Authors: Marien Dore
My knees hit a branch, and my hands flew up, grabbing a branch and holding on as my feet dropped. My weight dropping yanked hard, making my arms hurt at the pull. Legs dangling, breathing hard, I held onto the branch as I became conscious of Casey’s panicked voice.
“Oh fuck! Shit! Janice?!” I felt him rushing down the branches above me. That meant I fell past him and was just saved by a branch near the ground before I could break my neck. Saved by somehow, without even thinking, grabbing a branch. I swear, my mother is still watching over me.
“Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,” I heard him mumble as he hurried down the tree. I heard his warm voice nearing. He continued towards the bottom, moving past me as he jumped down the little distance, rushing below my dangling feet somewhere.
I looked down and saw I was still a fair ways away from the ground. Casey stared up at me. “Are you okay?” I heard the relief in his voice.
With a little grunt, I answered, “Yeah. Well, that was close wouldn’t you say?”
He sighed, “Yeah. Christ, you scared me. Okay, let go. I’m here.”
He held his hands out before him, showing me he was there to catch me. I let go after a breath, hoping the distance between us wasn’t too far and that he would be able to support my weight. When my hands left the branch, a moment later strong arms folded around my thighs and against my back. At the relief, I smiled when he caught me, holding me in his arms.
Casey’s eyes ran over me, checking me and whether I was fine or not. “I am fine,” I said again after he didn’t say anything. I leaned down, lightly pressing my lips to his before pulling back, looking into his eyes. “See? I can be flexible too,” I joked and smirked, trying to show him I was fine, really fine, and that he doesn’t need to worry. Though I will say it was pure luck, I didn’t get hurt.
He smiled in relief. Holding me tightly in his arms, he kissed my forehead and stroked my hair. He pressed my head against him, a chuckle escaping him as well. “You sure know how to scare me,” he breathed as he set me on my feet.
I laughed and hugged him tightly to me, knowing that it did scare him for that second. He told me that he wouldn’t know what to do without me, wouldn’t keep his sanity. He loved me so much, and it became so apparent through those eyes. Yet, I wasn’t sure if I actually knew how much he loved me. Sometimes, it seemed to go so deep.
“I’m right here. I’m not leaving you. And I’m not hurt. Well, I am a little sore, but that was worth the hurt,” I smirked, referring to last night.
He chuckled in my ear as he held me to him, “Good. Because I need you as a dance partner and for the good sex.” He pulled back, and I laughed at his words.
At the chill nipping at our arms and legs, we walked back to the shelter. It didn’t take us long to get comfortable. I laid next to him under our shelter, both of us facing the fire as it warmed our faces. His arm was draped over me as he spooned me, my back pressing into his chest. We silently observed the dancing fire climbing up to the sky.
After we had gotten back, I made the fire and Casey got the fish that he left anchored in the lake. He let me hold the fish between the twigs this time before we set the fish over the fire; it was harder than it looked. After we had eaten our fish, we brushed our teeth and now, as the moon moved from behind the clouds, we settled onto the cot of clothes and laid before the fire.
My head rested on my arm, my back feeling the beat of his heart. His breath brushed softly, soothingly, in my ear. The only sound between us, other than the even breathing, was the crackle of the fire, and it wasn’t uncomfortable at all. In fact, it was really nice.
I began to shift, turning myself over and facing him instead of the fire, his eyes warmer than the fire. I settled in my new position, just looking at him as he stared back at me. His arm around me now rested on my back, his fingers pushing through the fabric to hold me closer to him. Lips tilting up slowly, the firelight pranced over his face. It lit up his eyes, making them penetrate through mine deeper. It pushed me to take in everything I could of him.
Casey’s hair, brown with a tint of moving orange, curled around his ears and muffled where his head rested against his arm. Cheeks and chin slightly prickly with the presence of small black hairs scattered, his eyes were locked on mine. They were his best feature and acted as an always open door. His lips closed were smiling and loving, directed toward me.
