Horse Crazy (11 page)

Once you know the ideal horse for you, you're
ready to go out and try to find something that might be remotely
like him.

First, the want ads. Check your city paper,
check your local Farmer's Market Newspaper. Check any of the local
horse and tack shop papers (available at the tack and feed
shops.)

When reading a horse want ad, you should be
aware of the language often used.

"...16hd Arab mare with lively eye and
striking coloration..." usually means "hard-to-handle with ugly
coat." If you see the word "spirited", just substitute the phrase
"wild-eyed-with smoking-nostrils".

"Needs experienced rider" means
"bronco-busters only". And never, but never, test-ride a horse
named "Flesh" or "Certain Death." They didn't get those names
because they were cuddly as foals.

When you call a want ad, after having
deciphered it, it's smart to have a written check-list on hand of
all the questions you need answered before you make arrangements to
drive out and actually see the animal. (Unless you live in the
middle of horse country, chances are, each horse prospect will not
be located as conveniently as your local McDonald's.)

The up front expense of buying a horse is, of
course, just the beginning. You will also need to decide whether
your new horse can afford to be a stall horse or a pasture horse. A
pasture horse lives and sleeps out in a field and is brought in
when he is to be ridden, groomed, fed, or whatever else one cares
to do with one's horse. Sometimes, when the weather gets very cold,
the horse might be brought in and tucked into a warm stall for the
night. Sometimes, he's bundled up in a New Zealand rug (the very
warmest, most durable horse blanket in the world) and kept out in
the weather. Sometimes, depending on what the year-round climate
is, the horse is just out there, growing woolly coats and making
the best of it.

There are lots of reasons to keep you horse
in the pasture. Money ranks right up there as the number one
reason. It's cheaper to keep your horse in the pasture. If he
doesn't lose weight as a result, or get thrashed by the other
pasture horses, or do regular head-butts with the barbwire fences,
it's likely a fine place for him to be. A pasture horse gets to run
and kick up his heels on lovely days, snooze in the woods to stay
cool on hot days, doze toe-to-tail with his buddies, amicably
flicking flies off each other, eat endless grass and generally
enjoy himself.

A stall horse, on the other hand, has a
somewhat different life. A horse who resides in a stall rather than
a pasture, is typically fed in the morning, turned out (usually
mid-morning) to a paddock where he can romp with his friends,
brought in around mid-afternoon and fed again. Depending on his
schedule, he can easily be fed three or four times a day, not
counting the flakes of hay tossed his way throughout the day, or
the grass he enjoys in the paddock.

A stall horse has a nice, lean, warm, light
and airy stall (hopefully) to call home...and that doesn't come
cheaply. Somebody has to muck out that soon-to-be-nasty stall
constantly. And then put new bedding down. Somebody has to maneuver
him into the paddock, lead him back into his stall, mix his feed,
serve his feed, re-serve his feed a few hours later and generally
keep an eye on him.

There is a feeling that the people who own
stall horses tend to think that owners of pasture horses aren't
quite equestrians or true horse people. A definite snob-factor
exists with many people who stable their horses. Their feeling is
that only people who don't hunt, or who aren't training for
something terribly equestrian (and therefore terribly important) or
who ride "pleasure horses" would do such a sorry thing. Or maybe
the owners of plow horses.

In any event, you need to examine your wallet
and make your decision. To stall or not to stall? Then, choose your
horse accordingly.

Below is an example of such a check-list.
Some of these points may not be as important to you as others. You
may have special considerations you'll want to add.

The idea is to find out as much as possible
about the animal before you waste your time and gasoline to find
out he is not acceptable.

HORSE-HUNTING CHECK LIST

1. Is the horse safe? Safe enough for a
child?

2. How old?

3. How big?

4. Any vices?

5. Rides English or Western?

6. Does he shy much?

7. Is he pasture or stall boarded?

8. Is he easy to catch?

9. Does he stand quietly when he's tied?

10. What sort of bit do you use on him?

11. Does he jump? How high?

12. Has he ever been shown?

13. Who is your farrier?

14. Who is your vet?

15. Does he trailer well?

16. How long have you had him?

17. Why are you selling him?

18. Appearance?

It's usually important to ask why the person
is selling the horse. Although very few will come right out with:
"He bites like a pit bull and has a trot that'll rotate your
dentures," you might get some clue if there's a hidden problem.

