Jacob Wonderbar and the Cosmic Space Kapow (10 page)

Jacob stepped over to the window, and suddenly red lights and a loud horn started blaring.

“Ah! Ah! I knew it was bad!” Dexter shouted.

Jacob watched a tiny gray planet growing larger and larger.

“Wonderbar!”

“I see it!”

The planet grew closer and closer as the pod rocketed toward it.

“We're going too fast!” Dexter yelled.

The planet couldn't have been more than a few miles across, but they were on a head-on course at an incredible speed. Jacob grasped the walls of the pod as tightly as he could.

“Hold on!” he yelled.

They were going way too fast toward a very ugly planet. The gray texture of the planet took shape. Jacob saw a glint of silver as the planet grew closer.

“We're going to crash!”

Jacob felt his stomach fling into his throat as the boosters fired.

The pod landed gently.

“Oh.”

When the dust settled, Jacob looked out the window at an empty gray planet. The pod hatch opened.

Dexter sniffed the air. “Is that ... burp breath?”

D
exter and Jacob sat on the ground in front of the escape pod and looked at their surroundings. At first they had enjoyed jumping around on the surface of the planet, which, because of its small size, had much less gravity than Earth. Jacob jumped ten feet in the air and pretended to do a 360-degree somersault tomahawk jam into an imaginary hoop. Dexter countered with a between-the-legs behind-the-back eyes-covered Statue of Liberty, but soon they both began to cough on the planet's air, which still smelled like burp breath, so they sat down instead.

Dexter rubbed his skin. “Wow, I'm getting hot.”

Just then the sun receded, a cool breeze blew, and they were plunged into darkness. The temperature plummeted.

Dexter kept rubbing his skin. “Um, now I'm cold.”

Thirty seconds later the sun came up again.

“Hot,” Dexter said.

Thirty seconds after that it was night again.

“Cold.”

“This could take some getting used to,” Jacob said.

When the sun rose again Jacob scanned the horizon. He could see nothing but grayness. The ground was covered in a squishy gray dust unlike anything he'd seen before. It stuck together very easily, almost like Silly Putty, but when pulled apart it crumbled back into dust. Jacob formed a handful of it into a small clump that resembled a warm gray snowball. He sniffed it and then handed it over to Dexter.

“I dare you to eat this.”

“No way!”

“Just a bite. I'll give you my Ho Hos the next time we're at lunch.”

Dexter looked at the dustball again, and Jacob could tell he was seriously considering the proposal. The Goldsteins were health nuts, and Dexter possessed a fiendish craving for sugar. But Jacob dropped the dustball and stood up.

“I see someone.”

A small man had appeared on the horizon and he was slowly making his way toward the pod.

“Who is that?” Dexter yelled.

“Shhh!”

They felt a breeze and then they were plunged into darkness. Jacob could no longer see the man and he grabbed Dexter, knowing that the man could be racing toward them.

When the sun rose, the man was still standing where Jacob had last seen him. But he started walking toward them again. It took two days (or two minutes) for the man to reach the pod. He was wearing brown pants and a gray shirt that appeared to be made out of plastic. His skin was wrinkled and spotted, and his gray hair was combed over a mostly bald head. He stood in front of the pod, staring at Dexter and Jacob, before his face broke into a friendly smile.

“Moonman McGillicutty at your service! Welcome to Numonia. I think you're going to like it here. Where are you from?”

“Earth,” Dexter said.

“Oh dear me, I'm sorry about that. Numonia is way better than Earth.”

Jacob and Dexter looked at each other and out at the planet. Jacob couldn't see a television, basketball hoop, game system, or even a wisp of grass anywhere. In fact, he couldn't see anything but grayness. And then there was the matter of the air smelling like burp breath.

“We saw your pod landing on our fair planet, and me and the missus and some of the other esteemed residents of Numonia would like to invite you fellas to a . . .”

Jacob felt a breeze, and night fell. Numonia was covered in darkness. In the soft light emanating from the pod, Jacob could see that Moonman McGillicutty had fallen asleep standing on his feet. He began to snore loudly. Thirty seconds later the sun rose, and Moonman yawned and stretched.

“Good morning, pardners! Hope you got a good night's sleep.”

Dexter said, “We didn't . . .”

“Anyway, as I was saying,” Moonman said, “we would like to invite you fellas to a banquet. We don't have too many visitors, probably because folks know that when they visit Numonia they'll love it so much they just want to stay forever.”

Dexter had one of his sudden coughing fits, and Jacob patted him on the back. Dexter stared at Jacob with his eyes wide open as he tried to regain his breath.

Jacob couldn't imagine how they could possibly get off Numonia. The pod was only designed for a one-way trip and probably didn't have any fuel left. No one besides Sarah and Mick Cracken knew where they were, and he was confident that Numonia didn't see too many visitors. Jacob remembered the glint of silver he saw when they were crashing down to the planet, and he wondered if it was a ship. Whatever Moonman McGillicutty's intentions, Jacob knew they only had one choice: Make friends with the locals and try to think of a plan.

“We'd love to,” Jacob said.

Dexter started coughing again.

Moonman beamed. “Right this way! It's a ten-day walk, so I hope you boys are well rested.”

Dexter and Jacob bounced after Moonman and tried to get used to walking with less gravity. They made their way over the horizon, stopping every thirty seconds so Moonman could get his nightly sleep, and soon spied a large, crashed silver spaceship along with some small huts made out of the Numonian dust.

“That's the spaceship Swift. Our wonderful ancestors were exploring this region of the galaxy when they hit a big diamond and crashed. Turned out they got something better than a diamond.” Moonman beamed, putting his arms around Dexter's and Jacob's shoulders and giving them a collegial hug. “They got Numonia.”

“Haven't you ever tried to leave?” Dexter asked.

