Goodbye Secrets (The Lost & Found Series book #2) (49 page)

“That’s it, sweetheart,” I breathe against her ear and gently insert one of my fingers. Becca whimpers softly and I almost come undone at the sound. “You’re doing so good,” I whisper and add the pressure of my second finger. After several minutes, Becca finally seems not only acclimated to, but enjoying the feeling of extra pressure. Her body is so relaxed now, working at thrusting herself against me and my fingers. I continue to distract her as I pull them out, then myself, bringing extra fluid with me to run up and quickly enter her bum. Maybe a bit too quickly.

“Grayson.” She gasps and stills herself. I hold still as well, except for the kisses I trail up her neck to her ear.

“Tell me when you’re ready,” I say breathlessly. It’s so tight ... so warm ... so erotic. It’s taking every fiber of my being not to let loose and have at it.

“Um ... uh, okay.” She catches her breath. I slowly pull almost all the way out and dive back in again. “Gray ... oh ... uh ...” She reaches back and holds my hips. I take her face and turn it as far as I can. I grasp her lips with mine and deepen the kiss as I thrust into her again. Her whimper drives me mad. She reaches her arms back, wrapping them around my neck as my hand finally brings her to climax. Her hips grind her bum toward me. This is my cue—she’s relaxed enough now—so I quicken my pace and vocalize my enjoyment.

Becca grabs a pillow and throws it down in front of her. I stop as she gets herself situated. “Okay.” She smiles over her shoulder, then buries her face into it. My pace is slow. But as I stare down, watching the act that I have fantasized about unfold, an insatiable fire ignites in me and I finally have at it. I grasp her hips and pull them toward me harshly over and over again. I am wild. I’ve lost all care and concern for Becca’s well-being as I get swallowed up in my fantasy. Then it happens ... the pressure ... the tingling. I erupt inside of her like an angry volcano.

“Ugh ... God!” I grunt loudly, my last quake sending shivers through my whole body. I collapse onto Becca’s back dramatically. After a moment, I get my wits about me. “Becca? Becca, darling, are you okay?” I ask with a hint of panic in my voice as I pull out. Becca takes in a deep, shaky breath and climbs out of bed. I watch as she heads to her drawers. She pulls out PJs and heads toward the bathroom. “Becca ... Becca.” I chase her and grab her arm to turn her to me.

“Please, I just need a minute.” She holds up a finger, but doesn’t look at me. I let her go into the bathroom. After cleaning up and changing back into my PJs, I sit on the edge of the bed and wait for her. I feel nervous as hell. Did she ask me to stop? Did she say anything? I was so ultra-focused on what I was doing—I probably tuned her right out. She trusted me, and I think I may have betrayed that trust. Did she have a flashback? Oh, Christ!
Shit! Shit! Shit ... fuckity shit!
My head jerks up at the sound of the bathroom door opening.

“Becca!” I jump up.

“Bathroom’s all yours,” she says quietly, and pushes her hair behind her ears.

“Sweetheart, we should talk about this.” I grab her hand as she walks by.

“What’s there to talk about? Merry Christmas. I hope you liked your gift.” She tries to pull away. I feel a sharp pang in my heart.

“I’m sorry, baby. I went into a completely selfish zone ... if you said anything to me, I didn’t hear you. I didn’t ignore you on purpose.”

“I didn’t say anything, Grayson ... what was the point?” She pulls back the covers.

“What do you mean, Becca? The point was that I would have stopped if you asked me to,” I say with a bit of frustration.

“Except, you said yourself that you weren’t aware if I said anything!” she snaps. “I looked back to you to say something ... but ...” She trails off.

“But what?” I sit on the bed near her.

“You had the, uh, the same expression on your face as George did. He never listened to me.”

“I’m not George!” I yell, cutting her off.

“I know,” she agrees quietly. “Look, it’s over with. I don’t want to get hung up on it. It must be something men get crazy over—the whole ‘forbidden fruit’ thing and all. Ray would probably behave the same way.” She climbs in.

“Ray? Ray!” I yell. I stand up and begin to pace. I feel as if Becca has just handed me a first-class ticket to the crazy train, and I have no choice but to get on it! Why would she mention him? In the middle of a conversation about
our
intimate moment! Boiling over with jealousy and rage, I grab the crystal vase off the table and chuck it at the wall. The sound of the shattering glass is the opening act to me slamming the bathroom door.

