Joy Comes in the Morning (6 page)

I charged into Taylor's room. “Are you okay?”

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. I knocked over this lamp. Stupid thing is broken.”

Taylor's room was a mess. Her bed sheets reeked of alcohol. Her dresser drawers were open and clothes were thrown everywhere. Typical Taylor. Ever since she was a little girl she wouldn't clean up after herself. Mom used to go off all the time, asking her how she expected to walk through the pearly gates of heaven and onto streets paved with gold, with a heap of dust and dirt behind her. Taylor would just laugh and go about her business until Mom started swinging that belt that is. Yep, Taylor never took much of anything seriously.

“Oh, I thought maybe you fell down or something, you know?”

“No, I don't know. Why would I be falling? I ain't drunk in case that's what you're thinking .”

“Okay.” It was too early for an unnecessary confrontation.

“Maybe I'm just a little drunk, but I can stand up . . .” Taylor stumbled, “without falling down.”

“Sure you can.” I was tired of these games.

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” I huffed. “I'm going back to bed.”

“You do that. Just carry your goody-goody self to bed.”

“Oh, so now I'm the bad person for being good?”

“No, you're just the bad person period,” Taylor replied.

Taylor closed the door behind me, but I heard her stumble again.

About half an hour later I found my sister stretched out on the couch, still dressed in her little black underwear, with her ankles crossed, flipping through
Ebony
magazine as if it weren't a workday. Thank goodness, it wasn't a workday for me. She had the portable fan, which was set on the end table, blowing directly into her face. I wished I could feel so free. Irresponsibility did have its own allure. Since I was blessed with the day off, I sat down in the soft cushioned armchair across from her and popped open a can of Sprite.

Taylor lifted her eyes off the pages. “You know that's bad for you, right?”

“I know. But at least it's caffeine and alcohol free.”

“Hmm. You got jokes.”

“Don't worry. I'm going to eventually give up drinking sodas.”

Taylor didn't bother to say a word, but I knew what she was thinking. She wasalways the twin in perfect health, physically fit. And yet I was the one who was a high risk for diabetes, high blood pressure, heart attack, and stroke. I paused to think about the numerous prescriptions my mother had filled daily. For a moment I considered the possibility of needing some of those medications myself one day. Immediately, I realized my mistake, and I opened her mouth to recant that thought.

“By His stripes, I'm healed.” I shook the thought of illness from my mind. I was determined to live, to be strong and healthy.

I looked up at Taylor whose eyes were back on her magazine. Taylor never even saw my mouth move, and I was glad because she'd only mock me if she had.

“Are you going to buy a ticket to the church anniversary banquet?” I asked, anxious to change the subject away from my questionable eating habits.

“Maybe. When is it again?”

“It's on the third Sunday of this month, remember?” I pulled a stack of tickets out from my purse. “So you've got a little more than a week to get yourself together.”

“I'm already together.” Taylor started looking through her Coach signature purse. “Okay, how much is it?”

“Since it's a fundraiser, it's fifty dollars.” I held out my hand for the money. “It will be held at the Kingdom House of Prayer's building since ours is too small for the event.”

Taylor shook her head. “Y'all trying to kill a sista or something?”

“No, we're just trying to raise money for the missions fund.”

“Right,” Taylor said.

“It takes a lot of money to send missionaries and supplies to Africa.”

“Right.”

“No, really.”

Taylor smirked. “I know that. Just because I didn't waste my time in college doesn't mean I'm stupid.”

“Then right after the banquet, there comes The Missionary Women's Day Conference, and I know you're coming for that.”

Taylor sat up straight on the couch, still holding the magazine. “What makes you so sure?”

“Because we used to have so much fun at those.” I remembered the days Mom used to bring us and how we'd play happily around her skirt tail the entire time. How we loved watching the beautiful women in their fancy outfits prancing by. Then there was always something to get into, whether it was a stack of new church fans, or a pan full of homemade cookies.

“We were kids. We had fun at everything.” Taylor dismissed my enthusiasm quickly. She would never show weakness.

“No, there was always something special about the women's conferences.”

“Whatever,” Taylor said.

I decided not to pressure her any further. “Will I see you this evening, or do you have another hot date?”

“Not tonight. I'm tired.” Taylor put the magazine down. “I need a little time for myself.”

“Really? I thought you couldn't survive without having a man hanging around you.”

“Oh, I know you're not talking about me. What about you?” Taylor began to roll her neck, and I hated when she did that.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Are you kidding? You're so tight up on Joshua, he probably can't tell where he ends and you begin.”

“Very funny.” I stood up and opened my mouth wide in disbelief.

“Look, all I'm saying is you're all up on a brother.” Taylor stood up too.

“So what? We're getting married.”

“So what? Chill out. Just 'cause he's in that holy of holy school of yours don't mean you can't let him breathe. Goodness.”

I growled in frustration, and then walked into the kitchen to keep myself from killing my sister. I tried to ignore Taylor's wiry voice, but it echoed in my head. Opening the refrigerator gave me a quick blast of cool air as I perused what I was about to eat for breakfast.

Maybe pancakes or waffles. Maybe pancakes and waffles with a side order of bacon and eggs. I thought about what Taylor said as I began to stir the pancake batter. Maybe I was too clingy. Maybe it was turning Joshua off. I didn't know if that were true or not, but I knew I had a more serious problem. Pancakes and problems. Problems and pancakes would go nicely together, I decided.

