but this wasn’t anyone, this was Toni…this was the woman she loved.
Their lovemaking had been voracious at times, but never like this, and Laura
found herself excited to the point of nearly climaxing right then and there.

“Are you sure?” Toni asked in a breath.

“Yes…oh, God, yes.”

It was all Toni needed to hear, and wasting no time she slid
her middle finger inside Laura. 

Grabbing the edges of the table, Laura held on as Toni pumped
in and out of her, greedily accepting every thrust with fervor, and when she
begged for more, Toni gave it readily. Probing deep and wiggling her finger,
she’d then pull it out and slide it through grooves of pink, slippery softness,
following every demand Laura voiced as their love turned feral.

The little table squeaked and groaned under their weight, but
neither paid attention as again and again, Toni drove into Laura, and again and
again, Laura pushed back in return. Mindless of the want soaking through her
khaki trousers, Toni continued to give Laura everything she asked for, and as
drops of sweat fell from her brow to Laura’s glistening back Toni leaned
forward and rubbed her breasts into the wetness.

Laura couldn’t believe the feelings raging within her. She
had never felt so uninhibited, so bawdy, so wanton. Naked and splayed, she was
Toni’s to do with what she wanted, and Laura found herself craving the unknown,
the unbridled, and the years of practice ahead of them...to make perfect.

Suddenly, Laura felt Toni remove her finger and in a plea,
quick and raspy, she said, “No, Toni. More...give me more.”

Toni had every intention of giving Laura more. Pulling her
off the table, she lowered her to the floor, and as their eyes locked, Toni
spread Laura’s legs wide.

“Oh...yes...” were the only words Laura could manage before
Toni pushed two fingers inside, and relentlessly, she began again.

Raising her knees, Laura surrendered herself to Toni, lifting
her hips to take everything Toni was giving. Feeling Toni's thumb against her
clit, moving quickly back and forth against the hardened nub, Laura drew in a
sharp breath, preparing herself for what was to come.

It happened within seconds, a powerful surge of pleasure that
caused Laura’s body to tingle and then go rigid. Her muscles tensing at the
unstoppable, Laura cried out as her body released, and clamping her legs around
Toni’s hand, wave after glorious wave forced moans from her lips and want from
her body.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

“Did I scare you?”

“When?”

“Earlier tonight.”

“No, of course not.”

“Are you sure?”

“Toni, when I’m…” Laura stopped as the waiter approached the
table with a small basket of bread. Waiting until he walked away, she pulled
two rolls from under the cloth and placed one on each of their plates. “Toni,
when I’m with you, the only thing that scares me, and I’m not even sure that’s
the right word, is the fact that
if
I had any
inhibitions, they disappear when we’re together.”

“Is that good thing or a bad thing?”

“You tell me.”

Returning Laura’s smile, Toni said softly, “I love you.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart,” Laura said, reaching across
the table to take her hand. “And if I could, I’d give you the world.”

“I don’t think I’d want the world.”

“No?”

“No, too many sloppy people to pick up after.”

Narrowing her eyes in mock annoyance, Laura took a sip of
wine, and then looked down at the menu. “See anything you like?”

“Yes, I do.”

Laura didn’t need to look up to know that Toni didn’t have
entrées on her mind, and pausing for a second, she lifted her eyes. “I’m
talking about what’s on the menu.”

“Trust me, so am I.”

Swallowing hard at Toni’s inference, Laura quickly glanced
again at the selections. “So, how hungry are you? Did you want to split
something?”

“No, I think I’ll be able to finish a plate on my own.”

Five months of living together had afforded Laura time to get
to know her housemate, and even though Toni’s idiosyncrasies were many, when it
came to her ability to go without food, Laura was now an expert. Slowly looking
up, when she saw Toni’s head buried in the menu, Laura knew the answer before
she asked the question. “You didn’t eat anything today, did you?”

With a sigh, Toni put down the menu. “No, not yet, but before
you go jumping to any conclusions, I’m not falling back into old habits. When I
woke up this morning, my stomach was in knots, and when we got home...well, I
was
hungry
for something else.”

Laura smiled, deciding the point could not very easily be
argued. “Okay, but promise me something?”

“Anything.”

“Don’t order the smallest filet on the menu tonight.”

“I actually have my eye on the Aberdeen Angus rib eye, if you
must know.”

Before Laura had a chance to respond, the waiter appeared,
and while some of Toni’s habits were disappearing, others were still alive and
well. Having used up her remaining courage to walk into the crowded restaurant,
Toni assumed the posture of an obedient prisoner, and without missing a beat,
Laura quickly ordered their meals.

As soon as the waiter disappeared, Toni looked up. “Sorry. I
know I should be better at this by now.”

“Is that what Abby says?”

