Hold Me Never (Holding Never) (20 page)

My breath catches as he thrusts hard into me. He bends
down and sucks my nipples hard as I arch my back, crying out with
pleasure. His hands are all over me, cupping my breasts as he thumbs
my throbbing nipples, moving between my legs to rub my clitoris. His
cock pounds relentlessly into me, sinking deeply into me over and
over again.

I begin to pant harder, my mind a blank as my pleasure
climbs in a roaring wave. The sensation continues building,
simmering and escalating to boiling point. With a scream, a drowning
wave of pleasure crashes over me, and my body clenches hard, over and
over again. My pussy spasms over Jaxon's cock, squeezing and milking
him in an unstoppable, shattering eternity.

When I can speak again, I swallow hard and ask,
“Just...how many times can I do that?”

At that, Jaxon barks out a laugh.

I blush and look down. Is he laughing at me?

Jaxon strokes my cheek. “Many, many times, baby,”
he whispers.

My eyes trail down our bodies, to where we are still
tightly joined together. Slowly, he begins to move, pulling his cock
all the way out so that only the tip is inside of me and I can see
the full glistening length of his cock, and sliding it in again,
letting me feel every full inch of him as he enters me. He does it a
few more times, allowing my eyes to feast on the deeply erotic and
sensual sight of our love-making.

So this is what sex feels like. What a man does to a
woman. This is how it feels, so intimate and...so beautiful.

This doesn't just feel like sex.

It feels like...love.

Making love, that's that Jaxon said.

Is it possible—that there could be love, between
us?

My breath quickens together with his pace. I keep
watching his cock surge into me, filling me up and stroking me in my
most tender, intimate place until my vision grows foggy and I throw
my head back with a moan. Jaxon grabs my wrists and pulls my arms up
over my head, pinning me under his powerful body. I writhe beneath
him, struggling as my will and restraint slip little by little. My
eyes flutter shut and I surrender completely to him. As soon as I
relinquish control over my body and senses, my orgasm explodes from
my core, a scream tearing from my throat.

Jaxon continues pounding into me, pushing me higher and
higher until my body is no longer my own. I can feel him deep inside
me, his heartbeat thundering through my body, our flesh joined, our
breaths and limbs entwined. I can only scream his name, the only
sound my lips know to make.

He thrusts deep and hard into me, my name a strangled
cry wrenched from his throat as he orgasms. The pain and pleasure
ripple across his handsome features as he continues moving inside my
body, gradually slowing down.

He remains inside me, and I wrap my legs around his
hips, not wanting him to withdraw from me.

“
Zoey.” he swallows a ragged breath. “The
condom may slip and spill inside...”

He closes his eyes and grits his teeth as he pulls very
slowly out of me.

I whimper at the sudden emptiness.

He discards the used condom and returns to my side
swiftly, pulling me into his embrace. Our hearts beat together,
against each other, hammering a furious, frantic rhythm. He kisses
my forehead, murmuring into my hair as I snuggle into his warmth.
When our heart rate and breathing gradually slow down, I sigh against
his chest and inhale deeply, breathing and remembering his strong,
masculine scent.

“
I'm not going to let you go,” Jaxon
whispers. “I'm going to hold you forever.”

I close my eyes and stay silent.

What he just said—is simply not possible.

How? How can he hold me forever? How can he not let me
go?

I don't belong to him.

I can't.

“
I hate you.” My voice is muffled against
his chest. “You know that, right?”

He strokes my cheek and answers softly, “I do.”

Pulling the covers over our entwined bodies, he hugs me
to him and closes his eyes. I listen to his steady breathing,
gradually allowing my eyes to close. I rest, cocooned in his warmth
and what I imagine to be his love.

Love.

If this is what it feels like, then it feels good.

It feels really good.

I sigh, and blink up at him but he doesn't stir.
Carefully, I push myself up and lean in to watch him sleep for a long
while.

He looks younger in his sleep, less serious, less
intense, less dangerous. He looks vulnerable even.

Do you have any idea what you do to me?
How
much I want you.

I trace the tip of my finger lightly down his stubbled
jaw.

I'm not going to let you go. I'm going to hold you
forever
.

“
You can't,” I whisper sadly.

Disentangling myself from his embrace, I slip out of his
bed and find the heap of brown cloths against the wall. Tying them
quickly around my chest and hips, I walk to the door and put my hand
on the knob. Bowing my head, I take a painful breath and grip the
knob hard.

I have to go. Now. Saying goodbye would be too hard.

Without looking back, I walk out the door and pull it
close silently behind me. I head straight for the elevator and press
the button. The door opens almost instantly and I don't allow myself
to turn back. Not once. My heart plummets with the lift, as it
descends into the dark depths of the Palace.

I should be happy, not sad.

I got what I wanted. I won, didn't I?

I gave my virginity away, on my terms.

He loved me. Just for tonight. For one night, he was
my lover. And he was a great lover.

The door opens and I slip out into the silent corridor.
There is no one around. The Grooming Room which is usually ablaze
with lights and swirling with soap suds and perfumes is shrouded in
shadows. There is a tap dripping forlornly in the dark.

My feet pad down the cold stone steps to the dungeon. I
stand facing the steel doors to the cell, and I picture the other
girls huddled inside the other cells in the dark.

Where can we run to?

We are sealed behind a wall in the Palace.

There is no way to escape. More people would just be
tortured, captured and killed.

“
You can't save me,” I whisper, and punch
the button at the side of my cell door. “No one can.”

I stand facing the wall until the door seals shut behind
me.

