Goodbye Secrets (The Lost & Found Series book #2) (39 page)

“Meliss, you only know one side, babe. You don’t know what I’ve done to him. I’m not saying what he did was okay, just that I forgive him. I understand that I had a pretty big hand in pushing him to a place that even he’s not comfortable with. The only advice I’ve ever given you is to follow your heart and communicate your feelings. That’s what I’m doing right now. If you were in this predicament, you may feel differently. I have to do what’s right for me. I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed you, Melissa, but we are all in charge of our own destiny and the decisions that get us there. Sometimes role models teach us what not to do. If you feel that I am handling a situation incorrectly compared to how you would handle it, then that’s good! It means you are your own person with your own moral compass. That will get you much further in life than following somebody else’s.” I finish my philosophical rant to a quiet Melissa. She’s been biting at a hangnail, taking in every word ... so it seems.

“Am I still fired?” she asks softly.

“Unless you want to be ... no.” I sigh and collect the wrapped gifts. “Thanks for helping me with these.” I give her a half smile and turn to leave.

“Becca!” Melissa yells as I’m halfway out the door.

“Yes?” I turn and get a hug that could fall under the category of tackling.

“I’m sorry. It’s just, I’ve grown to love you so much and I worry about you.”

“I love you, too, and don’t worry about me! I’ve got a kickass bodyguard!” I tease and hug her back just as fiercely. Ryan clears his throat out in the hallway.

“Hey, everything all right, Mrs. James?” he asks. We break from our hug.

“Yes, Ryan, everything’s fine. Have you seen Mr. James?” I ask.

“Um, downstairs.” He takes Melissa’s hand.

“Thanks.” I head to our room to put the gifts away. I can’t help but wonder when my room will be done. It’s bigger, and, well ... it’s mine! But then again, I guess I don’t have to worry about it since we’re moving to California.

I’m never going to see Ray again.
I choke back a sob. Why did my brain have to go there? It’s best for both of us if I’m not here. I’ll have to start my business all over again ... if I want to. Not something to worry about today. I hide the packages and make my way downstairs. I want to make sure all of the baking is done. I just want to cook dinner tomorrow and not worry about anything else.

I’ve decided to give Grayson his personal special gifts tomorrow night. I can’t wait. I’m extra nervous and excited about the one gift. It’s small in size, but huge in gesture. I’m pretty sure he will be most delighted with this one!

Finishing the last few stairs, I notice how quiet it is in the inn. I love closing down for the holiday and just having us here. Of course, there is an increase of twenty-five or so security people this year, compared to the usual two to four (depending on the year) McNeils. Wait! This is supposed to be our year with Ray’s parents! Wow, Becca, you’ve just graduated to using a baseball bat for your mental head slap!

Following my nose, I find myself in the kitchen. It seems everything on Grayson’s mother’s list is done. Humph. I guess I’ll start making my own stuff. It’s going on two in the afternoon now. I wonder what the girls are up to. I grab eight packages of cream cheese and several containers of sour cream. Whipped topping comes out of the freezer, as well as blueberries.

“Becca, what are you doing, honey?” Hazel pipes up from behind me.

“Oh, I was going to make cream-cheese tarts, blueberry crumb bars, and pumpkin cake.” I look for the little graham-cracker-crust shells.

“We did everything, honey.” She sighs.

“Everything?” I’m a little upset.

“Yes, we had quite the team. And with this new kitchen ... ” She waves around as if I hadn’t seen it yet.

“Oh. Well, then I guess I’ll cook supper tonight.” I go to the fridge to put everything away.

“Grayson’s taking us all out.” She seems unsure.

“What about the staff?” I really don’t want to go to a restaurant the day before Christmas Eve with, like, fifty people!

“He rented a room and we’re having a buffet. Why don’t you go talk to him? He’s in your office.” She starts putting the rest of my stuff away. I nod and head off.

I look up through the windows of the French doors before I reach the handle. Grayson is sitting at my computer, looking at the DVD. What’s this about? I open the door and walk in. He doesn’t even flinch. Then again, he’s never been concerned with invading my privacy.

“Ahem.” I clear my throat as he finishes reading Ray’s message to me.

“You two looked very much in love,” Grayson finally says.

“Yeah, I guess we did.” I sit next to him, not quite sure where this is going to lead.

“Feelings like that don’t just die away, sweetheart.” He’s not looking at me.

