Goodbye Secrets (The Lost & Found Series book #2) (53 page)

“You don’t say?” he teases, earning him a smack on the arm.

“Stop! I’m trying to separate fiction from non here!” I pout.

“Sorry, love, you’re right. I’ve rewired your memory a lot the past three months. But I do have to say, you’ve given me a run for my money! Sometimes I could barely keep up with you and all the twist and turns you were throwing out there!” He palms my cheek.

“Okay, before we get sidetracked again with questions about that comment, please carry on.” I hold his palm to my face, relishing in his touch more now than ever.

“Yes. So, I watched when you met Ray. He was the first guy I truly liked. I wasn’t lying when I said he felt like an old mate from university. I wish I could go have a pint with him! I noticed that you both had the same sorts of feelings. I felt relief along with a smidge of jealousy. For you, I had been gone almost two years, but for me, it had just happened. Then I saw what your grief was doing to you. You had such intense guilt over being with Ray that you just blocked out everything that made you feel ashamed.”

“Does Ray know my PTSD was caused by the traumatic way I lost you?”

“Of course, Becca.” He looks at me strangely.

“Who’s George?” I ask, confused.

“Um ... George’s character was spot on ... from your favorite book of mine, although you definitely added stuff and tweaked others.” He chuckles a bit. “You’re mind’s a bit scary at times, Becca. I mean, almost dying from an anal stabbing, just to avoid anal sex? Christ, I had a hard time keeping a straight face!”

“That didn’t happen in the book?” I bite my smile back.

“Uh ... no!” He shakes his head.

“Okay. So you saw what was happening to me.” I get him back on track.

“Yes, I felt terrible for you—and for Ray. I know I’ve said this to you several times, but I don’t know if I would’ve been able to hang in there like he has. I love you, sweetheart, and I would do it if I were here because we’ve had years of a solid relationship under our belt. But, Becca, he hasn’t had that with you, aside from your long friendship. Honestly, any other guy would’ve thrown in the towel!”

“So, the memories ‘he’ went over with me are real memories that I’ve forgotten?” I ask, my guilt rising. Poor Ray. I’ve put him through so much.

“Sweetheart, those were only half of them. And yes, to answer your question. I’ll get back to that later, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Let me just add that Ray and I definitely agree about Will ... he’s an arsehole!” he snaps with a hint of disgusted anger. I know it’s not toward me. “Also, Morgy does love him very much, and he loves her tremendously. You are right to be a bit upset about him not showing equal attention. He’s not as good at it by himself, but he is trying to improve. Especially with you being in the hospital ... he’s, uh, he’s really burning the candles at both ends, Becca.” The sympathy for Ray is evident in Grayson’s expression.

“What do you mean?” I prop myself up on one elbow.

“Well, he’s running both businesses, trying to take care of the girls, and spending probably twenty out of the twenty-four hours a day at the hospital with you. With the exception of the medical equipment and your medicine, he does all of your personal care. He won’t let anyone touch you and he won’t leave you alone at all.”

My eyes fill with tears. That is so Ray.

“Where are his parents and your mum?”

“Oh, they’re helping out and taking care of the girls. He made Claudia manager. I visited him in a dream—as you, of course—and told him to. It’s the only way I can help him. I knew he was toying with the idea but didn’t want to step on your toes.”

“Thanks, baby.” I kiss him. “Who’s helping him the four hours he’s not with me?”

“Derek, Stacey, Melissa, Claudia, and, of course, Mum and Ray’s parents. He’d have even more people, but you’re in Boston.”

“Mass General?”

“Yes.” He half smiles, knowing why I know that.

“Gray, I have a slew of questions, so you’d better get back on track before I get you way off.” I close my eyes, shaking my head as I try to sort through all of this information and remember who some of these people are in my real life. I feel like my ADD is on crack.

“Sweetheart, as always, feel free to ‘get me off’ anytime the urge strikes you!”

I open my eyes and slap him again, unable to hide my smile. He laughs.

