If Only to Forget (2 page)

Riley steps closer, stopping only inches from me. His teeth sink into his lower lip and his nostrils flare possessively, and all at once it comes screaming back to me and I can’t believe I didn’t remember it before.

“We slept together,” I say, focusing on his tattoos for the first time. Thick black lines that wrap around his left bicep, swirling around three numbers: 12-10-14. A date that obviously represents something important to him. I remember seeing that tattoo as I was sneaking out of his bed.

Riley nods, then shakes his head, looking away from me. “You snuck out. Disappeared. When I saw you here that first day, I couldn’t believe it. I thought you remembered me but you were just too traumatized to do anything about it. I was giving you space.”

“I was drunk. I didn’t remember…”

I allow the words to drift off because I don’t have anything else to say. Excuses have never been my thing. I’m an owner of my mistakes. Someone who hurries to admit when they’re wrong, who apologizes. Tries to fix things. Some people have said that makes me a doormat, or a bitch because I’m so honest, but I don’t know…I just don’t like leaving things left unsaid. Now that everyone I know is gone, I’m glad. My regrets are minimal.

But I still don’t understand why Riley cares about that night. We barely knew each other, and now it just seems stupid.

“So what?” I say, some of the bite coming back into my tone. “You thought that since we screwed once you could get some end of the world sex? That I’d just lay back and spread my legs, no questions asked?”

“No! I thought we had a connection, and when I saw you I—” He looks away and shakes his head like he wishes he were somewhere else. That makes two of us. “Seeing you here, I just thought we could help each other forget. It isn’t even about sex, not really. I know most of the people here haven’t accepted the truth, but I have. This is it for us.” He lifts his eyes so they’re holding mine, and my breathing almost stops. “We aren’t getting out of this, and I just thought that while we were here we may as well make the best of it. It’s not like there’s anything else to do, and you obviously weren’t opposed to a one night stand before all this started. I mean, I’m attracted to you, you’re attracted to me. It just makes sense.”

He shrugs and goes back to staring at his feet, looking younger suddenly. Like a teenage boy who’s lost everything. I know how he feels. I’ve felt like a lost child more than once over the last few days.

What he’s asking isn’t lost on me. He’s talking about us spending the last few days of our time on this Earth—at least as living, breathing human beings—having sex. Distracting ourselves. Enjoying the only form of entertainment we have left. And it isn’t a bad idea. In fact, it’s a damn good one. How many end-of-the-world scenarios had I created on my blog? Too many to count. How many times have my characters chosen to forget the horror around them by partaking in the carnal pleasures of the flesh? Almost every time. What’s stopping us from doing the exact same thing? Nothing.

“You’re right,” I say, causing him to lift his head.

His dark eyes hold mine while I shift the idea through my head one last time. Even rethinking it doesn’t make me see the bad side of the whole thing. We’re dead. He knows it, and I know it. Plus, he’s hot.

I can’t think of anything else to do with the time I have left.

My fingers loosen on the towel and it slips from my grasp, falling to the floor. I’m instantly covered in goose bumps again, but the fiery look Riley shoots my way helps warm my skin. His eyes move down my body, over the curve of my breasts and to my stomach, then lower. Caressing every curve with a look so full of lust and loss and need that it sends a shiver shooting through me. Then he takes a step toward me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling my body tight against his as his mouth engulfs mine.

second Riley’s tongue touches my lips, I open to him. A moan of desire works its way out of me as his tongue plunges inside, brushing against mine. His rough hands move down my bare back to my ass and he cups my cheeks, giving them a squeeze before lifting me. My legs wrap around his waist as I curl my fingers through his damp hair. Through the thick fabric of jeans, I can feel the hard length of him pressed against my center, making me throb with desire. Tremors of pleasure move through my body as I grind against him while his hands and mouth devour me. His teeth biting at my lips. His hands gripping my ass. My nipples pressed against his hard muscles, rubbing just right as I move my body against his.

Damn. This was a great idea.

