Here Comes the Sun (27 page)

Delores comes in from the outhouse and sees Thandi looking at herself in the mirror.

“Is where yuh going?” she asks, putting a roll of toilet paper on a small table.

“They having last minute extra lessons today at school, remembah I told you? Since the exam started this week.” She returns to ironing the dress.

Delores nods. She's filling up a basket with souvenirs to sell at the market later. Delores is in high spirits today. A big ship is coming into Falmouth, though it's Saturday. Thandi looks at the rag dolls and the coasters and key chains and handcrafted jewelry that Delores delicately places inside the basket. How would visitors know the real stories behind the faces of the wooden masks they'd buy to hang on walls; the rag dolls they'd use to decorate unused furniture in their houses; the figurines they'd place on mantels that they can marvel at then quickly forget? The smell of something burning brings Thandi's attention from her mother's basket to the brown outline the iron has branded into the dress. Thandi quickly removes the iron, but pieces of the green fabric have attached themselves to the hot metal surface. She gasps, looking both ways for a solution, as though one would materialize out of the steam. Delores runs over to the board when she hears the hissing sound of the iron. “What yuh do to di dress?” she yells, surveying the damage—the burned spot, ruining the polyester fabric that had survived years of washing and drying in the sun, and the hems that had been stitched with the care and precision by Mama Merle's then-abled fingers. All gone.

“Sorry, Mama. Ah wasn't paying attention,” Thandi says.

They haven't said much to each other since that night when Thandi showed her the drawing and told her that she wants to be an artist. When Thandi looks up again, Delores is regarding her closely. Thandi lowers the dress. “What?”

“Don't
what
me.” Delores is stepping closer. “What is it yuh using on yuh face?”

“Nothing, Mama. I wash it wid soap. That's all.”

“Yuh t'ink me is a eeediot?”

“No, Mama.”

“Then be honest wid me, Thandi . . . how come yuh look like yuh a spar wid di dead?”

Thandi touches her face, pretending to not have noticed the change. Miss Ruby was right. Her skin has lightened to how she wanted it by today. Just in time for Dana's sweet sixteen party tonight. “It's how me skin stay,” she says. “I've not been in the sun, since I've been studying so hard.”

“Don't romp wid me, Thandi.” Delores puts her hands on her hips, her chest swelling.

“I'm telling the truth.”

“You been going to dat Miss Ruby?”

“No, Mama.”

“Tell me di god truth!”

Thandi beholds her pale hands. She can actually see her veins. How green and expansive they are; the sight of them inflating her lungs. She wants to show off her new skin so she'll be like the others, the ones who don't have to sit patiently, looking forward to the Day of Judgment, expecting its sweet relief. For heaven is right here, in her lightened skin. See? See? She got what she wanted; and she doesn't have to wait until she gets to someplace in the sky.

“Why, Thandi?” Delores's hands drop to her sides. “Lawd Jesus have mercy pon me!” She whips around to face the shadows perched nearby in the early morning before the sun scatters them. Like little black birds that crowd the branches of the pawpaw trees by the foot of the river, the shadows seem to descend with Delores's presence. “Yuh see me dying trial?” she says to them. “Di chile bleaching har skin, tun white woman undah me roof!”

“Mama, ah can explain.”

“Explain?” Delores pounces and grabs Thandi, knocking over the ironing board in the process. She drags her by the collar of her nightgown. With one hand Delores rips the flimsy nightgown off Thandi to bare her chest so that she can see her bleached body in its entirety—everywhere as light as the cedar planks that Clover uses to patch holes in the shack. Gone is Thandi's once-mahogany cocoa skin. Delores jumps back, her hands flying to her mouth as if a ghost—a duppy—snatched her breath, her eyes watering.

“Thandi, is whaddu yuh? How yuh pay for it?”

“Mama, I can explain,” Thandi repeats.

“How?” Delores is shaking mightily, like a tree branch in a hurricane. “Who is filling up yuh head wid dis rubbish? Is it di girl dem at school? Is it dem?”

When Thandi doesn't answer, Delores comes after her again, and Thandi runs. “Aftah me bruk me back to send yuh go school to learn, this is what yuh come home wid?” She raises her hand to slap Thandi, but Thandi escapes again. “How yuh paying dat blasted 'ooman? Dat blasted, thievin' 'ooman who selling nuttin but lies!”

“Mama, it nuh cost much.”

