Hostage (6 page)

He started awake when cold water splashed on his face. “Wha… what… I…?”

“Wake up, sleepyhead. You’ve been asleep for hours, and I’m getting bored.”

Astrin sat up and blinked at Rowan, sleep still clinging to him, helped by the drugs and conditioning that suppressed everything—from his memory to his heartbeat.

“I’m still tired.”

“Then you can stay here by yourself and nap while I go and find something more interesting to do.”

“No.” Astrin looked around nervously. The sun had long passed its zenith, and it was growing cold. “Don’t leave me.”

“Then get your arse into the chair, sleepy boy. I’ll show you something interesting.”

As Rowan made no move to help him, Astrin struggled to get up and into the chair by himself. It took some time, and all the while Rowan stood tapping his foot, causing Astrin to blush and grit his teeth.

“At last. It took you long enough.”

“I did my best.” Astrin was glad Rowan couldn’t see his face, since it was still flushed with embarrassment.

Rowan pushed Astrin out of the formal garden and into a more chaotic one filled with the heady scent of herbs. Astrin closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. The scent was familiar, refreshing, reminding him of… of….

“Do I live here?”

“What?” Rowan snapped.

“Do I live here? In this place?”

“Of course you do.”

“But… before. Did I live here before?”

“You ask too many questions.”

“Rowan….”

“No more. Your prattling bores me. You’re such fucking hard work. Stay silent.”

Astrin felt as if he’d been slapped and bit his lip. He was struggling with the knowledge that the person who was supposed to be helping him, when he so needed to be helped, hated him—and also with the feeling that something was wrong. Something was so very wrong.

Sighing, he bowed his head. The weariness, which had not lessened with sleep, stole over him and made him weak and light-headed. The scent of the herbs stirred memories, thoughts of another place, the touch of a hand, the warmth of a smile. Tears trickled from his eyes, and he slumped, sliding from the chair onto the ground.

“What now? You’re such a pain in the arse, do you know that?”

At that moment Astrin didn’t know anything much. He didn’t know where he was or who he was. He didn’t know what was expected of him, what to do, or what to say. He stared at Rowan with empty eyes.

“What’s the matter with you?”

There was no answer, just a blank stare and a desperately weary sigh. Frowning, Rowan got to his knees.

“Are you all right?”

When there was no answer, Rowan shook him. “Speak to me! What’s wrong?”

Astrin tried; he really tried, but it was too hard. He had no energy left. His head was hurting, the pain sending zigzags of flashing light across his vision whenever he moved, and his heart was beating so hard it was painful.

“Astrin?” Rowan asked, sounding uncertain now. “Astrin?” he said again, more gently, and gripped his shoulder. “What’s wrong? Can I help?”

For the first time, Rowan sounded as if he actually meant it, and Astrin tried to respond, he really did, but it came out as a moan. Then reality leaked out of his world, and the sky flashed purple and blue.

“R
OWAN
? W
HAT
are you doing? What have you done?”

Rowan looked up, groaning inwardly. “I haven’t
done
anything, Melissa. He fell out of the chair. There’s something wrong with him.”

“Well, of course there is.” She motioned to one of the guards who were accompanying her. “Bring him.”

“I should take him back to the infirmary.”

“And you shall, but until then I will take care of him. The poor boy needs some care and attention, and he certainly isn’t going to get that from you.”

“How can you care?”

“He’s a human being, Rowan. He’s young and lost, hurt and sick… and much of that is because of us. Of course I care—and so should you.”

“Yes, I care.” He glared at Astrin with venom. Fortunately, Astrin had passed out and didn’t see.

Melissa had Astrin brought to her private quarters, and Rowan reluctantly followed.

“Ragnor will have our guts for garters, you know, if he finds out we’ve brought him here,” Rowan remarked.

“It was Ragnor who sent me into the garden.”

“It was?”

“Of course it was. He knows you better than you think.”

Rowan snorted, but Melissa ignored him as Astrin stirred and she focused her attention wholly on him. He moaned.