Alone in my cell, I wrap myself tightly in my blanket
and lie down. I try not to think of him, not to think of what just
happened between us, but it's no use. Images of our naked bodies
pressed against each other, moving and writhing on the bed
immediately roll through my mind. Sighing, I close my eyes, and just
allow the images to pulse painfully on the back of my eyelids. I can
see everything, feel everything, remember everything so clearly. Our
desperate, scorching kisses, his restrained, tentative touch, my
hands on his chest, his hips, his cock. His mouth and hands all over
me. His care and tenderness when he took me. How his full, rigid
length felt deep inside my body. How I writhed beneath him as he
made love to me.

I can feel myself becoming wet again, but I don't care.
These memories are mine. This experience, this night, belongs to me,
to us.

I got what I wanted.

Even if I die tomorrow, I will have had this night.

I don't know exactly when I drifted off to sleep, and
how long I have been asleep. All I know is that I wake with a smile
on my face and tears in my eyes.

But I don't even have time to come fully awake.

Mam Mallisa is standing at the door to my cell with a
Matron behind her.

“
Zoey Whard.”

I jump up, hurriedly checking that I have my clothes, or
what passes as clothes, decently enough on my body. Patting down the
brown cloths covering my chest and hips, I rub my eyes and focus on
Mam Mallisa.

The good thing is that she is not in her leotards.

The bad thing is that she is smiling at me.

She looks—happy.

With me?

My brows lift before knitting into a frown. Does she
know what I did last night? Has Jaxon...?

Panic begins to snake around my heart, squeezing it
until I can hardly breathe. Is she here to punish me?

“
Zoey, my beautiful, impressive, sensual dancer,”
she gushes, smiling even broader and showing her gold-capped molars.

I stare at her, my heart and gut in knots. What is she
talking about? What is she saying? What is she asking? Does she
know? What does she know?

I fight to stay upright, and keep my face impassive.

Don't look scared. Don't look guilty.

She waltzes into my cell and I take an involuntary step
back. Chuckling, she takes my arm and announces, “You, my
dear, will be the lead dancer at the Emperor's dinner tomorrow night.
Of course you will need a new costume. All the attention will be on
you, my dear. Your costume must be different from the other girls'.
More sparkly, more—special, more delectable and delicious.”

Despite my shock, I can't help wrinkling my nose. I'm
sure she means more obscene.

“
What are you standing there for? Measure her
up!” she squawks at the petite Matron with wavy auburn hair,
who immediately scurries up to me wielding her tape measure.

I hold still for the Matron, who works quickly and
quietly. When she is done, Mam Mallisa dismisses her and turns to
me, eyeing me like a prized pound of flesh.

“
How could I have failed to see your amazing
talent?” she clucks, slapping her forehead exaggeratedly.
“You will be the highlight of the show! The favorite of the
Empress's favorite,” she states with a dramatic flourish.

Something clicks in my reeling brain. “The
Empress's favorite,” I deadpan.

“
Yes. The Empress has a new favorite. And
he—favors you.”

Instinctively I know who he is.

The Empress's new favorite.

He serviced her the whole night. With his eyes and
thoughts on me.

Owen.

My blood turns to ice in my veins.

What does he want with me this time? Hasn't he done
enough to me? Isn't he done with me?

“
You are a very lucky girl, Zoey. Being chosen—is
a great reward.”

I fight the urge to scream. I wonder how well the
Empress has rewarded her, for me.

I can feel Mam Mallisa's appraising eyes on me. I gulp
suddenly, acutely aware of Jaxon's scent on my skin. Mam Mallisa is
no fool. I'm sure she can see that my lips are swollen from kissing,
my cheeks flushed and my body hot and quivering from sex. In fact,
the smell of sex is all over me.

“
I will do my best, Mam Mallisa,” I manage
in a strained voice.

“
Yes.” Her eyes bore into me. “You
will.”

“
Come.” She sweeps out of my cell, and I
follow her with trepidation. The only smart and safe thing to do is
to make her happy, or happier—since she is already in a very
happy mood, the happiest that I've seen her, in fact. Prestige,
power, position, possessions make people exceptionally happy. A
night of passionate love-making, too. But somehow I doubt that she
has had what I had last night. The thought spreads an insane smile
across my face. Insane being the operative word. I was insane to do
what I did last night. If I am sent to Dr. Rolin's lab right now,
they will find traces of Jaxon all over me, inside me, his
fingerprints and saliva on every inch of me. There will be traces of
him all over me.

I'm not sure what the punishment will be—for the
both of us. I don't want to get him in trouble. I don't want his
death on my hands, on my mind. I won't be able to live with myself.
I won't be able to live at all.

To keep her happy, I will have to be her good little
dancer and perform up to expectation. And beyond.

I climb the stairs and squeeze into the waiting lift
with the rest of the girls, keeping my head down and trying to shrink
into a corner. I don't want any of them to catch Jaxon's scent on
me. I wring my hands, shuffling my feet self-consciously. Can they
tell? Do they know that I am no longer a virgin, that I just had sex
for the first time in my life last night? I feel different, so maybe
I look different as well.

Indeed, more than a few suspicious, surreptitious
glances seem to be thrown my way.

We file into the mirrored room awkwardly. Or maybe I'm
the only one who is awkward.

“
Zoey!”

“
Yes, Mam Mallisa.”

“
Come up here. Right here, yes. Right in the
middle. The rest of you, form two concentric circles around her.
Hurry! Don't drag your feet. Move, move, move! I want the girls on
the outer circle to kneel. That's right. Good. Now everyone look
here. There has been some slight changes to the dance. I'll show
you the movements just once. Listen to the music...”