I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide (6 page)

○Recognize that some days, female orgasm is just not meant to be. Sex (including masturbation) is an imperfect art: Some days it’s glorious, some days it’s “good enough,” some days it just doesn’t work at all. That’s not cause for alarm, and definitely not reason to worry that the love is over, or that you and your partner aren’t meant for each other. Have a sense of humor, and remember that most women can be quite satisfied without an orgasm.

grow your O

A QUICKIE CAN be perfect sometimes, but in general, the longer the buildup, the bigger the orgasm. If you’re getting too close too fast, back off the stimulation and bring yourself back up a few times for bigger fireworks.

I find that when I’m close to orgasm, if I stop and wait a minute or so and then continue, and do this over and over again as a way of teasing myself, when I finally do come, it’s a lot more intense.

beyond the clitoris and the vagina

SOMETIMES PARTNERS NEED a reminder that there are other erogenous zones besides what’s between a woman’s legs. Here’s what our survey (for more on our research see page 10) found when we asked women their favorite erogenous zones–the places they like to be kissed, licked, and caressed besides their genitals:

And don’t forget these other fave spots named by dozens of survey respondents: shoulders, collarbone, hands, feet, backs of knees, and lower torso just above the pubic hair. The truth is,
any
body part can be an erogenous zone if it’s touched in the right way by the right partner at the right time. A small percentage of women can have orgasms from having their breasts or other parts of their body stroked without any below-the-waist genital stimulation. Just the same, the zone that makes one woman shiver with delight makes the next one’s skin crawl, so women need to ask for what they like, and partners need to take their cues from the one they’re with.

same concept, multiplied

IN JAPANESE, THE word for male masturbation is
senzuri,
which means “one thousand strokes.” The word for female masturbation?
Manzuri:
“ten thousand strokes.”

BIG O on the big screen:
40 Days and 40 Nights

THE LEADING MAN and woman are falling for each other fast, but he gave up sex for Lent. Since they can’t touch each other, in one memorable scene they take turns caressing each other with an orchid he’s brought her. He blows a flower petal across her belly and panties, getting her so aroused that she comes. Blowing flower petals across your partner’s abdomen probably won’t do the trick in the real world, but it’s a hot scene nonetheless.

multiple orgasms:
double your pleasure, double your fun?

AFTER THEIR BIG O, some women find it easy to continue and have two or more orgasms before their arousal fades away. Others have a single orgasm and find their clitoris gets too sensitive to have any more stimulation, just as most guys don’t want
their penis touched after they come. That’s perfectly fine: Orgasms aren’t like coupons, where the more you collect, the better. A woman can be deeply fulfilled and sexually thrilled with only one orgasm per sexual interlude (or even fewer).

That said, if you’re a woman who’s curious about having multiple orgasms but hasn’t been able to, try this tip from Betty Dodson, author of
Sex for One
and
Orgasms for Two.
After one orgasm, stop the clitoral stimulation for a short period of time, like ten or sixty seconds. Then try resuming clitoral stimulation. Many women find the period of hypersensitivity passes quite quickly, and that they can then start toward another orgasm (or several more, with a short break in between each one). For some women, each orgasm in a string gets bigger and bigger; for others they get smaller and smaller. Even in a series of multiple orgasms, each climax requires its own buildup (different than little “aftershocks” that are part of the original orgasm).

Although both women and men are capable of multiple orgasms (see page 29), multiples tend to come far more easily to women. This is at least in part because while both women and men have erectile tissue that swells with blood during arousal, the blood can flow in and out of women’s genitals faster and more easily, so she can “re-fill” and “re-orgasm” repeatedly.

sexy mamas (to be)

MANY WOMEN FIND they have higher sex drives, lubricate more, and have multiple orgasms more easily while they’re pregnant, especially in the second trimester of pregnancy. Some say a particularly fun aspect of getting it on during this time (yes, it’s quite safe) is not having to worry about getting pregnant! There’s more on intercourse during pregnancy on page 142.

kegel your way to bigger, better orgasms

BACK IN THE 1950s, a gynecologist named Dr. Arnold Kegel invented exercises that helped his patients with urinary incontinence by strengthening the muscles surrounding the vagina and urethra. As the patients’ muscle tone improved, they discovered a lovely side effect to the exercises: better orgasms! Dr. Kegel’s good name would never have been remembered so fondly if his exercises had resulted only in better bladder control.

Further research has found that indeed, strengthening the pubococcygeus
muscle group (conveniently called the PC muscles, since “pubococcygeus” sounds more like an exotic disease than a sexy group of muscles) increases blood flow to the pelvic area, helps increase sensitivity, and sometimes results in stronger orgasms for both women and men. Many men say they enjoy it if a woman’s PC muscles are toned enough to squeeze him while he’s inside her.

