Hold Me Never (Holding Never) (19 page)

After a long pause, he tells me in a low, dead voice, “I
was brutalized, made to feel the violence and fear which I was to
inflict on others. To become a real soldier, a leader in the
Imperial Army, that was what I had to go through.”

“
Oh, Jaxon...”

“
I will never do that to you. To anyone.”
He closes his eyes briefly. “Never.”

I reach out and pull him into my arms. “Take me.
Make love to me, for the first time,” I whisper.
Yours and
mine.

He presses his lips to the top of my head for a long
time, as if making a silent, solemn promise. Slowly, he kisses my
face, and I feel his lips, his searing breath on my cheeks, my
eyelids, my forehead as he whispers my name. I close my eyes,
listening to his voice, feeling his breath and his mouth on me. It
feels as if he wants every inch of me to belong to him. But I am not
his.

Tears prickle at the corners of my eyes. I snap them
open, and glare at Jaxon through that shimmering veil of scalding
tears.

“
Take me,” I hiss, refusing to let those
thick, angry tears fall. “Take me now.”

This time there is no hesitation, no holding back on his
part. His mouth claims mine hungrily, insistently, desperately. I
gasp as his mouth crushes mine, claiming, taking, searching for what
is his. My eyes remain open, staring into the blurry vision of his
handsome, tormented face before fluttering shut. His hands grip my
waist hard, as he kisses me, leaving me gasping and panting. My
nails are digging into his broad shoulders, as I stumble backwards on
tiptoes. But there is no fear of falling. His strong hands hold me
firmly, pressing against the small of my back, around my waist and
hips.

He moves one hand up to my face to caress my cheek.
Once he touches my tears, his kiss softens and he pulls back just a
heartbeat before gently finding my mouth again. As he kisses me
slowly, he thumbs away my tears from the side of my face. His tongue
moistens my lower lip before slowly easing past my lips.
Tentatively, I taste him with the tip of my tongue, and the liquid
heat immediately floods my body. I push into his mouth with my
tongue, probing and wanting more of him. “Jaxon!” I
hear my own hoarse voice as my fingers rake through his dark hair and
down his neck and back. I feel the rough fabric of his military
uniform on his back, and grab a fistful of the material, trying to
rip it off his back. I want to feel his skin on me, his bare body
against mine.

He senses my frustration, or rather, his need is as
urgent as mine. I can feel the tensing of his muscles and his hard
length pushing against my belly as our tongues tangle and thrust,
licking and savoring each other. My fingers clumsily fumble at his
buttons, making little headway. My clothes on the other hand pose no
challenge at all. With a savage rip, the brown cloths are off my
body and in a heap against the wall. Running his hands down my naked
body, Jaxon makes a low growling sound at the back of his throat.
His eyes drink in every inch of my body, and his expression darkens
into a deadly intensity. For the first time, I see him as he is on
the battlefield, unyielding and unafraid. With his sights locked on
the enemy, he makes a formidable soldier. His movements are sharp
and swift, and I stifle a cry when he lunges towards me. With a
violent shiver of fear and excitement, my instinct to flee takes over
and I try to dodge him. I lurch sideways, but he tracks my movement
with precision and speed.

I find myself up against the wall, with nowhere to run.
His powerful fists slam into the wall, and his arms cage me in.

“
Jaxon...” My breath is coming in short,
sharp spurts. I see his chest rise and fall, his hungry eyes locked
on me. Despite the lust and hunger burning in his eyes, he doesn't
touch me. His arms and massive body just form a rigid prison around
me. I glance down at the bulge straining against his pants and when
I reach out, he flinches slightly.

His knuckles grind into the wall, his arms tense and
straight as I push myself away from the wall. Slowly, I reach up and
undo the buttons on his shirt, one by one. I push back the two
halves of his black military shirt to reveal a tanned, toned torso.
As I run my eyes and fingers down his solid chest and stomach, I hear
him grit out my name.

Biting back a smile, I take my time around his
waistband, lingering at his belt. I unbuckle his belt and when my
palm brushes against that huge bulge between his legs, he explodes
with a curse.