“I didn’t know those memories existed until this morning, Gray.” I reach for his hand.

“How did you feel? Did you remember once he told you?” He turns the chair to face me and grabs my other hand as well.

“Most of them, yes. It was weird, having my own memories told to me. Sometimes I felt like he was talking about two other people. Other times he would just start the memory and I was able to retrieve it.”
I’m going to remain calm, levelheaded, and honest,
I tell myself. It’s more of a chant, really.

“Did, um ... did you feel what you were feeling for him at the time?”

“Yes. I could sense what I was feeling at the time.” I’m not sure what he really means.

“Did he touch you?” He glances up.

“Yes.” My heart is racing.

“Did you make love to him?” His eyelids go crazy.

“No!” I say quickly.

“Did you want to?”

“I was turned on by our memories, but I had no intentions of acting on them.”

“Becca, do you realize that I am unsure as to where I really stand with you?”

I can see he’s trying so hard to remain calm.

“You stand as the man I’m in love with. The man I plan to spend the rest of my life with. Nothing has changed!” I try to reassure him.

“I sense that it has, sweetheart. I’ve sensed it ever since yesterday.” He looks down. I sit on his lap.

“Grayson, it’s because this all just happened. That’s it. It’s done. Let’s concentrate on Christmas and moving back to California. I am giving up everything for you, because what I’m gaining—our family and our love—means so much more. Grayson, you are the one. I love you, baby.” I lean down and collect his lips with mine.

“You know what, sweetheart? You’re right! Let’s focus on the here and now!” He perks up. Almost too much.

“Okay. Sounds good!” I decide not to bring any attention to the sharp shift in his tone. “So, a little birdie told me we were going out to eat tonight.” Change of subject to shoo away the white elephant.

“Oh, is that the little birdie who ‘pssts’ instead of chirps?” He laughs a little, going back to our conversation about Hazel months ago.

“Yes. You know, I don’t like that no one waited for me to do any of the baking!” I frown. I am still upset.

“Sweetheart, you were dealing with a lot today, and we just ended up zooming right through it. It wasn’t intentional. We are going to The Break Room. I’ve rented their room there. We shall have a feast!” He kisses my nose and pats my belly.

“Hey, any word from Jake?” Speaking of bellies.

“Yes, actually. I did hear from him. Sweetheart, Stacey is pregnant, but she’s sixteen weeks. It’s Steve’s. I don’t know why she lied.” He sighs.

“Geez, she doesn’t look that far along. I think she lied to get me upset about Ray. Who the hell knows, Gray? She’s not the same person anymore.” I can’t figure her out. It’s completely frustrating!

“Maybe she lied because she can’t get ahold of Steve. Did you ask Ray if he slept with her?” He rubs my upper arm.

“No. I’ll ask him tomorrow.” I exhale in an exaggerated manner. Gray hands me the phone.

“I will give Annie to him tomorrow. You are to stay away from him. Call him now.” He nods toward the phone. I take it and dial Ray’s number, praying he doesn’t answer.

“Becca?”
Thanks, God! I see whose team you’re on!

“Yeah, hi. I need to ask you something.”
Jesus, this is awkward!
I feel like I’m in high school.

“What is it, baby?”

Grayson rolls his eyes at Ray’s usual endearment. I nudge him.

“You’ve talked to Stacey ... has she told you she’s pregnant?”
Okay. Good angle, creeping in the backdoor.

“No. She is? Oh man, George got her pregnant?” he asks, frustrated for her.

“Um, no. I know its Steve’s. She’s sixteen weeks along. But, Ray ... ” I start.

“What, babe?”

Another eye roll from Grayson.

“She told me that she is nine weeks along, and that it’s yours.”

“Becs, she’s fucking lying! I know you know that much, but baby, I never slept with her! I wouldn’t! She’s your best friend. I wouldn’t do that to you—or to me, quite frankly. I know we said a bunch of shit a few months ago, but that’s what it was ... a load of crap, baby. I don’t want anyone but you, Becs.”

“I believe you, Ray. I just wanted to double-check. I don’t know what’s going on with her. Do you think she’s been acting strange?” I get off of Gray’s lap and sit on the other chair. Grayson’s nose flares and he taps his watch. I put my hand up in the air, like,
what
? To me, I’m only talking to my best friend, not the man from all of those photos.

