If You Still Want Me (29 page)

"I do not! Okay, yes, maybe I worry. But, your
health... and... Saul, back me up, bro!"

"You know I agree, chicka," Saul winks at her,
"But, his health is fine."

"Okay, then what is it?"

Austin sits up a bit straighter, glances to me
and Saul again then meets Anna's concerned gaze. "You know I've
been in love with Saul for a while. Well, we've decided to give it
a try. A relationship, I mean. The three of us...."

"Oh." Anna blinks at him for a
quiet moment, then looks at me and Saul. "Wait, what?! Back that
bus up,
hombre
."

"I love yer brother," Saul steps in. "But, I
still love Vickie, same as I always have. I love them both."

"But... How...."

"I love Saul," I try next. "I also love your
brother. It's a different kind of love, but no less important to
me. I want them both to be happy, more than anything."

"You do?" Annabelle's shock surprises me.

"Of course I do," my head tilts. What has she
thought of me these past two years? She must think I'm awful. "I
know you don't approve of me, Anna, but I deeply care about Austin,
and-"

"You don't approve of her?" Austin interjects
with a stern glance at his sister. "What does that mean?"

"Don't get mad at her," I sigh. "It's just the
vibe I've been getting. Am I wrong?"

Anna squirms a bit in her seat then lifts her
chin up. "No. A sister must always stand on the side of her
brother, and you're in the way of what would make him the
happiest."

"Annabelle," Austin gasps.
"
¡E
so es malo!
"

"
Es la
verdad
," she responds then glances at Saul
and I. "Maybe it's a bad thing to say, but it's the
truth."

"Dang," Saul runs a hand through his hair. "I
had no idea. 'Course, dense as I am, I had no idea yer brother was
gay, either."

"You... You didn't?" Anna
looks between him and Austin. Wow, guess there's more secrets
floating around than anyone knew. With a finger waggling at her
brother, she huffs. "You told me not to say anything because of
Victoria. How was I
supposed
to
take that?"

"
Ai, Lo siento.
I'm sorry, but...
maldito
, I'm messing this up."

"It's alright, sweetie," I reach across Saul to
take Austin's hand, then I look at Anna. "No hard feelings. You and
I want the same thing, Anna. We both want Austin to be happy."

"Okay," her response comes out slowly, her
confusion still obvious. "So you're, what? Going to share Saul with
Austin? How... How does that even work?"

Saul giggles a bit, putting his hand over mine
that's still holding onto Austin's. "We're still figuring that out
ourselves, chicka, but mostly, we just all love each other enough
ta' give it a try."

Anna leans back in her seat, thinking on it for
a moment as both eyebrows lift. "Whoa."

"Ohmygosh!" a high voice startles us from
behind. "Does this mean you're gonna get married and live together
and have kids together like those people on T.V.?!"

We all collectively turn to
stare at Kylie, who's staring right back at us, mouth slightly
parted and an empty baby bottle in her hand.
Shit.
"Well," but, I don't know how to talk to kids,
even kids as smart as Kylie. "You weren't supposed to hear that,
sweetie."

"Er," her feet shuffle a bit, just like Saul
does when he's been caught doing something he shouldn't. "Sorry,
but Bastion's waking up, so I was gonna make him a bottle, and... I
kinda heard... everything..." Her voice trails off as her gaze
drops to the carpet.

"Baby bottle, my butt," Saul shakes his head
with a sort. "You was spyin' on us, buggyboo."

"I..." She looks like she's about to argue, but
thinks better of it. "Yes, sir."

Saul narrows his eyes. "And just what kinda
television show you been watchin', missy?"

"Oh,
c'mon
, Uncle Saul! It's on The
Learning
Channel. If it was bad, it'd be
on Mtv."

"Can't argue with the kid's logic," Anna shrugs
in a muffled laugh.

"So..." Kylie pushes with renewed confidence.
"Y'all are really together?"

"We'd hoped to talk to your mom first," Austin
says, then nods. "But yeah, me and your Uncle Saul and Aunt
Victoria are committed to each other. We can't get married,
but-"

"Says who?" Saul pipes up.

