Holt's Holding (21 page)

She turned back to the front, and I shook my head.

Father Joe made his way down to the altar and we began our
normal rituals of prayer, homely and such. Finally, he gave his sermon. Today’s
topic was forgiveness.

Forgiveness, such an easy concept, but so
hard to actually absorb.
 
Forgiveness was a concept I had not embraced.
 
I
was filled
with
too much contempt.
 
Yet the thought of
Charlie had me pondering.
 
Could he?
 
Would he?
 
Shaking
this ridiculous notion off, there was no way to walk down this road.
 
The moment he knew the truth, contempt would
be the only thing he would see when he looked at me.
 
I had so much baggage, that not even I could
overlook it.
 
Sighing, I listened to the
rest of the sermon.

Mass crawled by as someone was trying to force me to absorb
every word spoken.

Finally, over, Nana and
me
walked
out from the church to be greeted by Father Joe.

“Elizabeth…oh, I mean Lilly. How are you this morning?’

“Well father thank you.”
 
I stepped into his open arms.

He hugged me tight as was normal for him. He used to come
to the house ever Sunday night, and play a few rounds of poker with my dad. He
wasn’t
like most priests…

I respected his honest and realities driven take on life.

“So will you be joining us in the rec hall for a friendly
game of Poker?”
 
He looked so hopeful.

“Sorry father Joe, but not this time. I’ve made dinner
plans…well I sort of implied a commitment.”

“Well then it seems I won’t go home broke tonight,” he
laughed.

“No, your money is safe with you this evening.” I added.

I never kept the winnings and always gave them to father
Joe as a donation to the church. I think that was why he always insisted me
attending these poker games.

He once divulged some knowledge on me when I was younger.
He had said the life was very much like poker. You never know what hand you
will be dealt
but it is how you played that hand. It was
important to know what cards were possibly out there. Knowing your opponents
and knowing them well was lesson two and the potentially the most important.
Nothing should go unnoticed. For those little gestures and movements, were more
telling than the actual bluffs or action?

He was right…for, as life had already proven to me the
first lesson. You never know what hand you
will be dealt
.

I knew how to play mine.

More small talk here and there
;
I
was now hungry. Looking to Nana, I nodded.

“Ready?”
 
she
looked to me understanding I wanted to leave.

“Yes Nana, I’ll meet you at your house.”

“Sounds good Lilly…I have something for you. It was your
grandfathers and I want you to have it.”

“Thanks Nana.” I kissed her cheek and walked to the car.

I looked once more, as she walked to her car. Opening my
door, I sat down and put my seat belt on just to start my car.

The music was loud…and very inappropriate.

I shook my head laughing…thank god
,
my windows were closed
. I backed the car up and pulled out
of my spot…waiting for those to pull from the church parking lot.
 
I
couldn’t
help but
think back about all this weekend had handed me.

It had been a roller coaster ride.

Brunch turned into me leaving at five.
Nana
and her advice.
Always another sermon after church but this time her
words
were edged
with concern.

I did my best to reassure her and left. Now in my car, I
drove down the winding roads of the country making my way to the exit ramp to
83. I quickly called Brady, to check on Sam. He said a detective had stopped by
and asked to see me.

Odd…

Brady’s tone had me curious. I told him I would meet him at
Piv’s
which was not too far from my current location.

Shit, I
didn’t
have Charlie’s
phone number. However, based on what Brady
didn’t
say,
I knew meeting him was important. Charlie,
I’m
sure
won’t take it personally. It
wasn’t
his nature and I
was sure he would find someone to take my place at dinner with him.

I increased my speed, as the high way seemed empty.

It was early evening and the sun already setting. There
aren’t
any light on this stretch of the highway and parts
dark. I needed to be careful…between the twists and bends of the road this part
of the highway had
a lot of
very stupid deer crossing
at points. Growing up in this part of the county, I was very familiar with the
highway and its dangers. Coming down the hill, I maneuvered my car around the
few cars that drove at a leisurely pace. My speed increased as I noticed the
tiny reflection…Deer

I pumped my brakes and nothing…my speed was increasing
coming down the hill.

Shit…again, I tried the break. I had it pushed to the floor
and nothing.

Calming myself, I would have to maneuver my car, just so to
pass by the deer…I turned the lights off just to break their frozen gaze….

I turned them back on and the deer were moving. Thank god.
I knew once around them the road would climb again and I would lose
speed…enough to get the car to a crawl.

The speed was reaching 80, and the deer looked as if would
not be an issue.

Coming down quick… my eyes widen in horror…a buck came
running out into my path.

Trying to swerve it was too late. The car and the buck hit,
sending my car in an uncontrolled play on the highway…

I felt the roll and the multiple impacts bouncing me like a
Ping-Pong ball…the clang of metal scraping…I hit my head hard.
The airbags exploding, along with the broken glass that littered
around me.

My eyes heavy and the warmth of the blood
pooling to the bridge of my nose.

I could barely breathe as I tried to move…Shit I was upside
down and my arm was yelling at me in pain…possibly broken.

Oh god…I
couldn’t
feel my body,
and the bile quickly rose to my throat.

The murky echoes of cars coming to a halt, and few door
slams were barely audible.

Sounds of sirens followed, and what felt like was more
metal clanging.

I felt my face, wiped off from the blood that blocked my
vision…everything seemed black the voice no longer audible…the light dim but
moved to each eye…

I
couldn’t
find my voice as my
lungs felt as if they were on fire…my body limp…I fought to stay awake…

Opening and closing my eyes…the scenery seemed to be
changing. The night sky above me…moving to what appeared to be an ambulance and
again changing…It was a medevac Helicopter…My accident was that bad…that was
all I could decipher…

My heart heavy, I
couldn’t
control
it…

My eyes
couldn’t
stay open…the
weight in my head heavy and drowning me into an oblivion.
 
Losing grip over my situation, if this was
death,
then
I had now control over it.

********

In the darkness, I
was brought
back to my home…Ally running giggling and Jack chasing her around…I ran behind
them laughing… “I’m gonna get you Jack…”

“Lilly…” She giggled

“I’m coming Ally…I’m here!” I chased behind her.

The rush of darkness blew through, with ambers igniting
everything.

“Ally!”
I
screamed in a panic, “Ally!” no answer I turned and again I stood in the ruins
of my home looking up to the threatening sky.

I shook my head no
!…
no!

I failed.

Lowering my eyes to the burnt embers around me, I let the
tears fall, dropping to my knees.

I’m
so sorry! I failed…

“Lilly…why are you so sad?” her voice was low and whispered.

I turned up and looked around.

“Where are you Ally?” I screamed with urgency.

A smoky white light, appeared thru the ash, she looked like
an angel standing in front of me.

“Don’t be sad Lilly,” her angelic hand rose to my cheek.

“I failed…I didn’t protect you Ally…I failed!” I cried.

“You don’t belong here Lilly!” her voice sounded reverent
“You never failed me Lilly…life had different plans and you need to let go
Lilly…forgive…for me Lilly –for you…”

She faded from my view and smoke took her from me. The darkness
once more surrounded me. Trying to fight it, I felt lost…and incapable.