“No, she’s never put a time limit on anything.”

“Then why are you?”

“I just want to be norm—”

The word died in Toni’s throat when she saw Laura go rigid,
and quickly backpedaling, Toni said, “I just wish I could find the courage to
make it through an entire day. I mean, it took me all week to get up enough
nerve to face those blokes today, but I managed it. I felt really good about
it, but then we get here, and I can’t even order my own bloody meal. It’s like
I take one step in the right direction, and then two in the wrong. It gets
downright dizzying sometimes.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself.”

“Ya think?”

“I know,” Laura said, reaching across the table to touch Toni’s
hand. “Sweetheart, six months ago you couldn’t leave your flat, but tonight
we’re sitting in a crowded restaurant, and the only issue you’ve had was
ordering your food. Now stop being so hard on yourself and remember that Rome
wasn’t built in a day. All right?”

“Your mum told me the same thing when we went up to visit.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was wound up about something, and she told me that Rome
wasn’t built in a day.”

“Smart woman, my mum.”

“Yeah. I think she takes after her daughter.”

Smiling, Laura said, “Speaking of my mum, I was wondering how
you’d feel about going Christmas shopping tomorrow. She sent me a list of ideas
for the kids, and I’d like to get as much of it out of the way as possible
before we leave.”

“I thought you were meeting Abby for lunch.”

“I am, but that’s not until one, so I thought maybe we could
hit the stores early, but I’m afraid it’s going to be busier than usual, so if
you don’t want to go, I’ll understand.”

“No, I’d like to, but as early as we can, if that’s okay.”

“It’s fine, Toni. It’s absolutely fine.”

***

Abby walked into the restaurant, and allowing her eyes to get
accustomed to the dim lighting, when she saw Laura waving at her from a booth,
she took off her coat and went over. After kissing Laura on the cheek, Abby sat
down. “I’m a little surprised not to see Toni here.”

“I invited her, but she had a rough morning.”

“Oh? What’s happened?”

“Christmas shopping.”

“Oh my,” Abby said, slouching in her seat. “The crowds got to
her?”

“She was doing okay for a while, but we ended up in a toy
store. People were pushing and shoving to get the latest and the greatest, and
she couldn’t handle it.”

“Did she have a panic attack?”

“No, I got her to the car and then home. She was feeling a
bit down on herself and decided to take a kip.”

“And how are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Laura, you do know that she may never be able to handle
certain things, don’t you?”

“Yes, Abby, I’m fully aware of my partner’s problems. We’ve
had this conversation before, remember? Please stop doubting my love for her.
Okay?”

“I’m not. I know you love her, but it has to be a bit
disheartening for you when things like this happen.”

“I’m not discouraged, Abby, quite the opposite. This just
makes me love her more because even though it’s difficult for her, she keeps
trying. I don’t care if it takes a hundred shopping trips, or a thousand
dinners, we have lots of years ahead of us, and I plan to be there for her
every step of the way, even if some of those steps are backward.”

A waitress appeared, and quickly scanning the menu, they
ordered their drinks and lunch. Waiting until the woman walked away from the
table, Laura said, “Speaking of steps, I’m thinking about taking one, and I’d
like your opinion.”

“All right, but are we talking about my professional opinion or
my personal one?”

“A little of both, I think.”

“Okay, I’m listening.”

Pausing for a moment, Laura said quietly, “I’m thinking
about…about buying Toni a ring.”

“A ring?”

Laura nodded and waited for the penny to drop.

“Are you talking about an
engagement
ring?” Abby blurted.

“Yes.”

Smiling, Abby leaned back. “That’s a hell of a Christmas
present.”

“It’s got nothing to do with Christmas. I just love her so
much, and I want her to know that I’m in this for the long haul.”

“And you don’t think she believes you are?”

“Sometimes, I’m not so sure.”

“Why?”

“It’s like today…we were out buying some gifts and I noticed
a couple of things I thought would look good in the house. When I asked her
what she thought, she said that whatever I wanted was fine, like she didn’t
care, but I got the feeling she didn’t think she had the right to give her
opinion.”

“You mean, since it’s your house and not hers.”

“Yeah.”

“And you think proposing will change that?”

“Well, it would definitely show her that I mean business,”
Laura said with a laugh. “I just don’t know how else to convince her. One day,
she seems secure and talks about children and forever, and the next, she won’t
even help me pick out a new set of towels.”

“Quite multi-faceted, our Toni.”

“Tell me about it,” Laura said with a snort.

Abby’s professional thoughts about Toni blended with her
personal ones, and the result brightened her face. “Do you want to know what I
think?”

“Yes.”

“I think if you love her, then go for it. Go with your gut
instinct, Laura. If there is anyone who knows Toni, it’s you.”

