Karlology (3 page)

As music was pro
b
a
bl
y seen as t
h
e
l
east important su
b
ject, music
l
essons were
d
one in one o
f
t
h
e worst rooms
(
t
h
at’s i
f
t
h
e
y
weren’t a
l
rea
dy
cance
ll
e
d
d
ue to t
h
e teac
h
er
b
ein
g
o
ff
w
ith flu). It was so freezing in that room, the maracas shook
o
n their own. Religious education was another subject that
d
i
d
n’t seem to
b
e ta
k
en serious
ly
, as t
h
e
l
essons were main
ly
d
one in t
h
e c
l
oa
k
room. (T
h
e s
p
ace ma
y
as we
ll
h
ave
b
een used for something – seeing as nobody ever took their coat
o
ff.) It was hard for us to understand why there was so muc
h
f
uss a
b
out Jesus
b
eing
b
orn in a sta
bl
e w
h
en
h
ere we
w
ere sat somew
h
ere e
q
ua
lly
as
g
rim. To ma
k
e t
h
e s
p
ace a
b
it more
b
eara
bl
e, t
h
e c
l
oa
k
room was a
l
so w
h
ere t
h
e sc
h
oo
l
p
ets were kept. Most schools had a hamster or a gerbil, but
M
rs Mathews decided terrapins might be more at home in our sc
h
oo
l
d
ue to t
h
e coo
l
er,
d
am
p
er con
d
itions. But I t
h
in
k
it was too
d
am
p
as t
h
e
y
seeme
d
to
g
o a
ll
mou
ldy
, an
d
the school had to get rid of them in the end as some kids got
r
eally sick from handling them.

E
ng
l
is
h
was t
h
e most important
l
esson o
f
a
ll
an
d
wa
s
done in the best quality room. When I say best quality, I mean a room wit
h
a
d
ecent roo
f
. It was sti
ll
a co
ld
room
,
t
h
ou
gh
. Mrs Caro
l
tau
gh
t us En
gl
is
h
an
d
h
istor
y
an
d
came up with songs and dances to help us memorize spellings. I don’t think the dancing helped towards the spelling – it was
p
ro
b
a
bl
y a
dd
e
d
just to
h
e
l
p us stay warm. I use
d
to t
h
in
k
t
h
e sc
h
oo
l
in t
h
e American TV series
F
am
e
had the same
h
eatin
g
p
ro
bl
em, wit
h
a
ll
t
h
e
d
ancin
g
t
h
e
y
d
i
d
. T
h
in
k
in
g
about it now, I wonder if Mrs Carol trained to be a music
teac
h
e
r
but
d
i
d
n’
t
lik
e
t
h
e
state
o
f
t
h
e
r
oo
m
a
n
d
so
w
e
n
t
f
o
r En
gl
is
h
an
d
h
istor
y
instea
d
. T
h
e
f
act t
h
at s
h
e
h
a
d
a rust
y
tam
b
ourine an
d
h
a
d
us sin
g
in
g
“Ras
p
utin”
by
Bone
y
M
f
or
o
ur history lesson is more evidence of this
.

News got out that kids were doing the caretaker’s job
wh
en Simon Reeves
b
urnt
h
is
h
an
d
wit
h
some paint stri
p
p
er an
d
h
is mam ma
d
e a son
g
an
d
d
ance o
f
it (I’m sur
p
rise
d
M
rs Caro
l
d
i
d
n’t
b
eat
h
er to it) an
d
went to t
h
e
l
oca
l
news
p
aper. The council visited the school and did a health and safety check, and within about a week we were all given a
l
etter
f
or our
p
arents ex
pl
ainin
g
t
h
at t
h
e sc
h
oo
l
was
go
ing
to
b
e
k
noc
k
e
d
d
own. I use
d
to a
l
wa
y
s
l
ose t
h
ese notes, so I just told my dad what I remembered the note saying,
w
hich was that they were knocking the school down due to
p
ro
bl
ems wit
h
a
lb
atross. He
d
i
d
n’t
b
e
l
ieve me, so ca
ll
e
d
t
h
e
sc
h
oo
l
to
fi
n
d
t
h
at t
h
e pro
bl
em was in
f
act as
b
estos.

A
l
l the sin
g
in
g
that Mrs Carol made us do has sta
y
ed
w
ith me. I still use the sin
g
in
g
method when rememberin
g
times tables, the alphabet and phone numbers. I’ve always said I could never be an actor cos I’d never remember all my
l
ines,
b
ut I rec
k
on I’
d
b
e a
l
ri
gh
t in an o
p
era. Mrs Caro
l
’s
fa
vourite wor
d
s to sin
g
a
b
out were t
h
e
pl
aces Constantino
pl
e and Mississi
pp
i. Not the most
p
o
p
ular or useful words to
l
earn, but catchy in a song. I think this is the first time I’ve
e
ver written t
h
em
d
own since
l
earning t
h
em. I’ve got no
pl
ans to visit t
h
ese
pl
aces,
b
ut even i
f
I was to
g
o, it’s u
p
to t
h
e
p
i
l
ot to s
p
e
ll
it
p
ro
p
er
ly
as
h
e’s t
h
e one w
h
o
h
as to t
yp
e it into his sat nav system
.

A
nd
since I was never
g
oin
g
to
b
e a “
h
i
gh
-
fl
ier”, t
h
at
w
as never
g
oin
g
to
b
e m
y
j
o
b.

***

I
l
e
f
t sc
h
oo
l
in 1988 an
d
d
i
d
n’t
b
ot
h
er pic
k
ing up my exam
r
esu
l
ts as I’
d
a
l
rea
dy
g
ot m
y
se
lf
a
j
o
b
at a
p
rinters. (I
l
e
f
t sc
h
oo
l
ear
l
ier t
h
an ever
y
one e
l
se so I cou
ld
b
eat a
ll
t
h
e ot
h
e
r kids who would also be looking for work.) It wasn’t until aroun
d
2001, w
h
en I was
p
ro
d
ucin
g
a ra
d
io s
h
ow
f
or
R
i
c
ky
G
ervais and Ste
p
hen Merchant, that I found out m
y
results.
R
ic
k
y an
d
Step
h
en cou
ld
n’t
b
e
l
ieve t
h
at I never
b
ot
h
ere
d
to
fi
n
d
out
h
ow I
g
ot on, so t
h
e
y
ma
d
e a
f
ew ca
ll
s an
d
f
oun
d
that all I
g
ot was an E in Histor
y.