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Authors: S. M. Butler

Killing Honor (2 page)

BOOK: Killing Honor
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Brody

Waking up in a hospital bed was never a good thing, especially when half my upper body was wrapped in bandages and ached like crazy. I groaned and tried to sit up with my good arm, but my side felt like someone had sliced it open.

"Hey." I glanced up to see Hardy standing by the window. The sunlight streamed down behind him, darkening his body almost to a silhouette. I squinted up at him, but I couldn’t focus my eyes.

I blinked the haze from my eyes, and then tried to look at him again. "Hey."

"Feeling better?"

"Not really. I friggin' hurt."

"Well, that's what you get when you decide to take bullets." Hardy pulled up a wooden chair and sat down next to the bed, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees. “You fucker. You almost got yourself killed.”

"The woman. Cadence."

"She's good. The NSA has already come and picked her up. You’ve been out for days.”

I collapsed back on the bed and sighed. "I'm a fucking mess, man."

"Why? Because you took a bullet or two?" Hardy shook his head. “We’ve all taken injuries before.”

"I don't know. I've been at this for a year, and I'm not sure I can take much more."

"We go back home in a few months."

"I just..."

"I get it." Hardy nodded. "It's hard. You knew this signing on, though."

"I didn't know about Thirteen. Devyn doesn't know."

"Is that what this is about? Devyn?" Hardy leaned back and pursed his lips.

"She's my wife and I lie to her face about everything."

"She would be in danger if you told her. You can’t tell her anything, especially where it relates to Simon Giroux.”

"I know." God, did I know that much. If any of Giroux's men found out who SEAL Team Thirteen's members were, all of our families would be in danger.

"Oh, shit." I sat up, wincing as the sharp pain in my side amplified itself.  "That... They pulled off my head gear. They saw me. Giroux’s men."

Hardy didn't move.

"Chris! They saw me!"

He nodded, finally, probably just to keep me from moving too much. "I know. We're running a search on the faces of the men that attacked us. Tech says it could take days for the facial recognition software to kick in with results. Maybe months, if they don’t have criminal records anywhere."

“Were there survivors?”

“A few. You weren’t so coherent when the last two retreated. And there was a bunch that ran when the chopper came in.”

“I have to get home.” I pushed up, groaning as I tried to swing my legs over to the side. That was going to take a lot more effort than I had available.

“You can’t go anywhere.”

I snapped my head toward the doorway where the voice originated. Murphy stood in the doorway, his arms crossed, his shoulder against the frame. 

“Why not?”

Murphy pushed off the wall and walked over to my bed. “If you go home now, you’ll put her at risk. If they saw your face at all, they’ll be looking for you.”

“I can’t just leave her alone, Murphy.” He might be my direct supervisor, but if he kept me from keeping Devyn safe, I’d bulldoze right over him. “My kids are there.”

“Could you put her at risk like that? Or the girls?”

“That’s not fair, Murphy.”

“I know it’s not. I’m trying to give you perspective here. Lieutenant Nelson is dispatching the auxiliary team to watch over her for a few days, until they’re sure she’s okay.”

“But if she sees military hanging around her too much—”

“She won’t even know they’re watching.”

I rubbed my good hand over my face in frustration. I should have been there with her. If I had been, there would be no danger to her now. And the twins… they were so young. I still recalled holding them, at two weeks old, before I left for this damned mission.

“I shouldn’t have left her.”

“You didn’t have a choice,” Murphy replied. “You have a duty to perform.”

“There’s always a choice.”

“Look, we have another five months or so out here, digging up what we can on the Giroux arms operations. You’re laid up for a good two months at least while you heal, probably longer. It’ll go fast. You’ll be home before you know it.”

I leaned back against my pillow. I didn’t have a choice. I would have to stay until they released me. It didn’t stop me from missing the hell out of my wife and kids, and worrying for them.

Six months later

Devyn

Flustered did not begin to describe me today. I scrubbed the dishes in the sink, all but tossed them in the dishwasher and came around the counter to where the twins were settled in their highchairs.

I supposed they could have sat in booster seats, but I rather liked the fact that they were confined. Maybe that made me a horrible mother, but really… One kid is hard enough. These two liked to gang up on me. And being alone while my husband was on deployment made it twice as hard to keep them out of trouble.

“Riley, stop that!” I groaned and grabbed the plastic bowl she dumped all over the high chair’s tray from her little grip. She screamed as she held on, an ear-piercing, definitely negative scream. When I finally wrenched it from her fingers, she started wailing like I shot her best friend.

Ugh. I so wasn’t in the mood for the temper tantrums, despite the gorgeous day outside. The sun filtered through the blinds, creating rays of life all through the living room and kitchen. Jackie grabbed a piece of cereal from her bowl and squished it between her fingers, completely oblivious to her sister’s miserable plight. I picked up the handful of cereal pieces Riley dumped and tossed them back in the bowl. There were a bunch on the floor, but I’d get those later, probably when they went down for their nap.

If they napped.

“Why can’t you two just eat?” I muttered, mostly to myself. Riley continued her banshee wail for about another minute before she hiccuped her way into silence. Mostly she did it for the attention, which was fine, because she wasn’t getting it from me. She liked to test me about once a day.

“‘elloooo?” I nearly sobbed in relief as I heard my friend’s voice.

“In the kitchen, Jane!”

A head popped around the corner. Jane’s sparkling smile attracted both girls, as usual. “There’s my cute wittle girls!”

“No baby talk at the girls, Jane. You know that.”

“But they’re so cute and cuddly-wuddly. I just can’t help myself.” Jane shrugged and grabbed the box of cereal from the counter and sat down in the chair by the girls. She ate one piece and then held one out for Riley.