“But will she think I’m moving too fast? I know we’ve only
been lovers for just over a month, but we’ve known each other for almost a
year, and I honestly can’t imagine ever being with anyone else. I just can’t.”

“Laura, have you forgotten about my parents? They got married
less than five months after they met, and a few weeks ago, they celebrated
their thirty-fifth anniversary. There’s no time limit on falling in love. It
just happens, and as to what Toni may think, yes, it’s possible she could feel
you’re moving a bit fast, but from where I’m sitting, you’re doing this for all
the right reasons. You’re not suggesting that this is a quick fix for what ails
her. You’re showing her that you’re committed to your relationship.”

Laura perked up in her seat. “Thanks, that’s what I needed to
hear.”

“Now I have a question.”

“Okay?”

“I’ve never shopped for an engagement ring before, so do you
want some company?”

***

“I need your finger.”

“I love it when you talk dirty.”

“Behave. I’m being serious.”

“So am I.”

Grinning, Laura motioned toward the gift she was wrapping. “I
need you to put your finger in the middle, so I can finish tying this ribbon.”

Reaching over, Toni placed her index finger on the
intersecting strands of red. “And here I was getting my hopes up.”

“Your hopes will be answered later
if
we get all these presents wrapped tonight.”

Looking at the piles of bags and boxes of toys stacked in the
lounge, Toni said, “I don’t know if I have that much energy.”

“That’ll be the day.”

Smiling, Toni glanced back to the instructions in her hand.
Squinting as she read the tiny printing for the third time, she let out a sigh
and put them aside. “Girls or boys?”

“What?” Laura asked, looking up from her wrapping.

“Do you want girls or boys?”

“I just want them to be healthy. As for their sex, I’ll leave
that up to God.”

“And the sperm bank.”

“Yeah, I suppose.”

“Will that be okay for you? I mean, not knowing the father.”

“I didn’t know mine, and I turned out all right.”

“That’s different.”

“Not really. He never had anything to do with how I was
raised. He wasn’t there to teach me right from wrong, or to look both ways
before I crossed a street. Everything I am, I owe to my mother.”

“Except your DNA.”

“I’ll give you that, but from what I’ve read, we’ll know
almost as much about the father of our children as my mother did about my
father, except for his name, of course.”

“So, you’ve been reading, have you?”

“Just a little,” Laura said quietly. “Do you mind?”

“Of course not. You need to know all the facts before
committing yourself to this relationship. Weighing your options is smart.”

Frowning, Laura pushed aside the package, got to her feet and
headed to the stairs. “I’ll be right back,” she called out, running up the
steps. “Pour us some wine. Will you?”

Although confused by Laura’s quick exit, Toni did as asked
and when she returned to the lounge a few minutes later, she found Laura
sitting cross-legged in the middle of the sofa. Handing her a glass, Toni
settled into her corner, but as she went to retrieve the toy instructions,
Laura pulled them from her hand and tossed them aside.

“What’s wrong? I thought my job was to assemble and yours was
to wrap.”

“Wrapping can wait.”

“Oh, no it can’t,” Toni said, grabbing for the directions. “I
have hopes, Laura, and you’ve made it perfectly clear that they won’t be
answered until all these gifts are tied up in pretty ribbons.”

“I have hopes, too.”

“I know. That’s why I want to finish.”

“I’m not talking about that.”

“No?”

“No,” Laura said as she handed Toni a box wrapped in gold
foil.

“What’s this?”

“Open it and find out.”

“I thought tonight’s goal was to wrap not
un
wrap.”

“It was, but now it’s not.”

“Can I ask why?”

“Did you like those towels the other day?”

“Excuse me?”

“When we were shopping…those orange towels I said I liked.
Did you like them?”

“What’s that got to do with wrapping presents?”

“Toni, stop talking about the bloody presents and answer the
question.”

“But I don’t understand—”

“Jesus Christ! Will you please just—”

“Okay. Okay. No, actually I didn’t like them. Satisfied?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I just did.”

“No, I mean when we were in the store. I asked your opinion,
and you said whatever I liked was fine. If you didn’t like them, why didn’t you
just tell me?”

“I know that you want to include me on decisions, Laura, but
this
is
your house.”

Pursing her lips, Laura let out a slow breath as she stared
back at Toni. “Open the present.”

“Isn’t it a Christmas present?” Toni asked, once again
returning her gaze to the gift in her hands.

“No, it’s not.”

“But it’s wrapped in foil.”

“Do you see a candy cane or a reindeer on it?”

Glancing at the gold wrapping, Toni said, “Well, no, but
since Christmas is just around the corner, I thought—”

“Do us both a favor. Stop thinking and open the box.”

“It looks like clothes,” Toni said, shaking the package.

“You’re seriously trying my patience.”