Hotshot (35 page)

“It’s so beautiful,” I gush, sipping my wine and staring at the Christmas tree in my living room.

“I’ll call around and find someone to haul it out of here after Christmas.” Nick drinks his beer and sits back in the chair next to me.

“We can get it out.”

“You and Claire combined couldn’t even get it in the stand.” He rolls his eyes, looking between Claire and me.

“If Bizzy didn’t pick out such an enormous tree, we wouldn’t have a problem.” Claire yanks on my hair.

“I don’t care that it’s enormous and was a giant pain in the ass. I love it.” I sigh dreamily, relaxing into the sofa.

They start talking about Nicky’s next game, and I daydream, thinking about the last two days. Nicky being here was the perfect medicine. He didn’t give me room to dwell, keeping me busy and making sure my mind was occupied. I almost fell over when he suggested Christmas shopping because he hates to shop. But I quickly realized he had an ulterior motive—needing my help with his family’s gifts. Usually, we have a tradition of helping each other, but it includes an afternoon of online shopping where he can click and buy without facing any holiday crowds. But this year, he took me from store to store, endlessly purchasing everything I suggested. He eventually had to purchase another suitcase to get the items home. It actually worked out perfect, because I’d been meaning to get out and ship all my presents to Miami when I decided to work on Christmas, but in my dither of acting like a school girl who lost her boyfriend, I’d neglected to do anything.

So I was able to do my own shopping, and he was taking the presents with him.

When I worked last night, he came by the hospital to meet my coworkers and hang out with the kids. It was like old times. A lot of my coworkers had met Shaw the week he was here and knew I was in a serious relationship. When Nicky showed up, it raised a lot of eyebrows, which Claire thought was hilarious. But eventually, everyone came to believe we were truly friends.

Today, he dragged Claire and me out in the snow, going to the closest park so he could act like a fool. Afterwards, we went shopping for a tree. He became really upset when he found out Claire was flying to be with her parents on Christmas Eve, and I would be truly alone.

He became a man on a mission. After we picked out a tree, he gave Claire his credit card and sent us to buy every single decoration we could find. I tried to argue, but it was useless.

It was one of the best afternoons I’ve had in a long time. Claire and I drank wine while instructing Nicky how to string the lights. When he was done, he popped open a beer and sat down, turning on the television and ignoring us.

It was awesome. It was like old times, and I craved to keep this feeling of happiness.

Shaw has called a few times, and as usual, the conversations were rushed because he was distracted. I didn’t push because, after Nicky’s comments, I opened my ears and started listening. What I heard was Shaw’s anxiety and confusion. He’s having a hard time dealing with his newfound feelings, and I decided not to be a burden. Instead, I told him repeatedly I loved him, and I was here if wanted to talk. He told me he loved me too, more than anything. His words sank into my soul and I wish I could hear them on replay over and over.

The only thing I have learned is Nicky was right; all the time I assumed he was spending with Sasha isn’t correct. Shaw explained he’s only doing what is absolutely necessary to keep the peace. Otherwise, he’s keeping his distance.

Nicky’s phone rings, bringing me out of my daydream, and he gets up and walks to the balcony, sliding the door closed behind him.

“What do you think that’s about?” Claire mutes the television.

“Could be a number of things. My first thought is that it’s his coach making sure he’s coming home tomorrow. I’m still not sure how the hell he got away for three days. My next thought is that it’s Maria, checking on me but too scared to call. Lastly, it could be his agent, which means my estranged boyfriend. Guess in the air what that could be.”

“Shhh, let’s listen.” She slides to the end of the sofa, closest to the patio, and strains her head to the side.

“We shouldn’t! Eavesdropping is rude,” I mutter, but also scoot closer.

We don’t have to try too hard, because Nicky’s voice escalates, and I’m pretty sure anyone brave enough to be on their balconies in this weather can hear him.

“I don’t give a shit! It’s fucking time. You have no idea the mess I walked into.”

Silence.

“Define okay? If you’re asking is she still alive, breathing, and functioning, then yes. But the functioning part is questionable. I’m not sure she’d eaten a decent meal in weeks until I got here.”

Silence.