After staring at each other for a long while, I saw his smile fade slightly. The fire and intensity remained in his eyes. The pure love and happiness were there as well. When he lifted his head up, he freed his arm only to bring it forward. His fingers began to brush my neck, his palm on my cheek as he lightly stroked my skin. He moved closer to me, watching, and observing me.
I took in a deep breath, welcoming his warm scent mixed with the freedom of the night. I ran my hand up to the side of his face and by his ear. With the tips of my fingers, I brushed his silky while greasy hair back behind his ear more. I continued to stroke the brown locks that ran down to his neck.
When his voice finally reached the air and my ears, it didn’t disrupt anything. It added to it with the beauty of his voice. “I told you about why I wanted to be a teacher. I didn’t tell you though why I loved English as a subject,” he said slowly, a thoughtful expression crossing him.
“It wouldn’t be because you like to read, would it?” I asked, smirking. In all honesty, though, his words were intriguing. They produced that wonder in my mind of what made him actually passionate about the subject.
He shook his head with a sweet grin and a teasing eye roll. “It’s more than that,” he paused, eyes fully focused on me and everything involving me. Yet, his words reflected an insightful part of his past. “It sounds cheesy and all but… I have always had a deep appreciation for language and the power you can manifest in words.”
“Really?” I asked, my smile growing at hearing that. My interest peaked, that was for sure. I knew too well about appreciating things that many people don’t see the beauty in.
“Oh yes,” he said, stressing that. “The concept that each word had a meaning was important to me. And how wonderful it was that these meanings in words could all connect to create an ever bigger meaning. Ironically, these connections made to make a sentence can be an effort for external connections with other people. That was beautiful to me.”
Listening intently, Casey jumped into fine detail about his love of words in such a way. It made sense too once I thought about his words. People really don’t see the beauty behind words. It is the base of communication, and yet, it can take on so many beautiful forms.
He said it perfectly too as he continued to explain. “I dove into the different forms of communication with words. Emotion in language was a huge draw for me. I absolutely loved how many ways people can use words to express an emotion or describe something. Words gave limitless access to describing anything. Or so I thought.”
I smiled, raising my eyebrows at him. “Someone really does have a beautiful appreciation for words. What do you mean you could describe anything with words or so you thought?”
Instinctively shifting closer to me, he spoke in a simple tone, like what he was saying was obvious. “Yes. Because I learned that there were a few things that you couldn’t express or describe with words. There are no words that can bring justice to you… or my love for you.”
I felt the love flowing in what he had just said, his voice light and dark at the same time. A shiver ran over me, and every part of me froze as I stared at him. Trying not to let his words paralyze me, it was hard with his next words. “Sounds just as cheesy but my angel, I am not trying to flatter you. I’m seriously saying that I cannot find words for you. Find words for the way I feel about you. You are so wonderful and beautiful. And it’s so frustrating when you are so much more, and no words can do you justice or the way I feel about you.”
I saw the pain in what he said, and it made my heart race at an unhealthy pace. It’s a good thing that was all he said because I didn’t know how much more sweetness he could deliver without me having a heart attack! I searched his eyes as he searched mine, his hand once again back to stroking my cheek, sending goosebumps up my skin.
He told me countless times before my effect of him, but I grew shocked at how he could feel so much. Being shocked though didn’t mean I didn’t understand.
Love was such a pathetic word to use when talking about our feelings for each other so I could understand where he was coming from. It was pathetic because it was so weak, so common, so overused. This was much more powerful than love, and he was right. But to hear he had no words that could do me as a person justice… it was such a loving and beautiful thing for him to say.
I didn’t know what to say, what to do to express just how wonderful his words made me feel. Staring at him intently, my lips eventually moved into a bright smile for him. My heart and breath moved unevenly, and I welcomed it. I shook my head and moved closer to him, hugging him tightly to me. My arms moving around his back, I held him tightly to me, and he did the same.
What I did manage to say… it ironically couldn’t do any justice to what he said. “I love you,” I whispered unevenly against him, breathless. “I love you so much.”
