Holt's Holding (20 page)

I
was screwed
.
 
I knew it, but abandoned all the doubt and
fear, giving way to a new feeling of freedom.
 
For tonight, I was his completely.
 
I was willing.

That, scared the shit out of me, but enthralled me at the
same time.

We went on, until the morning, entered the room. Finally, I
was fully sated and sleep was calling us both. Dropping into each other, we
found sleep, and I found peace.

I knew I
shouldn’t
have walked
this path…my body covered in his weight; I felt a peace I hadn’t experience in
seven years.
 
The sudden flicker of my
heart had me tense in fear.
 
Running my
hand down his back, I so could lose myself in him.
 
Perhaps I had already.
 
This
wasn’t
good.
 
I knew who he was and what he
could do to me.
 

Breathing in deeply, I needed to center myself.
 
He would be the death of me.
 
He would break me in a way that no man ever
could.
 
He had that power.
 
The fear spiked and my body stiffened.
 
I needed to move him off me.

My cell phone was buzzing. Looking to the clock, Shit,
it was 10am, double shit
,
it’s Sunday
.

I should have been tired but oddly, I
wasn’t
.
 
I pulled from the bed, and stood to walk
to the bathroom. I
couldn’t
help myself as I appraised
a very sleep induced Charlie in my bed. The grin on my face, was a bit
unexpected…He was a beautiful man and a mirror image of me. But then again…he
couldn’t
be.
 
I knew I
had fallen hard.
 
Dear lord help me.

What had happened last night
didn’t
change anything.
 
He
was
still trapped
in his past.
 
I
simply played on his mind, reminding him of her.
 
I
couldn’t
afford
more of this.
 
Someone would be hurt and
it was no doubt that it would be me.
 
Hell, I was already hurt, more than I realized.
 
Reality had me regaining the sense that my
actions were reckless.
 
I let him in.
 
When the truth finally comes knocking, shit,
it’s
going to be bad.

What had happened last night was more than enough for
me.
 
It had to be.
 
I needed to let him and last night go.
 
I
couldn’t
afford to
allow my heart into this.
 
I understood
who and what Charlie was.
 
He was someone
that in the end would and most definably will hurt me.
 
Yes, I knew precisely who he was.
 
The Gamble was great and I played, I was all
in before I realized it.
 
Stupid!

Shaking my head, I walked to the bathroom and turned the
shower on.

Leaning of over the counter, I brushed my teeth then
climbed into the shower. There was so much running thru my mind. My job, Sam
the apartment…
a lot of
loose ends that need attention.
Therefore, it was good, I was meeting my nana…every Sunday,
I
met her for Sunday mass. It was a drive up north.
 
It was as if I was driving home.

I stepped from the shower drying off, and put my robe on.

I was quick to pull my hair back into a braid and put my
makeup on, just enough not to look over done. I looked at myself and for the
first time all weekend I looked like me…the girl I was. If only I could be her
again.
 
Now that was a fantasy.
 

I walked out and to the closet pulling a pair of stone
colored slacks and a purple polo button down, belt and heels.

Back to the room, I appraised the bed and Charlie was no
longer there.

I went to the dresser and pulled out my cross. It once
belonged to my mother.

It was simple on a white gold chain and made from small
diamonds. My mind almost went back there had it not been for the phone call.

“Hi Nana, I’m leaving shortly I’ll be there on time.”

“Oh good…I made your favorite today, I think after mass you
should come spend brunch with your Nana, I missed you this week.”

“Of course I’ll be over for brunch Nana, when
have
I not come over after mass?”

“I know Lilly…for some reason I have had an awful feeling
that’s been festering…I can’t wait to see you.”

“Me too Nana…I’ll see you soon”

“I love you Lilly.”

“Love you to Nana!” I hung up the phone and reached for my
clutch having to change purse.

I paused, hearing Charlie on the phone. I
couldn’t
help ease drop on his conversation.

“This is done….I withdraw this wager.”
 
His tone was firm and even a bit shrewd.
 
The anger and determination was so evident in
his tone.
 
Who
the hell was he talking too?
 
Damn he
sounded pissed.

“Yes I do!”
 
He
barked.

“What don’t you understand…the whole thing has changed…this
is wrong and you bloody know it. When have we ever allowed to be misled like
this?” Charlie again in a stern voice added.

It was clear he was having an argument with someone.

I stepped from the room, and his eyes landed on me watching
every move. I opened the fridge and grabbed water. Turning back to him, I
smiled. He tried to smile back, but it was clear he was too annoyed with the
conversation.

“Give me a minute.” he spoke to whoever was on the other
end.

“Where are you going Lillian?” though he tried to ask
politely, it came off a bit controlling.

“Church…It’s Sunday and I’m Catholic.”

He looked at me somewhat stunned, and then his eyes dropped
to the cross around my neck.

“You look lovely Lillian.” He smiled at me with
a warmth
that hit me hard.

“Thank you I think?”

“Will you be gone long?” again in the same tone.

“Yes, I meet my nana for a brunch every Sunday…so I’ll be back
after she stuffs me full of her cooking.”

I smiled and grabbed my keys off the counter. Turning, I
walked from the kitchen to the front hall.