His eyes are squeezed shut, his jaw clenched.
“Zoey...you...you're going to make me lose control.”

This time I smile as I step forward and press my body
flush against his bare torso. My nipples stab into his chest, and I
rub them in small circles against his body. The friction makes my
nipples harden and ache even more. I push my hands around his
waist and move more vigorously against him. My nipples are erect and
throbbing, and I throw my head back, wanting to feel his mouth on my
breasts, suckling me hard.

But Jaxon's hands never leave the wall. I can feel his
arms trembling as he braces himself and moans. “Zoey, you are
driving me out of my mind!”

“
Touch me,” I breathe.

He fights to control his breath and his voice. “Once
I touch you, I will take you,” he warns. “Hard.”
His eyes flash dark and dangerous.

My hands move to his zipper and tug it down. I push his
pants down his lean hips and gasp when his erection springs free.
His cock is huge, rock hard, glistening and throbbing with lust.

I trail one finger down the rigid length of his pulsing
cock and a violent shudder courses down his body. When I wrap my
palm around his erection, he lets out a shout.

“
Zoey...do you have any idea what you do to me?
How much I want you,” he says in a cracked voice.

I shake my head coyly, the smile still playing on my
lips.

“
Do you want to touch me now?” I ask softly.

“
God, if I don't touch you, I think I'll die!”

I reach up and push the shirt off his shoulders. And I
see the scar.

The scar in his right shoulder, where he was shot ten
years ago.

I trace my fingers around that ragged mark in his flesh,
a reminder of what he did, what he risked, what he fought against.
He never forgot me. How could he? I have been seared into his
flesh.

Leaning in, I press my lips to his scar, and kiss it.

When I run my hand down his chest, over his nipples, he
hisses and grabs my hand. I push myself up on my toes and whisper in
his ear, “I want you, Jaxon.”

With a roar, he grabs me and pushes me back against the
wall. His mouth closes around my breast, and he sucks me hard. I
cry out as his teeth graze my nipple and his tongue flicks repeatedly
over my erect nipple, teasing and torturing it. As he moves his
mouth over to my other breast, his fingers find my wet, throbbing
nipple and rolls it gently. He increases the pressure, pinching and
squeezing my nipple before tugging it.

“
Jaxon...please...” I plead, my need pooling
low in my belly. I move my hand down my body, towards my crotch.
The ache between my legs is driving me wild. I just need him to
touch me, fill me, fuck me—but, how? I have never felt a man's
erect penis inside me. How will it feel? Will it hurt? I moan with
mounting, mad desire. I want it to hurt. I want it to hurt so bad.
Make me scream with pain and pleasure. I want to remember every
second, every sensation. I don't want to forget this night.

Jaxon catches my hand fiercely. “No. This is
mine. Mine to touch and taste. And take, slowly...”

With one hand under my knee, he pulls my leg up to his
hip. His hand cups my smooth, hot core and his thumb gently grazes
my clit. When I shudder, he runs his thumb across my clit again.
Instead of relieving my ache, he has only intensified it. I spear my
fingers through his hair, gripping hard and gasping at the torture.

He starts rubbing my clit in slow, tight circles. “Oh,
oh Jaxon...” I lose all thought as he pushes a finger into me.

“
So tight,” he says on a sharp inhale. “You
are so tight and so wet.”

My eyes which are not functioning so well at this moment
flick down at his raging erection. How is he going to push that into
my body? Am I going to tear? Will he hurt me?

He starts to move his finger slowly in and out of me.
“Relax. Breathe deeply and relax,” he orders.

I nod but instead, my body clenches harder around his
finger. He stills, his eyes flaring. I let out a cry as he pushes
another finger into me, stretching me. Holding my gaze, he slides in
and out of me, until I can feel my juices dripping down my thighs.

My eyes flutter shut with pleasure and he leans in to
kiss me softly on the lips. His skilful fingers continue moving
inside me, coaxing my juices to flow and spreading them all over my
pussy lips and clitoris. I mumble something incoherent against his
mouth, and his tongue thrusts suddenly into my mouth, moving in
rhythm with his fingers, a promise of what is to come.

