Give Me a Reason (44 page)

“I hope you don’t mind me volunteering to help you girls
decorate.”

“Um...no, that’s fine.”

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to suggest we start on the
outside tomorrow. If I know Eleanor, she’ll probably have us hanging lights
from the chimney, and they’re calling for more snow in a few days. I don’t want
any of us standing on ladders in that kind of weather.”

“I’m afraid all the ladder work will be up to you and me.”

“Why’s that?”

Pushing what remained of her cigarette into the dirt of a
nearby planter, Toni said, “Laura’s afraid of heights.”

When Bill didn’t respond, Toni looked in his direction, and
watched as he slowly took a long pull on the pipe.

“I...I had no idea,” Bill said softly as he turned to look at
her.

Even in the shadows of the night, Toni could see the hurt in
his eyes. He was a father who had a child he didn’t know. He was clueless as to
her favorite color or the type of music she liked. He had no idea if she
enjoyed cooking or had a hobby, and the only thing he
thought
he knew was that one day she’d marry, start
a family and give him grandchildren he’d probably never see, but even that was
wrong…well, maybe just a bit.

“She’s not very fond of spiders either,” Toni said, hoping to
provide him a bit more insight.

Giving Toni a quick glance, his frown eased just a bit.
“Truth be known, neither am I.”

It was enough to lighten the mood, and even though the night
was frigid, neither seemed to want to leave the bench. Lighting another
cigarette, Toni asked, “So, what time do you think we should get started
tomorrow?”

“I can be here at any time. Earlier the better, as far as I’m
concerned.”

“Well, we might have a problem convincing Laura of that.”

“Oh? Not an early riser?”

“If early is noon, then yes.”

Letting out a laugh, Bill said, “It seems I have a lot to
learn about her, don’t I?”

“I think we all have things to learn.”

“That’s why I offered my services in the decorating
department.”

“It is?”

“Well, I’d like to get to know you both better before the
family gathers, and I find you can learn a lot about a person whilst watching
them untangle Christmas lights.”

“Is that the only reason you volunteered?”

“What do you mean?”

“I just thought maybe you were trying to spend a bit more
time with Eleanor, now that you’re back together.”

Having just taken a pull from his pipe, Bill began to choke
on the smoke. After coughing and sputtering for several seconds, he glanced in
Toni’s direction. Seeing her smile, he returned the look. “You’re perceptive,
I'll give you that. Can I ask how you knew?”

“I spent a lot of years with nothing better to do than to
watch people. When you came into the house, you couldn’t take your eyes off
her. It seemed to me that you both were trying hard to hide your smiles, and
Eleanor had this...um...well, she had this look in her eye.”

“A look? What kind of look?”

“Let’s just say I’ve seen it in Laura’s before.”

“Did you tell Laura about this?”

“No. We haven’t really had a chance to chat since you got
here, and it’s not my place to tell her, now is it?”

“No, I suppose not, but feel free to take the initiative,” he
said, chortling as he re-lit his pipe.

“You think she’ll have a problem with it?”

“She hates me. Of course, she’ll have a problem with it.”

“I think you’re wrong. I mean, from what she’s told me, she
doesn’t really know you that well, and she’s never used the word hate when she
talks about you.”

“Well, I know how she feels about you,” Bill said, taking a
puff on his pipe. “You can see it in her eyes and in her smile. She has a
marvelous smile, don’t you think?”

“Yes, she does,” Toni said, eyeing the man to her right. “Can
I make an observation?”

“Of course.”

“It’s clear to me that you love Laura, so why doesn’t she
know that?”

Taking a deep breath, he said, “Because I walked out on them.
How do you forgive someone for that?”

“It seems Eleanor has.”

“And I give thanks for that every day, but she and I have a
history. We share memories filled with love and laughter. Laura doesn’t have
those memories. She was too young to remember…thank God.”

Wrinkling her brow, Toni asked, “What do you mean, thank
God?”

