Give Me a Reason (48 page)

***

Alone on the patio, Toni pulled her coat tightly around her
as she took a drag of her cigarette and gazed up at the evening sky. The sun’s
brilliance had long since been lost over the horizon, but a thousand stars and
a phosphorescent moon illuminated the blackness of the night. With the
temperatures dropping throughout the day, she wasn’t surprised when she saw
snowflakes begin to fall. Drifting to earth in a silent ballet, they floated
and twirled their way to her, and she smiled as she watched them melt on her
skin. It was quiet and peaceful, and with only the occasional rustle of dried
leaves in the gardens to keep her company, when the back door suddenly opened,
Toni nearly jumped off the bench.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Laura said, closing the
door behind her. “I thought you might want something to drink.”

Handing Toni a mug, Laura sat next to her, snuggling close
against the chill of the night. “Mum said it was a perfect night for hot
chocolate, and seeing the snow I’d have to agree.”

“Me, too,” Toni said, taking a hesitant sip of the steaming
cocoa. Wrapping her arm around Laura’s waist, she pulled her closer.

Giggling, Laura asked, “Are you trying to stay warm or
looking for a good time?”

“A bit of both, I think.”

Each got quiet as they watched the snow continue to fall,
until after a few minutes, Toni said, “I’d like to have a garden like this
someday.”

“We can, if you’d like.”

“Yeah?”

“Sure, but we probably need to find a place to live before we
start talking about landscaping.”

“Oh, Christ, I forgot about that.”

“Well I haven’t, and when we get back home, we need to start
looking, don’t you think?”

“I suppose.”

“What’s that about?” Laura asked, pointing to the frown on
Toni’s face.

“I know you’re going to want me to go with you, but I’m not
sure I’ll be able to manage walking into strange houses.”

“You’re second guessing me again.”

“Sorry, I just don’t want you to do all the legwork.”

“I won’t. Sweetheart, once I tell the estate agent what we’re
looking for, she’ll do most of the work. Plus, they all use the Internet now,
so once we see something online we like, then I’ll call and arrange a time for
us to see it together. Okay?”

Smiling, Toni placed a quick kiss on Laura’s cheek. “So,
where do you want to live?”

“Wherever you feel the most comfortable.”

“I like it here.”

“That would be one hell of a commute.”

“No, I mean, I like being away from the city. I like being
able to sit outside and hear birds sing instead of traffic noise.”

“Okay, we’ll try to find a place away from all the hustle and
bustle. How’s that?”

“That works.”

“Big house or small?”

“That depends on whether you were serious about having that
horde of children you were talking about.”

Pausing for a moment to think, Laura said, “I think large
would be a good idea.”

“I’d like to get an older one though. Something...something
we can fix up together. Something that has some character.”

“Okay, but I’ll be honest with you. I’ve never really been
into home repair.”

“Neither have I, but it will give me something to do when
you’re waddling around with a swollen belly…for years and years and years.”

Even though Toni’s words were playful, the message she was
sending was clear. Laura’s eyes turned glassy as she gazed back at the woman,
and then with a sigh, she leaned in for a kiss. The night was cold, but Toni’s
lips were warm and welcoming, and feeling no need to rush, a dozen light kisses
were given until the tip of Laura’s tongue touched Toni’s lips. A
pleasure-filled moan rose from Toni’s throat as their kiss deepened, and when
they finally came up for air, their breath steamed and swirled around their
heads before fading into the darkness.

“I love you,” Laura whispered softly.

“I love you back.”

“You’re amazing.”

“Kiss that good, was it?”

Grinning, Laura said, “Yes, it was, but that’s not what I’m
talking about.”

“No?”

“You surprised me today.”

“How so?”

“When the ladies from the church stopped by. You weren’t
nervous at all, were you?”

“No, actually I wasn’t.”

“Can I ask why?”

“I think it’s like Abby said,” Toni answered, lighting a
cigarette. “Make things familiar and they’re not as scary. I know where the
doors are in this house and where things are kept. I know that our room is
right up the stairs and the patio is out the back door, and I know that your
mum and dad are good people. It’s not every day a parent learns their child is
gay. And even though they both said it was okay, saying it and showing it are
two different things, but they’ve done just that. They aren’t put off when I
touch your hand or kiss your cheek. It truly is okay, and because of it,
because of how they’ve reacted, or better yet, how they
haven’t
reacted, they’ve given me a reason to trust
them and to know they’ll protect me.”

“Well, if they won’t, I will.”

“I know you will.”

Gazing at the woman whose black hair was now dusted with
white, Laura reached up and brushed away a few snowflakes. “Toni?”

“Yeah?”

“Kiss me again.”

“My pleasure,” Toni said, quickly tossing her cigarette in
the snow.

***

“What are you doing standing in the dark?” Eleanor asked,
walking into the kitchen.