"W-well," I stutter a bit, wondering what crazy
idea the boy's got in his head. "The State of Texas, for
starters."

"Minor detail," Saul shrugs it off like it aint
no big deal.

"Yeah," Kylie crosses her
arms. "Minor detail. Momma said gay people like Austin should be
able to get married in Texas soon, if they elect that
pendejo
outta office."

"Kylie-May!" Annabelle chides, but she's
laughing, too. "Your momma will skin me alive if she hears you
talking like that."

"Sorry, but... momma said..."

"Hold on a sec," Saul holds up
his hand. "
You
knew Austin's
gay?"

"Uh, well,
duh
, Uncle Saul."

"I really
am
dumber than a box 'a rocks..."

"Wait," Kylie giggles, holding her stomach. "You
didn't?!"

"Not 'till last week," he
huffs then holds up his hand again. "Now, wait just a dang minute,
missy... You don't seem none too surprised that
I'm
with him, neither."

"Oh,
puh-
lease
," Kylie rolls her eyes
like it's all last week's news. "Momma had the 'Uncle Saul is bi'
talk with me two whole
years
ago
when I told her my B.F.F. Becky has two moms. It aint no biggie,"
she shrugs.

"Kids these days..." Saul shakes his head, eyes
wide.

Kylie's attitude about everything doesn't
exactly shock me. The girl is smart, and more mature than I think I
was at her age. If I could have a daughter just like her, I might
reconsider the whole 'no kids' promise I made myself a few years
back. Glancing back at my boys, I wonder if that decision wasn't
just a touch premature.

It's amazing, and a little scary, how much your
life can change in a few, short days.

Kylie's reaction fills my heart with warmth. It
hadn't occurred to me that I might lose my relationship with her.
She's a bright girl who's become like my own niece, spending just
as much time with Saul and I these past two years as with
Annabelle. She also plays a mean game of Texas Hold'em, and has
kept Nana company without any argument about spending hours alone
with an old lady.

It hits my gut hard - that
after-the-fact fear that comes with realizing I could have lost
her. I didn't know she
knew
about
my sexual orientation. It never really came up, and I didn't think
it was something you discussed with a twelve-year-old girl who
isn't your daughter. I'd be blessed to have a daughter like
her...

"So," Kylie's grin is wide. "If y'all do get
married, then Austin will be my uncle and Annabelle will be my aunt
for reals?"

Married. Ai,
now
there's a thought...

"That's right!" Saul's grin matches Kylie's.
They look more and more alike every time I see them together. The
only stark difference is Kylie's pretty blue eyes.

"It may never be allowed," Victoria's voice
carries the hint of warning as she looks between Saul and Kylie. "I
don't want either of you to get your hopes up, and-"

"Shoot, we don't need no official piece 'a
paper," Saul argues, and I can tell he's already got his mind set
on the three of us having some sort of ceremony.

"We're still figuring things
out," I'm gonna try and stay in the middle of Saul and Victoria on
this, mostly because my heart is screaming
'yes!'
while my head is saying
'
whoa!'
. "Marriage isn't something
you rush into."

Kylie gets a matching, stubborn look on her face
and aims it at me. "So, you'd say 'no' if Uncle Saul asked you to
marry him?"

My mouth falls open as the kid catches me
between a rock and a place I'd very much like to go. "Well, I'm not
saying that..."

"Aunt Vickie?" Kylie turns those deep-blues on
Victoria.

"You know I love your uncle, very much,"
Victoria tries to side-step it, but Kylie wasn't born
yesterday.

"
And?
" Kylie sets her hands
on her hips. I try not to grin, but I can see this girl being a
real force of nature when she gets older. "What about my Uncle
Austin? You love him, too, right?"

Uncle Austin.
God, I do
love the sound of that.

"I love them both," Victoria confirms.

"
¡
Te amo a los dos!"
Saul
proclaims in such a well-done pronunciation, I get the idea he's
been practicing in his head.

