Hold Me Never (Holding Never) (21 page)

Mam Mallisa hoists up her skirts to show us how high to
kick our legs. Her black-stockinged legs kick up and down with
eye-popping dexterity. For someone her age—and really, there
is no telling how old she is, she is incredibly nimble and flexible.

She shows the girls their dance moves and poses and
starts the music. “Now, make a parting in the circle, right
here.” She steps between two swaying girls. “Zoey, you
are to walk out to the front at this point in the music. Got it?”

I nod, listening to the rising crescendo in that eerie,
howling melody. Why on earth did she choose this song? Oh, right.
She didn't.

Someone else did.

The Emperor? But I'm guessing it's the Empress.

“
...so you walk out and pose, like this. And then
turn around and do this...”

Numbly, I do as she says. I pout, I preen, I pose. I
blow kisses to the invisible audience and position my hands under my
breasts, which I have come to understand will be bared.

I suddenly wonder how Jaxon will feel if he saw me like
this.

Would he feel any jealousy? Possessiveness? Desire?
Anger?

I shake my head. Why should he?

Why should he feel anything at all?

There is nothing between us. Just one night of
pleasure. Pleasure that was earth-shattering, mind-blowing and
heartbreaking.

It was bliss. It was ecstasy. It was red, hot passion.

It was love.

And it is over.

“
Zoey!” Mam Mallisa's voice is sharp and
hard like a slap.

My reverie broken, I stumble backwards, crashing into
the group of girls behind me, breaking their formation. There are
squeals, shouts and some nervous giggles as we tumble in a heap to
the floor.

“
Daydreaming, are we?” Mam Mallisa hauls me
roughly to my feet. “This is no time for dreams, Zoey! You
dance tomorrow night!”

“
I'm sorry,” I tell the girls, most of whom
are wearing looks of surprise. Some look frightened, and a few look
sympathetic—momentarily. When Mam Mallisa glares round, they
quickly avert their eyes from me.

I see the fear and pity in their downcast eyes. Fear
for themselves, pity for me. No good can come from being singled out
for a solo dance, for the unwanted attentions of the Emperor and his
avaricious guests.

I am courting death, with every swivel of my hips and
wiggle of my shoulders. I turn back to Mam Mallisa. “I'm
sorry. I'll do better. I'll do it properly this time.”

“
Hmph.”

There is no answer to that.

“
From the top now.” Mam Mallisa raises her
voice and smiles at me, her eyes flashing threateningly. “Do
not make any mistakes.”

We take our places and continue dancing, over and over
again until we are all dizzy with hunger and exhaustion.

Finally, Mam Mallisa turns off the music and claps
loudly. “That will be all. You'll return to your cells now.
Your dinner is waiting. Sleep early. Your performance is tomorrow
night. You'll want to look rested and beautiful.” She looks
pointedly at me.

We are all sweaty and tired, our stomachs and souls
empty. But no one utters a word of complaint as we shuffle back to
the dungeon. There is no point in bringing Mam Mallisa's displeasure
down on our heads, and on other innocent heads.

Grimly, Mam Mallisa opens our cell doors. I hear the
steel doors hiss shut one by one. Mine is the last to close.

I glance at her wiry figure silhouetted at my door, and
turn away quickly to pick up the tray of food beside my mattress. I
cannot bear to look upon that cold, crooked smile any longer.

I start to eat even before the door has closed fully.
Alone in my cell, I drop the pretense and put down the shaking tray.

Tomorrow night, I will dance. I will be dancing in
front of the Emperor and Empress, thrusting out my breasts and hips
towards the guests in invitation. Mam Mallisa showed me how to do
it. I have to twirl and undulate my body in a supposed sensuous way,
making my body irresistible.

I am shaking so badly I have to grab my knees.

There is no doubt how the dance will end.

The other girls know it as well. Even though no one has
dared to mutter even a single word to me, I'd felt a couple of sad,
gentle squeezes on my arm as they filed past me to their cells.

