Goodbye Secrets (The Lost & Found Series book #2) (40 page)

“Goddamn it, Becca! Stop running from your feelings! You’re making a huge mistake, and you know it!” he yells.

“Goodbye, Ray!” I hang up again. I leave the phone on the counter and go back to Grayson. He’s still stretched out on the couch. I decide to lay with him. He doesn’t shrug me off. That’s a good sign. I nuzzle my head into his chest and inhale deeply. I love his smell. It’s intoxicating. I lift my head to look down into his face, expecting to see anger, but I don’t. His fingers touch my face.

“You’re beautiful, sweetheart. I love you so very much.” I lean down and kiss him.

“You love
him
, Becca,” he says against my lips.

I lift my head to look at him. “I love you,” I say again softly.

“I know you do, sweetheart. I don’t doubt it. But you love him, too. I can see it ... plain as day.” He palms my cheek.

“Grayson, please. I don’t know what you are looking for here. What is it you want me to say, baby, that I haven’t already said?” I almost wish he would scream at me or take me upstairs aggressively to give me a “what for” like he usually does. I’m not used to this Grayson—patient and understanding.

“It’s time for you to truly acknowledge your feelings, Becca. You need to face them. Stop running away from them. You won’t be able to sort yourself out until you do.”

“Grayson, I’ve just been hit with a lot of information. I think it’s only natural for me to be a bit out of sorts. It’s a lot to process. I’ve really hurt him on top of having this double life.” I feel like I’m chasing my tail instead of explaining myself, because I’m not sure about what it is I’m trying to explain.

“Sweetheart, I’m not mad that you love him. I understand that he’s been a huge part of your life. I see from those pictures how deep your love is for one another ... I’d be an idiot if I didn’t. Honestly, Becca, if I wasn’t me, I’d be rooting for Ray. I just think the sooner you accept your feelings, the easier it will be for you to move on.”

I sit up. I am officially confused as hell.

“Are you breaking up with me?” I ask, placing my head in my hands.

“Certainly not, darling!” He sits next to me and rubs my back.

“Grayson, you have been saying the strangest things to me, and acting just the same! What is going on?” I truly feel as if I’m in the Twilight Zone.

“Uh. It’s uh ... Christmas, sweetheart. I’m a little off. I always am this time of year. I’m sorry. You know I lost my mum right before Christmas.” He runs his hand through his hair.

“No, babe, I didn’t know that. I’m very sorry.” I hug him.

“Well, you can ask Aunt Hazel. I’m not myself much around this time. Sorry, love.” He sighs.

“What do you do in London? You don’t visit with friends.” I reveal Hazel’s detective work.

“I, uh, go through the Christmas schedule. Then, on Christmas morning, I sit and look at the last Christmas present my mother gave me. I know it’s something she made. I’ve never opened it. I just hold it.” He rests his elbows on his knees.

“Why, baby? It’s been over twenty years.” I rub his back now.

“Becca, when someone you are so close to and love so very much dies ... well, you know. The years don’t add up because it’s always like they were here just yesterday. It’s never truly real, you feel as if they could walk through the door at any moment. For me, opening that gift means cementing the truth into my heart—that she’s really gone and never coming back. It’s something I just haven’t been able to bear the thought of. The finality of it all breaks my heart.”

I pull his face to mine. His eyes are full, his nose red, and his chin quivering ... I just want to take this hurt away from him. It’s achingly familiar. I hold him, and we cry together. Sometimes, there are no words left to say.

“Well now, look at the pair of us!” He slaps my leg and tries to collect himself.

“I love you, Grayson Michael James,” I say as I palm his face. “I see you. Other people see this arrogant, controlling, intimidating, ass slapping,” I giggle, “selfish bastard, but I see you ... you beautiful man, you.” I lean in and sweep his lips with my own.

“You do, don’t you, sweetheart? You’ve seen through the bull right from the get-go. You always have, Becca!” That rare, high-wattage, Grayson James smile flashes before my eyes.

“Yes I have, sir.” I match the wattage.

“I knew I had to have you the moment you found me arrogant.” He laughs.

“Then you proved yourself to be persistent and selfish as well,” I tease.

“Best thing I ever did was pursue the likes of you! God, I love you, Becca!” He pulls me to him. Our short, sweet kisses turn into something much deeper and urgent.

“Ahem.” Derek clears his throat nearby. “Sir?”

“Yes, Derek?” Grayson smiles against my lips.

“The team is preparing the vehicles for our reservation.”

“Thanks, Derek.” He looks up. Derek walks away.

“Um ... that sounded odd. Preparing horses, okay, but preparing vehicles? What the hell are they doing besides starting them up?” Sometimes, things just strike a funny chord with me and all I can do is giggle, even if I’m the only one who finds it funny. “Are they giving them a pep talk?”
Oh, I’m gone!

“Sweetheart, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you had a few glasses of wine.” He chuckles at me.

“I feel as if I have.” I wipe the tears away. “Sorry.” I smile.

“Love your dimple.” He pokes at it then kisses it.

“Come on, baby. Let’s prepare ourselves.” I laugh and get up, pulling him with me.

“Speaking of, I have a dress for you to wear.” He pulls me toward the stairs.

“To dinner?” I cock my head sideways.

“Well, it’s a bit of a Christmas party for our employees. Impromptu—sorry.” He winces.

“Yeah, thanks ... fifteen minutes before we leave. Brilliant man you are, Mr. James!” I tease, but not really. Grayson, however, is immune to my sarcasm. We head up the stairs with a bit of haste. As soon as we get to our room, I start stripping down. “Okay, whaddya got for me?” I look up as he walks out from the closet. He bites his lip. “Grayson ... clothes!” I snap, then laugh.

