Igniting the Wild Sparks (52 page)

I tensely say, “No, because if I do, I think I really am letting you go.”

“At least you got laid one last time!” Panting heavily, she unpredictably falls to the ground and since I won’t let go of her, I go down with her.
Last time?
Oh, shit! She can’t mean that!

My heart is thundering. “Becks, no! No!
That’s not true. Don’t let it be.”

Becks cowers
beneath me with her knees close to her chest and I bind my arms around her so she can’t escape. My mouth is next to her ear and I whisper, “Baby, we’ll work through this. I promise, I’ll get there. I just won’t promise you that I’ll marry you soon when I know I can’t.” I kiss the side of her head and rest my forehead on her shoulder, hoping she heard what I said since she’s crying so hard. I rub my hands over her long-sleeved arms as I hold onto her. Even though she might not hear everything I tell her, I lift my head and softly say, “I love you so much. To the stars. I need you in my life, baby. I’m trying to give you what you want, but I need more time. We’ll be stronger. I can’t live without you. You’re my Becks. I’m so in love with you and I’ll never love anyone else. You’re my best friend, sweetheart.”

She doesn’t respond to anything I said. Is it too late? No. It’ll never be too late. It can’t be…

Becks’ crying stops and I listen to her steadying breaths. Kissing her temple, I again beg, “Baby, talk to me. Yell at me. Knock me on my ass. Just don’t go.” The thought of her leaving yanks at my damn heart.

I inhale, unsure if I’m able to speak what else is on my mind. “Becks, you’re my life. Without you, I’m nothing. We have to be okay. Please tell me you still love me.”

Becks suddenly pushes herself up and my arms unexpectedly fall. I sit back in the sand, staring up at her. Should I try to stop her again? Do I stay down here and propose to
her
; though, I don’t think she’s in any mood to hear that question from me at present. Without a single doubt, she’d kick me in the balls, yet that won’t hurt as much as watching her in pain, or more than the throbbing in my heart.

I anxiously ask, “Becks, where are you going?”

“I’m leaving.” What? Is she only leaving the beach? Or me?

“Me?”
Please, Becks. Give me a month to get my shit together.

The
look in her eyes is barbed, cutting me and making my own eyes water.

“I don’t know.” I reach up for her, but she yanks her arm away from me and takes off running for the hotel. I want to chase after her, but I think I should leave her alone for a while. I’m only going to make it worse by pleading with her to stay on the beach with me.
However, I will have to talk to her soon, after we’ve both had some time to ourselves.

I blink to clear my eyes and I blow out a hard sigh. Hanging my arm over my knee, I twist to stare out at the dark water.

That kiss. Cara had no right to do that, but she did… And I kissed her back. I feel so guilty. I don’t know why I did. It just happened. It was almost like a knee-jerk reaction. The kiss only lasted for a few seconds before I jerked away from her. It meant nothing. Her lips didn’t even feel right. They’re not the ones I love kissing and that get my heart racing. After the kiss, I immediately started packing up my things and told her I was taking her back to work. On the way there, I set her straight.

“Cara, that can’t happen again.”

“I think you wanted it to. You kissed me back, Finn.”

“I didn’t mean to. You
know
I have a girlfriend.”

“Aren’t you two having problems? Every time I see you, you’ve had a fight with her.”

“We have our problems. Who doesn’t? We’re working on them. I’m in love with Hadley.”

“I don’t think she loves you as much. You haven’t seen the way she’s been acting when you’re not around.”

“Stop! I love her. We’re working out our issues. This can’t get back to her, so please, don’t tell her. If I feel the need to,
I
will.”

“Finn, nothing happened really. We kissed. That’s all. I won’t say anything, but I think you need to re-evaluate things with her. Obviously you’re not happy.”

“I
am
happy.”

The incident should’ve ended there, but it didn’t. When I was at a red light, I checked my texts and saw one from Morgan. She wanted me to meet her in her office ASAP. It was regarding Becks. So, I dropped Cara off and headed over to the law firm. I was irritated. Why couldn’t she just call
and tell me what was going on?

When I got to the building, security let me go right up. I didn’t have to try and persuade them this time, either. However, they were eager to ask me several questions about my upcoming BASE jump in October. I answered some, but then told them I had a meeting I was going to miss. I had never been to Becks’ office and when I got up to her floor, I stopped at the reception desk where Rhonda greeted me
, chatting for a minute before she called Morgan. I was then directed to her office. I looked on the doors as I walked down the hall to see if Becks’ name was on any of them, but it wasn’t.

“Shut the door, Finn.”

“What’s going on?”

“Well, Hadley is with Rod. She’s being his friend. I should be asking what’s going on with you and your…
friends.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was in the coffee shop, Finn. I saw you and Cara kissing.”

“What?
I didn’t see you.”

“Of course you didn’t because then you wouldn’t have kissed that whore.”

“Morgan, she kissed
me.”

“I saw you kiss her back, Wilder! Now you’re going to lie to
me?
No way! I don’t think so. My job is to know when people are lying to me. Don’t give me that bullshit!”

“Look. It was a huge mistake. I kissed her for two seconds. It was a mindless reflex. I swear to God it was.”

“You do this in addition to what you did yesterday, which was a royal fuck up. You might as well have kicked her bruise and then smashed all of her teeth in! How could you announce that you’re going to jump that damn bridge on live TV?”

“She knows?”

