Hesitant Heart (10 page)

“What’s bothering you, Sam?”

Aaron reached around to pluck the lip that Sam was in the process of abusing from between his teeth.

“It’s none of my business.” His voice had sound defeated, almost heartbroken, as he set the painting down.

“None of that. Everything about me is your business from now on, the same as you are for me.”

Sam twisted his head to peer up at him. “Is he someone you’re going around with?”

Aaron bent down to wrap his arms around Sam. Dear Sam who sounded so sad.

“No. Not now and not then either. I told you before that I had no one. I paid this man to pose for me then we had sex. That’s it. I never saw him again.”

“You didn’t like him?”

“I’ve never found anyone I like as much as you.”

Sam relaxed in his hold. “Oh.” Sam looked up again. “Do you always pay people? You’ve never had a gentleman friend who wanted to go around with you without money?”

Aaron let go of Sam then gathered up his hand, lacing their fingers together. “Let’s get another cream soda then sit on the couch. That way we can relax and I can answer all your questions.”

Once they’d retrieved their drinks then settled on the velvet sofa, Sam started right back up again. Aaron could tell Sam was anxious about his place in Aaron’s world.

“There’s no one else?”

“No, Sam. Only you.”

“And before?”

“I’ve tried a few times, but unfortunately, the men I would have wanted to explore a longer term relationship with didn’t care for my other needs. And I was never fortunate enough to find a submissive man who wanted to be kept by me.”

“Until me?”

Aaron smiled at the truth of Sam’s statement.

“Not until you.”

Sam seemed to ponder his words. He took a sip of his soda then leaned over to set it on the black lacquer coffee table. He snuggled up to Aaron.

“I’m sorry you’ve been so lonely. But I’m glad that I get to be the one going around with you now.”

Aaron petted Sam’s hair. “Me too.”

They sat in silence for a few moments before Sam piped up again.

“So is that what you do for your living? You sell paintings?”

“Oh my, no. Well, let me clarify. I do sell these paintings at times to interested, like-minded men, but more often than not I trade them for the use of the sadomasochistic clubs I belong to around the world. Sometimes I give them as gifts.”

“You couldn’t sell them to other places?”

Aaron choked on his soda. He decided to set it down before he spilled it everywhere. “Good Lord, no. I’d be arrested.”

“But how do you make money? You seem to have really nice things. My father is a lawyer. He also invests in stocks, but I’m not sure I really understand what that’s all about.”

“I come from a very wealthy family in Philadelphia. There’s only me, my dear mother, and my sister who are left. I have a rather large trust fund that I draw from which allows me the ability to travel and indulge in my pleasures.”

“And to paint beautiful pictures?”

“How flattering of you. I’m glad you like them because I would like to paint many of you. As a matter of fact, only of you from now on.”

Sam beamed at him. “Thank you, Aaron. Thank you so much, I can’t wait. I love the way you paint. You make the pictures so that you can tell what it is but it’s not exactly like real life.”

“That’s called Impressionism. I spent some time in Paris where it was once popular, but it has fallen away as of late to a style called Surrealism.” Aaron shrugged. ”While I do appreciate the unbridled lack of constraints of the method, there isn’t enough beauty or flow to the form for my taste. Painting used to be my only source of joy and Surrealism doesn’t offer that to me.”

He caught Sam regarding him with a happy smile. Aaron was pleased it seemed as though Sam had figured out that he was Aaron’s new source of joy.

“There is one thing I want to bring up tonight.” Aaron paused, wondering how his words would be received. “Now that we’ve agreed on a relationship where you submit to me and I dominate you, there is the matter of the proper way in which you would address me. You’ve always called me ‘Sir’ at the bathhouse. Were you comfortable with that?”

“Sure.” Sam bowed his head. “It seems kind of funny to call you Aaron.”

Aaron nodded, pleased. “Very good. Then for now, you will refer to me as Sir.”

“For now?”

“Eventually, when the time is right, I’ll want you to call me something else.”

Aaron fought the urge to chuckle as he watched the host of emotions that flitted across Sam’s face. He was undoubtedly bursting to find out what else he would call Aaron in the future. His boy was doing a commendable job of not questioning Aaron’s decision.

“Are we clear then?”

Sam nodded then appeared to remember. “Yes, Sir.”