“Ah g'wan find out fi me self,” Delores says. “Yuh not going nowhere looking like yuh jus' drop outta one casket. Ah g'wan guh kill dat Ruby!”

“But Mama, I have extra lessons.”

“Yuh not going anywhere t'day. Yuh g'wan stay in that sun till yuh color come back.”

“But Mama!” Thandi cries. “I don't want to be black any longer. Where's dat going to get me? Nowhere.”

“But Jeezas have mercy!” Delores crouches with her head in her hand.

“Mama, I want to be somebody. I want to go places. You want that too—for me to be a doctor, leave River Bank.”

“Nonsense!” Delores springs back up from her haunches. “Yuh see how me black an' stay? How yuh fi tun white wid a black mother, eh?”

“Is not about you, Mama. Is about me.”

“Is dat why yuh shame ah me? Because me black? Is dat why yuh neva bring any ah yuh school friend dem around? Because yuh nuh want dem fi see yuh black mother an' fi know seh yuh live 'mongst black people? First yuh change yuh accent . . . can't even chat patwa no more. An' now yuh go all di way wid di bleaching t'ing. What yuh do wid me Thandi? Beg yuh bring har back, because me nuh like dis one.”

Just then Margot comes in with bags of groceries she picked up at Mr. Levy's Wholesale. An overnight bag is strung over one shoulder. A wave of relief washes over Thandi when she sees her sister. She runs into Margot to get away from Delores, almost knocking Margot over. “What's going on here? Why yuh naked?” Margot asks, letting go of the bags, which drop with a loud thud, to hold on to Thandi.

“Is blind yuh blind?” Delores asks Margot. “Yuh sistah turning into a white 'ooman undah me roof! Is you put her up to dis?” Delores shouts, her body shaking as though aggravated by the words. Margot turns to look at Thandi, who is in her arms. “What she talking 'bout, Thandi?” Her eyes are scouring Thandi's face. “Thandi.”

“I'm not turning white,” Thandi sniffs, wiping her eyes. “I was just bringing up my color. A lot of girls do it. I am the darkest at school. People either make fun of me or they ignore me.”

“So let them!” Delores shouts from where she stands. “Yuh g'wan be bettah than them wid what's up here.” Delores taps her skull.

“But Mama, yuh always say—”

“Yuh should be concentrating on the CXC. Yuh was supposed to be the one to rise above dat stupidness wid yuh books.”

Margot is quiet this whole time, watching Delores through narrowing slits. She drops her hands to her sides like she did the groceries. “Mama!” She holds up one hand. “Let me talk to her for a minute.”

Delores backs away, her hands curled in tight fists. She has never surrendered her power before, but Margot doesn't seem afraid to silence their mother. Margot seems to be the one in charge. Something is different about her, Thandi thinks. Lately she has been busier and busier, her clothes nicer and nicer.

She told Thandi that she was preparing to move them somewhere else. “
Where would we get the money?
” Thandi had asked her sister a few days ago. And Margot had given her the biggest grin she had ever seen on her face. “
Ah jus' win di lotto an' buy land. Yuh looking on the new hotel general manager of Palm Star Resort!
” Thandi hugged her sister before she pulled back. “
Does Mama know?
” Margot shook her head. “
Don't say anyt'ing to her as yet. Right now dis is between me an' you.
”

In this very moment, this indomitable woman is standing in their living space like the sun itself. Delores retreats inside the kitchen, mumbling to herself, as Margot sits Thandi down on the sofa. Very gently she cups Thandi's face and caresses it with both hands. There are tears in her eyes too. Thandi isn't sure if they are sad tears or happy tears. Margot clutches Thandi's chin gently and parts her ruby-red lips as though to blow a kiss. “This is unnecessary if yuh look in the mirror an' see what I see in those eyes.” Margot runs her hands through Thandi's hair, untwisting the single braid and letting her hair fall around her shoulders. “Once you believe you are beautiful, then people will believe it too.”

“Is dat what they said at the hotel when they hired you as front desk clerk and then gave yuh dat promotion?” Thandi asks.

“What promotion?” Delores springs back into view.

Margot looks at Thandi in stunned silence. Without turning to Delores, she says, “I was recently promoted as hotel general manager.”

“When? Why yuh didn't seh anyt'ing to me about it? How much dem paying yuh now?”

“Is dat all yuh care about?” Margot faces Delores. “How much I'm worth?” Delores is seething quietly in the shadows.

“What have you been telling Thandi, Mama?” Margot asks.

