Just One More Breath (4 page)

Zena looked at me stunned. “Of course I want you to divorce him
, Nicole. I’m just worried about you going through the stress of a divorce now, on top of everything else.”

My
anger abated, she was looking out for me. “I’ll be fine, I just want to get all of this behind me.”

"Okay
, well, I will remind you to mention it to Shawn when we see him tonight. I’m sure he can make it happen quickly," Zena said, pulling me in for a hug.

"I sure hope so."

We
spent the rest of our lunch hour gossiping about celebrities and friends and laughing. Thankfully the rest of my day ended without a hitch. Despite my angst, my first day back had been good. Cathartic even.

Shawn

I glanced at the clock on my desk again and groaned. It was only one thirty; the day was creeping by at a snail’s pace and felt torturous. I had literally spent the last three days trying to figure out how my client could walk away from his marriage with some money still left in his bank account. Money he would be in desperate need of when his illegitimate child arrived in four months.

If
I could offer free legal advice to married men everywhere it would be:
If you’re going to cheat, use a goddamn condom.
Getting your sidepiece pregnant is the easiest way to get your spouse awarded every type of support the judicial system offers. A woman who had been cheated on, and then learns about an illegitimate child, will turn into a red-zone pit bull going in for the kill. Ready to dismember her husband one limb at a time with her bare hands. And when money is involved…they go rabid.

Being a divorce attorney solidified
my disdain for the institution of marriage on a daily basis. The way people, who once stood before God and their families to pledge their love for each other, could try to tear each other to shreds was sickening. Most of my clients were soon-to-be divorced men whose soon-to-be ex-wives held them tightly by the balls with a vice-like grip.

I
planned on avoiding those kinds of situations in my personal life because I surely wasn’t in denial about what kind of man I was. I didn’t believe in marrying happily ever after. Not by a long shot. I’m wouldn’t categorize myself as a womanizer, either. I’m not just big on commitment.

I
scrolled through my email and noticed the e-vite to Nicole’s, my good friend from college, "Back to work dinner." I shook my head at the memories of what Nicole had been through in the last three months. Her husband unexpectedly left and then she lost her son. I hadn’t seen Nicole since her son’s funeral, and truth be told, I was still pretty messed up from that experience. Every time I thought about it my heart broke for her.

There were so many times that
I wanted to contact her, offer some kind of comfort or help. I just didn’t know what to say. At four thirty, my desk phone rang, and I saw Shane’s, my twin brother, cell phone number appear on the caller ID.

“Hello?”
I answered in a frustrated tone.

“Dude, you ok
ay? You sound like shit,” Shane said.

It still amazed
me how in tune my twin brother was to my feelings and moods. “No, I’m having a really long, really shitty day.”

Shane’s tone instantly changed to one of concern. “What’s going on? Is everything ok
ay?”

“Everything’s cool. I’m just dealing with a really difficult case."

“It’s days like today that I really wish I still lived in New York City. I would be at your office when you got out of work ready to drag you into a bar."

Shane’s words made
me smile. “Yeah, I know." What else could I say? I wasn’t pleased about Shane living in Chicago with his girlfriend, Mariana. Hell, wasn’t fond of Mariana in Chicago, in New York, or even on the Moon. And my entire family felt the exactly same way.

“Well
, I have something great I want to tell you guys,” Shane said, pulling me out of my anti-Mariana thoughts. “Hold on, let me conference Mark in on the call. I can’t call Matthew now because I’m sure he’s busy at work.”

Mark
and Matthew are my older brothers, who are also identical twins. They’re three years older than Shane and me. Matthew was a Master Sergeant in the Air Force, and lived on the Ramstein Air Force Base in Germany. Mark was the Deputy Fire Chief for the New York Fire Department, and Shane a Registered Nurse working at an emergency room in Chicago…with the girlfriend that no one in my family liked. Wait, you knew that already. Seconds later, Shane was back on the line and so was Mark. I assumed that Shane told Mark he needed to tell them something, because as soon as they were all connected, Mark said, “Okay little bro, spit it out.” That was Mark, always getting straight to the point.