Once you catch someone's eye, you're dead
.

Well, everyone's eyes will be on me tomorrow night.

What will happen then?

If I'm lucky, I'll be dead.

If not...

I stare at the door of my cell until my vision blurs.
I'm hoping to see him again.

To see him one last time before I die.

To see him again, feel him again, have him again. Am I
stupid? Yes. Am I crazy? Beyond a doubt.

But I want what I want. Even though I know I can't have
him.

For one amazing night, I did have him. Just for one
night, he was mine. And I was his. Completely. It wasn't just sex.
In his bed, in his arms, I felt...wanted, cherished, alive. For the
first time in my life, I had a fleeting taste of bliss.

I just want to see him again.

Just one last time.

Is that too much to ask? To want a last taste of heaven
before descending into hell?

With a sudden conviction, I push myself up against the
wall. My heart is pounding too loudly in the silence and the walls
seem to spread and fade from me. My senses tingling and heightened,
I stare unblinkingly at the door, wishing, hoping, wanting, waiting.

The tensed, still air of my cell holds a silent promise.

I'm going to hold you forever
.

“
Jaxon.” His name falls from my lips at
last. I have not allowed myself to even whisper his name since I
left him.

My eyes cloud with tears the moment I utter his name.
The shadows crowd into my hazy vision, blurring my reality and my
senses. When I slide down the wall, hugging myself as sobs wreck my
body, I imagine hearing the soft click and seeing the door to my cell
open. I shake my head and squeeze the hot tears out of my eyes. I
am just seeing something that isn't there, hallucinating and
dreaming.

I shake my head against the vision. He is not here, not
real.

I am just seeing what I wish to see, not what is real.
The swaying, spinning dance, the visceral, haunting music which seems
to have eaten into my mind and corrupted my soul has driven me
utterly mad.

I just miss him and want him, so much.

“
You're not real,” I say through my sobs.
“You're not here!”

A warm, solid hand touches my cheek, brushing away my
tears. “I am, Zoey. I am here.”

Is this a dream? A joke?

Is this really happening?

As I blink him into focus, I begin to smile even as I
taste my salty tears on my lips.

He came! He came back...

Without a word, Jaxon pulls me up towards him and grips
my hand in his. He turns and pulls me out of the cell after him. I
hear the door slide shut behind us, but he keeps marching resolutely
towards the stairs, past the empty Grooming Room, towards the waiting
elevator, never letting go of my hand.

I flail and fumble in his wake, my eyes wide and
unseeing. He yanks me into the lift and stabs the top button. Once
the lift door closes, I blink rapidly and suck in a deep breath,
which instantly clears the fog in my head. I snap out of my
confusion and delirium, and wrench my hand away.

“
Ouch! You're hurting me! What the hell are you
doing? What do you want, Jaxon?” My tone is surly. I may
have dreamed of him and missed him like crazy, but I don't like being
jerked around.

“
I miss you,” he says.

“
I don't...what?”

He answers me with a crushing kiss. His mouth is hot
and demanding, pressing against mine and demanding that I yield to
him. My eyes stretch wide open, blinking madly against his face. My
lips part under his, and his tongue penetrates me instantly. His
hands grip my shoulders, my arms and travel down to my waist and
hips. My eyes flutter shut and I kiss him back wildly, desperately.
We stumble out of the lift in a tangle, our lips locked, our arms
winding around each other, clinging hard.

“
I miss you, Zoey,” he mutters fiercely
against my throat. “I want you. I want you right now, and I
don't think I will ever stop wanting you.” He looks deep into
my eyes and says in a ragged whisper, “I can't help what I feel
for you, Zoey. I...I am in...”

“
W-what?” I stammer. “You're in what?
Are you in trouble?”

“
I...”

I'm in love. With you.

I gasp. Did I hear him breathe that? Did I see his
lips form those words?