For the under-$1,000 horse, the most common
reason for being sold seems to be that a teenager has outgrown him.
Usually, it's a young girl going off to college or getting married
with no longer enough time to take care of the animal. Sometimes,
the rider wants to move up to a better, faster, higher-jumping
horse and can't until she sells the first model.

Or, you could simply be the beneficiary of
someone else's bad luck. Once, a friend of a friend of mine broke
her arm on her well-mannered bay when a dog startled him at a
canter. Unnerved and unsure of whether she wanted to continue
riding, she decided to sell the horse and work it all out later.
Since she couldn't ride with her arm (and her confidence) in a
sling, the horse's stall board seemed a bigger drain financially
than it had seemed before. She sold her quite wonderful horse for a
fraction of his worth--and of what she'd paid for him. So be sure
and ask the question and then listen carefully for the answer.

In two separate cases, a rider came upon a
reason to suddenly quit riding: in one instance it was the case of
the intolerant (jealous?) new boyfriend with the horse losing out
and in another it was simply impatience with a new horse that
wasn't quite what he'd seemed prior to the purchase. In both cases,
the women--uninterested in waiting out the long period it often
takes to sell a horse: advertising, schlepping out to the barn to
meet prospective buyers, paying upkeep on the horse in the
meantime--both donated their horses to a nearby university riding
school. Perfectly good horses. Animals that each woman had paid
well over $1,500 for. Given away for whatever tax deduction such a
gesture usually allows.

Then, of course, strange as it may seem,
sometimes a rider will simply, inexplicably, grow tired of riding
as a hobby and want to be shed of it.

In any case, once you're satisfied that the
horse sounds like what you might be looking for, make arrangements
to ride him. Mention to the person you're dealing with that you
will want to see the horse ridden before you actually get on his
back. This further helps to save time, because if the person who's
selling the horse isn't the actual rider of the horse, they'll need
to make sure that someone is on hand who is able to tack up the
horse and ride him out before you get on his back.

You do not want to climb onto the back of any
strange horse who you haven't seen ridden by someone else first. If
the horse has been biding his time unmolested in a pasture for the
last year, you don't want to be the person to reintroduce him to
the joys of carrying a rider.

Along the way to finding your dream-mount,
you'll no doubt find yourself astride a fair number of horses. I
test-drove over two dozen: stocky bays, muddy duns, green horses,
racking horses, abused horses, plow horses, pet horses. It's a
great way to learn what you really want in a horse, what you can
live with, what you absolutely can't.

There was "Denim," a beautiful red roan who
reacted flawlessly to voice commands and needed no lunge line, but
was only four years old and had been ridden just a little.

"Jo Jo," who rode like Pegasus but had to be
bridled at gunpoint.

"Banner," the namesake of the stallion who
sired "Flicka," (as in "My Friend,") with his pretty Palomino looks
and nefarious stall habits.

"BabyDoll," who was so gentle his owner rode
her with spurs and a crop, but who hadn't been ridden at all in
over a year.

Another way of finding the elusive
good-horse-for-under-a-grand is to write your own ad, specifying
exactly what you want and what you're willing to pay for it.
(Considering my particular situation-- needing something incredibly
gentle to help me overcome my fears--I wrote a want ad describing a
mount that was a cross between a large Shetland pony and something
dead.)

Bulletin boards in tack shops are another
good place to find ads for horses. So are riding academies. A lot
of times they have horses to sell on consignment. Sometimes they
have wonderful horses with back board due and owners willing to
sell cheaply to get out from under it.

Auctions, on the other hand, are not a good
place to buy a horse. Not for a beginner. Dealers are a breed in
themselves. Many will take a souped-up demon of a horse and run him
into the ground just before the sale so that he seems passive and
quiet.