Riley carries me across the room as we kiss, and before I know it my ass lands on the sink with a dull thud. The tile counter is freezing against my skin, but I’m so hot it feels like aloe on a burn. Riley’s still kissing me and my legs are still around his waist, but now that he isn’t holding me up his hands are free to roam. He slides one to my breast, cupping it. Teasing my hard nipple with his thumb. His other hand moves up my back and into my hair, twisting it around his fist. He gives it a little yank just as he pinches my nipple. My head jerks back and a moan rips its way out of me. Riley’s mouth move down my neck, kissing and nibbling at my skin. He runs his tongue over my collar bone, then down my chest, not stopping until he reaches the hard peek. When he flicks his tongue over it, my thighs clench involuntarily.

“Damn. You taste better than I remember,” he whispers just before he sucks my nipple into his mouth.

I gasp, finding words impossible as he rolls my nipple between his teeth. Waves of pleasure move through my body, settling between my legs. I rub my core against him, trying to ease the throbbing need that’s building, but he pulls back. A grin on his gorgeous face.

“Not like that,” he says, kneeling in front of me.

Riley grabs my legs and yanks me forward until I’m practically hanging off the counter, then spreads my legs wide. Opening me to him. He kisses his way up the inside of my thigh until he reaches my moist center, his eyes holding mine the entire time. My heart beats faster, watching as he runs his tongue through my wet folds, making me gasp. He moves his tongue up, circling it around my clit before going lower, plunging inside. Then he moves back up to my clit, sucking it into his mouth. I gasp and lean my head back, relishing the feel of his hot tongue on me. Circling my clit over and over as the need inside me builds, rolling into a hot ball of want that feels like it’s going to crush me whole if I don’t get release soon. Riley moves his tongue faster as I grind my hips against his mouth, desperate for release. My hands go to his head and my fingers tangle in his hair, my hips bucking as I writhe in pleasure. Begging him to give me what I want. When I reach the top of the mountain, my whole body stiffens in pleasure as I wait to fall over, knowing I’m about to experience the most intense orgasm of my life.

Riley sucks clit into his mouth one last time, and I explode. I scream as tremors move through me, rocking my body and sending aftershocks through every fiber of my being. My back arcs, my legs stiffen and my toes curl, and I throw my head back. Moaning so loud it echoes through the locker room.

Before I’ve had time to come down, Riley lifts me off the counter and puts me on my feet. My body is still sensitive when he turns me around, and before I’m able to focus I find myself bent over the counter. Facing the mirror. The sound of Riley’s zipper is like a crack of thunder in the empty room, and before I’ve even had a chance to prepare myself he’s gripping my hips. Pushing his way inside me.

He’s huge. I don’t have to see him to know it. I’ve had my fair share of sexual partners and I’m more than ready for Riley, but it still takes a moment for him to ease his way in. Having him inside me makes me feel fuller than I ever have in my life. Filled to the brim, my body straining to take him all the way. God, he feels like a fucking cannon.

I look up, my eyes meeting his in the mirror as he slowly pulls out, then pushes his way back in. Easing his size into me, giving me a chance to adjust. It’s torturously slow, but with each thrust he puts more force into it until I’m gripping the sink, moaning. Begging. Crying out for him to fuck me. Something I’ve never done before. But as this monster of a man thrusts into me, wiping out all the shit that’s been happening over the last few days, I allow myself to really let go for the first time in my life. And it feels fucking amazing.

Riley’s hands tighten on my hips and he moves faster, answering my pleas for more. With each thrust my body slams into the counter, only I don’t care because I can’t feel a thing but the undeniable pleasure of Riley pushing into me. He moves faster, and soon his grunts grow louder. His face tenses up, and I know he doesn’t have much left in him.

“In or out,” he grunts, never slowing.

My mind is lost in the ecstasy, but somehow I manage to answer, “I don’t give a shit.”

Riley nods, then picks up speed. Within seconds another orgasm hits me, so hard that I scream out his name as my body clenches around him. Riley stiffens behind me as he thrusts into me one last time, lifting me off the counter a little as his own orgasm rocks his body.

When he’s done, he pulls out and stumbles to the bench, collapsing with his pants still around his ankles. I don’t make it even one step before my legs give out. The tile floor is cold and most definitely not clean, but I don’t care because every inch of me is shaking. My body feels raw from the intensity of the experience and I can’t say a word, let alone think about anything but me and Riley and how he just gave me the fucking of my life.

And I’m so glad we did it.

“I’m sorry,” Riley says, making me look up.