“Does your head hurt, pretty one? I know. I know it does. Hush now, lie still. I will ease it for you.” Moving with a grace and delicacy that had, so far, eluded her brother, Melissa went into her private bathroom and returned with towels and a bowl of cold water. Rowan was a brooding presence as she gently bathed Astrin’s face. Astrin sighed and closed his eyes, drifting again.

“Traitoress,” Rowan muttered.

“Rowan….” Melissa sighed. “When will you put aside this stupid feud and see the boy for what he is—just a boy, like you?”

“He’s nothing like me.”

“How do you know?”

“I know.”

“Oh, Rowan. The hatred has burned you, twisted your mind. It has made you blind. Look at him, Rowan. Look at him with your own eyes, not with those of your anger and fear.”

“Fear? I’m not afraid of anything.”

“You’re afraid of him.”

“Afraid? Of him? Ha!”

“You are afraid that if you see him as a person—if you realize he is innocent and stop hating him—you will have nothing left. If you grow to like the object of your hate, it will change you, but not in the way you fear. It will not make you empty, Rowan. It will fill you with something better.”

“Thus speaks the great seeress. It would have been better if you’d used your talents to stop our parents going in the first place. Then I wouldn’t have had cause to hate him.”

“You know my visions don’t work that way. They have never come at my command. And do not think that by attacking me you can divert my attention from your irrational hatred of Astrin. Whatever
I
should or could have done,
he
could have done nothing. He is wholly innocent.”

“
Spare
me. I still hate him, and the only thing I’m filled with is contempt.”

“Contempt and hatred consume from within. You have been burning with them for a long time, and they taint your soul. Let them go, Rowan, and become the man you were meant to be.”

“Shut up, Melissa. Do what you have to do so I can take him back and be free. I have things to do.”

“Then feel free to do them. Leave him with me.”

“No. Ragnor would kill me. Until he’s safely tucked up in his own bed fast asleep, where he goes I go.”

Melissa sighed and turned back to the boy on the bed. She lifted Astrin’s hand from the covers and squeezed cold water onto his fingers. His hand was soft, but there were calluses on his fingers and palm.

“Astrin… Astrin, my dear, wake up. You’re safe now. You’re being taken care of properly.” Rowan scowled at her, but she smiled sweetly at him.

Slowly Astrin blinked open his eyes and stared blankly at the face hovering over him before allowing his lids to flutter closed again.

“Wake up, pretty one, let me look at you. Let me see those pretty eyes I have heard so much about.”

Opening his eyes again, Astrin frowned, seeming confused.

“I think I know you.”

Melissa smiled. “I think it is my brother you know. Rowan?” Astrin flicked his eyes over her shoulder and caught Rowan’s. Rowan scowled. Astrin sighed and dropped his eyes.

“He is your brother?”

Melissa laughed. “Unfortunately, yes. You will find we are not very much alike.”

“You look alike.”

“In everything but looks, we are worlds apart.”

“Do you hate me, like he does?”

“Of course I don’t.” Melissa threw a furious glance at Rowan, who shrugged and turned away, walking to the window to stare out into the garden.

“I’m sorry,” Astrin whispered.

Even while he stared out of the window, pretending not to listen, Rowan could tell he was distraught.

“Sorry? What are you sorry for?” Melissa asked, her voice filled with concern.

“I don’t know.” Astrin paused. “For whatever I did that was bad, that made Rowan hate me… and made you angry.”

“Rowan does not hate you—not you. Rowan is an idiot who is taking out on you something that is in no way your fault. You did nothing wrong, Astrin, and you are doing nothing wrong now. I am not angry with you.”

“Astrin? I’ve heard that before. The other one… Rowan? He called me Astrin, I think. Is that my name?”

Rowan turned to see Melissa’s face soften into lines of great sympathy. She smiled sadly. “Yes, that is your name. Do you not even remember that much?”

Astrin frowned. “I don’t remember anything at all. Not from… before.”

Melissa stroked his face, making him sigh again. “Don’t worry. It will come back… when it is time. Don’t force it. You are supposed to be resting and letting your body get strong and well again. Tell me, what are you doing collapsing in the middle of my garden?”

“I’m sorry I… I didn’t mean to.”

“Hush, you silly boy. I am not angry with you. I am concerned. When did you begin to feel so ill?”