Kegels are amazing!!! They make orgasms much more of an experience that you can actually FEEL.

I have been trying to do “the squeeze” more while in the act of sexual intercourse and have found it to improve both my boyfriend’s and my own pleasure a lot!

FIVE REASONS WHY KEGELS ARE THE BEST EXERCISES IN THE WORLD

1
. You don’t have to buy any special equipment that will take up half your apartment.

2
. You can do them in any position, including standing in line, sitting in front of your computer, lying in bed, and practicing headstands.

3
. Because no one can tell you’re doing them, you can get in shape while carrying on a conversation with your professor, boss, or Great-Aunt Sue.

4
. You can multitask, transforming annoying waits at the ATM, on the phone, or at the keyboard into sexercise.

5
. How many other exercises actually improve your sex life?

To do Kegel exercises, identify the muscles you’re going to be working out. They’re the same muscles you use if you’re peeing and want to stop the flow of urine. In general, you should do the exercises when you’re
not
peeing—which, lucky for you, is most of the day—but when you’re just starting out, try squeezing your PC muscles while you pee at least once to make sure you’ve identified the right muscles.

dorian’s kegel tip

MY FAVORITE PLACE to do Kegels is at the gas pump. The best ones for this purpose make a steady click, click, clicking sound while you fill ‘er up. I discovered that since there’s nothing else to do while I wait, the clicks are a great way to work out my PC muscles. I can challenge myself to hold for a full ten clicks, then do quick squeezes in rhythm with the clicks, even trying double-time squeezes. As long as you maintain the same bored expression on your face as everyone else at the gas station, no one will have any clue what you’re up to. When you really get into it, you’ll find you’re disappointed when the pump clicks off, signaling a full gas tank and the end to your workout.

There are two different kinds of exercises you can practice:

Long squeezes.
Pull in as if you were squeezing a finger with equal pressure on all sides. Count to three, then relax the muscles fully. Repeat. As the muscles get stronger, hold the count to higher numbers. Can you reach ten? Twenty? Keep breathing while you squeeze. Some people like to imagine they are pulling an elevator up inside their body.

Fast little squeezes.
Squeeze the muscles in short pulses, as if you were following the beat to a song. It’s hard to do very fast beats at first, but as you get stronger, you’ll be able to pulse faster. Remember to let the muscles relax after each beat—relaxing completely can be just as important as contracting strongly. Don’t forget to keep breathing!

Try to remember to do the exercises for at least a few minutes every day, increasing the number of repetitions or the length of the holds as you feel yourself gain strength. Some people find it feels sort of “yucky” at first to work out these muscles, just as it can feel unpleasant to work any muscle that’s out of shape. Keep trying to do small numbers of Kegels, and you’ll find you get stronger quite quickly. Keeping these muscles in good shape throughout your life is good for vaginal and urinary health (yes, the doctor may have prescribed Kegels to your grandmother), as well as preparing for and getting back in shape after childbirth.

Because the biggest challenge to this exercise routine is remembering to do it, it helps to find some regular occurrence that’s your “cue” to Kegel—ideally, something you do most days like wait for the subway, ride an elevator, or the most classic cue
of all, sit in the car at a red light. (We think it would be a helpful reminder if the word “KEGEL!” were imprinted on every red light as a reminder.)

FUN FACT: If humans had tails, you'd use your PC muscles, the same ones you use to do Kegel exercises, to wag your tail.

I do Kegels sometimes, when I remember to do them or when I’m nervous and fidgety and I’m trying to avoid cracking my knuckles.

multiorgasmic men?

WOMEN AREN’T THE only ones with the capacity to be multiorgasmic: Men can be, too. The capability comes naturally to some preadolescent boys and young adults, but it’s also possible for other guys to learn–with a considerable amount of work. The main part of the male workout involves doing lots and lots of Kegel exercises, described on pages 26–28. A man likely already has enough strength in his PC muscle to stop himself from peeing midstream. For most men, orgasm and ejaculation happen at the same time, but Kegels can help him build up enough strength in that muscle to be able to experience orgasm without ejaculation. After a steady Kegel workout for at least several months, when he’s at the point when he’s about to ejaculate, he may be able to clamp down on the PC muscle and have an orgasm (the intense, pleasurable sensations) while preventing himself from ejaculating. Because he hasn’t ejaculated, he can do this over and over again to be multiorgasmic. The books
The Multi-Orgasmic Man
and
Any Man Can
address in more detail how to use this and other techniques to become multiorgasmic as a man.