Pausing for a moment, Bill took a long pull on his pipe. As
he slowly let the smoke escape, he thought about the woman to his left. Well
aware of how difficult it was for her to trust anyone, while he had never told
a soul about what had happened…trust goes both ways.

“Thirty years ago, I was a young and strapping lad who
thought there was nothing I couldn’t do. I worked hard and I played even
harder, but then one day, Ellie told me she was pregnant and all of a sudden,
nothing else mattered. I didn’t care if I ever played another game of football
or stepped foot on another boat.”

“But I thought—”

Shaking his head, Bill said, “The happiest day of my life was
the day Laura was born, but she was so bloody small. I was as strong as an ox
and just about as clumsy, so it took Ellie days before she finally convinced me
to hold Laura, and then I never wanted to let her go. Oh Christ, she was so
soft, and she smelled...she smelled so new.”

“Then why did you leave?”

As Bill remembered that day so many years before, tears
welled in his eyes. Taking another pull on his pipe, he said, “When Laura was
barely six months old, she got a wee cold. Eleanor needed to go into town to
get some medicine, so I stayed home with the baby. A few minutes after Ellie
left Laura began to cry and try as I might, I couldn’t get her to stop. She
just kept crying louder and louder, and gasping for air. It was positively
awful. I felt like such a fool because I’d seen Ellie calm her so many times by
simply carrying her around the house or rocking her in her arms, but when I
tried it, it made matters worse. Christ, talk about frustrating! Anyway, having
run out of ideas, I decided to just lie on the bed with her until Ellie got
home, and within a few minutes, Laura stopped crying. I was so bloody proud of
myself, because I accomplished what I thought was impossible. You know?”

“I can imagine.”

“Well, after a short while, Laura fell asleep, and I got up
to make a cup of tea. It was only a few seconds. A short walk to the
kitchen...it was just across the way, and then I heard her scream. God, what an
awful sound that was...what an awful, awful sound...” Bill’s voice trailed off
as he hung his head, and sliding down his face, his tears fell to the slate in
silence.

Without giving it a second thought, Toni reached over and
took his hand. Holding it gently, she gave it a squeeze as she waited quietly
for him to continue.

Wiping the tears from his face, Bill shook his head. “She had
fallen off the bed. She...she must have rolled over, and when I ran back into
the room she was on the floor screaming so bloody loud...so bloody loud.
Christ, I wanted to die. I got her to the bed and took off her outfit, this
stupid little thing with all these snaps, but I couldn’t even find a bruise.
There wasn’t a scratch or...or a bump...or anything, but it didn’t matter.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wasn’t fit to be a parent. I was a clumsy oaf and I almost
destroyed our child. How could I have faced Ellie if that had happened?” he
said, raising his eyes to meet Toni’s. “By the time Eleanor got home, Laura had
stopped crying, but I couldn’t bring myself to let her know what I had done. It
was the last time I ever picked up Laura or stayed at home with her alone, and
before she had turned one, I asked Eleanor for a divorce. It was the hardest
thing I ever had to do in my entire life, but I loved them both too much to
stay.”

“Maybe it’s time Laura found out the truth.”

“What? Tell her that her father was a coward? I’m not sure
that’s a lovable trait.”

Toni smiled, remembering all the times she had used that word
to describe herself to Abby. Squeezing his hand again, when Bill looked up, she
said, “I’ve called myself a coward more times than I can remember. I’m afraid
of strangers and of places I’ve never been, and I’m not sure I’ll ever
completely grasp the concept of trust again.” Still holding on to Bill’s hand,
she gave it a shake. “And touching someone...or having them touch me
usually
causes my heart to race, but Laura has
looked past all of that. She’s looked past the scars and all of my defects and
sees what’s underneath. I can’t tell you if cowardice is a lovable trait or
not, but I can tell you that your daughter doesn’t base her opinion about
someone just because they think themselves weak. I’m living proof of that.”

“Toni, you’re her partner. All I am is a stranger.”

“William, your blood flows through her veins, and whether you
were there to see her first steps or take her to school doesn’t erase that
fact. You gave up something precious and your reason for doing so was anything
but cowardly. It’s probably the most unselfish thing I’ve ever heard, and one
of these days Laura needs to know the truth. Give her a reason to love you, and
trust me…she will.”

