Igniting the Wild Sparks (60 page)

He
looks past me and then eyes me suspiciously. “Where’s Hadley?”

“Not here. I’m her stand-in.” I glance down at my teal dress shirt and then back up to him.
“Damn it. I forgot my name tag. It should read: Asskicker. Sorry for the confusion.”

He inhales and messes with his
damn hair. “Shit.”

“
Why in the fuck did you hurt her?”

“Greg, I’m not talking about this with you.” He starts walking away
, but I follow his ass.

“Oh, no you don’t, dickhead! You filleted my best friend!
” He stops walking and I stop a couple feet behind him and go on, “Do you know what she’s going through? She looks like fucking hell! She’s not sleeping, eating, smiling, or working. She’s on the verge of a fucking meltdown every second! I have to constantly check on her to see if she’s still alive!”

He
suddenly jolts to me. “I’m a fucking asshole! I know! Nobody can tell me something about myself that I don’t already know! I hate my fucking self!”

“Awesome because I hate you, too! I don’t get how you could fuck another woman if you were so in love with Hadley!”

“I’m a dick! I thought she was leaving me!” He throws his head back and closes his eyes. “I just wanted to not hurt. That’s not an excuse, but I don’t know what else to say. I was weak.” He brings his head up, and walks past me to go back to the railing, hanging his head and hands over it. When I walk closer, I now notice he has bandages on a couple of his fingers. Did he punch a mirror? I wouldn’t blame him because I want to punch him, too.

“How could you tell her no in the first place?”

He shakes his head at the view. “Because I’m a motherfucking moron. I thought I’d lose her if we got married, but then I thought I’d lose her if I didn’t marry her. I always had a feeling I was going to lose her either way. Like I never had a prayer of ever truly holding onto her.”

“You didn’t exactly help by cheating on her. She wasn’t going to leave you, even if you turned her proposal down. She told me she would stay with you anyway, you jackass.”

His face crinkles as he looks at me. “She was?”

“Yeah. That’s how much she fucking loves you. Even now. Fuck.”

He raises one of his dark eyebrows that don’t match his head’s hair color. “She still loves me?”

I try glaring at him, but end up rolling my eyes.
“Yeah, she does.” He drops his head and I hear him snivel. This is weird. Is he crying? I have no idea how to handle an awkward situation like this. I’m usually the one crying, which is a whole different jurisdiction of awkward.

He clears his throat
and raises his head. His eyes are a little glassy, but hopeful. “Do you think she’ll take me back?”

“I don’t know.
Should
she?”

“I love her, Greg. I’ll do
anything
to get her back.”

“Even marry her?”

He eagerly nods his head. “Whenever and wherever she wants. I’ll do it in all 50 states if she wants me to.” That’s a lot of paperwork. He’d hate that.

I feel a dare coming on.

Still, I’m skeptical. Putting my hand in my pocket, I shake my head. “So, you just changed your mind about that now? How’s
that
shit work?”

“I guess, I uh, I didn’t know what I had until…”
He sighs and looks away from me.

I laugh. “That’s fucking grand, Wilder. You really didn’t know the best thing that will
ever
happen to you was right in front of your damned face?”

“I did. I just was scared and I thought she’d always be there
like she said she would, and that I had time to change my mind.”

“Oh, so you also took her for granted.
How fanfuckingtastic of you.”

He nods his head at the sloping ground in front of us.
“Look, I know I’m a prick. I fucked up Hadley’s life, which is
my
life. I made mistakes.” He turns to me and yells, “I want to make them right with her!”

“I don’t know if you can! You ripped her goddamned heart out! She’s a fucking wreck! I can’t even imagine what she’s going through since she saw what she did! Can you?”

He sighs and stares out past the railing again. “No.”

“Do you think she’ll just get over that? How do you think she’d ever have sex
again with you without thinking about your dick in Cara’s mouth?”

He angrily looks at me.
“I don’t know, but I can’t let her go! I love her! She’s the only woman I’ll
ever
love! I want her back! I’ll do whatever it takes! Fuck, Greg!” Wilder bows his head and runs his hand through his hair before yelling at the weeds, “I thought I was in pain before when I thought she was leaving me! No!
This
is fucking excruciating! I can’t live without my Becks!”

“You should’ve thought of that and
fought
for her before you turned to Cara! Shit! You don’t know how fucking lucky you are, or were. You’re an insecure asshole who’s so self-absorbed you only were worried about how
you
felt after you rejected
her
!”

“I know! I should’ve… Shit. I should’ve…”

“I think you
know
what you
should’ve
done! You
should’ve
kept your dick in your fucking pants and worked it out with Hadley! Told her you’d marry her for Christ’s sake!”

He gives me a stern look.
“I will. I
will
marry her.”

“Too late, douchebag!”

“No! It’s never too late!”

“Then fix this, Wilder!”

“I’m trying!”

“You’re doing it wrong!”

“Then, what do I do?”

I laugh. “You’re asking
me
? You tore into me at the church, accusing me of being in love with her!” Wilder gawks at me, but he doesn’t seem to have anything to add. “You are so fucking jealous of my friendship with her! For what? We’re friends!” I nod and look him in the eye. “But, you’re right. I do love her.” His eyes snap open wide like headlights on a sports car. “Who
doesn’t
love her?
You
fell for her in a
hospital.
” When I say that, something hits me and I again laugh. “Oh,
I
get it now!
That’s
why you were so worried about her in Fayetteville with me. You thought she’d fall in love with me down there since we were in a hospital, like it’s some kind of aphrodisiac. Am I wrong?”