He was quick and put his cell down. Pulling me into his
arms, he forced a kiss on my lips, and I gave in; the tremble
ever present
for this was new to me.

Pulling from my lips, he looked down at me.

“I’m sorry
Lillian,
I shouldn’t
have kissed you like that.”

“It’s ok Charlie…” I was still trembling “It’s ok…this is
just new for me.”

“Can we do dinner tonight?” his eyes spoke
volumes…something had changed, but what?

“I’m not sure I’ll have any room, but can I think about
it?” I smiled innocently hoping to keep him from assuming I was rejecting him.

“So that’s a maybe?” he grinned.

“Maybe” I smiled and watched him pick up the phone.

Turning, I shook my head and walked from the apartment.

Down to the garage and into my car.
I
pulled out and into the streets of down town.
Making my way
to President’s St. then I83 North.
Yes, out to the county.

After about 15 minutes, I was finally in Baltimore county
and the interstate now only two lanes.
This was part of the
drive I loved.

Northern Baltimore county was breath taking the trees still
green and lush the drive us very windy up and down hills…It was just a peace of
heaven to drive thru. I pulled off one exit early realizing I needed gas. Off
the beltway, the Exxon station was just off the ramp. Hereford…this is where I
had grown up…my high school just down the way. I pulled in and pumped the gas.

Returning to my car, I decided I was going to take York
road the rest of the way up. Sitting at the light just at the center of
Hereford, I let my windows all down…It
wasn’t
hot and
the temp at 70 was ideal as this drive. My music, setting the tone for my mind;
I felt free and happy.

The light changed, and I made my left onto York road. The
church would only be about 4 miles, if that from here. I chose to drive this
way, so that I could pass by my old High School…

They had made so many improvements, as I passed by it slow.
I liked allowing for trips down memory lane, when life was so easy and
carefree. I missed that life.

Shaking my head, how did I change so much?

Sensing I
didn’t
have much time, I
increased my speed. Up and down the windy road, I came around the sharp turn by
the little falls and my brakes felt odd…No worries they worked, but normally
they were so much more sensitive.

It had to be these heels getting in the way.

Moments later, I made a left and another immediate left
into the church parking lot.

Parking, I stepped from the car and like the others already
walking, I stepped into the church locating my Nana.
 
Her white hair pulled up in a high ponytail,
she reminded me so much of my father.
 
She
resonated
so much class.
 
She was about 5’8 and slender.
 
She looked nothing like most grandmothers;
she was the essence of elegance in my opinion.
 
I loved her and her no hold bars attitude.
 
She was the picture perfect reflection of
what old money was, class and pure elegance.

I knelt down and made the sign of the cross before sliding
into the bench. I kissed her on the cheek.

“Hi Nana.”
I
whispered still smiling.

“Lilly, you look beautiful as always.”
 
She offered a sincere kiss to my cheek.

I smiled to her waiting for her next comment.
 
I knew what was coming.

“Does your shirt not button up higher?”
 
She raised a brow looking to me.

“Nana…please…my breast are covered. Mrs. Peterson has more
cleavage hanging out.” I gestured over to the older woman sitting in front of
us.

Mrs. Peterson turned and nodded to Nana then to me. I really
didn’t
give a shit if she heard my comment about her
shirt.

“Good morning Elizabeth.” She smiled to me. “So when will
you let me introduce you to my grandson?”
 
Her very pressured looked bore in to me and annoyed me.
 
She was a persistent one.

“Good Morning Mrs. Peterson.” I tried to avoid her constant
invitation to set me up.

“Are you dating anyone?” she asked urgently.
 
Geez, this woman just
didn’t
give it up.

“No Mrs. Peterson. I don’t have the time to date.”
 
I did my best to hide my annoyance.

“I suppose not. A young woman such as you
shouldn’t
be doing a man’s work. Your nana tells me you’ve
really brought your father’s company back from ruins.”
 
Her voice
was laced
in distain.
 
Clearly, this woman
was caught
in the middle ages, when a woman had no value
beyond being a wife.

“Nana talks too much. The company was never in ruins Mrs.
Peterson. Moreover, I
don’t
run things. I’ve simply
helped guide it into the present.” Looking at her, this woman perhaps knew too
much or suspected the truth.

“Lilly is doing a fine job Patricia…and I think it
honorable of her to step into Henry’s shoes. She is very much like her father.”

Mrs. Peterson raised an eyebrow and smiled “I suppose you
are right.”
 
I wanted to scream that this
was the twenty first century at her.

“Elizabeth…does everyone call you by your middle name these
days? I prefer your first name.” of course you would.

I pulled my lips tight, “Yes most do call me by my middle
and I do prefer it.”
 
Why
the hell
do I find myself explaining myself every Sunday to this old
witch?

Nana jumped in, “Ally always called her by her middle name
Patricia it was easier for her to pronounce and her preference is to be called
by her middle is her choice and not what others should concern themselves
with.”
 
Nana looked to me and winked,
reminding me of my father.

“Well, you entire name is beautiful Elizabeth.”
 
She covered well.

“Thank you Mrs. Peterson.”
 
I wanted to fucking blow her off, but knew better.
 
I knew Nana
wouldn’t
approve of such rash and inappropriate behavior.