Shane took a deep breath then blurted
, “I have decided to propose to Mari.”

There was an awkward silence on the phone. The knowledge that Shane wanted to commit himself to this horrible human being for the rest of his life had become the shitty icing on the shitty cake. Not wanting Shane to feel bad
about our lack of enthusiasm, I decided to hide my real reaction and lighten the mood.

“Shane
, that’s…great. But, why now?" I asked.

"Why not? We've been together forever
, man. It's time," Shane replied.

Mark took a cue from
me and chimed in, “Yeah, man, congrats. Better you than me, I’m nowhere near ready for marriage. There's way too much player left in me."

Shane laughed
. "Exactly when will you be ready for marriage, Mark?"

Mark made a “Psh” sound as if Shane just asked him a dumb question.
"When my fucking dick stops getting hard. Then, and only then, will I settle down with one woman."

At
that point, my brothers and I were laughing uncontrollably. "So let me get this straight. You're going to wait until you can't fuck anymore to get married?"

“Uh
, yeah.” Typical Mark, saying something absurd and acting like it was a perfectly logical statement.

"From what I hear
, sex stops when you get married, so I figure I might as well fuck as much as I can until then." We all laughed some more.

“Guys, thank you so much for this. I really needed a good laugh, especially today
," I said.

Everyone started
rambling about how happy they are that I was actually laughing, surprising given my mood at the beginning of the call. I tried not to give too much thought to Shane marrying this horrible chick; I knew there was nothing I could do to stop it. But as his brother, and also a damn good divorce attorney, I was going to make sure Shane had a very well written, very specific prenuptial agreement.

I
became restless after I ended the phone call with my brothers. I tried to get myself back into work, but as I just couldn’t focus, I left early. I headed home and got ready for Nicole’s dinner. Having had a head start on those who left work at a regular time, I was the first to arrive at the lounge.

My
eyes happened to be focused on the door when Nicole and Zena walked in. Just like every other time I saw Nicole, my eyes were automatically glued to her. I couldn’t help it, because truthfully, Nicole was one of the most stunning women I’d ever laid eyes on. And unlike most gorgeous girls, she had the personality to back it up. Nicole noticed me sitting at the bar and a smile spread across her gorgeous face. I stood and as we approached each other my hand unconsciously raised and began to vigorously rub my sternum. There was something about being in a Nicole’s presence that has always made my heart beat irregularly. As if being close to her caused my heart to malfunction. It was a feeling I experienced since the first time I met her, and after ten years of friendship, the feeling wouldn’t ease up.

I
swept her up into the biggest, tightest hug, easily lifting her a few inches off the ground, and she grabbed my shoulders to steady herself.  I planted a big kiss on her cheek, that made her giggle, and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

“Hey
, Nic. It’s so good to see you,” I said into her hair as I continued to hug her.

She
pulled her head away and looked into my eyes. “It’s good to see you too, Shawn,” she said genuinely.

I
smiled from ear to ear and placed her safely back on her feet.

Zena shuffl
ed behind us and then cleared her throat. I glanced back at her with a grin. “Oh, hi, Zena,” I said sheepishly, feeling bad about the way I blatantly ignored her.

Zena rolled her eyes, picking up on the less than enthusiastic greeting. “Hi
, Shawn.”

I
leaned over and gave her an apologetic peck on the cheek, then immediately turned my attention back to Nicole. I grabbed her hand to lead her over to the VIP section that was rented out for the occasion. I paused when our hands touched; this was the first time we had ever held hands. It was a simple gesture that my body craved, but I never felt comfortable doing before because I respected her marriage. Like I had always suspected, Nicole’s hands were soft, small, and sweet. Just like her.