“Come here,” Bill whispered.

Raising her eyebrow, Eleanor went over and stood in front of
Bill, and following his line of sight, she looked out on to the patio. Seeing
their daughter locked in an embrace with Toni, she said quietly, “I believe
this is called voyeurism.”

“I think it’s called watching young love. Honestly, Ellie,
have you ever seen two people more in love than those two?” he asked, wrapping
his arms around her waist.

“Yes, I think I have,” Eleanor said, giving him a quick
glance.

“I said
young
love,” Bill
quipped, resting his chin on her shoulder.

With a snort, Eleanor nodded. “Point taken.”

“You know what I find amazing?” he said softly, watching as
his daughter brushed snow from Toni’s hair.

“What’s that?”

“You had such an issue with Laura wanting to dye her hair or
pierce her lip when she was sixteen, yet when she comes home and tells you
she’s in love with a woman it’s simply not a problem. Don’t you find that odd?”

“Not really.”

“No?”

Leaning against his chest, Eleanor smiled when she saw the
two women on the patio, once again locked in a heated embrace. “Those things
would have taken away our daughter’s beauty. Toni adds to it. Laura stands
taller when she’s around Toni. Have you noticed? She positively beams when the
woman walks into a room or makes a joke. It’s like...it’s like they complete
each other. What
I
find amazing is that when
Toni gets scared, Laura can calm her with just one touch, and when Laura gets
fired up, like the other night when we were making fun of her decorations, Toni
can calm her down with just one whisper.”

“You have any idea of how proud I am of you?”

“Me? What did I do?”

“You turned that little girl of ours into one hell of a
woman, one hell of a human being for that matter. You made her strong and
smart, and caring and beautiful. Christ, Ellie…she’s perfect.”

“I’d like to think you had something to do with that.”

“Hardly! I wasn’t around. Remember? The only thing she got
from me is a few gifts she doesn’t even know I gave her.”

“You’re wrong,” Eleanor said, turning in his arms. “She has
your smile, and the green in her eyes comes from you. She has your intelligence
and your sense of humor, and God help us all, William, she has your temper,
too. She’s the best of both of us. Yes, I raised a child alone, but every time
I looked at Laura, I saw you, and with that much love in my heart, how could I
possibly go wrong?”

Chapter Forty-Six

“What’s wrong?” Laura asked, seeing the puzzled look on her
mother’s face.

“That was Nancy on the phone. It seems that she’s decided to
have afternoon tea Thursday, and we’re invited.”

“That’s kind of odd, don’t you think?”

“What’s odd about an afternoon tea?” Toni asked, glancing up
from her book.

“It’s not the tea so much as the time of the year,” Laura
said. “She normally holds them only in the spring or summer, and they’re always
formal. Fancy clothes, cucumber sandwiches, white gloves…she goes all-out.”

“I didn’t bring any white gloves,” Toni said through a grin.

“Neither did I.”

“Well, it appears that we don’t have to worry about that,”
Eleanor said, returning to her spot on the couch. “Apparently, she feels horrid
about the remarks she made when we had lunch the other day, and she’d like to
make it up to us.”

“But we’ll see her on Saturday,” Laura said.

“Yes, I know, but she thought it might be better if the
family got to meet Toni without all the commotion that goes on over there on
Christmas day. She’s already called the girls, and they have the time, and she
made it clear that it wasn’t going to be anything formal. Just a small family
gathering over some tea and scones.”

“Long way to go for scones, if you ask me,” Bill grumbled,
tossing a magazine aside. “Well, I hope you ladies enjoy yourselves.”

“You’re invited, too.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to go, now does it?” he said, crossing
his arms across his chest.

“You will if you know what’s good for you,” Eleanor said,
giving his knee a squeeze.

Their eyes met, and before Eleanor had a chance to blink,
Bill’s face became etched with cheerful surrender. “Yes, dear...as you wish.”

“What do you think?” Laura asked, turning to Toni. “She lives
about an hour and half away, and we’ll see her at Christmas, so if you want to
skip it, that’s fine with me.”

Thinking for a moment, Toni leaned back into the sofa. “No,
if it’s all right with everyone else, I’d like to go. It might help take the
edge off.”

“The edge?” Bill asked.

Laura opened her mouth to speak, but Toni quieted her by
touching her on the arm. “I’m at my worst when I’m somewhere I’ve never been,
and even though Laura hasn’t said anything, I know she’s a bit worried about
Christmas.”

“Toni—”

“Darling, it’s okay. You and I both know that it’s one thing
to put me in a house that’s unfamiliar, but add to that the fact I’m going to
be amongst virtual strangers, we could be asking for trouble, and we both know
it. I, for one, don’t want what happened in the pub to happen again at
Christmas. If we go up a few days early, I can meet your cousins and get the
lay of the land, so to speak. I think it would definitely help.”