“She’s not eating,” I told her, but Riley, of course, proved me wrong as she wrapped her fist around the cereal piece and shoved it in her mouth. She made the “mmm” sound while she chewed. I rolled my eyes. “That’s just my luck.”

“What? She likes me.” Jane shot me a big grin. Jealousy and irritation rolled through me. Six months watching my friend get further with my children than I could was frustrating.

“Wanna take her home with you?” I snapped.

“You know I would.” Jane laughed, mostly because she knew I didn’t mean it. I loved my girls. I was just tired, and anxious. My eyes slid over to the cell phone on the counter, which had been silent for hours. It was a long plane ride from Germany. But the Dallas flight was only three hours. I glanced at the clock. Almost time.

“He hasn’t phoned yet?”

I shook my head. “He’s still in the air. Connecting flight from Dallas.” I blew out a breath. “He’ll call when he lands so I have time to get out the door and get to the airport.”

Jane nodded and fed Riley another piece of cereal. I tried not to be jealous at how good Riley was being for Jane. It was a rare moment when I could get her to be still long enough to eat.

Brody had been gone since the girls were two weeks old. I wasn’t sure yet how they’d react to another person around. The psychologist at the base suggested a slow transition if they were skittish around him. I hoped for Brody’s sake they weren’t. Riley might be, but I didn’t think Jackie would be. She was my brave soul, where Riley was the scaredy cat.

“Devyn, sit down.” Jane patted the empty place at the table. “Relax. He’ll phone soon enough.”

“I can’t. I need to clean.”

“You’ve been cleaning for a week, since you heard from Brody. The house is spotless.” She paused. “Well, except for that huge mud trail I just tracked in.”

I inhaled sharply, but she grabbed my wrist before I could leap for the carpet stain remover. “I’m joking, sweetheart. Sit.” She forcibly pulled me over to her, and pointed to the chair next to her. “Now.”

I flopped into the seat. I needed to do something with my hands. I was a nervous wreck.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Everything.” I wasn’t totally sure, to be honest. I plopped my chin on my hands. “I’m a mess. I’ve stripped this house so clean it sparkles. I filled this house to the brim with food. But I can’t even feed my kids, or take my eyes off that stupid phone.”

“It’s going to be fine. Once Brody gets here—”

“What if it isn’t?” I swallowed. “It’s been two years. I haven’t talked to him in two years. The only reason I even knew he was alive was because he changed his profile picture.” That had been our signal to each other. He couldn’t call me, or send me emails because of the high security involving his mission. So we’d devised a little nonverbal code for him to let me know he was safe. And then I’d upload a small clip of the girls to let him know I’d seen it.

“Bugger that. He’s the same guy who left you.”

“People change, Jane. Especially on deployments.” I faced my friend. “What if he’s changed too much?”

“Is that what’s bothering you?” Jane took my hand. “It’ll be an adjustment, sure. But you can do it. Having him here might even make it easier.”

I blew out a breath and leaned back in the chair. “I do love him. I love the girls. I’m just afraid that our whole lives here together are a joke. That when he gets back, everything is going to change, or I won’t love him anymore. What if… it’s not him I love?”

“Are you saying you’re in love with someone else?”

“No! I’m just… what if he gets back, and I find out that I’m more in love with the idea of him than him?” I didn’t know what I really felt, actually. I wanted to think that as soon as I’d see Brody, I’d run for him, and jump in his arms. But really… I wasn’t sure. Two years without your husband does something to a person. Deployments were rough situations, and not just for the military member. And I didn’t have the support system most of the SEAL wives had. I really didn’t hang out with any of them. I didn’t really have anything in common with them.

We hadn’t been married for long before he left for boot camp, and then BUD/S, and we’d hardly had any time before he’d been called up for this deployment. I knew being a SEAL would be an adjustment, but out of the five years we’d been married, we’d only actually been under the same roof for about eleven months.

“That’s nonsense.”

Typical Jane. She thought she knew everything. I hoped for my own sake that she was right. That Brody would come back the same guy. But I doubted it. I was twenty-one and a new mother when he’d left. The twins had been two weeks old. Both them and I had grown up over that time. We’d all learned how to crawl, and eventually walk together, and we’d done it all without Brody. So… how would life with him there be better for us?

~*~*~

Brody

My shoulder ached on descent, even though it was long since healed from its wound. My palms were sweaty. The cabin air was ridiculously hot and cold at the same time. I hadn’t slept at all, even on this last three hours of the journey from Dallas to San Diego. I’d been trying to get home for the last three days.

I was exhausted. Almost three days of bouncing between planes to get home. I hadn’t even had civvies. I’d bought what I was wearing in Germany while we’d been overnight there. Most of the guys had gone out drinking, as one did while in Germany, but I’d been too eager to get home to enjoy myself.

I wanted to be home.

Devyn Rose. That’s who she had been when I met her at thirteen years old. She’d tricked me into being her boyfriend. But the truth was, I hadn’t really minded being her boyfriend. I’d loved her since I met her.

But the thing that made me nervous the most was meeting the girls. The guys ribbed me relentlessly about how much I talked about the girls. But I couldn’t help myself. If I talked about it more, then it would be like I was there. Like I was really part of their lives, instead of being on the outside, halfway across the world.

The intercom dinged. “We’re making our descent on San Diego International now. We should be landing in about twenty minutes. Please turn off all electronic devices. Please return your tray tables and seats into their upright and locked positions and fasten your seatbelt.”

I closed my eyes and leaned back against my seat. I hated landings. I could jump out of a chopper without a second thought, but for some reason, plane landings set off alarms. I tightened my seatbelt and kept my hand over the buckle.

“I hate landings.” I glanced at my seat mate. The elderly gentleman had been largely silent most of the flight. He smiled. “Don’t you?”

BOOK: Killing Honor
12.02Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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