Chapter Forty-Two

Having already discussed the plans for decorating the night
before, when William showed up the next morning, the women had already emptied
the attic of all the boxes marked
Xmas
. Due to
Laura’s aversion to heights, Toni and Bill had agreed that they would do the
exterior of the house, while Eleanor and Laura would begin inside. As the boxes
were brought downstairs, the ones marked
Inside
had been put in the lounge, while the ones marked
Outside
had been placed in the front hall. When Bill walked into the house and noticed
the stack by the front door significantly smaller than the one in the lounge,
he glanced at Toni and winked. Unfortunately, his cheerfulness was short-lived.

Explaining she had purchased a few new things, Eleanor led
them down the hall to her home office, and sliding open the pocket doors, she
happily pointed to the stack of LED lights sitting on the floor. A short time
later, bundled up and carrying insulated cups of coffee, Toni and Bill trudged
out into the brightness of a chilly winter morning.

When Eleanor had decided to move from the city to the
country, her goal had been to find a small cottage tucked somewhere off the
beaten path. She wanted to enjoy quiet nights and star-lit skies without the
noise of traffic or neighbors who played their music loud enough to rattle
windows. She had spent several years searching through listings for homes
situated around the cities in which she worked, and like so many other
prospective buyers, many of her weekends had been spent at open houses,
grimacing at the decorating tastes of others.

Discouraged and tired, she was driving away from yet another
open house when she saw a
For Sale by Owner
sign on the side of the road. Peering through some overgrown weeds, she noticed
a gravel driveway, and carefully maneuvering her car around the underbrush, she
came upon a stone cottage covered in ivy. At first, sighing at the fact that it
was almost twice as large as what she wanted, she, nonetheless, rapped on the
door. Three hours later, she left holding a purchase agreement in her hand.

Built before World War II, the house had seen its share of
conversions, both inside and out. While the stone façade for both the house and
detached garage remained as it had been some eighty years before, the windows,
doors and roof had all been upgraded only a few years before Eleanor moved in.
After signing on the dotted line, her first order of business was to have all
the ivy removed, and once a few spots of mortar were repaired, and the trim
around the windows and doors received a fresh coat of paint, the old house
didn’t look so old…at least not on the outside.

Enlisting her daughter’s help, over one very long weekend,
they had worked at cleaning the house from top to bottom, and once the painters
were finished the following week, Eleanor’s not-so-little country cottage was
quickly becoming a home.

In order to capture as much natural light as she could
through the small, boxy windows set deep into the stone, all the walls and
ceilings had been painted white, while colors to match the décor of the rooms
had been chosen for the trim. The oak flooring, darkened by years of wear and
varnish, had been stripped, sanded and re-coated and now its honey-color helped
reflect the light streaming through the window panes.

Having seen her share of interior design horror stories in
her many years as an estate agent, Eleanor’s approach to decorating the lounge
was simplistic and comfortable. Knowing that the focal point of the lounge
would be the wall covered in stone holding one of the three fireplaces in the
cottage, she purchased a broad-striped area rug with bands of tan and cream to
cover the floor, the colors matching with the natural sandstone almost
perfectly. The creamy hues repeated in the upholstery covering the sofa and
chairs surrounding the hearth, and an over-sized burnt-orange ottoman acted as
the coffee table, with the shade repeating in the throw pillows scattered on
the sofa, as well as in the curtains surrounding the windows.

Careful not to go over the budget she had given herself,
while Eleanor had sold most of her old furniture to make room for the new; several
pieces in dark walnut were kept and now acted as accents in the room. Given the
size of the lounge, her favorite reading chairs now sat opposing each other
near the two windows on the front wall, and a tiny table on which to place her
nightly cup of tea stood in between. Bookcases that had once stored her child’s
board games had been painted white and placed along the walls, with each shelf
now holding pictures and mementos gathered through the years.