The moment on the beach that he confessed he loved me, I thought that was too perfect. That moment didn’t come until now. Before, at the start of our relationship, that was love. It felt stronger now. We had more mounted on the foundation of our relationship. It came to a realization. I knew that Casey Rush was the man that I would want to spend the rest of my life with.
Something was waking me up. I felt Casey’s hand gliding smoothly over me, playing with my knee while his fingers brushed slightly over the side of my neck. I closed my eyes tighter, not wanting to wake though I knew Casey was waiting for me to open my eyes. I moaned, feeling his slow even breath close to my ear where my head rested, his hand resting on my hip. From his breath and my position, I knew he was next to me, facing me as he sleeps. I felt myself begin to sink back under into sleep, the blackness comforting.
Yet I couldn’t go back to sleep. There was something off about Casey’s hands twirling over my skin. I wasn’t sure what about it kept me awake. As I lied there, though, the more conscious I became. The more conscious I became, the more I became aware of my surroundings.
Something was waking me, and it wasn’t Casey.
A cold rush flooded me. I tensed up, staying silent as I continued to feel the unknown movement on my leg and the one brushing on my neck. The movements were not Casey’s hands acting on my skin. It couldn’t be.
I felt his hand resting still on my hip, but there were two other movements and if I remember correctly, Casey didn’t have three hands. Plus, with me on my back, I knew that Casey couldn’t reach me and naturally stroke my knee with one hand and brush my neck since he was on the other side from where I felt the movement. From where he was slowly breathing next to me, it seemed impossible.
That was another point. He was breathing slowly, meaning he was still asleep. It wasn’t light out either because usually, through my eyelids, I would see red. That wasn’t the case at the moment. It was still dark out, the air cool as well.
So what the hell was touching me? What was moving along my knee and neck if it wasn’t Casey?
My heart sped up drastically, but I stayed as still as I could, my eyes shut tight. It was instinct for me to just freeze up, which I did. I tried my best to calm down, but I couldn’t. If it were an animal, I am sure would not want to startle it. I didn’t want to turn my head because it was right there. Right there! Pressing against my neck, no longer moving, as if it was lying against me.
How much time passed since I woke up? What if I waited too long? What if it decided to eat me now? I didn’t know!
I slowly, as slowly as I could, turned my head, my eyes straining against my field of vision to see what it was. Thankfully, I didn’t need to turn my head much to see a part of it. Unfortunately, what I saw nearly drained my heart and mind of all activity.
Oh shit, oh my god, I’m dead, I’m dead! It’s so huge! Holy fucking shit!
I was shocked that my thoughts didn’t reflect in my actions.
I managed to slowly look back up, quivering a little at the size of it. I honestly don’t know how I was able to stay motionless like that. I knew that soon, I would be trying to get as far as I could from it.
Oh, it moved! I whimpered slightly, feeling it press closer into my neck a little more. Was its mouth right there?!
Though it was pressed into my side and ultimately my arm, I came to my senses that I still had a free hand close to Casey. Recognizing that with my chest rising and falling, I started to bat at him quickly, shaking Casey awake. I refused to move my head or turn any other part of my body. As I continued to slap and shake his hip a little, I felt his breath in my ear move faster and knew he was waking up. He moaned softly. Fearing he would speak too loudly or move, I raised that same hand and pressed it against his lips, still not seeing him.
“Janice,” His voice was muffled and tired.
“Shhh,” I said in a whisper as I continued to stare up at the roof of the shelter and the stars behind it. He shifted against me, pulling his hand back from my hip and I went on, my voice rushed but not loud. “No, no don’t. Don’t move, be very quiet. Shhh…”
When he didn’t move or say anything, his breath warm on my fingers, I slowly removed my hand, trusting he would stay quiet, which he did. He spoke in barely a whisper, “You are shaking. What is it?”
“Casey, you can’t freak out. It’s worse than it sounds.”