“Oh right, of course, sweetheart.” He heads over with the dress, removing the plastic from it. “I saw this and thought you would look lovely in it.” It’s a metallic hunter-green dress in a soft, sheer material. It has a high neck, low back, and a sleeveless babydoll style. Cute. He hands me a bag of undergarments.

“Yay ... peel-and-sticks!” I laugh. He smiles, remembering that night as well. I hurry and get dressed. Black nylons and metallic heels finish off the look. He hands me a bag from the town jeweler. I open the boxes and find an antique-looking black onyx bracelet and matching earrings. “Thanks, baby.” I smile and hug him.

“Do you like it?” He smiles widely.

“Yes. You have very good taste, Mr. James.”

“Yes, I do.” He chucks my chin and kisses me. I run into the bathroom. I have five minutes to figure out what I’m going to do with my thick, wavy mane. It’s actually not bad today! I pull my bangs back tightly and secure them with a clip that almost matches my jewelry. My makeup goes on easily—no redos needed!

“Okay, I’m ready!” I come out of the bathroom, walking into the perfume I sprayed in front of me. Grayson whistles. I stop quickly enough to blush at the look on his face.

“That was record-breaking time, my dear!” he says proudly.

“Well, as you know, Mr. James, I work very well under pressure.” Statement followed by mischievous grin.

“Ugh, Mrs. James ... you are a very naughty girl. I may have to do something about that later.” His smile is full of promise as he offers me his arm.

We arrive at The Break Room. Our private room is decorated with lights and evergreens. The DJ already has music pumping out of the speakers. After everyone settles in, Grayson gets up and grabs the mic.

“Can I have everyone’s attention, please? Becca and I would like to thank you for everything you do for us. We’d like to especially thank our security staff. Many of you are spending Christmas far away from your own families to keep our family safe. We appreciate it greatly and hope we are making your holidays at least tolerable.” He chuckles, and a lot of the detail that have been with us from the beginning join in. We’ve proven to be quite the interesting couple to protect. “This party is for you. We hope you have a great time and we wish you all a happy everything!” Grayson finishes and hands the mic back to the DJ.

The servers come out with soup and salad, adding clanking to the background noise of chitter chatter. The DJ serenades us with holiday favorites while we warm up our palates before the main course. I pause, like I do every Christmas, and look around at everyone’s faces to take in the memory. A stop-and-smell-the-roses kind of thing.

Hazel and Charlie are laughing. He finally made it back from Connecticut today. Claudia and Joshua tease Morgan and Annie while Grayson adds to their banter. Stacey just stares at her spoon as she continuously swirls it around in her tea.
The lights are on, but nobody seems to be home.

She looks up, catching my eyes. We stare at each other like strangers instead of best friends. I offer her a meek smile. She returns it. I wish I could figure out what’s going on in that head of hers. I glance to the left again as Grayson kisses my right cheek. Annie stares at me, and I see her eyes filling up. Mine follow suit. This is our sixth Christmas together, and some other man has taken her father’s place beside me. It’s strange to both of us.
I love you,
I mouth to her. This just makes it worse. I see Morgan ask if she’s all right, and they head toward the bathroom.

“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” Grayson leans over.

“Annie’s having a tough time with all of this, Gray. I don’t know how to help her with it.” I blot my tears.

“Maybe we shouldn’t have kept her the whole weekend, sweetheart. I know this is hurting her, but I’m not going to put distance between us to spare her feelings. This is our time, our Christmas.” His eyelids blink at a passionate pace.

“I know, baby. I’m not asking you to distance yourself.” I lean my head on his shoulder.

“Mom?” Morgan taps my shoulder. I look up. “Annie wants to call Ray, but she said you have her phone.”

Shit!

“I forgot it on the counter at home. Gray, can I call on my cell?” I ask.

“She may call on your cell. Not you!”

Ugh! I shouldn’t have to ask to call someone on my own damn phone!
I pull my phone out and unblock Ray.

“Where’s Annie?” I look around.

“In the bathroom.” Morgan grabs my phone and heads off.

“Grayson, I should go with her.” I try to get up.

“Should you now, sweetheart?” He grabs my arm. “I have had enough of Ray today ... Becca.” He stares deep into my eyes.

I sit down.

“Sorry, baby.” I glance over to Stacey. She has a smirk on her face.
What the hell?

The servers start bringing out the entrées. Guess Gray decided against a buffet after all. We have the prime rib, along with half the table. The other half ordered the stuffed chicken Florentine. All sorts of delicious smells hit the air. There must have been several entrées to choose from. I wouldn’t know, because I’m with Grayson ... what’s a menu?

Morgan and Annie make their way back to the table. Morgan hands me my phone.

“We have to bring Annie home tonight. Ray said I can stay over to visit with Nana and Pop. Can I, Mom?”
Uh ...

“Ask your father.”
How original, Becca!
Morgan smiles and goes over to Grayson. He turns to me, and his flat expression shifts to a mischievous one. He bites back his smile as he eyes me up and down.
Ahh ... apparently brownie points are awarded when you give a control freak complete control without him demanding it!
Grayson’s left brow darts up as if he’s heard my thoughts on the matter. He gives me another once-over filled with naughty thoughts (it’s obvious) and turns back to Morgan. She jumps up and down with excitement, and they walk over to me.

“Text Ray to make sure he has room for her security.” He taps my phone, lighting up the screen. There are already messages from Ray on there. I slide the bar to open it.

December 23, 2012 5:52 p.m.