He leans in to kiss me, walking me backwards through the
door and into his bedroom. I am out of breath, my mind swirling with
incoherent thoughts. When he palms my erect nipples, desire spears
down my body and I can feel the wetness gathering between my thighs.
I moan against his mouth, arching my back so that my hard, aching
nipples stab hard into his chest. I raise one leg, bringing it up to
his hips. I want him inside me this very minute.

“
Feel me, Zoey,” he commands. I move my
hands from his waist to feel him between his legs. I gasp at his
enormous erection pushing and pulsing in my palm. “Jaxon!”

“
Can you feel how hard I am for you?” he
grits out. “How hard you make me? Can you feel how much I
want you?”

He rips the cloth off my chest with his teeth. I cry
out as he lowers his mouth to my breast and suckles furiously. It
feels so good to have his tongue lashing my nipple, his teeth biting
and pulling, his mouth sucking me so hard. He wants me. There is no
denying it. He wants me so bad, so hard, so desperately.

I spear my fingers through his hair, pressing his head
to my chest. I hold his head to my breast, looking down at his
handsome face as he licks and nips at my nipples. I pant as he works
his mouth between my breasts, laving his tongue all over my breasts,
torturing my nipples and pulling them between his teeth so that they
become so long and rigid and ripe for him.

My muscles are clenching as he pinches my nipples
between his fingers, rolling and tugging them viciously. “You're
going to make me come just like that,” I pant.

His eyes gleam wickedly as he backs me to his bed. I
fall backwards, and he tears away the flimsy cloth covering my crotch
with a growl. “Spread your legs, Zoey,” he orders.
“Spread them wide. Wider!”

He pushes his hands under my knees and hoists my legs
up. I know that my pussy is so wet and I turn my head away, suddenly
feeling exposed. I am completely bared to him, naked and spread wide
open on his bed. Whereas he is still fully clothed in his military
uniform.

“
I'm going to taste you, Zoey,” he says
huskily. I turn back to see him staring down my naked body, his lips
parting as he lowers his head between my legs. I clench my muscles
suddenly, fisting his bed covers. Jaxon laughs softly. “Beautiful,”
he breathes. “Your little cunt is so beautiful. Do that
again. I love the way you move, Zoey.”

My whole body tightens again, and I can feel my juices
squirting from my pussy. God, I am so wet and he has not even taken
off a single item of his clothing.

His nails dig hard into my flesh, as he forces my legs
wider apart. His eyes glint with unrestrained hunger as he stares at
the wetness dripping from my quivering pussy lips. He looks every
inch the predator he is, and I am held fast in his grip. Unable to
escape, utterly at his mercy.

He lunges suddenly and I let out a cry as his mouth
finds my core. I buck wildly but he doesn't let me go. He attacks
my clit with his lips and tongue, tormenting it mercilessly. My nub
is so hard and engorged, the ache throbbing and pounding low in my
body and up into my brain which has turned to mush. I writhe, biting
my lip to keep from screaming as he holds my hips and continues
sucking my swollen clit deep into his mouth, his tongue flicking over
it repeatedly.

Short, stifled cries escape from the back of my throat
as he kisses and laves my folds with his tongue. He finds my slit
and thrusts his tongue into me, coaxing my juices and licking them
off my pulsating walls. He dips his fingers into me and smears my
clit with my wetness. As he tongue-fucks me, he circles my clit with
his thumb, rubbing harder and faster with his thrusts.

My hands move to my breasts, and my fingers run over my
erect nipples. I hear him make an appreciative noise, and I squeeze
my own breasts and play with my nipples. I take my rigid, erect
nipples between my fingers and increase the pressure, pulling and
pinching them. Jaxon fucks me deeper and harder with his tongue, his
fingers stroking and rubbing my hard nub. With a final thrust, I
come undone, shattering completely under his skilful, relentless
mouth and hands.