“What yuh mean, what ah been telling har? Is me yuh g'wan blame fah this?”

“A man like dat,” Margot says quietly under her breath. At first Thandi doesn't hear her sister's words, until she repeats it over and over again like a litany. Margot's whisper becomes a laugh that rumbles in her belly and snaps her head back. “A man like dat is what I was to aspire to get, remembah, Delores?” Thandi watches this, instantly becoming a shadow, a bat perched in the dark recesses of the shack, listening. “Remember?” Margot says quietly. Just then Maxi comes to the gate and hollers for Delores:

“What tek'n suh long, Mama Delores? Ship 'bout to dock!”

And Margot's attitude changes. She breaks the staring match between her and Delores and fixes her blouse. She bends to pick up the bags of groceries that fell earlier. Delores's face is still twisted into a deep scowl.

“Yuh sister is different,” she says to Margot as she lifts her own weight—the basket of souvenirs. “I tell yuh dat all the time. So get offah me back an' guh run yuh hotel. God mus' really work in mysterious ways. I guess him bless yuh overnight, huh?” Delores's voice has a sharp edge. “What position did you pray in, Margot? Were you on yuh knees or pon yuh back?”

Margot stiffens. She clutches Thandi's shoulders. “Did she evah tell you?” she asks. “Did she evah tell what she did?”

“Kibbah yuh mouth,” Delores says. “Don't bring yuh sistah in yuh mess.”

Margot's tone raises the hairs on Thandi's arms. “No matter what yuh do to yuhself, it not g'wan change a t'ing,” Margot says to Thandi. “Believe me, it won't change yuh place in society or how they look at you.”

“Let me go!” she says to Margot, who still clutches Thandi as though Thandi is about to fall into some kind of an abyss that only Margot can see. Thandi stumbles backward when her sister releases her.

Thandi feels sorry for hurting her this way. She shouldn't have shouted at Margot like that. But she thought Margot would've understood her and taken her side. Can't she see that Thandi wants more than this life in River Bank? More than what Margot can ever give her? Margot waits until Delores leaves before she gets up and goes outside through the back door. Thandi watches her walk past the outhouse and the tire swing where Little Richie hides. Like a divi-divi tree thrashing in the wind, she walks with her head bent forward, storming through, parting banana leaves and trampling tall grass. Thandi slips into the fuchsia dress—snug at the hips with slits on both sides—which she bought last week for the birthday party. Might as well, since no one is there to see her wear it.

T
handi stands alone on the pier that evening, watching her classmates on the dance floor. She fights away thoughts of Charles, but no one asks her to dance. No one directs her to the table with snacks and soda. A feeling of alienation creeps up on her, cold like the night air. She fidgets with a piece of napkin folded in her damp hands, standing knock-kneed in the shadows. The other girls walk right by her as though they don't know her. Dance-hall music soars in the open air and Thandi adjusts her dress, hoping someone will ask her to dance. All the pretty brown boys have found all the pretty brown girls. The boys stir with excitement and jump on the girls' behinds, riding them to the rhythm of the music on the dance floor and against the rails. The girls don't seem to mind. They're oblivious to moist foreheads, smudged makeup, and damp collarbones where sweat sparkles like glitter. The more self-conscious ones fan and dab themselves with tissue, pretending not to be concerned or flattered by the looks from other boys, lining up and waiting their turn. Their smiles and skin glow under the disco lights.

Laughter takes everyone's minds off the awkwardness of trying to impress each other. The music changes to Dennis Brown and there's an unspoken acknowledgment that each person should find a partner. There is one boy left standing in a corner like Thandi. Their eyes meet. His dimples are visible from her vantage point. She moves from her corner and slips between the bodies on the dance floor. The boy stands up straight. Thandi tucks her hair behind her ears, confident that he can see her lighter, brighter face. She has dreamed of this moment, approaching a fair-skinned boy as though it is her birthright. The boy holds Thandi's stare. With a slight drop of his head, he looks her up and down as she gets closer and closer to him. As Dennis Brown's voice hits a high note, soaring into the star-filled indigo sky, the boy's dimples disappear and he wrinkles his nose and walks away. Thandi has been acknowledged and dismissed in the time it takes to get to the other side of the dance floor. The belly-skip of possible love with a cream-skinned mulatto is nothing compared to the vile liquid that presently shoots through her veins. Her hope wilts on its stem before it can bloom into promise. Miss Ruby was wrong. Bleaching her skin doesn't make them see her as beautiful.