Some will drug a horse with stimulants,
Butazolidin (a great cover-up for feet problems) or tranquilizers.
One broker I talked with urged me to call a dealer she knew saying:
"If you tell him I referred you, he won't cheat you." Dealers won't
cheat you either, if you steer wide of them.

One of the keys to finding a good horse cheap
is patience. If you're willing to wait, the bargains will shake
loose. Once they do, it's time to call the vet for a pre-purchase
overhaul. You pay for this and it usually runs about fifty dollars.
If the vet gives the animal a clean bill of health, you can feel
pretty comfortable about taking him home. If not, you can walk
away, merely out $50, or you can offer less than the asking price.
(Assuming, of course, you decide you can live with the
problem.)

A couple years back, I bought a marvelous
quarterhorse that I simply had to own. I allowed the seller's vet
to check out "Becket" before I took possession and he was (perhaps
not surprisingly) given a clean bill of health. Later, my own
farrier (blacksmith) needed to sit down and fan himself back into a
semblance of composure after taking one thorough look at the
beast's feet. His hoof wall was practically non-existent. As a
result, I would spend hours packing goo into the hollow of his
feet, then binding and wrapping his hooves. Even so, he just
wouldn't stay sound when kept out in the pasture. For eight
atrociously expensive months, I had a wonderful riding beast with
his own stall. It was not an appropriate mount for my budget and I
soon, regretfully, unloaded him.

Moral: use your own vet. Or better yet, bring
along your farrier for a second look-see after your vet.

But at the time I was looking for a simple,
gentle beast who could withstand storms and snow and sun in a
pasture. The horse, "Traveler," shook loose.

Neglected and lame, Traveler had even
foundered the winter before. He had an old abscess on his right
hoof (no extra charge for that) and his still-wintry coat hadn't
been brushed in a month. But he was gentle, with no vices, and as
I'd ridden him on and off for the last year, he was also less
likely to surprise me.

I had him vetted and he failed it miserably,
limping pathetically around the paddock when the vet flexed his
right front leg. X-rays confirmed that Traveler had arthritis, not
the dreaded navicular1 that seller and prospective buyer
feared.

For light pleasure riding and with daily
doses of butte (Butazolidin is a painkilling drug commonly used to
ease or cover up feet problems), the vet conceded that this could
be a serviceable horse for me, especially at my current riding
level. After long thought and consideration, I made an offer and
bought him for $700.

Chapter Nine

A Pony For Velvet

Traveler was a 14-year old Arab Quarter horse
mix. A chestnut gelding, he was about 15 hands, with a white blaze
that jerked out over his right eye to form an upside down "L." He
had large eyes, a huge butt and four dirty-white stockings.

He was beautiful.

Owning your own horse is a wonderful feeling.
But owning your first horse is a magnificent feeling.

Everything has to be new and the best. Even
if he's a broken down draught horse, if he's your first, you'll
want shiny new brushes with no hairs but his clinging to them, new,
colorful buckets with his name marked on them,
straight-from-the-mail-order blankets that fit him and only him (no
hand-me-downs for the first horse), expensive vitamins, fancy hoof
picks, curry and mane combs, ungummed and ungooped-up medicines,
lineaments and salves, stiff new halters with his name
magic-markered up the front cheek strap, and oh, the tack. New and
shiny and slaved-over to be made into supple, soft strips of
leather against your new horse's tender skin.

If he's worth buying, he's worth all the rest
of it too. And if he's your first horse, you'll happily spend more
for this comfort, tack, and paraphernalia than you did for him.
Love is spelled out in rather expensive ways when
objet
desiré
is a horse.

Now you're able to ride when you like, not
just on wet Tuesday mornings but those coveted weekend days too. If
you're boarding your horse, you'll no doubt have your own little
area in the tack room for your tack trunk, your saddle, bridle and
halter and feed and water buckets. Having a niche in the tack room
feels very much like initiation to a very special club, especially
if you've visited for a long time but never really hung up your
hard hat.