“I… I don’t think I’ve ever felt well, not since… since…. Not that I remember. I tried to eat, but it made me sick. Rowan took me to a beautiful place, and I lay down by the water and fell asleep. When I woke up, I… I was so tired, and when… when I smelled the herbs, I… I almost… I think I almost remembered something… someone… but… but then I… I felt… and then I was here. I’m sorry. That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Will you please stop apologizing when there is nothing to apologize for? I think perhaps you were out in the sun too long, then the herbs made you dizzy. Rest here for a while before Rowan takes you back to your room. Try to sleep a little if you are still tired.”

Astrin smiled up at her and nodded, closing his eyes and sighing in contentment as she stroked his hair until he fell asleep.

“He’s a sweet boy, Rowan,” Melissa said at last.

“He’s a mindless imbecile, drugged senseless and… well, whatever Ragnor did to him. What do you expect?”

“He still has his mind, Rowan. He is still essentially himself. If he were an obnoxious brat, like you, we would see it.”

“Hah. Thanks.”

“Stop being such an idiot, Rowan. You must learn to get along with him sometime, and this is such an excellent opportunity to create a bond with him.”

“I don’t want a bond with him.”

“Now you really do sound like a petulant child.” Melissa rose. “I have duties to attend to. Stay with him until he wakes, then take him back to his room. Ragnor wishes him to rest before his treatments tonight, so you do not have to spend time with him this evening. Once he is safely asleep in his room, you are free until tomorrow at ten.”

“Oh, thank you so much.”

“Behave, Rowan. This attitude is beneath you.”

“So I’ve been told.”

Melissa smiled and swept from the room, leaving Rowan alone with Astrin. For a while he stood at the side of the bed, looking down at the sleeping prince. Astrin had turned on his side and was curled up with one hand under his cheek. Could he have chosen a cuter pose? Was he doing it on purpose? Rowan crouched down and peered closely into his face for a while before deciding he was definitely asleep and therefore unlikely to be posing for effect.

Rowan was angry. Everyone seemed to think Astrin was so bloody special. His uncle, Ragnor, and now even Melissa. He wasn’t that special. He was… he was…. Okay, Rowan couldn’t quite clarify exactly what was wrong with him, but there was something—there had to be—otherwise he wouldn’t hate him so much.

Rowan found his treacherous mind thinking back to the time they’d spent together in Astrin’s room, when Astrin had made him smile, and had, for a moment, thawed that angry ice from around his heart. He found himself smiling again, but that only made him angrier. Everyone was telling him he should make his peace with Astrin, get to know him, get to like him, but he was
damned
if he was going to do that. He was never going to like the spoiled, soft little prince who was tucked into bed each night by the mother he, Rowan, had been deprived of.

Furious, he paced the room, whipping himself into a greater and greater fury. How dare Astrin be here—here in his own house, in his own sister’s bed? How dare he charm her? How dare he sleep so peacefully when because of him—his family, his House—Rowan’s dreams had so often been bad ones?

T
HE
D
REAM

F
INALLY
, R
OWAN
felt that if he didn’t do something he would burst. What was the point of letting Astrin sleep, after all? He was going to sleep again as soon as Rowan got him back to his room.

Gritting his teeth to stop himself from shouting, he roughly shook Astrin awake. Astrin stretched and yawned, smiling at Rowan, who scowled in return.

“I think perhaps it was you who needed a nap. You look tired, Rowan.” Astrin peered at him. “You look very tired, in fact. Have you not been sleeping well?”

“What has that got to do with you? Mind your own business and get in the chair.”

Astrin looked taken aback, but not fearful and cowed as he had before. Tilting his head to one side, he regarded Rowan thoughtfully. “Your sister said that I haven’t done anything wrong. Did you lie to me? Or did she lie to me? Or did you both tell the truth?”

Rowan was alarmed. Astrin’s eyes were clear and bright, staring into his with far too much comprehension. Where had the confusion gone? Where was the drugged stupor? Astrin was shaking it and the conditioning too.

“Stop thinking so much, or you’ll give yourself a headache. Get in the chair.”

“Perhaps I don’t want to. Perhaps I would prefer to walk in the garden again or wait here for your sister. I like her more than I like you.”