Moonman stopped and sputtered, searching for words. “What . . . Why ... Why would we want to do a thing like that? I . . . Have you noticed this weather? One hundred four thousand, seven hundred eightythree days of sunshine a year!”

The boys heard a whoop, and a large woman with long blond hair came rushing over from one of the huts.

“That would be Stargirl McGillicutty,” Moonman said with a wink. “My better half.”

Just before Stargirl reached them, night fell and Moonman and Stargirl promptly went to sleep, snoring loudly in concert. Jacob and Dexter waited for them to wake up.

“Good morning, children!” Stargirl shouted when she awoke, pressing Dexter and Jacob to her large body in an enveloping hug. “Welcome to Numonia! Did you sleep well? Has Moonman told you about the Tree of Life? Did you, Moonman?”

“Didn't want to overwhelm the boys. There will be plenty of time to show them the wonders of Numonia. I suspect they'll be here awhile.” He winked at the boys again.

“Oh, but you have to!” Stargirl turned to the boys. “It is the most incredible sight you will ever see in your lives. You must see it, you simply must.”

“Whaddya say, boys? It's a five-week walk. You up for it?”

Jacob turned away and looked over at the spaceship Swift. It had a large dent in the front from the Dragon's Eye, but it looked like it might be space-worthy. Jacob wanted to rush over there and fly off the planet and go find Sarah, but when he looked back at Moonman McGillicutty he saw such hopefulness and eagerness in his face. Jacob knew he had to keep the locals happy if he was going to have a shot at stealing their ship.

“Actually,” Dexter said. “What we really need is to—”

“Sure,” Jacob said. “Let's go see the Tree of Life.”

“Jacob . . .” Dexter whispered. “Maybe we should—”

“Dexter is even more excited to see it than I am.” Jacob smirked at Dexter.

Dexter crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at Jacob, but he didn't argue.

The McGillicuttys whooped with excitement, and the four of them began the less-than-arduous five-week walk to the Tree of Life. The rest of the planet looked identical to the stretches Jacob and Dexter had already seen. Gray, gray, and more gray. As they walked, Moonman told them about the North and South poles of Numonia, which they never visited because it never got completely dark there and they couldn't sleep. “We stay in the middle of the planet so we can get our rest,” Stargirl said. Jacob kicked the dust and jumped a few times just for fun, but the trip was slow going with the McGillicuttys stopping to sleep (and snore) every time it was night.

Finally, after a little over a half hour of walking, they were on the other side of the planet. That's when Jacob saw the Tree of Life.

It was a stubby stick poking out of the ground. Its worn wood was wrinkled, knobby, and twisted, and it only rose about four feet into the air. Two small yellow leaves clung to the bark for dear life. Jacob was fearful of breathing too heavily lest the tree fall over and wither away completely.

Tears formed in Moonman's eyes and he solemnly grasped Jacob and Dexter with trembling hands.

“Isn't it magnificent?” he whispered.

M
ick and Sarah peered around the corner at the front of the museum. It was a tall building shaped like a massive beaker, and the sunlight glinted off its bright surface. A large banner above the entrance read: “Exhibit of Largest Known Naturally Occurring Carbon Allotrope (Studious Viewings Only—Gawking Strictly Prohibited).”

Sarah and Mick had arrived on Planet Archimedes in the dead of night and under the cover of a counterfeit research mission. According to Praiseworthy, who recounted the history of Planet Archimedes in extensive detail, the planet had been of keen interest to scientists because it had some of the strangest cloud formations ever observed, its rivers ran in perfectly straight lines, and most importantly, its insects were both plentiful and ugly. Archimedes soon became a scientist's haven. They erected elaborate museums full of complicated interactive exhibits, placed massive jars with holes in the lids in public squares to display Archimedes' most spectacularly ugly insects, and raced to outdo each other by wearing the latest in lab coat and loafer fashion.

When the discoverers of the Dragon's Eye decided to donate it to science, they placed it in the care of Planet Archimedes, whose scientists dropped it several times and then nearly destroyed it during a scientific experiment to determine whether it could be destroyed by a really huge laser beam. (Their conclusion: It could not be destroyed by a laser, but more tests were needed before the theory could be called a fact. All present agreed, however, that the laser was extremely awesome.) The scientists of Archimedes placed the Dragon's Eye in one of their many museums, awaiting further scientific inquiry.

Mick had insisted that they get a full night's rest so their senses would be sharp. He also dismissed Sarah's initial attempts at helping plan the heist, telling her that she couldn't possibly match his expertise in the buccaneer vocation, which sent her into a fit of volcanic rage. In the aftermath of their argument Mick grudgingly allowed her to help with the planning. They would break in shortly before the museum opened. Sarah would be responsible for external distraction, but Mick steadfastly refused to cede any control once they were inside, telling her, “I've been planning this for years.” He managed to resist Sarah's subsequent anger, threats, and blackmail.

As they stood carefully behind a wall near the museum, Sarah's heart raced. She and Mick were actually going to steal the Dragon's Eye. Two scientists in white lab coats stood guard outside. A steady stream of pedestrians wearing lab coats moved past the entrance, occasionally bumping into one another when they stared into the sky trying to spot abnormal cloud formations or looked downward to examine interesting insects on the sidewalk with magnifying glasses. Mick had his mechanical duck under his arm, which was Sarah's contribution to the plan.

Mick peeked around the corner again and said, “Okay. Time to move. This had better work.”

Mick stepped around the corner and let the duck loose. It slowly waddled toward the guards, and Sarah held her breath, hoping it would distract them. She couldn't even think about how horrible it would be to have Mick lording any failure over her. The scientists were both lost in thought and even though the duck was quacking very loudly, it wasn't until it bumped into one of them that they noticed its presence.