“Good, then it’s settled,” Bill said, relaxing into the sofa.
“We’ll visit on Thursday and enjoy a nice day without all those children
running about.”

“William!”

“What? Oh, come on, Ellie, that little Myles needs a good
thrashing, if you ask me. Always running all over the place yelling
mine, mine, mine
. It truly is obnoxious!”

“He’s three.”

“Well, if they don’t start disciplining him, I’ll doubt he’ll
see four.”

“He’s not that bad.”

“He’s not that good, either.”

“He’s a child.”

“Laura was never like that.”

“How would you know? You weren’t there, remember!” Laura
blurted, glaring in Bill’s direction. “What makes you think you have the right
to judge a child’s behavior? You gave that up when you decided that catching
fish was more important than being a father. Stop insinuating that you knew me
back then, Bill, because you didn’t…and you still don’t!”

A deafening silence fell over the room, and scowling, Eleanor
shook her head. “Laura, please—”

“No, Ellie, she’s right. I wasn’t around,” Bill said quietly,
all the while returning Laura’s angry stare with one of his own. “But I do know
your mother, Laura. She would have never allowed you to act so rudely. I fear
you must have learned
that
all on your own.”
Getting to his feet, Bill headed toward the kitchen. “I’m going out for some
air.”

Watching as he left the room, Eleanor sighed as she glared at
her daughter. “I thought you were going to try to get along with him?”

“I was. I am, but it just...it just came out. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not the one you need to apologize to,” Eleanor said as
she got to her feet and headed toward her bedroom. “Toni, do me a favor? When
William comes back inside, tell him where I am. Will you please?”

Anger flickered in Toni’s eyes as she glanced at Laura.
“Sure, I’ll let him know.”

“Shit,” Laura said, flinching when the bedroom door closed
with a bang.

“He didn’t deserve that,” Toni said through clenched teeth.

“I was only stating the truth.”

“No, you were ramming it down his throat. There’s a
difference.”

“I’m sorry, but I was sitting there listening to him talk
about raising a child and I just wanted to remind him—”

“But you don’t have to. Don’t you get that?” Toni said as she
stood up. “Laura, that man doesn’t need to be reminded of what he did because
it looks him square in the eye every bloody day!”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Darling, look around you. This house is filled with
photographs of you, but none of them include him. He sees a picture of a little
girl in pigtails with a missing front tooth, but he never had the chance to
play tooth fairy for her. He sees her dressed for a dance, standing next to a
young man in an ill-fitting suit, and he wonders if
that
boy was the one. He sees you standing on the steps of your university with
diploma in hand, but he can’t remember the day or the smile you had when they
called you up on that stage, because he wasn’t there. The other night, he sat
where you are right now and cried his eyes out as he read the Christmas cards
you made for your mum, all the while wishing that one of them had been
addressed to him. Laura, you don’t have to remind him that he fucked up. Trust
me, he knows!”

“Then why can’t he tell me that?”

“Would it make a difference? Would words really be enough for
you, because they aren’t for me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just because someone tells me to trust them doesn’t mean I
can, or I will. I need a reason. You
know
that, and Bill knows that you need more than words in order to have a reason to
forgive him, so he’s doing the only thing he can do. He’s giving you time to
get to know him and hopefully to love him.” Taking Laura’s hand, Toni said,
“Laura, you’ve given me so many reasons to trust and to love, but you also
taught me something that I don’t think even you realize.”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t live in the past so much that it blinds you from the
future.”

Letting out a ragged breath, Laura said softly, “What do I
do?”

“Go tell your
father
that
you’re sorry.”

***

Laura was standing at the counter when he walked in the door
and looking up, she asked quietly, “I was just making some tea. Would you like
some?”

Bill took off his coat and tossed it on a chair. “No, I think
I’ll have something stronger if it’s all the same to you.”

Before he could take a step, Laura pulled two glasses from a
cabinet and poured a splash of Scotch in each. Picking up one, she offered the
other to her father.

“Thanks,” he said quietly, taking the drink. Unable to make
eye contact, Bill sat down at the table, bowing his head and staring blankly at
the glass in his hand.

“I want to apologize for what I said earlier,” Laura said,
looking over at the man slouching in his chair. “You were right. It was rude
and uncalled for.”

“That’s okay. We both know I deserved it,” Bill said. Taking
a sip of his drink, he paused and then raised his eyes. “I can’t go back in
time and change what I did, Laura.”

“I know.”

“I’m not expecting you…I’m not expecting you to ever look at
me like you do your mother. She’s your parent, and I never was, but I hope
you’ll be able to accept the fact that I’m here now, and I’m staying. I love
your mother, and even though I’m sure you don’t believe it, I love you, too,
and I plan to spend the rest of my life proving it to both of you…as well as to
your charming partner.” Seeing his daughter’s face light up, Bill added, “She’s
marvelous, Laura.”

