Hold Me Never (Holding Never) (2 page)

My mother's hands are over my ears, trying to block out
the horrific sounds. She bends over me, whispering and murmuring
soothingly in my ear, still trying to protect me even as her clothes
are ripped and torn from her back. I can feel her quaking as she
lays a hand over my eyes so that my young eyes will not see the evil
that will be done to her.

“
Close your eyes,” she implores. “Keep
your eyes closed, Zoey.”

The Commander bellows to his soldiers, and rough hands
pull me out of my mother's arms. I reach for her, screaming and
kicking.

Close your eyes, she mouths, tears streaming down her
face.

I scream harder and shake my head. That's her last
instruction to me, the last words she will ever say to me, but I
don't obey her. My eyes are stretched wide open, as I watch the
Commander strip her naked in the middle of the street and pin her to
the ground.

I shriek and thrash against the arms that are retraining
me. “No! No, please, somebody, please, please help her!
Please save my mother!” I scream to the silent crowd.

Someone rushes forward, but it is not one of the
townspeople. It is a soldier.

“
Sir! Sir...”

“
What!” the Commander snaps as the young
soldier stumbles towards him.

“
I...I...please, Sir!” The soldier tries to
stand at attention, but he seems to be swaying on his feet. “Sir,
please...let her go, Sir...” he stammers.

The Commander stares at him for an instant, as if unable
to believe his ears, before his face contorts in fury.

“
What. Did. You. Say. Captain?” the
Commander says slowly, his voice low and menacing.

“
I...I'm sorry, Sir, b-but...”

“
But what.”

“
D-don't do it, Sir. S-she...” The young
soldier flicks his brown eyes in my direction and swallows. “Her
child...”

“
Her child can watch.” The Commander unzips
his pants, smiling dangerously at the young soldier. “And you
can shut up!”

The Commander lunges and grabs my weeping mother. In a
flash, as if driven by instinct, the young soldier moves to restrain
his Commander. He puts a hand on the Commander's shoulder, and
attempts to pull his Commander away. “Sir...”

The Commander's hand flies to his gun and in a
heartbeat, the barrel is pressed against the young soldier's
forehead.

“
I. Said. Shut. Up!”

“
Sir!”

A gunshot shatters the air. A thin trail of smoke
snakes from the Commander's gun.

The young soldier is on the ground, clutching his
shoulder. Blood seeps from between his fingers. He is grimacing in
pain, but he doesn't cry out.

“
You have disobeyed a direct order, Captain Jaxon
Ryleth,” the Commander snarls. “Take him away!”

The soldier struggles as he is being dragged away.
“Sir!” he croaks, even as he is being cuffed and
frogmarched away. “Sir! Please let the woman go, Sir!”
He twists around. “The child...”

His voice trails off, his brown eyes burning into mine
before he disappears from my view.

I see blood on the ground. His blood, and my mother's
blood.

I scream.

And scream.

And scream.

Until there is nothing left.

No one left.

No one tried to help my mother. No one but that young
Captain.

I can no longer hear my own screams. But it is not
because I have stopped screaming. There is a blow to the back of my
head, and my world becomes even blacker and darker than it already
is.

When I open my eyes again, my mother is gone. Forever.

I jerk up, a silent scream lodged in my throat.

It happened ten years ago, but the horror never dies.
The black metal pieces fall from my fingers with a loud clatter,
echoing round the factory and bringing everyone's head up.

Including Officer Goddot's, which had been nodding and
lolling on his shoulders.

Eyes flick to me, and look down quickly. All except one
pair of eyes. They remain fixed on me, glaring at my ashen face.

I gulp and snatch up the fallen metal parts with
trembling fingers. “I'm sorry,” I mutter to everybody
and nobody in particular. “I'm so sorry.”

Officer Goddot rises slowly and kicks back his chair.
He walks slowly towards me, every approaching footstep like a grenade
detonating in the hushed factory.

His mustache is twitching and his eyes blink and squint,
focusing on me and the jumble of metal pieces in my hands.

I bow my head low and try to assemble the weapon
quickly, bringing my work up to speed, but my hands are shaking too
much. Officer Goddot is coming nearer and nearer, the stench of his
alcohol-laced breath wafting to my nostrils and making me nauseous.

Or maybe it is fear that is making me nauseous.

Even before he opens his mouth to speak, I know that I
am in deep trouble.

The
heavy footsteps stomp to a halt behind me.
“Is
there a problem?”
Officer
Goddot's rough, gravelly voice grind into the back of my neck.

All heads lower and eyes dart to the floor.

“
I'm talking to you, girl! Stand up when I'm
talking to you!”

Very slowly, I force my fists to unclench even as I stop
breathing. I push back from the work bench and stand, keeping my
head down. I can feel Officer Goddot's eyes on the back of my head,
traveling down the length of my lanky, scrawny body. For once, I am
glad for the baggy, dirty overalls. My overalls are so oversized and
dirt-caked that they hide whatever little curves I have developed in
the last year. I have always been gangly, with long limbs and small
breasts, but when I turned seventeen last year, my body just kind of
filled out on its own, even with the meager food portions that are
hardly enough to keep me alive, let alone fatten me up. And having
hips and breasts and curves was—trouble.