Nicole grinned hard when she noticed the cake and congratulatory balloons waiting for her
on the center table. Zena, however, seemed preoccupied with her cell phone. Nicole and I grabbed seats on the leather sectional, but Zena opted to continue standing and typed agitatedly on her phone.

“
What’s going on with her?” I asked when I noticed Zena’s semi-funk.

Nicole rolled her eyes and then replied, “She’s looking for her boyfriend
. He said he would be here waiting for us but obviously he’s not.”

I
noticed Nicole’s indifferent demeanor. “You don’t seem too surprised by that,” I pointed out.

“I’m not. I hardly ever believe the words that come out of his mouth
,” Nicole said bitterly. Deciding not to spend the night focused on Zena and her obviously crappy boyfriend, I decided to get things started.

“How does a Malibu and pineapple juice sound?”
I asked, pleased with myself for remembering her favorite drink.

Nicole beamed and her eyes lit up
. “Yes, please.”

I
gazed at her just a second longer than I needed to, admiring her beautiful face and plump, heart-shaped lips. Her cheeks turned red under my gaze. I winked at her then slipped out of my seat, and walked to the bar.

As I made my way back, I called out to Zena, who still looked unhappy.
“Hey, Zena, why don’t you come sit with us?” I suggested.

“I will in a moment
. I’m just looking for Mason.”

“Zena, stop worrying. He’s a big boy. I’m sure he will find us when he gets here,” I said quietly. I handed her a drink to calm her nerves, then gently urged her back over to Nicole.

Nicole was talking to the other people who arrived
, so I slipped the drink into her hand and took a seat. I watched Nicole with silent admiration as she smiled and talked to everyone. Even though I could tell she was fighting the urge to cry every time her son was brought up, she held it together. This woman was amazing in so many ways: her beauty, her strength, her poise. I struggled not to stare.

When Nicole was finished
her meet-and-greet with her guests, she slid back onto the seat next to me. “Shawn, thank you again for coming, it’s been
forever
. How the hell are you?” she asked, the slight slur in her tone told me that the alcohol had taken effect on her.

“I’m actually doing pretty well
. How about you?”

She gave a non-committing shrug and said
, “As good as possible given the situation.”

I
wanted to pull her into a corner and really connect with her. Find out how she was feeling, and how she had been doing. What the truth was behind that generic smile. I knew what a genuine smile from Nicole looked like, and the mask she was wearing tonight wasn’t it. Most importantly, I wanted to know what I could do to help, but this was neither the time nor place for such a deep conversation.

When it came time to cut the cake
, Nicole was seriously drunk. She slurred and stammered while she thanked everyone for coming and even made a few jokes about the major hangover she knew would be waiting for her in the morning. At the end of the night, Zena had planned to ride home with her man, who eventually showed up, so she was feverishly trying to find a way for Nicole to get home safely. I stopped Zena in her tracks.

“I’ll take her
,” I offered. Zena looked relieved when I volunteered my services.

“Oh
, Shawn, that would be great. Let’s take her flowers and balloons to your car and then we can come back and get Nicole.”

Zena and
I carried all of the goodies to my BMW and then drove to the front of club so that Nicole didn’t have to walk too far. I grabbed my seriously inebriated friend and led her towards my vehicle. Her once friendly and playful mood had now gone somber and she wasn’t nearly as talkative as she had been all night. I headed off to Nicole’s place; she was silent and stared out of the passenger window the entire time. When we pulled up in front of her place, she gave me a tight smile and began opening the car door. “Thanks for the ride home, Shawn,” she mumbled dismally.

I
couldn’t identify her new mood but I knew I didn’t like it. I unbuckled my seat belt and walked Nicole to her front door. She looked up at me with sad eyes, and then reached for her keys.

“Will you be ok
ay alone?” I asked, feeling unhappy about the thought of her being by herself.

A stunned expression slid across her face. It was clear this was th
e last question she expected me to ask. Then she replied, “Uh…yeah, I’ll be fine.”