Today was the day I promised Sister Jackie that I'd deliver an oral presentation onthe Bible college and jobs in the ministry to her seventh grade history classes in honor of career week. Dr. Harding had jumped at the opportunity to promote his agenda and had given me the day off. Deep in my heart I always believed I'd be a teacher like my mother had been. Although I eventually gave up the idea, I had once majored in education and had considered it my calling. That is up until the day my world came crashing down around me. I hadn't been the same since. Don't get me wrong, I'd been saved, sanctified, Holy Ghost filled, and fire baptized for years now, but when I went to sleep at night, it wasn't Jesus that I saw.

I shook the past from my head and began to focus on the task at hand. I gathered my display boards, and other articles of interest, and began to load them into my car. I was anxious to get it over with, afraid that today might trigger the same old regrets. After all, here I was again, getting involved in the lives of children.

Involuntarily, my mind went back to Michelle and why I never finished the call that day. I could have stepped in right away, but I didn't. Instead, here I was afraid. “Lord, I know you haven't given me a spirit of fear, but of a sound mind. Please help me. In Jesus' name. Amen.”

I reached into my briefcase and took one last glance at my planner. The upcoming church anniversary banquet, which Taylor had already purchased a ticket for, and the annual women's conference, were both events I looked forward to. I secretly hoped that one of those would warm my sister's cold heart. I hopped into my carnation pink car and headed toward the school.

As I walked down the front steps of the junior high school, I breathed a sigh of relief that my presentation had been a success. The school was an old building and its steps were steep. A group of boys wearing sagging jeans and long sleeveless T-shirts passed by, nearly knocking me over. Teenagers and their familiar noises were everywhere. I heard the sounds of girls giggling and of rap music playing in the distance. The air was full of youth and energy, which I was excited to feed upon. Before I hit the bottom step I looked up into Joshua's brown eyes. His tall lanky frame leaned against the school gate, providing the perfect aesthetic addition to the view.

“Hello, Ms. Teacher,” Joshua said.

“Oh, please don't say that.” I shook my head.

“Why not? I'm sure you did well today.” Joshua looked into my big eyes with his sleepy looking ones.

“I did okay. The kids were happy. The principal sat in on everything, and Sister Jackie was ecstatic.” I took my eyes off him and turned to the school. “What are you doing here though?”

“I got off early, and I was in the neighborhood.”

“Well, it was nice of you to come down here to meet me.”

“I know what a big day this is for you.” A toothy grin spread across Joshua's face, and I thought I would drown in his warmth. “Why would you say that?”

“Are you kidding me? Ever since you had to substitute teach your Aunt Dorothy's Sunday School class, you've been going on and on about the experience.”

“I'm sorry. I didn't realize—”

“No, it's okay. I like to see you happy.” Joshua smiled. “In fact, I was beginning to think you didn't like kids up until then.”

“Really? Why would you say that?”

“You never mention any. You kind of stay away from them and the whole subject of kids I guess. Even the other night with Lilah, you were very quiet.”

I was caught. “I'm sorry. The other night was very stressful for me with your parents and all, and I wasn't aware that I was doing that. I love kids, actually, and I can't wait to be Lilah's stepmother. . . . I tried to hide what was rising up in me.

“I didn't mean it like that. It's just that you look a little sad sometimes when I say we'll be a family soon.”

“Oh no, it's not that I'm sad. I'm just a little nervous about her . . . Lilah, I mean . . . not having a—”

“You'll make a wonderful mother.”

I scrambled to change the subject. “But anyway, I won't be doing anything like this again anytime soon. My friend, Jackie, owes me big.”

“Your smile tells me differently, but I'll drop it.” Joshua walked me down the street to my car. “What if I pick you up for dinner at about six o'clock?”

“Sure. That sounds good. What about Lilah?”

“She'll be next door at Mrs. Johnson's house. She's great with kids. You'll love her.”

“Okay then, since that's settled, where are we going?” I climbed into my car. “I'm taking you downtown to Juniors.” Joshua closed the car door gently, bent down, and leaned his head in the window. “Where they have the best cheesecake in Brooklyn.”

“Says who?”

“Says me,” Joshua kissed me softly on the lips.

“Oh well, when you put it like that . . .” I licked my full lips and kissed him back with all the intensity I vibrated with. For a few minutes we were lost in each other's gaze until the sound of a fire truck zooming by broke the mood.

“I'll see you later, future Mrs. Bennings.”

“I like the sound of that.” I smiled. “I'll see you later.”

“Don't make me wait too long.” Joshua put his hands on mine and stared into my eyes.

If I had stayed any longer, I would have melted right there in the front seat of my car. “I promise it won't be very long now.”

He let go of my hands, smiled, and turned to walk away.

I watched him disappear through the crowd as I drove out of the parking lot.

After a delicious steak dinner at Juniors and, of course, after indulging in Juniors's famous cheesecake for dessert, I smiled and wiped my mouth with my napkin. When I reached for my glass of Diet Coke, Joshua stroked my fingers with his. He paid the waitress, left a generous tip on the table, and led the way to the door. We strolled downtown, window shopping, discussing the usual church business and the latest conquests in Joshua's bright future in ministry. He finished my sentences, and I finished his. Everything seemed to be perfect as we walked arm in arm along Fulton Street. We passed by the many street vendors, stopping to sample a few pieces of costume jewelry. I felt so secure in his strong arms. He stopped under a street light where he tilted my chin upward and planted a soft kiss right on my ready lips. I closed my eyes, expecting more, but he had already backed away.