I drop my head onto his shoulder as he withdraws his
fingers slowly from me. “Are you okay?” he asks softly.

I nod, fighting to catch my breath. Kissing me on my
eyelids, Jaxon scoops me up and carries me to his bed. Laying me
down on my back, he looks down at me with eyes that are dark with
desire, yet shining with tenderness. He bends down to kiss me full
on the mouth and his erection stabs against my thigh.

When I raise my hips to him, his powerful arms grab me
to hold me to him while his knees spread my legs apart.

I can feel the tip of his throbbing erection pushing
against my pussy, seeking my opening. With a growl, he rears up to
poise his cock at my hole, his hands gripping my knees to push my
legs wider apart. He seems to be shaking with the effort not to
penetrate me as he stares down at me.

“
Take me,” I pant, my pussy clenching under
his hungry, lustful gaze. He looks like he is going to devour me.
And he does.

With a roar, he clamps his mouth to my tight, dripping
pussy and begin to suck and lick me with a vengeance. His tongue
sweeps up and down my pussy lips, swirling around my hard, swollen
nub, tantalizing and torturing it. Giddy with ecstasy, I thrash my
head and fist the bed covers as his tongue-fucks me so deliciously
and skilfully. His tongue is in turn soft and stiff, caressing my
folds then pushing deep into me. His tongue moves in and out of my
body, sliding and stroking me out of my mind. A strange, intense
pleasure is building low in my belly, pulsing from my engorged clit
to my thighs and through every nerve in my body. Jaxon's tongue
continues to swirl in my depths, creating a vortex of drowning
pleasure, which drags me deeper and deeper into that spinning energy.
The explosion is sudden and violent, throwing me from the bed as my
body bucks and shudders uncontrollably with my climax.

I surface from that whirlpool of indescribable, intense,
insane sensation, blinking the sweat from my eyes. Jaxon moves up to
kiss me, and I taste myself on his lips. My eyes widen at the erotic
scent and taste.

Jaxon smiles against my lips, his breathing heavy but
controlled. His expression suddenly becomes serious and he rolls of
the bed and grabs his uniform off the floor. Ripping something from
his pocket, he turns his back to me and hunches. When he returns to
the bed, I see that his cock is tightly sheathed in a condom. He is
protecting me, putting my well-being above his pleasure.

Pushing his hands into my hair, he lowers himself to me,
careful not to crush me under his massive frame. He pushes my legs
slowly apart with his, the tip of his cock poised at my opening.

Looking deep into my eyes, he penetrates me very slowly.
I feel the head of his cock pushing past my vagina walls. He is
holding himself up, his arms straining as he fights to pace himself.
He searches my face and asks hoarsely, “Am I hurting you?”

I shake my head and put my trembling hands on his
bulging biceps.

“
I'll do it very slowly. Breathe, and keep your
eyes on me.” I blink and squeeze my eyes shut. “Look at
me, Zoey!”

He holds my face and stares into my eyes. His cock
slides deeper in, inch by inch. I gasp at the stab of pain as he
thrusts suddenly, burying himself to the hilt inside my body.

My muscles clench and slowly relax as I feel his
pulsating length fully inside me. The pain melts into pleasure, as
he starts rocking very gently. As he starts to move against me, I
wrap my legs around his hips and hold him. I want to feel him deep
inside me, feel his pulse hammering in time with mine. I feel so
close, so connected to him, so safe with him that the surroundings
seem to just blur and fade away from me. There is nothing but us.
Just us in this darkness.

Jaxon slides slowly in and out of my body, letting me
feel every solid inch of him. “You're beautiful, Zoey,”
he whispers, kissing my forehead. “So beautiful.”

I blush, and smile shyly. “I...I didn't
know...it'd feel this good.”

Jaxon gathers me in his arms, hugging me to him
fiercely. “I want to make love to you every night, every
single night, Zoey,” he grates as he buries himself in me.