“Good. The sooner you’re properly trained, the sooner I can show you off at the club.”

Sam wiggled on the couch, worry creasing his brow.

“What scares you, little Sam?”

“There are so many things I don’t understand yet.”

Aaron caressed his cheek and Sam closed his eyes, nuzzling his hand.

“But you trust me?”

“Yes, Sir, I do.”

“Very good, sweet Sam.”

After taking another kiss then pulling Sam onto his lap, he wrapped his arms around his lover. The first press of his lips to Sam’s earlier that day had been a revelation. He would crave Sam’s soft kisses from that moment forward. Aaron’s dick lengthened, but he didn’t want to overwhelm him. Sam must have noticed.

“Can we put our mouths on each other’s parts again, Sir?”

Inwardly laughing, he worked to maintain his composure. “That sounds wonderful. After tonight though, you’ll only come when I say. I control your body. You are here for my pleasure to do with as I wish.”

Aaron noted the flush of Sam’s skin, his slender cock swelling. His boy wanted to be under Aaron’s command.

“Before we play with one another’s ‘parts’, I need to teach you a few more words you can use to describe this enjoyable bit of your anatomy.”

Aaron gently squeezed Sam’s hardened shaft for emphasis and delighted in his boy’s enthusiastic response as he flushed more, writhing and whimpering in Aaron’s arms. Sam was so sensual, so greedy in his desires. He was perfect.

Chapter Seven

Sam stretched in Aaron’s bed.

Our bed.

Nothing had been said but Aaron had brought his few belongings into the bedroom, placed them in a drawer then had brought Sam to sleep with him. But that had only been after they’d sucked off each other’s dicks—as Aaron had explained they were called. Sam had even told Aaron that he’d wanted Aaron to come in his mouth and he had. The feel of Aaron’s thick cock pulsing on his tongue as the creamy spend shot down his throat had been amazing. He’d done that. He’d made him feel really good. It hadn’t been hard to tell how much Aaron had liked it since he’d yelled so loud.

Right before they’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms, Aaron had told him all the different terms he could use to describe his penis. They’d eventually become so ridiculous that both of them had dissolved into fits of hysterical laughter. Sam’s favorites had been pikestaff and flapdoodle. Drumstick had been pretty funny too.

Sam took a peek at Aaron, who was lying on his back. His nose was prominent but straight and proportioned to his face. His full eyebrows complimented his heavily lashed eyes. Even though Aaron was asleep, Sam could see them in his mind—big, round and soulful. Lips that were fuller on the bottom would stretch into a warm smile when Sam made him happy. Sam wanted to make him happy for always.

“I feel you staring at me, little Sam.”

Aaron turned his head and popped one eye open to look at him. Sam’s heart lifted, just knowing that his Sir was awake.

“I didn’t mean to bother you, Sir.”

So much better than saying Aaron. Even if it is a beautiful name.

“Come on then. Give me a hug.”

Aaron opened his arms and Sam launched himself into them. They nuzzled and kneaded one another, Sam unconsciously rubbing his erection against Aaron’s body. Aaron reached between them and grabbed his dick, squeezing it very hard right at the base. Sam instantly stilled, surprised.

“It’s time to begin your training.” Aaron peered down at him. “Self-control will be a good place to start. We’re also going to do some light binding, as well as testing your pain responses.” Aaron’s brow creased slightly. “I wonder…”

Sam wasn’t sure if he was supposed to ask anything—if it would be considered questioning Aaron’s orders or not—but he couldn’t help himself.

“What are you wondering?” Sam almost bit his lip but stopped in time. “Am I allowed to ask those things?”

“You can ask about anything you don’t understand, except when we’re engaged in our playtime. Then you must follow my orders. I will do my best to explain everything beforehand so as not to frighten you. However, you can ask anything you like about our interaction afterwards. Questions about something you don’t understand is one thing. Questioning my orders after you’re clear about my expectations is disobedience.” Aaron plucked a stray hair from Sam’s face. “Understood?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Sam could see it would take some time, but he was getting better at comprehending Aaron’s wishes.

“Good. To help ease your mind even more, there will always be a way for you to stop me if you can’t handle what’s happening between us.”

“Stop?”