“Then why did you tell me that if you didn’t want me to freak out?” he whispered back against my ear. “Why aren’t you looking at me?”
“Listen, I can’t move. If I do, I don’t know what it will do. I didn’t see much of it, but I’m afraid of how dangerous it could be. It’s huge.”
“What are you talking about?”
“There is a big ass snake laying against me!” I hissed under my breath. “It’s against my side and my neck.”
“Hey, hold it together,” he said, trying to keep me calm. “I am on your other side, so I’ll look. Don’t move. You’ll be fine.”
I felt him tilt up and peer over my body to get a good look at the snake. Now that he was in my line of sight, I felt a little better to actually see him. I wish I didn’t, though. I saw his eyes grow at what he saw before he moved back down next to me.
He said nothing at first, and I could feel his body beside me tense. “‘Hold it together’ my ass,” I whispered. I knew I had a good reason to be freaking out now. It was a big snake; his silence told me. After another second of only hearing the crickets’ chirping, I became nervous. “Tell me what it looks like. I know the size doesn’t determine whether it’s poisonous or not but my neck is right—”
“It’s not
that
large. It’s just long.” There was a note in his voice that made my skin go cold against the snake’s smooth and scaly body.
“What else?” I whispered.
“I don’t know if it’s poisonous. And… Its head is on your neck.”
That wasn’t something that gradually sunk into my brain. It hit me that this could be very dangerous. I was never afraid of snakes before but to not know if it’s poisonous or not wasn’t great. Plus, the fact that its head – it’s freaking mouth – was on my neck was more than a little scary.
Worse was that we weren’t sure what to do. I don’t remember how, but my free hand wound up in Casey’s as we thought with haste. Well, maybe it was more of Casey thinking since all that was running through my head was
‘It’s against my neck, it’s against my neck, it’s against my neck. It’s going to fucking bite me, bite me and kill me!’
“Okay, keep still. I have an idea,” he said as he slowly began to move back and away from me, his hand leaving mine.
“What is your idea?!” I hissed harshly but was still careful with how loud I spoke. When he didn’t answer, I internally groaned. Now wasn’t the best time for another one of his surprises. I could hear him slowly shuffling and crawling away from me and deeper in the shelter. Staring up at the sky as it began to lighten, I assumed that Casey slipped out of the shelter. He was surely going to do something. I didn’t like the fact that he didn’t want to tell me what it was he was going to do. Meaning, it was probably an idea he knew I wouldn’t like. That was reassuring.
My breath was slowly, gradually, returning to normal. I guessed that the snake was asleep against me. I waited, staring up at the sky and watching as the sparks decorating the sky begin to fade along with the moonlight. A gloomy look in the air began to set across the tops of the trees as dawn approached.
It must have been only a couple minutes before I heard a shuffle near where we usually have our fires. I began to turn my head but stopped myself right away, knowing I couldn’t look at what he was doing. His voice, however, rang through to me quietly from where I know he stood by the pile of ashes.
“The snake is pressed against your side. The side that is facing outside and me. I’m going to drag the snake out towards me and away from you in the open, okay? When I do that, you roll in the opposite direction and into the shelter more, out of the way.”
“Okay?! That is not okay,” I said but this time, it wasn’t in much of a whisper. At realizing I moved and was a little too loud, I didn’t say another word and froze. It was too late, though. I felt the snake move. Only this time, it moved up into the crook of my neck and nearly below my chin. Shivers climbed up through me and at that, I bit my lip, closed my eyes, and whimpered as little as I could.
It didn’t get any farther than that, though. I heard Casey yell something as I felt him drag it off of me. I was too stunned to act on his directions. My eyes wide open now, feeling it off of me and away from me, I turned my head. I noticed that Casey wasn’t able to pull it that far away from me.
With the spear in one hand, his other grabbed the snake’s tail and swiftly pulled it off me, away from my body. He jumped back when he grabbed the snake just as it turned and snapped at him! Thankfully, it just missing Casey’s quick legs. The next moment, he dropped the snake a couple feet away and by the fire. All I could do was stare as the snake began to slither back towards me swiftly. It managed to get a few feet away from me by the time he plunged the spear with its many spikes into it.