“All right, all right! So, after the accident, I found out how long you would be in a coma for, and I asked if it was possible to be with you throughout. I wanted to help guide you for when you wake up. Because I had already done my research, and because of my passion for and sincerity about helping you and Ray, they let me do it! They did warn me, though, that everything I was going to experience would be very real to me, and not to forget that it wasn’t permanent. I had to stay focused and not get lost in any delusions. It was not real and I could not come back. I agreed, but Becca, I have to tell you, sweetheart, it’s been a struggle. I walked in already in love with you, and somehow I’ve fallen in love with you all over again. Becca ... you’re an amazing woman. You’re still the same girl you’ve always been, but wow ... you’ve grown so much, sweetheart. I find you more attractive than I ever have before.” He leans in and caresses my lips with his.

“Hey, speaking of aging well—which is what you were really saying, Mr. James—I can’t believe you made yourself younger than me!” I laugh. “You have to know that I’m not liking this aging business!”

“Overwhelming words, huh?” He raises an eyebrow.
Yeah, he still has my number!
“Just getting you back for all the years you called me your ‘old man.’ Also, I’ll have you know that you are technically older than me now, as I forever will be thirty-one!” Full-wattage Grayson James smile.

“You want to brag about that ... really?”

His smile fades.

“Right, guess not,” he says after a moment of reflection. “Well, I thought I’d come in and win you over with my usual arrogant way. I betted on your subconscious helping to push you along quickly. Of course, I sort of forgot who I was dealing with. It was like an exaggerated version of when I was first trying to court you.” He rolls his eyes, thinking back to the constant chasing he was doing when we met.

“Ugh! I knew there was something weird about how quickly this relationship started up!” I slump back down on the pillows.

“Yes, I know ... believe me, I know! I had to find ways to convince you it was okay!” He shakes his head and rubs his face.

“The talks with Morgan and your mum?

“Yes. Ugh—you are so frustrating!” he says with a hint of exasperation.

“Now wait, what was the point of trying to get me pregnant?” I sit up, confused.

“Uh ... well, sweetheart ... ” he starts.

“I am pregnant. It is Ray’s! Wait, he said
babies
. Twins?”

Grayson nods.

“I wanted you to get used to the idea of being pregnant so you wouldn’t freak out when you woke up. Christ, Becca, you even fought me on that!”

“Wait, so I’m further along?” I touch my belly.

“You just turned sixteen weeks a few days ago.”

“How are the babies? Are they okay?” I rub my belly, which has now expanded a bit.

“They are fine. That’s quite the magic trick, love.” His eyes twinkle.

“You like that? Wait until you see my next act!” I match his delight. “Gray, how are you doing with this?” I grab his hand.

“Bittersweet, darling. I thought we’d have many more. I barely got to enjoy the one we had.” His eyes fill up and his chin quivers a bit. “Incidentally, sweetheart, you have done an outstanding job raising our daughter. You’re a wonderful mum. Thank you, Becca, for everything you’ve done, and for always keeping my presence strong in her heart and mind. I’ve enjoyed this time with her ... well, the essence of her. You know what I mean. She really is the most wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, and creative child on the planet. I know ... I’ve checked,” he adds. All I can do in this moment is mourn his loss. She really is an amazing kid, which makes my job so easy! I feel tears sting my eyes. “Don’t cry, baby,” he says, and holds me close.

“It’s just not fair! This whole situation hasn’t been fair to anyone involved.”

“I know, love, I agree, but that’s why I’m here with you. Fair or not, we cannot change the past. The future, though, is another story. There’s no reason this should continue to affect you, Morgan, Ray, or Annie for the rest of your lives.” He palms my face, his thumbs softly caressing my cheeks. “I’m getting off track again. Sorry.” He kisses me sweetly.

“It’s okay.” I lean forward for another kiss ... then another one. “Again,” I whisper, and he attacks my lips with such urgency and passion.

“Bec ... Becca.” He tries to pull away.

“Shut up, Grayson.” I cover his mouth with my hands. “Please,” I add. “This is a lot for me. I just need a break. I need a moment to just focus on you and me. Please.” I uncover his mouth and caress his lips with my own. He pulls my shirt off of me. “Adagio” by Secret Garden plays softly in the background as his mouth travels down my neck and across my shoulder. “Nice magic trick.” I smile as I fist his hair and pull his mouth back to mine.

“You like that, huh?”

“Mmhmm.” I tug my bottoms off and straddle him.

“Ready to drive the doctors crazy?” He pulls away from my lips and stares deeply into my eyes. I nod breathlessly and shift a bit to help him. I close my eyes, savoring the familiar sensation of him entering me. He guides my hips down and rises to meet me at the same time.