“Well, sorta, but you know Stacey’s always flirted with me and acted strange. I didn’t really think anything of it. I don’t even have anything specific to mention that was out of character. Well ... she did try to get me into bed that night you two were texting back and forth. But I told her I just wanted you. So she said she would help me try to break the two of you up.” I can hear him opening a beer.

“A little early for a beer isn’t it, Ray?”

Grayson’s eyes go wide, and I can tell he’s thinking,
Are you fucking kidding me?

“Root beer, baby.”

“Eck ... I hate root beer.” I make a face.

“I know. Um ... Mama and Daddy are coming tonight.”

“Ray, you’re thirty-eight years old ... you sound ridiculous saying that.” I laugh. He chuckles with me. “Give them my love. Tell your mother I’m sorry.” My voice gets quiet.

“For what, baby?” I hear him shuffling things around. Probably last-minute cleaning before Elise gets there and gives him a hard time.

“For everything, Ray. Cleaning up before they get there?” I giggle a little.

“Uh, yeah. You know me too well, babe. You’ve probably been busy today, but have you had a chance to look at the DVD?” Dishes clank in the background.

“I did, actually. It was lovely. Your mother’s stalking has gone above and beyond.” I laugh.

“Oh no ... you have not seen the worst! There was something I couldn’t put on there. A memory I forgot to tell you about.” He turns the faucet off. I sit forward and hold my finger up to Gray.

“What memory? What was it?”

Ray chuckles nervously.

“What?” I’m giggling now. Grayson gets up and slams the chair under the desk, then leaves the office. The door crashes shut behind him.

“What was that, baby?”
The sound of me getting into trouble.

“Oh, that was Grayson. He’s a little perturbed.” I sigh.

“Did you tell him, baby? Did you tell him I touched you?”

“Yes, Ray. The memory, please.” I can’t have him talking about today. The phone is bugged.

“My parents were visiting. We decided to double up and take them out on the horses. My dad’s back was bothering him. My mother opted to walk home so she could take pictures of nature, so Dad rode back without her and we continued on. Remember when we got back to the meadow and jumped down from Rocco? You decided you couldn’t wait to get back to the inn. After all the stuff you said to me ... I couldn’t wait, either. Well, Rocco wasn’t the only stallion you rode that afternoon.” He’s quiet. I am, too.

“I remember. Wham-bam ... thank you, Ray-man.” I laugh.

“Damn, that was hot, baby. And, well ... ahem.” He tries not to laugh.

“No she fucking didn’t!” I don’t know whether to laugh or cry from the embarrassment.

“No boundaries, babe,” he answers. “In her defense, it was respectfully done. All you can see are our bare hips, the side of our bums and faces ... foreheads against each other, soaking in the sensation. She actually gave me a lecture afterward, telling me that I should take my time with you. ‘Don’t be in such a rush, son.’ I was mortified, but had no idea she took those pictures. I took her camera’s memory cards without her knowing.”

“Oh my God, what did you say?” I’m in hysterics now, picturing his sweet Southern mama giving him advice on how he should give it to his girl.

“I said, ‘Mama, Becca had an itch that needed to be scratched urgently, and what my baby wants, she gets.’” It’s so good talking to him, and laughing no matter the topic.

“What did she say?”

“She just laughed and said, ‘Oh, son!’ and smacked my arm.”

“Ray, I still can’t believe she went that far to take those pictures!” I am flabbergasted.

“I know! What do you do with pictures like these?” He laughs.

“Yeah, it’s not like we can show them to our grandkids one day!”
Oh my God! What did I just say?

“Baby?” he asks, sounding hopeful.

“Bye, Ray! I have to go!” I hang up and sit back. Why the hell did I just say that? The private line rings. No, no, no! I can’t answer that! I send it to voicemail. It rings again. We play this game five more times before he stops calling. I take in a deep breath and leave the office. I head to the lounge and find Grayson stretched out on the couch watching
It’s a Wonderful Life
.
Oh, the irony!

“Becca!” Annie yells, and I turn around. She hands me her phone and runs off. “It’s Daddy!” she says when she’s far enough away.

“Go into another room, Becca. I want to hear the movie, not my fiancée carrying on like a fucking schoolgirl!” Gray snaps at me. I head to the kitchen.

“Hey, what’s up?” I ask, defeated.

“You tell me, baby!” He sounds irritated.

“What, Ray? I had to go. We were on the phone way longer then we should’ve been.” I act as if what I said didn’t happen.