Returning from the kitchen with two cups of coffee in her
hand, when Eleanor saw her daughter standing by one of the front windows, she
grinned. “You know, if you keep checking on her, we’ll never get anything
accomplished.”

“It’s just that she’s out of her element here,” Laura said,
turning away from the window. “And she has problems when it comes to
strangers.”

“I don’t think I’d classify your father as a stranger. True,
they only just met last night, but it seems to me that they’re getting on
rather well.”

Eleanor was right. The night before, although hesitant at
first to join in the conversation around the dinner table, as the evening wore
on, Toni’s anxieties seemed to fade. By the time the meal was over, she was
easily conversing with both Eleanor and Bill, and when he had arrived at the
house that morning, Toni greeted him with a handshake without batting an eye.

“Yeah, I guess,” Laura said, glancing out the window again.
“But he is a man…”

Rolling her eyes, Eleanor walked over and pulled Laura away
from the window. “Laura, I know that Toni has certain issues when it comes to
being around men, but this isn’t just
any
man.
This is your father. I know you don’t know him very well, but I do, and they’ll
be fine. Now, stop worrying about what’s going on outside and help me get this
room in order. Okay?”

Looking around at the stacks of boxes scattered about, Laura
said, “Okay. Let’s get to work.”

“That’s my girl,” Eleanor said, handing Laura a cup of
coffee. “Now, have a sip of that while I go fetch the step stool.”

A few minutes later, Eleanor returned, and seeing the amused
look on Laura’s face, she asked, “What’s so funny?”

“Apparently, Bill isn’t the only man you know,” Laura said,
holding out her hand.

Confused, it took Eleanor a few seconds to realize what her
daughter was talking about. “Oh my,” she said, taking the navy blue boxers from
Laura. “Can I ask where you found these?”

“I was moving the magazine rack out of the way. They were
behind it.”

“I see,” Eleanor said, crumpling the boxers in her hand.
“Well, let me just put these in the laundry, shall I?”

Before Laura could say a word, her mother left the room, and
immediately Laura’s smile returned. At first, shocked to discover the
undergarment, the more Laura thought about what it could mean, the happier she
became. Through the years, her mother had dated a few men, but none had been
around for long, and as far as Laura knew, none had ever visited her mother’s
bed…until now. Believing that Eleanor had finally found someone special, Laura
was overjoyed, but she wasn’t yet willing to share that information. After all
the years of telling her mother about her love affairs, it was time to turn the
tables…and the screws.

“So, care to explain?” Laura asked when Eleanor came back
into the room.

“Explain what, dear?”

“Well, it’s not every day that a daughter finds out that her
mother is sleeping around,” Laura said, quickly clamping her lips together to
stop her smile from escaping.

“I most certainly am not!”

“Mother, there was a pair of boxers hanging off the back of
the bloody magazine rack, for God’s sake.”

“That doesn’t mean I’ve been sleeping around. It just
means…it just means that I’m not as tidy as I used to be.”

“So…what? You were doing laundry, and somehow they flew out
of the basket and landed on the floor in the corner?”

“I don’t think I like your tone. You’re making this sound
tawdry, and it’s anything but.”

“I don’t know, Mum. Having men’s underwear draped all over
the lounge sounds a bit reckless if you ask me. I never knew you were that
loose.”

“Laura Margaret MacLeod, how
dare
you!”

Staring in shocked disbelief at her daughter, it wasn’t until
Laura crumpled to the floor in a fit of laughter that Eleanor understood that
she was being played. Deciding to wait until Laura had herself under control, a
few minutes later, Eleanor finally said, “It wasn’t
that
funny.”

Looking up, Laura wiped the tears from her face. “Oh, Mum,
you should have seen your face.”

Squatting by her daughter’s side, Eleanor narrowed her eyes
as she tried not to laugh. “I’m going to get you for that if it’s the last
thing I do.”

“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help myself, and you were so…so
appalled
.”

“You called me loose!”

Watching as her daughter dissolved into another fit of
giggles, Eleanor waited a few seconds before asking, “You’re okay with this
then?”