I have no idea how long we’ve been sitting here in the darkness or what he’s telling me he’s sorry for. “What?”

Riley stands and pulls his pants up, and I catch a glimpse of his massive dick as he tucks it away. Damn. How the hell did that thing fit inside me?

“I said, ‘I’m sorry.’ I feel like an asshole now.”

I climb to my feet as a shiver shakes my body. Moisture runs down my leg and I almost groan. Damn. That shower was a waste of time.

“You’re not an asshole,” I say, heading toward the stall I just left. “To be honest, I’m surprised I hadn’t thought of doing this first. I must have been in shock.”

“So the sex snapped you out of it?”

I pause before stepping into the shower. My head does seem clearer than it has this entire week. Before it felt like I was watching everything through a haze as it happened to someone else, but now I feel…present. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad, though. I feel more like me, which will be good when it comes to surviving, but I’ll also be forced to face the things I’ve lost. To deal with the feelings I’ve been hiding from.

“Yeah. I guess it did.” I step into the shower, then turn the water on. The icy blast hits me right in the face, but I don’t back away. I close my eyes and force my body to remain still, allowing the cold stream to run over me.

Riley’s hands touch my shoulders, and I turn to face him without opening my eyes. His mouth covers mine and my back hits the wall. Every inch of my skin feels coated in ice, but his warm mouth on mine makes it worth it. He runs his tongue over mine and I sigh.

“You don’t remember me at all?” he asks against my lips.

“I was drunk.” I open my eyes, but it’s too dark to see his face in the stall. “I wish I could remember, though. If it was as amazing as what just happened out there, I’m missing on one hell of a memory.”

Riley pulls back and chuckles. “Not to brag, but with me it’s always amazing.”

I find myself laughing even though I believe him. The man knows what he’s doing.

Riley spins me around so I’m facing the wall, and moves my wet hair aside. His lips brush over my neck and shoulder, then down my back. I shiver in desire when he reaches my ass. He kisses my right cheek, nipping at it gently as his hand slides up my leg, settling between my thighs.

“You ready for more,” he says, prodding my entrance with his fingers.

I gasp raising myself up on my toes as his fingers tease me. My nipples press harder against the cold wall, stiffening in desire as Riley slides his finger in and out of me faster. His thumb brushing against my clit until my knees wobble.

I must still be sensitive from my previous orgasm, because it doesn’t take long for the pressure to build. My eyes squeeze shut as I try to grip the wall, the cold tile against my nipples adding to the pleasure. Riley’s thumb concentrates on my little nub until I feel my body come undone.

“Riley,” I gasp as my body pulses around his digit.

He stands and spins me around. His mouth covers mine, then he lifts me, plunging into me without warning. The sheer size of him makes me cry out, but it feels so good. I wrap my legs around his waist and move with him. Driving him deeper into me. He picks up speed, grunting each time he pushes himself into me, but it never feels like enough. My nails dig into his arms as I urge him to do it harder. Anything to erase the pain. He moves faster, making it almost impossible for me to catch my breath.

My back slams against the wall as Riley thrusts into me one last time, his fingers digging into my ass cheeks as his orgasm overtakes him. Then he pulls out and I slide down his body, landing on unsteady legs. Riley stands in front of me, panting, and even in the dark stall I can see the pain on his face.

“Hey,” I whisper, stepping closer to him, cupping his face in my hands. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

He pulls away and flips the water off as he heads out of the shower stall, still dripping wet. I’d almost forgotten it was on.

I scoop my clothes up as I head after him, holding them away from my body so they don’t get drenched. When I get out to the main part of the locker room, I find Riley drying his magnificent body off.

“You want to talk about it?” I ask as I pick my damp towel up off the floor.

“Nope. That’s why I fucked you.”

It’s ridiculous how much his words feel like a knife in the heart.

“Gotcha,” I say, the words clipped.

I work faster, moving the towel over my body as the goose bumps slowly return to my skin, then I dress in my now semi-dry clothes. I’m still shivering, but I don’t care. I want to get out of the locker room and away from Riley. All the animosity I felt toward him earlier is back, and then some.

Riley’s still shirtless when I toss my towel across the room and sweep my bat up off the floor, heading for the door. “Catch you later.”