My hands grasp the sides of the sink. Slowly I lift my head up and face myself in the mirror. I can’t bear the truth ... my heart doesn’t want to listen. I know what I have to do. I have to walk away. I need to let her go. He’s the one she truly wants to be with. She needs to be with him. I see it in her face, hear it in her voice. I know she loves me. I know a part of her will always love me, but it’s not enough for her. She hasn’t realized this yet. I love her. God, do I love her ... enough to realize it for her. I can’t be selfish anymore. My need for her to be happy is much greater than my own desires. Ray is a good man. He’ll always put her first. I trust him with her life, her heart, and her mind.

I take in a deep breath and exhale aggressively. One more day. I want one more day with
my
family, then I will leave. They will be in good hands. They have been all along.

“Gray,” Becca says with a knock. I rub my face quickly and splash water on it. I towel off as I open the door. Becca wraps her arms around my waist and hugs me fiercely. “I’m sorry,” she breathes, and plants a kiss on my sternum.

“Me too, sweetheart.” I embrace her as well. “Come ... let’s get you off to bed. Would you like me to read to you?” I kiss her lips and sway her gently.

“I’d love that, Gray.” Love her dimple when she smiles. I lean down and kiss it.

“What shall I read?” I ask as we head back into the bedroom arm in arm.

“I don’t know—you pick.” She grabs her Kindle and hands it to me. We climb into bed. Becca settles her head on my chest once my back is up against the pillows. I turn the Kindle on and start searching through her library. Before I can decide on a book, I realize Becca is fast asleep. I lay there for the next half hour or so, just holding her, breathing in her hair and skin.
I’m going to miss her terribly.

BECCA

I’m at an airfield. Everything is gray. I hear nothing but “I Will Follow You into the Dark” by Death Cab for Cutie playing loudly. I scan the airfield and see four identical Cessna planes. My Dad, Grayson, Ray, and Morgan appear. They all wave to me and climb into their respective planes. I feel a sense of panic and put my arm out, telling them to stop. I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn to find my mom. Her green eyes are the only color I see. I look back to find the planes in the air. My mother pulls me to her. She smiles sympathetically. I feel heat, and the ground shakes. I turn back to find one of the planes mid-explosion. “No!” I scream silently. “No!” Louder this time. “No!” I jump up.

I’m in bed.

“Sweetheart ... you’re safe. Calm down.” Grayson pulls me to him.

“Oh God,” I cry. “I had that dream again, Grayson.” I bury my face into his neck and sob.

“Did you see who it was this time?” He rubs my back.

“No. My mother wouldn’t let me. The planes are identical; I didn’t know who was in which one.” I can’t shake this sense of loss I’m feeling.

“It’s probably about your dad, sweetheart. Its Christmastime ... it stirs up a lot of feelings.” I’m sure he’s right. I know he’s going through this as well.

“Well, it’s awful. I hope I don’t dream it again.” I grab the tissue Grayson offers.

“Let’s go back to sleep, love. It’s after three in the morning.” Grayson takes the tissue and throws it at the wastebasket. I turn and snuggle into him—spooning with him. His hand caresses up and down the side of my body. “Sweetheart,” he mutters as he cups my breast. I can feel the “pressing matter” he may want to discuss against my backside. I prepare myself for yet another British invasion. The battle is short and sweet—victory had on both sides. Grayson encircles me in his arms and I slowly drift off once more.

“Mom! Dad! Wake up!”
Morgan raps at our door. My eyes shoot open and panic sets in.

“Shit ... Grayson, the gifts!” I slap his arm.

“Under the tree, sweetheart—I did it two hours ago.” He yawns and rolls onto his back.

“We’ll be right there, Morgan!” I shout, and slowly push myself up into a sitting position. “I feel as if I’ve been hit by a Mack Truck.” I stretch before wrapping my arms around my knees. I rest my head on them, facing Grayson. “Good morning. Merry Christmas.” I smile.

“Hmm ... it will be both in a moment.” He smirks mischievously as he leans up and takes my lips for his own. He nudges me, indicating I should lie down.

“Grayson, Morgan’s waiting for us, baby.” I sigh, knowing it’s pointless—he has that look on his face. “No” is not an option.

“She can wait, sweetheart. This can’t.” He climbs on top of me and pins my arms on either side of my head. “You, me, and Morgan today. I want no mention of him. No phone calls, no visits, not a glance at a picture ... nothing, Becca. I mean it!”

There seems to be a fine line between desperation and aggravation, and I’m not quite sure which way he is leaning.

“I promise.” I search his eyes, hoping he believes me.

“Don’t screw up today, Becca. For God’s sake ... please!”