“You don’t get to do that, Shaw. I’m not going to even attempt to explain to her what’s going on. That’s your job. I’m not sure why you’ve kept it all from her in the first place. It’s crossed my mind to kick your ass again.”

Silence.

He runs his hand down his face then drops his head, squeezing the back of his neck. I watch his chest heave a few times, and my own chest tightens. What exactly is Shaw keeping from me? My mind races with possibilities. It’s obvious there’s been an enormous strain between us, but what is he keeping from me? Claire twists her arm in mine, squeezing my wrist supportively.

“Hell fucking NO! I don’t care what she says.”

Silence.

“You’ve got to be kidding me! You can’t handle this shit on your own? You have to bring me into it?”

Silence.

“That’s low, Shaw, really low. Why can’t you get them?”

Silence.

“Well, tough shit what she wants. But for the sake of God, I’ll handle it.”

I watch his lips twist in an evil grin, and he turns his head to the side, catching us listening and winks.

Busted.

“Yeah, I get it. You’ll probably owe me forever, but I think a weekend on the boat will handle this favor.”

He smiles, and I can tell the conversation has taken a turn. Shaw may have said he bought the boat for his family, but he’s denied their request for an afternoon out on it. At one point, Mathis and Nicky both called me to beg that I persuade Shaw to let them have it for the weekend. He still denied them, explaining to me that he considers it our boat.

I hold my breath to see if he says anything about allowing Nicky to use it. The smile drops from Nicky’s face, and his hand shoots in the air in frustration.

“Come on, man! This is getting old. Remember, it’s you asking the favor.”

My heartbeat speeds, knowing he’s still denying anyone who asks.

“Yeah, I’ll be home tomorrow mid-day. You gonna pick me up?”

Silence.

“Call her, tell her you love her, adore her, and let her know it’ll all be okay soon. She was watching Darren Jackson’s game for God’s sake! Do you know what that did to me?”

Claire and I try to smoother our giggles.

Silence.

“Later.”

When he hangs up and comes back in, Claire and I exchange a glance and turn our questioning eyes to him.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you that eavesdropping is rude?” He walks by us to the kitchen and gets another beer out of the fridge. He grabs the wine off the counter and comes back into the living room, refilling our glasses, then sits back in the chair.

“We weren’t really eavesdropping. We were concerned about you being outside in the cold, so we were watching to make sure you didn’t freeze to death.”

It’s the stupidest excuse I’ve ever made up, and Claire snorts, kicking me at the same time.

“That’s lame.” He drinks his beer, reaching for the remote. I leap at him, tangling our arms together as we fight for the controller.

“Don’t you dare!” I grunt, yanking it out of his hand.

“Why not?” he asks innocently, his eyes shining bright.

“You know why! Tell me what he said. Why’d he call?”

“He called to check on you.”

“Why didn’t he call me?”

“Because you lie to him. He can hear it in your voice.”

“I don’t get it, Nicky. Seriously, why wouldn’t he ask me? We’ve been through more in the months we’ve been together than most people have to go through in a lifetime. What’s really going on? What do you know that you’re not telling me?”

“Bizzy, I’d do anything in the world for you. You know this, right?” His fun-loving attitude changes. His eyes still shine, but with a different kind of brightness.

“I do.” I nod, a nervous lump forming in my throat.

“There are some things I can’t tell you. Not because I don’t want to, but because they need to come from Shaw. Stick with him. Have some patience. He’s going through something I can’t understand. It’s a range of emotions he can’t get under control. I promise you, this distance you feel, this emptiness and fear, it will all be over soon.”

“How can you know?”

“Because if this was any other motherfucker on the planet causing your pain, they’d be dead. But since it’s my brother, I’ve given some leniency. Trust me.”

“I do, Nicky. I trust you,” I assure him, now more curious than ever. A part of me wants to call Shaw and demand he tell me what’s happening. Give him an ultimatum… tell me or lose me.

But that’s not my style, and I can see it in Nicky’s face; whatever is happening, I need to hear it from Shaw.

“Okay, well, can you at least tell me what he asked you for? Must be something pretty big if you went for the boat.”

“Promise me you won’t freak out.”