Officer
Goddot's
boot
connect
s
with the heel of my foot. He ha
s
kicked directly at the hole in my shoe, hitting my bare flesh. I
wince, and bit
e
back a gasp, but manage to stay upright.

“
Don't slouch, girl!” he barks. “Stand
up straight! What is your name?” he asks, stepping closer.

I try not to flinch. “Zoey. Zoey Whard.”

“
Turn
around and face me, Zoey,” he
orders
.

I nod and turn around, almost colliding into the front
of his faded black uniform. I gasp and stumble back, almost losing
my footing. Officer Goddot regards me with a smile that is devoid of
mirth. He doesn't take a step back, just waits for me to right
myself. I am forced to stand within an inch of him, inhaling his
vile breath.

“
Zoey,” he begins, his voice dangerously
soft. “Why did you throw those pieces down? Are you not happy
working here?”

My head snaps up, nearly smashing into his nose. “I...I
didn't, Sir! I didn't throw them down. I dropped them...”

I clamp my mouth shut instantly. That was a mistake. A
very costly mistake. I should not have said that.

“
Dropped...them?” he repeats, very slowly
and deliberately.

I just shake my head mutely, refusing to utter another
word to condemn myself.

Officer Goddot juts his head towards me and says in a
thin voice, “All these belongs to the Emperor and Empress of
the Unified States. You are handling the valuable property of the
Unified States. It is imperative that you carry out your duty with
care and responsibility. Damaging the property of the Unified States
is a very serious offense. A very serious offense indeed.”

He pauses to let the full meaning of his words sink in.

Worried glances are thrown my way, and some of the older
women begin shaking their heads, their hands over their mouths.

“
I'm sorry, Sir,” I say, unable to hide the
tremor in my voice. “I'm really sorry...”

Officer Goddot shoots me a look of disbelief and
disdain. “You're sorry?”

“
Y-yes. Yes, Sir. I am very sorry. I will...”

He starts to walk away from me. “Yes, I can see
that you are sorry. But that is not enough. Everyone will have to
know how sorry you are. Your mistake is very, very serious, with
very, very serious consequences. It must never be repeated. How can
I run a factory if my workers do not take their responsibilities
seriously? How will I account to the Emperor for all the damage to
his property? There is a lesson to be learned from this. A lesson
for all of you. The consequences of your action must be shown to
all. You have to be punished, Zoey,” he says with a smile.
“And everyone has to see it. This is justice. And justice
must not only be done, but be seen to be done.”

I stare at the back of his shoulders, which doesn't look
quite as hunched as before. The prospect of doling out my punishment
has made him throw back his shoulders and walk taller, hold his head
higher than he has been able to hold it for a long time now.

The taste of authority and power over another is
intoxicating, empowering, ego-inflating. There will be no need for
him to imbibe cheap alcohol this evening. He can get well and truly
drunk on my suffering, on his new found, fleeting power.

I
stare round at the many stricken faces in the factory. Even though
they look visibly distressed, no one dares come to my defense. The
consequences of such a rash, foolhardy act are twofold. One, they
would bring the same
horrific
punishment down upon their own heads. Two, my
offense
would immediately be deemed more serious and unforgivable simply by
virtue of
the
fact that
someone ha
d
spoken up for me, and m
y
sentence
would
instantly
be
doubled or tripled. There is nothing anyone can do.

I open my mouth but lucky for me, no words come.
Protesting, pleading, maintaining my innocence would just do more
harm than good at this point.

Officer Goddot pulls out a device from the side of his
uniform, and jabs feverishly at the keypad. There is the brief sound
of static, before Officer Goddot speaks urgently into that black
device.

“
Officer Jan Goddot reporting from Town
Eighty-seven, Factory W-59.”

A voice crackles through the speaker. “Yes.”

“
I require assistance for the punishment of a
factory worker.”

“
Crime?”

“
Section
65
3
A,
subsection 19K.”

A pause and a scratching noise on the other side.

“
Two soldiers have been dispatched to you,
Officer.”

Officer Goddot beams. “Thank you, thank you very
much!”

He pockets the device and seems to hum as he strolls
back to me. Checking his watch, he cocks his head at me and says,
“It's almost six now. I'll shut down the machines and conveyor
belts at six as usual, but all of you are not to return to your
dormitories. Stay in the town square. You are to watch her
punishment, which will be in an hour's time.”

I turn to look at the horrified faces. A gasp and some
voices rise in shock and protest. I shake my head at them, but some
of the girls continue crying out. Fortunately for them, my coming
public punishment seems to have put Officer Goddot in a good mood.
He blithely ignores the surge of voices and throws the main switch,
powering down the machines and lights in the factory.

With
a gleam in his eyes, eyes that look more al
ert
than
usual,
he saunters
over
to
me and
yank
my arms behind my back.
Do
I hear him whistling?

I
feel metal cuffs click into place around my wrist
s
,
and he
leads
me out of the factory
with
a spring in his step.
The
setting
sun is pulsing an ominous deep red across the sky.
I hear footsteps rushing behind me,
anxious
voices calling my name. And I know that even without Officer
Goddot's order, they would not have returned to their dormitories.
They would have come with me to the town square.