“Fuck, yes! I saw your declaration and I told her to watch it online. She’s fucking shattered! Why haven’t you talked to her since then?”

“I’ve been—”

“Fucking Cara?”

“No! It was just that one kiss and it was a damn mistake! I’m not doing anything else with her!”

“You were kissing another woman! Cara of all people! That bitch has you in her sights!”

“No
, she doesn’t. We’re just friends.”

“Are you really that stupid?
I wouldn’t kiss Greg Rodwell like that for a billion. She wants to fuck you. I’m telling you what, Finn. If you think you’re going to fuck Cara on the side while fucking Hadley over, you have another thing coming!”

“I’m not fucking Cara! I don’t want her!”

“Yeah, but you
are
fucking Hadley, so that’s why it matters. A month ago, I warned you once about breaking Hadley’s heart, but I’m going to take your word for it this time. However, there’s a catch.”

“What?”

“You have a month to propose to her.”

“Fine! I’ll do it!”

“Oh, no, no, no, coach. I know what you’re thinking. You’ll ask her and then drag her around like a dog tied to a car’s rear bumper. I will watch to see if you actually make good on the engagement. No fucking around with her. Once you propose, the second clock starts ticking. If she complains once that you’re stalling, the deal’s off and I’m telling her about the kiss myself.”

“Don’t you think she’ll be mad at you for keeping it from her?”

“She’ll be pissed, but don’t
you
think she’ll be even madder at you for kissing that skank and lying about it? That’s why I’m only giving you a fucking month to grow some balls.”

“I can’t—”

“You’re seriously arguing with me when you should be grateful I’m not running to her with this?”

“I’ll just tell her the truth.”

“That’s noble of you, but you’re already on thin ice for the bridge stunt you pulled yesterday. I think this one last omission might be in your best interest, if you know what I mean. I don’t think she’ll forgive you for kissing Cara.”

“I don’t know if she would or not. I think she would. I didn’t mean to kiss her.”

“Hadley’s a very forgiving soul, but how much shit can one person take? You need to stop dicking around and put a ring on her finger!”

“I’m working on it!”

“A
wedding
ring, Finn. You’re torturing her! She wants to be married to you for some ridiculous reason. I’ve tried steering her away from you, but she’s stubborn.
You
are what she wants. She loves
you!
Don’t fuck it up! Make her happy! And while you’re at it, knock her up for Christ’s sake!”

“That’s between my girlfriend and me. Not you.”

So, that’s what Morgan has on me.

I look over my shoulder at the hotel.
Was my answer to her proposal a knee-jerk reaction, too? Quite possibly. Maybe it would’ve been in my best interest to tell her yes, so Morgan doesn’t run her mouth to Becks sooner. Shit. Since I was in panic mode, I wasn’t thinking about Morgan when Becks was on her knee.

What’s going to happen now when Becks tells Morgan I turned her down? She had to have known Becks was doing this and she still gave me a month. Would Becks even be willing to accept
my
proposal? I doubt it. Will I be ready in three weeks to propose? No, I won’t be and I’m not going to get married with a damn gun to my head, as it seems. Fuck. I need to tell Becks about the kiss before Morgan decides to.
Now.
This isn’t the greatest time and I don’t want to start another fight with her after what just happened, but she needs to hear it from me, not Morgan. It’s imperative that I’m
truthful. I
want
to be truthful. The kiss didn’t mean anything. I love Becks, not Cara. I just don’t know how it will play out. I suppose I’ll have to tell Cara not to come back to the softball team. No loss there, really. Ricky and I do all the coaching anyway.

Having given
Becks enough time to herself, I reach for my shoes to put them on, and head for our room.

Stepping off
the elevator, I go to room 713, but when I walk in, it’s quiet. Too quiet. I go past the bathroom and notice the counter is empty of her things. I hurriedly move to the other bedroom and her suitcase is gone. Looking to the coffee table, I see her key card.
Shit!
I shove my hands into my hair and spin around, searching the room in disbelief, as if she’s fucking hiding and I simply missed her.

Numbly, I gather the few things I had unpacked and throw them into my suitcase. I
hurriedly check out and call Becks on my way to the parking lot. No answer. I leave her a message telling her that I need to talk to her
now
. I agitatedly make the two-hour drive to Montrose. The traffic is light, but my accelerator foot isn’t, so I get there earlier than it should’ve taken me.

I go straight to Becks’ apartment; however, her car isn’t there. It’s 2:14 in the morning. Where in the hell could she have gone?
She wouldn’t have gone to my place, that’s for sure. Did she stay in Virginia Beach, just not at our hotel? Fuck. I call her again, but still no answer. I keep calling and keep leaving messages, but I don’t hear anything from her.

I go into her room and lie down on her bed
, where her scent surrounds me. All at once, the fear of losing her settles into my blood, bones, psyche, soul and my heart like a heavy fog. Is this it for us? I can’t live without her. I
won’t
live without her. She has to come back to me.

The panic has me up all night long.

I’m so fucking screwed.

I awake to bright
, but cloudy, light spilling in through the window. Blinking, I realize I left in my damn contacts. Since I did that and didn’t get much sleep, my eyes will be bloodshot and I’ll have a headache all day. I pick up my phone and squinting, I notice I’ve only slept for two hours and 20 minutes. I check my phone for messages, but none from Becks. I’m worried about her. Where in the fuck is she? I can’t call Morgan. She’ll ask me about last night, if she doesn’t already know. Same with Rodwell.