“Right back at you!” I snap. I mean, really—what the hell? Don’t screw up? If that isn’t a big turnoff, I don’t know what is! Had I the balls, I’d yell
“Ray, Ray, Ray!”
at him just to piss him off. But, alas, my balls are MIA.
I think Cautionary Sybecca stole them, probably to hold them hostage ‘til she gets a new ticker board!

“Well, I guess I’ve put you in the state opposite of what I was intending.” He sighs, defeated, and climbs off of me.

“Yeah, I guess so!” I get out of bed and head to the bathroom. Usual morning bathroom rituals ensue. He knocks after a few minutes.

“Sweetheart. Almost ready?”

I open the door and charge past him.

“Hey.” He grabs my arm and pulls me back to him. “Becca, love ... c’mon, let’s not be like this. It’s Christmas. Let’s kiss and make up.” He leans down.

“Fuck you, Gray!” I say through my teeth.

“Then, there’s always that option.” He smiles slightly.

“Shut up!” I roll my eyes and pull away to hide my smile.

“Come here.” He pulls me back and plants a kiss on my nose. “I love you.”

“Love you.” I sigh and get up on my toes to kiss him.

“Let’s not keep her waiting any longer.” He laces his fingers with mine and we head out of the room and down the stairs.

“
Finally!
” Morgan sighs, obviously exasperated.

“Sorry, Morgy girl.” Grayson bends to kiss the top of her head. “Shall we see what Father Christmas has brought you, little sweetheart?” He heads over to the tree. Well, I think there’s a tree there—can’t really tell with all the gifts piled high in front of it. Morgan fidgets, unable to sit still, and I can tell she’s overwhelmed with excitement. “First, open this.” He hands her a card.

She opens it and tears fill her eyes. I peek over. Oh. It’s a father-daughter card. That’s so sweet. Yeah, he’s officially off my shit list! I look up at him, and he mouths,
Shag list?
I can’t help but giggle.

“Thank you, Daddy. I love you too!” She gets up and hugs him.

“Go ahead, open the little envelope inside.” He points to it.

“Oh yeah!” She smiles and flips the paper up to pull out what’s inside. “
Oh my God!
” she screeches, then does a little dance in a circle.

“What? What is it?” I try to be excited, but I’m a little miffed that he kept her gifts a secret from me.

“It’s scuba-diving lessons for when we get back to California!” She shows me.

“Grayson!” I gasp as the theme from
Jaws
plays loudly in my head. “She’s too young!” Yes, that’s it—it has nothing to do with my horrific fear of sharks!

“No, she isn’t! She’s old enough to get her junior certification.” He ignores my panic.

“Grayson.” That’s all I can say. He knows how I feel about this! We had this discussion maybe six weeks ago!

“Becca, you can’t push your fears onto our daughter. It isn’t right, nor is it fair!”

I mouth
shit list
to him. He shrugs and hands her the next present. She opens it and continues on with the screeching. It’s a whole-system package by ScubaPro. Next come the mask, flippers, wetsuit, and whatever else one would need. “This is from Susanna and Sam, Morgy.” He hands her the box. She opens it to find an Intova Digital Sport SPK-800K underwater camera.

Morgan beams, and I feel a bit jealous. I know my gifts from “us” are not going to bring her the same kind of excitement. “One last one from just me, Morgy girl.” He hands her a little box. She pulls the ribbon off, then the paper. The lid comes off, and she takes out a heart necklace that says
Daddy’s Little Girl
. Her smile could swallow her face. “Turn it over.” He gestures. I lean over her shoulder and watch. The inscription says
Moon and Stars Forever—Daddy
. It’s something they always say. He’s her moon and she’s his stars. It’s sweet. What a perfect gift. Grayson mouths
shag
to me and I smile. Yep, he’s back on it! He helps her put the necklace on.

“You are the best daddy in the world! I will wear this forever!” She hugs him tightly.

“Thank you, sweetheart. You make it so easy for me.” He sways with her. I almost swear I can see his chin quivering a bit.

“Starting without us?” Charlie pipes up as he and Hazel join us. I give Hazel a suspicious look, and she giggles and blushes several shades of red before she looks away from my stare.

“Let us all not forget that Jesus is the reason for the season,” I announce out of left field, and pat Hazel’s shoulder.

“Oh, Becca, really!” Hazel giggles.

“Yes, let us all thank baby Jesus, right, sweetheart?” Grayson flashes me his boyish grin. It’s a vicious cycle of sexual puns, all at Jesus’s expense ... and on Christmas, no less. I don’t think the Big Guy approves of this banter.