Sam didn’t think Aaron had ever wanted to stop. Did that mean if Sam told Aaron to stop, Aaron would be done with him, make him go away?

“Oh dear. I’ve upset you. What is it, little Sam?”

His words tumbled out. “I don’t want you to stop, Sir, never! Please don’t send me away.”

Aaron frowned then pulled him close, caressing him reassuringly. Sam could feel the frantic beat of his own heart against Aaron’s chest. At last, Sam’s breathing slowed, and Aaron loosened his hold, but didn’t let go. He petted Sam’s head soothingly.

“There, there. This is why understanding is so important. Did you think that I meant that if you asked me to stop something, then it would be the end for good?”

Sam’s lip quivered as he nodded.

“That’s not what I meant at all, little Sam. I’m keeping you, no matter what. In our type of relationship, it takes a lot of courage for a submissive man to allow someone to tie him up then use instruments of pain on him. The Dominant’s job is to know their submissive’s body so well that they can inherently gauge how much the submissive can handle. But even the Dominant isn’t perfect. If there’s ever a time that you genuinely feel you can’t take any more of my discipline or punishments then you must ask for mercy. I’ll stop and we can discuss what happened then make it better.”

“Oh.” Sam sniffled. “So everyone does it that way? They let the lesser man stop things?”

Aaron tensed, his expression taking on the edge of severity Sam had witnessed when he’d talked about his father.

“You are
never
lesser, Sam. Never. You are the perfect counterpart to me. You provide the balance in our relationship. We can’t achieve that balance without both parts. Both
equal
parts.”

He couldn’t fathom how Aaron could view Sam as equal to him. Aaron had lived an incredible life, was a talented painter, was very beautiful and had been really kind to him.

“Before we wrap up this topic, I want to be completely open with you about one thing—not every Dominant listens to their boy’s pleas for mercy. I don’t agree with that practice and neither does Saul or many other members of the club. But since there aren’t any universal rules, there’s not much that can be done. Our lifestyle is kept hidden in the shadows, so it’s difficult to govern, although the Hampton Road Club is one of the best places I’ve ever patronized.”

“It’s very interesting. There are so many things I never knew about before.” Sam thought that Aaron might have forgotten what he’d started to say before. “So, if it’s okay, Sir, what was it that you were wondering?”

“Ah, of course. Well, for someone as fresh to this way of life as you are, I’m thinking regular discipline might be a very good place to start. I’ve never had the opportunity to use it before, since I haven’t had a steady submissive. However, I’ve heard other adherents speak of it highly.”

Sam worked very hard not to appear nervous. “What does that mean?”

“To begin with, let’s establish a daily routine. We’ll set up a morning ritual that will include your daily discipline and we can also use that time to reconnect before we begin our day. Then I’ll lay out what is expected of you for the day and that’s all you’ll need to focus on. Everything else will be handled by me.”

Sam must have still looked confused.

“How about we begin, then it will become more clear.”

“Okay, Sir.”

Even though he knew it would take a while for him to absorb the more confusing aspects of his relationship with Aaron, he was already experiencing a deeper calm than he’d ever known before.

Aaron guided him through their morning. As they completed the basics of grooming and breakfast, Sam couldn’t help but get distracted by his own needy cock and the sight of Aaron’s swaying erection, his full sac hanging low. He swallowed, his gaze continuously drawn to the flush of arousal evident on Aaron’s skin.

After they’d cleared and washed the dishes, Aaron beckoned Sam to the bedroom.

“Stand here in the middle of the rug.”

Sam did as he was told. Aaron manipulated his body by placing a hand on his abdomen then another on his upper back. He pushed against Sam’s body at the same time.

“Stand up as straight as you can. There, like that. Keep your shoulders back, chin up. Good boy.”

The praise warmed Sam from the inside.

“Clasp your wrists behind your back. Let them rest above your buttocks. Keep your elbows even and don’t forget to keep your posture straight. Face forward then lower your eyes without dipping your chin.”

Once Sam achieved the position Aaron desired, he knew his cock would be lewdly on display.

“From now on, every morning once we’ve finished breakfast, you will assume this stance in the exact same spot until I come in to inspect you. I may follow you in, or I may do something else first. Regardless, you are to be here in the correct position when I enter the room. Failure to accomplish this will result in a punishment. Is that clear?”