“To tell you the truth, when I first found them I was…well, I
was stunned. I mean, finding out that your mother is…is—”

“Getting some?” Eleanor said, humor shining in her eyes.

“Yes!” Laura said, jumping to her feet. “And why didn’t you
tell me sooner? I thought we didn’t have any secrets.”

“I wasn’t sure how you’d take it, so I thought I’d wait a
while. Get past the Christmas rush and all,” Eleanor said, opening a box of
decorations. Pulling out a length of green garland, she looked around the room.
“How about we put this over the windows?”

Puzzled by the rapid change of subject, Laura took the
garland, but her curiosity got the best of her before she reached the window.
Turning around, she asked, “What’s wrong?”

Looking up from a box of decorations, Eleanor said, “What do
you mean, dear?”

“Mum, I wasn’t born yesterday. Now, come on, out with it.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Rubbish,” Laura said, tossing the garland on a chair.
“You’re hiding something. Now, what is it? Is he married?”

“I won’t even honor
that
with an answer, young lady.”

“He is a
he
, isn’t he?”
Laura asked through a grin.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Eleanor said, smiling
back. “I’ll leave the fairer sex to you. No offense.”

“Okay, so who is he?”

Eleanor gazed at her daughter and quickly resigned herself to
the fact Laura wasn’t about to give up. Her chin was high. Her eyes were
sparkling, and if anyone knew the breadth of Laura’s stubborn streak, it was
the woman who had raised her. Dogs with bones had nothing on Laura MacLeod.
Inhaling slowly, Eleanor said, “It’s your father.”

“
What
!”

“It seems that we’ve decided to give it another go.”

“Oh, you’ve
got
to be
joking.”

“No, I’m not.”

Placing her hands on her hips, Laura said, “Have you
forgotten that he walked out on you thirty years ago?”

“I haven’t forgotten anything, Laura. Not one thing.”

Sitting on the arm of the couch, Eleanor paused for a moment
to get her thoughts in order. “A long time ago you asked me why I never dated.
Do you remember?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Well, I’m happy to say that it wasn’t for the lack of
invitations, but none of them held a candle to your father. It’s just that
simple. Their words weren’t as sweet. Their cologne wasn’t as familiar, and
their touch wasn’t his. Laura, I’ve loved your father for longer than you’ve
been alive…and there’s nothing I can do about it. You asked me if I remembered
him walking out, and I can tell you the clothes he wore that day. I remember
our first date, our first kiss, and when he told me he loved me for the very
first time. I remember everything.

“I love him, Laura. I always have and I always will. I know
you have ill feelings when it comes to your father, and rightfully so. All I’m
asking is that you look at him the same way I look at Toni. He’s the one that I
want, Laura, so please be happy for me.”

Eleanor had just put Laura where she, herself, had stood only
a few months earlier. If Laura was to argue the point, to dispute her mother’s
choice of partner, then Laura would put her own beliefs ahead of her mother’s.
If she was to accept it, their relationship would remain strong and unwavering.
There was no argument.

Going over, Laura knelt by her mother and took her hand. “If
he makes you happy, Mum, then I’m happy. Just please don’t expect me to call
him Dad. Okay?”

“I wouldn’t think of it, Laura,” Eleanor said, smiling back
at her daughter. “I wouldn’t think of it.”

***

“You knew?”

“No, not for sure. I just had a feeling.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I just told you, I wasn’t sure.”

“You could have mentioned it.”

“What was I supposed to say?” Toni said, walking into the
bathroom to brush her teeth. “I think your mother had a good shag today?”

“What!”

Poking her head out, Toni smiled. “When we walked in last
night, she had this look in her eye, and it’s the same one you get after
we’ve…well, after we’ve had a good romp, shall I say.”

“Oh, I can’t believe this,” Laura said, throwing herself on
the bed. “My mother and…and
him
.”

“He’s not that bad, you know.”

“I know. It’s just...it’s just weird. After everything he
did, and after all these years, to think of them back together, it’s just...
so
bizarre.”