“Thanks,” she said, walking over to sit at the table. “She
likes you, too, which actually surprised me.”

“Do you really think me that horrid?”

“No…no,” Laura said, placing her hand on his arm. “That’s not
what I mean.”

If Laura was still speaking, Bill didn’t notice. Mesmerized
by his daughter’s touch, he stared at her hand on his arm and remembered tiny
fingers reaching out to him so many years before. How could so many years have
passed, yet her touch still feel the same? Brought back to his senses by the
chimes from the mantle clock, he took a hasty sip of his drink before raising
his eyes to meet hers. “I’m sorry…you were saying it wasn’t what you meant?”

“No, it wasn’t,” Laura said, shaking her head. “Driving up
here, all I could think of was all the things that could possibly rattle Toni.
I knew that she’d be okay here in this house, but when it came to meeting the
family and meeting you, I wasn’t so sure.”

“I’m not that awful, you know?”

Leaning back in her chair, Laura said, “Christ, you’re as bad
as Toni. She’s forever trying to put words in my mouth, and she’s horrible at
it. Apparently, so are you.”

“Oh…right. Well, perhaps I should let you finish then.”

“Good idea,” Laura said with a chuckle. “Like I was saying,
she’s at her worst when she’s around strangers, and especially men, but around
you, she’s fine. A bit hesitant at first, but now it’s like…I don’t know, like
she’s known you for years and trusts you completely.”

Thinking back to Toni’s fall from the ladder, Bill said
softly, “That’s because she knows I’ll never give her a reason not to.”

***

Hearing the door open, Toni looked up from her book. Smiling
as Laura walked into the room, she watched as she placed two cups of tea on the
night stand. “So, did you get a chance to talk to your dad?”

“Yeah, when he came inside,” Laura answered, kicking off her
shoes and heading into the bathroom. “I apologized and told him that I’d try to
curtail comments like that in the future.”

Toni sat cross-legged on the bed watching Laura through the
crack in the door. She was all too familiar with Laura’s nightly routine of
removing makeup, washing her face, brushing her hair twenty times and then
cleaning her teeth, and Toni found herself looking forward to a lifetime of it.

When Laura finally emerged, she saw Toni’s giddy expression
and jerked back her head. “What’s that look for?”

“I just like the way we are. That’s all.”

“What do you mean?” Laura asked, stepping out of her jeans.

“It’s nice. Watching you get ready for bed...taking off your
clothes. It makes me smile.”

“I can see that, but that smile usually leads to other
things, and I don’t know that my back can handle another night on the floor.”

“Is that your polite way of telling me to get my hormones
under control?”

“Maybe,” Laura said, removing her bra and quickly pulling on
her pajamas. “But if you’re lucky, they can run free and wild tomorrow.”

“Why’s that?”

“Da...um…Bill and Mum have a few things to get in Stirling
tomorrow, and he asked if we wanted to come along, but I told him no.”

“No? Laura, I told you this morning that I wanted to go out
one more time.”

“I know you did, but we can do that on Wednesday.”

“What’s the difference?”

Sauntering over, Laura pushed Toni to the mattress. Quickly
straddling her, she placed a light kiss on Toni’s lips. “The difference is that
tomorrow
, we’ll have the house to
ourselves
.”

***

The bed squeaked from their movements, but neither paid
attention to the noise. With Eleanor and Bill out of the house, they were free
to make love without the constraints of silence…and they were making good use
of their time.

Before Bill’s SUV disappeared down the driveway, Toni found
herself being pulled up the stairs, and while she laughed at Laura’s eagerness
to get her alone, when she saw the heat in the woman’s eyes, Toni’s amusement
turned into something else.

After closing the door to their bedroom, she took Laura to
orgasm pressed against it, and minutes later, Toni found herself being stripped
of her clothes and taken to climax as she stood in the middle of the room. Out
of breath and covered in sweat, they ended up on the bed, lying naked on the
sheets as their bodies slowly cooled.

A short time later, passions flared again. Climbing atop her
lover, Toni groped and tweaked the breasts offered her while Laura ground
herself into Toni’s wetness until she begged Toni to take the lead...and take
it, she did. Rolling Laura to the mattress, Toni lapped at her juices until
Laura couldn’t bear it any longer, and when the moans of her climax finally
quieted, Laura gave back to Toni what she had been given, two times over.

“Do you think your parents will be suspicious when neither of
us can move later tonight?”

Grinning, Laura looked at her exhausted, albeit happy,
partner. “We’ll get our second wind.”

“I already had my second wind, and my third, come to think of
it. Don’t know if I’ve got any left.”

Seeing that Toni’s nipples were once again erect, Laura
smiled and lightly touched the closest. “It appears that you do.”