Everything was silent after, the only sound being the innocent birds. I stared at the bloody remains, and I recalled my mother’s body like that, lying there dead, bloody, and absent.
I blinked a few times. I couldn’t bring myself to care for the snake Casey killed. Despite the snake not doing anything, it made that memory return. It was just… a little shock for a moment. Casey did the right thing and, surprisingly, I felt okay. Of course, that could be the astonishment running through me. I didn’t know for sure yet.
I felt something pull me up to a sitting position. Casey’s sorry eyes found mine as he knelt before me. Looking me over, I saw anger while also relief in his gaze. He sighed, pulling me forward and hugging me to him and I welcomed him into my arms.
With my arms around him, my eyes caught red dots in my arms. I pulled away and saw Casey’s shirt he had on was now stained red thanks to my clothes being bloody. I looked down at myself and saw spattered blood on my arms and chest, my shirt soaking some of it up. My pants and legs weren’t as bad as my upper body, but I was still covered regardless. I looked down at my hands and found they were mostly clean other than a few slanted drops. I slowly raised my hands up to my face, touching my cheeks lightly before I lowered my hands. Looking down at them as Casey silently watched, I saw that my hands were redder. My face was wet with the snake’s blood too.
I looked up at Casey and saw this really hurt him, to see me go through this. He figured it would bring up something of my past, I’m sure. He was right because it did, but it was as he said before and what I realized to be the truth. Those dreams happened because I couldn’t deal with my past and get over certain situations. Now that Casey is mine, those dreams slowly went away. They weren’t coming back either like he probably feared this would bring.
I chuckled with a shaky breath and met his eyes, “Good morning to you too.” I shook my head and brushed my hair back, damp with blood. He didn’t laugh and didn’t smile. His eyebrows were creased and worried, making me sigh. “Okay, look. Yes, it scared the living shit out of me. It was similar to my feelings after seeing and trying to get away from those sharks. It was nothing close to when my mother died, even if it reminded me of it.”
He nodded, “I know that. You just… you seem shaken by something else.”
Besides my thoughts on how this affected me, I was worried about someone else. “Yeah. You.” I took a deep breath before I continued. “Why did you do that? That was stupid. We could have found some other way to do it besides grabbing it! You decided to be dumb, and it nearly bit you!” I said, close to shouting. Didn’t he understand how that was a huge reason why I was scared? Out of the several moments of terror, that second was the worse. Seeing that snake turn and lash back at Casey… What if it actually got him? It was so close.
“I’m sorry you didn’t like the idea, okay? When you wake me at dawn, telling me there is a snake on you, what do you expect? I didn’t want to think things out. I couldn’t. I had to get it away from you! Then, you woke it up and made it a little harder! When it started to slither up your neck, I wasn’t going to think about it. I was going to act!” He scoffed, shaking his head. “You didn’t even move when I told you to! I told you to move for a reason.” He pointed at my body and the blood over me. “This is that reason. Plus, I didn’t really want to stab you in the face! That was close.”
I stared at him and though he wasn’t exactly shouting, the words dug deep. I saw in his eyes that he regretted it, but it didn’t matter. His words were true. It made sense, and I was the stupid one. That was a lot of mistakes for me to make in a short amount of time like that. I couldn’t accept that right now, though.
“Well, next time I won’t wake you at dawn then.” I stood up and looked around at the bloody grass, ashes, and our shelter. I looked down at myself, covered in the red as everything else was. Casey didn’t get much besides a few drops; nothing like me since it’s splattered in slanted dots all over me. The snake, what remained, was drenched in its own blood.
I looked back to Casey. He looked up at me, mouth open before shutting it, trying to think of what to say. Finally, with a tired and sorry sigh, he spoke. “Janice,” He stopped, unsure of how to say it. “Look, I didn’t—”