Kylie giggles then looks to
me. "
¿
tú?"

"I love them both," I say it with a smile,
because saying it makes me happy.

Kylie looks at the three of us. "Then what's the
problem?"

From the mouths of babes...
She's right. What's the problem with officially proclaiming
your love and commitment?

"I know a Unitarian pastor who does non-official
same-sex ceremonies," Annabelle adds in her two cents with a
mischievous grin on her lips that's directed straight at me. "I'm
sure he'd be open to officiating a three-way commitment. I can ask
him next time he's in the shop getting his pedicure."

"Annabelle..." I don't know how to tell her no,
because part of me wants to say yes.

"No rush," she adds. "Just putting it out
there."

Staring at her to see past the smile, my heart
needs confirmation. "So, you're okay with... this?"

Her eyes glance back to Saul and Victoria then
down to where they're still holding my hand. It takes her a moment
to respond, but finally she shrugs. "Are you happy?"

My free hand tops Saul's and Victoria's as I
nod. "I'm happier than I've ever been before."

Annabelle reaches over and tops all our hands
with hers and a genuine smile. "Then so am I."

A smaller hand tops all of ours as Kylie grins.
"So am I." Then, she giggles. "Wow. Momma's not gonna believe
this!"

"Neither is Nana," Annabelle sighs. "You figure
out how to explain this to her yet?"

"
Ai,
no,
" I groan, one hand running up my face and
into my hair. "Any suggestions?"

"A bottle of tequila," Annabelle snorts.

"For me or for her?"

My question is left unanswered due to a knock on
the door. Kylie rushes over to peek through the peep-hole then
opens the door with a smiled greeting for Sarah. Sarah hugs her
daughter with a tired effort then freezes as she catches sight of
the crowd in Annabelle's living room.

Sarah's green eyes narrow at Saul. "If this is
an intervention, I aint interested."

"Sissy," Saul starts as he stands up, but Kylie
beats him to the punchline.

"Momma! Uncle Saul and Aunt Vickie and Uncle
Austin are getting married!"

Annabelle busts out into
laughter as I try not to choke on my tongue.
Kids
... Can't fault them for ripping up
the bushes everyone else tries to go around.

"What?" Sarah blinks at us as Kylie closes the
door then tugs her mom towards the living room. "And where's yer
brother?"

"Sleeping, as usual," Kylie
huffs. "He's
fine
, momma. I only
left him, like, two minutes ago to start a bottle."

"I'll take care of that," Annabelle sees her
chance to duck out and takes it. "You just have a seat, hon, and
I'll bring Bastion to you. Long shift?"

"Always," Sarah exhales as she collapses down
into the chair Annabelle vacates. "Thanks."

Her blond hair is tied up in a messy bun with an
pen sticking out of it, and her pink uniform has ketchup stains,
but what's most noticeable are the dark circles under her eyes.
Sarah is two years younger than Saul, but she looks so worn down by
her life that she appears more like his much older sister. Even the
bright green of her irises, that usually make her and Saul look
like twins, are dulled and distant.

I've seen that look before, just four days ago
in the mirror. It's that ghosted expression people get when their
soul's running on empty. I think maybe she's reaching the end of
how much longer she can fight against everything that's stacking up
against her.

Kylie flops down into the floor, pulling her
knees up to her chest while sitting close enough to her mom's legs
to lean on them. Kylie's still smiling, but I can see the worry on
her face, too. She's not self-absorbed enough not to notice how
run-down her mom looks.

Sarah reaches down and lightly brushes a hand
through Kylie's hair. "You finish that report for English?"

"Yes, ma'am. Old Mrs. Lowe will have her dang
'Christmas Vacation' story." Kylie turns her gaze back to us. "She
acted like it was a present, giving us an assignment over the
holidays."

"Kylie," Sarah's voice warns.

"I know, I know," she huffs. "It's for my own
good."

"That's right," Sarah smiles down at the top of
Kylie's head. "Schoolin' is important. Yer gonna be right smarter
than yer momma so you don't have'ta work yer feet off in a diner
all day."