He actually looks chagrined. Imagine that.
His face twitches when he reluctantly says, “No. It crossed my mind.”

I’m amazed. “I can’t believe I actually connected those dots,” I say out loud to myself.
Well, shit. Go figure
. I’m more observant than I thought.

“I love Hadley like a
sister.
I don’t know how many times I have to get that through your thick skull! She wouldn’t cheat on
you
! I’m not fucking her and I have no plans to!” I make a face. “That would be just too weird anyway. That would be like making out with one of my sisters, which thanks for
that
thought. She loves
you
! Oh, and hey, another thanks to you for thinking I would carry on an affair with her while she’s with you. Because that would be
so
fucking classy of me!”

“I’m sorry, Greg. I am.”

“You say it, but you don’t seem to mean it because you keep going back to being jealous!”

“Sorry.”

I frown. “How many times can you apologize without needing to hire a damn publicist to do it for you?”

Sulking, he nods.
“Okay.”

“You could always get a stamp and use
it.”

“Right.”

I laugh. “Or one of those key chains that records messages.”

Annoyed, h
e pounds the railing. “I get it!”

Dropping my
smile, I snap, “No. What you really need to
get
is over your fucking self! Put Hadley first for once! Man-the-fuck-up and quit boo-hooing about how scared you are, how sad you were when you thought she was breaking up with you or how you can’t live without her now. It’s time to put your big boy pants on, Martha, and join the rest of the grown-ups at the canasta table!”

He screws up his face. “Huh?”

I close my eyes. “Criminy. Pay attention, Wilder.” I point at his chest. “You need to show her you’re going to be a better man for her. Sell yourself.
Wow
her!”

“How? She won’t even talk to me!”

“Do you really blame her? She did see you playing dick pool with Cara’s tonsils.”

He glares at me.
“Watch it.”

I reluctantly smirk. “Maybe that was a bit much.”

He continues to glower. “Maybe.”

I sigh and cross my arms. How do I handle this? “I want to hate you and tell you to go fuck yourself for what you did to Hadley.” He looks at the ground and inhales. Fuck.
Why am I such a blathering asshat? Now
I’m
feeling bad for the cheating bastard. “But, I can’t.” He flips his head up to me in shock. I roll my eyes. “I know you love her. I’ve been around the two of you for two and a half years. I want to believe you do love her like you claim to.”

He nods. “I love her so much. I made the biggest mistakes of my life and I do want to fix them.”

“Oh, and why did you kiss the knee-happy whore?”

“She kissed me and I reacted for a few seconds. It was a reflex. Nothing more. I told her I’m in love with Hadley. Did Morgan tell Hadley about it?”

“Not yet, but she probably will.”

“Shit.”

“In the grand scheme of things, how much more damage could it really do at this point? It’s kind of like putting out an inferno by blowing on it. Oh, fuck. I’m sorry…”

“I’m sure you are.”
Apparently, he’s pissed, but trying to hold in his rage.

So
, I push him again.

“I think seeing you competing in the cock luge in the Blow-lympics was too much for her to handle.”

“That’s enough!”

Just in case, I clarify,
“So, you
don’t
want Cara?”

He instantly negates, “No! I never did!
Only
Becks.” His eyes fall and he sucks on his bottom lip. “Hadley.”

I glare at him. “You better not be blowing sunshine up my ass, Wilder.”
Shit. I don’t even realize what I say until I do. I can’t help it.

His voice hardens.
“Believe me. I’m not. I’m dying without her.”

“If I’m going to go to bat for you,
coach,
you better not be fucking lying to me.” He shakes his head as the wind blows through his blonde hair. I thought his hair was brown? Maybe I’m not that observant after all.

“I’m not. I swear to God I’ll never hurt her again.”

“Because if so, I’ll make sure she moves on without you. And if you do anything to fuck up again, I’m done helping you.”

“I know.”

Looking hard at him, I warily nod and peer out to the houses in the distance outside the park. He asks, “You’re really going to help me get her back?”

“I can’t make any promises, but I’ll talk to her. You have to give her time, though. Ease up on the calls, the emails
, the impromptu visits. Leave her alone for a while. Let her think.”

“I don’t want to lose her…again.”

I shrug. “That’s entirely up to her. If she wants to move on, that’s for her to decide. If she wants to start dating our mailman Fred then God bless her. I won’t stand in her way, but neither will you. Hell, I’ll even DJ their wedding. She deserves to be happy. With or without you.” Oh, shit. That song describes this situation perfectly. There goes another good one out the fucking window. Damn it, U2.

“I know she does.”
Wilder sighs and twists around to lean his back onto the railing. He looks at me and squints from the sun, and I squint from the glare off his glasses. He sadly says, “I’ll back off, but I don’t want her to think I’m giving up on her.”

“I’ll tell
Hadley you’re giving her time. She’ll know you didn’t give up.”

He looks at me with determination. “I’ll never give up on my Becks.” He wouldn’t if he knew what’s good for him.

I look around us for any bodyguards I didn’t notice, saying, “How are you here, by the way? I’m sure Ricky is all over your ass about Monday night.”

He lowers his head and nods. “Uh, yeah. He’s been staying with me. He’s asleep since he works tonight.”

I raise my eyebrows and grin. “Oh, so when the babysitter’s asleep, wicked Finnigan will play.”