“Well, of course I’ll freak out when you start the conversation like that.”

“He asked me to get Sasha and her family tickets to the game on Christmas Day.”

Whoosh!
The air is sucked right out of my lungs as my vision becomes blurry. This is an ultimate betrayal.

“What?” I say in barely a whisper.

“Hey.” He leans into my face and cups my cheek. “Whatever you’re thinking is the wrong assumption.”

“Why would he ever fucking ask you that?” Claire’s voice is laced with bitterness.

He doesn’t move his eyes from mine. “Because she asked to come to the game, and he doesn’t want her anywhere near his corporate suite. Regardless of what’s happening, he still can’t stand her. The last thing he wants is for Mom, Dad, Mathis, and all his work associates to have to deal with her. Not to mention him.”

“Her family is rich. They have money to afford tickets.” Claire’s getting riled up.

He looks at her and raises an eyebrow. “The game’s sold out, Claire. We’re the top ranked team in our entire division. Tickets are non-existent.”

“She can take her bitchy ass down to the stadium and scalp them!”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

“Then why?” I croak.

A small smile forms on his lips. “Because she’s so high affluent and snotty, she wants tickets from the league’s best quarterback.”

“But we hate her.”

“Yeah, we do. That’s why I’m going to get her tickets… right in the middle of the Family Fun Zone. She’ll be surrounded by rowdy children. We can only hope, since it’s Christmas, they’ll be hyped up on sweets and holiday adrenaline.”

My heartbeat speeds, but in a good way. Nicky is brilliant! I let out a loud laugh and they join in.

“I’d pay money to see her face. You’re really a clever guy.” Claire high-fives him, and I fall back, trying to catch my breath.

There’s a whirlwind of emotions swirling in my head, but I try to push them away and enjoy this moment with my two best friends.

I don’t know how, I don’t know when, but I know things are going to be okay.

With or without Shaw, I’ll survive.

Shaw

I stare at the most recent sonogram picture of my son and wonder how I can be filled with so much love and loathing at the same time? Is it normal to go through so many emotional swings every minute of every day?

My mom was right. I was juggling too many balls in the air. My arrogance and self-serving determination was my driving force. The minute I saw this little boy on the screen, he knocked me on my ass. Then the balls started dropping.

Unfortunately, Bizzy was the one to suffer. But I made a decision to change, for him. If that meant finally giving into Sasha, I’d do it. I’d do anything for him.

For the first time, I had an appreciation for Sasha, so I decided to give her what she always wanted. Respect. She was giving me a son; I could make a few exceptions in my schedule and in my life for her.

The guilt is about to bury me. Every day, I’ve wanted to call Bizzy and confess how I’m feeling.

How do I share the excitement and not crush her already fragile heart? There’s a part of me that hopes I showered her with enough love and devotion to get us through this. I never expected this to happen, to find myself in the position of destroying the relationship with the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

But I am in this position, all because I can’t find a way to tell her all the changes that occurred inside me.

I’ve allowed her to think the worst, assume my distance is a reflection on her and question us. Instead of reassuring her, I’ve spent time trying to meet all of Sasha’s demands.

In the last few weeks, I’ve shopped for everything ranging from furniture to breast pumps. We’ve had several more lunches, these times with only our mothers, and spoken endlessly about the baby. In the last two weeks, I’ve even started attending one of many classes Sasha has scheduled for us at the hospital. Birthing, feeding, and CPR are only a few of the ones she has chosen.

Showing her my condo was the true test to my will. I still cringe when I think about her in my home—the home I am about to share with Bizzy, hopefully, if she’ll still have me.

She and her mother both had dollar signs in their eyes as they walked through, room by room. It didn’t make sense at the time, when her mom insisted on seeing my master bathroom. Until I heard the glass shatter from the bedroom.

I rushed back to see Sasha staring down at the splintered picture frame that held my favorite picture of Bizzy and me from the weekend before she moved. Sasha claimed her stomach brushed up against it when she turned, but I saw through her lie. There was a satisfied gleam in her eye, testing me to question her. But I remained quiet, sweeping up the glass and ushering them quickly out of my room. I replaced the frame and had the entire place cleaned the next day.