“Ugh!” I gasp at the aching fullness of it. He holds me there for a minute, then releases me to rise. As we meet again, he hooks his right arm around the small of my back to hold me there. His left arm steadies his balance, his palm to the mattress as he grinds into me. I whip my head back, allowing him access to my neck as I try to help him reach the place he’s attempting to go. He releases the weight of his hold. I rise and slide down again with Grayson’s help. For the first time in three months, I acknowledge that I’m making love to my husband. It’s been seven years, and we’re still incredible together. A rush of emotion sweeps over me and I find him trying to silence the sound of my sobs. Grayson quickens the pace and soon our sweet torture erupts into an intense explosion deep inside me somewhere—maybe the place he was trying to reach. We ride the last few waves out forehead to forehead, soaking in the sensation.

“Christ, Becca ... you’re so lovely.”

“Lovely?” I give him a sideways look.

“Yes, on every level ... in every way.” His eyes are still closed.

“Grayson?”

“Yes.”

“Bit of a left-field question, but I have to ask,” I start. He opens his eyes. “Do you ... will you get in trouble for the language you’ve used?” I feel a smidge of panic rising.

“No, sweetheart.” He laughs. “All of that, bad words and stuff, it’s just society’s way of teaching people to be nice to each other. ‘Up There,’ they are just words. You’re not taking anybody’s name in vain. Christ, hell would be packed if that were the case!” He shakes his head. “People are wound so tightly about Heaven. It’s very laid back. There are no more earthly pressures, you know, the little things that sidetrack you from what your real concerns should be.” He lies back as he explains, bringing me with him.

“What does everybody do?” I raise my head and support it on my hand.

“Whatever they like, really! Visit with other relatives or friends that have stayed on. Take classes at the university. Watch loved ones down here. Some even come back—reincarnation. You can get a job. It’s basically a much more pleasant version of here. You don’t worry about money ... there are no bills to pay, no sickness, and no stress.”

“Do people make love and have homes?”

“One-track mind you’ve got there, love.” He pats my bum. My face flushes. “I suppose. I haven’t asked anyone. Like I said, I went straight into catching up on you and Morgan. I know there are no rules saying you can’t. So, we’ll be good to go.” He smiles wide.

“You’ll wait for me?”

“Of course, Becca. I have no desire to head back ... not without you.” He kisses my lips tenderly.

“I’ll have quite the dilemma on my hands once again!” I roll my eyes.

“What? Oh, you mean Raymond. Yes, bizarre love triangle part two.” He laughs.

“How does that work?” I am miffed.

“I don’t know. Perhaps we’ll have to set up another shag schedule.” He laughs. “Honestly, Becca, you’ve become a very naughty, naughty girl!” His voice is playful, teasing.

“That was your idea!”

“Uh ... dead or not, I wouldn’t share you in a million years, sweetheart! Pretty sure Raymond would match my sentiments. That, my dear, was all you! Naughty girl!”
Oh God ... I am a whore!
Grayson shakes his head. “No ... it was brilliant. It helped with my plan—pushing you away from me and to him. Of course, you had to fight me on that as well! You even had him jumping through hoops in your head. Poor bloke doesn’t get a break!”

I can’t help but agree with him. I don’t understand why Ray loves me like he does.

“Oh, you didn’t get the memo, darling? You’re awesome!” He tickles my sides.

“Stop doing that!” I smack his chest.

“I can’t help it.” He shrugs.

“Okay. But then, you were so happy I chose you. What happened?” I try to get back on track.

“That morning, when we were talking and having that fun conversation about being drugged with love ... ” He waits for me to acknowledge the memory. I smile. “I got caught up in the delusion. I allowed myself to be selfish for two months. I felt cheated, and I wanted you and Morgan for myself.” He seems a bit ashamed.

“Urgent trip to California?” I raise a brow.

“I had to ... well, the selfish man had to. Everything was great, and then out of nowhere, you brought Ray back.

“The whole Stacey and Ray date-and-texts thing?”

“Yes, I was angry with you.” He rubs my back.

“So that was really how you were feeling ... when you called me a ...” I swallow hard.

“Please try to understand the internal battle I was going through. I don’t really feel that way about you. You have to know that, sweetheart. I was just feeding off of your emotions. It was wrong, and I deeply regret it.” Morse code activated. I nod and give him a quick, reassuring peck. “California was nice—being there with you.”